Can it really be April already? Is my son already 2 months old? Wow.\n\nI held Bryler during the morning sermon even though he was sleeping and I could have put him back in his car seat. I just wanted to hold him, and I really enjoyed it. In fact, I held him more today than I have in a long time. It was good for me.\n\nAfter the evening service, I talked with a guy whose third child was born about 9 months ago or so. He was saying that he wished they'd waited until his oldest was in school, especially now that the baby is older and getting into things. I've heard that from other people, too.

In the past year, I have learned (from Husband, actually) that [[trans fats|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trans_fats]] are not good for you and can increase your risk of heart disease, so we now read labels when we go grocery shopping to make sure we don't buy stuff with trans fats. We had to give up our favorite french fries (Ore Ida Crispers). In fact, most brand-name french fries have trans fats. And where previously I'd eaten a frozen dinner every day at work, I now have to find something else that's fast and easy to eat for lunch while sitting at my desk, because most frozen dinners have trans fats. I found some frozen stir fry dinners that lack trans fats, and I've been eating them a lot lately, but I've lost my appetite for them. I've also been eating different varieties of soup, tuna & cracker kits, and an old-time staple from my childhood: [[Chef Boyardee|http://www.chefboyardee.com/index.jsp]] ABC's 'n 123's Mini Meatballs. But I'm really getting tired of these things. Today, after trying a new soup and not liking it at all, I started thinking about what I could do differently, easily, and healthily. I know I don't eat enough fruits and vegetables, so I decided to eat only fruits and vegetables for lunch. On my way home from work, I stopped at the grocery store and picked up a can of green beans and "ingredients" for a super salad: two bags of lettuces with carrots, mushrooms, broccoli, cauliflower, chow mien noodles, and fat free Thousand Island dressing (I already had shredded cheese and salad toppings at home). Unfortunately, making the salad easy-to-prepare at work turns out to be more trouble than I'd hoped. I took about a half hour to cut up the broccoli and cauliflower and rinse them and the lettuce, bag it, and put the rest of the ingredients in storage containers to take to work. Will I take the time to do this every week so that I can have salads for lunch? Probably not, but we'll see.\n\n----\n\nBryler is such a joy. I kept him up until about 9:30 because he was giggling and smiling and pulling himself up from sitting to standing by pulling on my fingers. He was too cute to put to bed.\n\nOh, and he's still sleeping through the night! We're having more and more nights where he doesn't cry at all, even when we put him down for the night.\n\n----\n\nKelby helped me cook chili this evening. We had a really good time cooking together. I opened the cans and let her dump them in the pot. After I opened the first can, she said, "You better rinse it off. Because we not want to have bugs!" She had evidently heard Husband telling me yesterday to rinse out the can of pork and beans that I had thrown away. I didn't want to fish it out of the trash but he said that that's one reason why we've been having those stupid gnats. So I got it out and rinsed it. Kelby was waiting for her beans during this conversation, but I didn't realize she'd been listening. It was so funny when she told me we need to rinse our cans because she was so serious about it. Husband certainly sold HER on the idea! So we rinsed out each of the 6 cans and lids before putting them in the trash.

Did we stay up 'till midnight to welcome in the New Year? No. We haven't done that for several years, and we haven't missed it... although I did think about the Chex Mix that I usually have at New Years' parties and wished I had some! I went to bed around 10:00 and read for a little bit, and Husband played Super Mario on the DS with his brother until around 11:15. Maybe when the kids are old enough to enjoy the countdown to a new year, we will do something special. But for now, I enjoy sleeping more than staying up to see time pass (hey, it happens all the time! Just look at the clock!) Which makes the fact that I didn't sleep well more significant... \n\nI had a difficult time sleeping last night. For the most part, I have been sleeping pretty well despite being in my ninth month of pregnancy. I usually have to get up twice to go to the bathroom and I wake up several times to change positions, but that's okay -- no problem. But last night, I just couldn't get comfortable. I got a painful ear-ache on my right side, so I couldn't sleep on that side, and I quickly got tired of laying on the left side, and laying on my back just didn't feel right. Every time I woke up to change positions, I'd have a Braxton- Hicks contraction, which would make me have to go to the bathroom. I must have gone at least 4 times...I lost count. Since I went to bed around 10:00 and got up around 7:30, I'm sure I ended up with plenty of sleep, but I have to say that it was a long night, and hopefully not a reflection on how the rest of the month will go!\n\n----\n\nI spent the day with Kelby. We went to Granda's house (Husband's mother) for breakfast to try out the Belgian waffle maker she got for Christmas. Then Kelby and I went shopping at Staples and Wal- Mart while Husband went to play disc-golf with his Brother and T-friend. Kelby was very good-- better than usual. She is usually pretty good shopping, but she tends to want to hold everything she sees, especially at Wal- Mart. This time, she ate 3 packets of gummy fruit snacks and was content sitting in the shopping cart seat. We were out for 2 hours, then came home, ate mini Ravioli, and Kelby took a 3-hour nap while I watched a football game and read during the commercials. Husband got home, took a shower, then napped. Kelby woke up while he was sleeping so we played quietly in her room while I put away a basket of Kelby's clean clothes. Husband woke up and put together the bookshelf Kelby & I had bought for her at Staples. Kelby was excited about the new addition to her room (thankfully, since I wanted to put the sling bookshelf she had been using in the baby room and didn't want her to feel like the baby was taking her furniture). We ate dinner, Husband played with Kelby while I took a shower, and then it was her bedtime.\n\nKelby was very talkative today. She communicates very well for being 23 months old, I think. She is always coming up with something new to say. Today, in the car, she said "Sunday I go church." I was surprised...I didn't teach her to say that! She enjoyed saying it over and over and I would repeat it and say "On Sunday, I go TO church" and sometimes she would include the TO in her sentence. She is getting very good at piecing sentences together, although often leaving out prepositions. For example, she says "I sit George" meaning "I sit with George." I am also impressed with how much I understand her. I'd say I understand about 85-90% of what she says, although sometimes she has to repeat it several times before I figure it out. Sometimes it makes no sense, but I still understand her. For example, she said "Mamma, bawk-bawk-he-deh!" and I knew that she wanted to sing Old Macdonald ("with a bawk-bawk here and a bawk-bawk there..."). It is very rewarding being able to communicate with your child. And she is precious. \n\nKelby and I had some nice bonding moments today, such as when she woke up from her nap and I held her in the rocking chair (which is in the baby room now). She rested her head against me and let me rock her. Then she wanted to "see the baby", which means pulling my shirt up enough to she can see my bulging belly. She scratches my belly, points at the freckles, and pokes my belly button, which is always followed by giggles.\n\nJust before bedtime, I had her on my lap at my computer and was letting her watch Kelby videos. After each video clip, she says "I watch Pebby, please!" She kept sliding off my lap because I don't have much of one anymore. I wondered if Kelby even noticed and thought about how nice it will be to have a lap again! Just a few more weeks!\n\n----\n\nWe think the baby might have dropped-- hopefully in the correct position. He seems to be lower today. We'll find out tomorrow because I have a doctor's appointment.

The kids looked adorable in their Fourth of July outfits that Granda got them. Kelby and Nayna had cute matching outfits and Bryler had a red-white-and-blue outfit with a USA ball cap and matching tennis shoes.\n\n----\n\nMy friend posted a video from youtube on her blog. When I saw it, I was feeling a little bummed about my two kids not taking their naps at the same time, which means I won't get a nap today. But as I watched it, I looked over at Bryler (the one NOT sleeping) who was laying on a blanket with only a diaper on, looking adorable with his fake tattoo and making cute sounds as he played with his baby toys, and seeing me looking at him gave me a big grin... and I was no longer bummed about not getting a nap. I thanked God then and there for my two precious gifts from God. I don't ever want to take them for granted. Click [[here|http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ]] for the video. If you can't see it, it's about a woman who is having trouble getting pregnant, how she would die for the chance to hold her own child in her hands.

I had a dentist appointment yesterday and they scheduled my next cleaning in 6 months. I looked at the appointment card and was astonished to see that the date was in December. Can December really be only 6 months away?! How did all those months of the year fly by?\n\n----\n\nWe said Goodbye to Kelby today - taking the trip to Pa's house for the weekend. She promised she'd call us to say Night- Night and to be a good girl. I was a little worried that she'd back out of it because when I mentioned that Daddy would come pick up Bryler from Granda's house and say goodbye to her, she said, "I don't want to go to Pa's". I told her to think about it and she said okay. The rest of the morning I acted like she was going and she didn't protest. Husband ended up taking her home with him for a little while before Granda and Aunt Nooni came by to pick her up. He said she was excited when they came. I was still at work when they left. I had been praying for them to be safe and was relieved when Granda called to say that they'd made it there. \n\n----\n\nThe counter top for our new computer desk finally came in! Husband went to pick it up at Home Depot. Bryler and I hung out at home. I went through a bunch of pictures that Granda had sent over. They were pictures of when Husband was young. It was really fun to look at them. I picked out my favorite ones to scan in and keep for myself and we (Bryler was sitting on my lap) spent a good while trying to put them in date order. Only a few of them had dates on the back so I was going by looks - how long was his hair, how big was Nee, was Nooni born yet, how long was her hair, etc.\n\nBig Daddy came over to help Husband unload the counter top and they got it on the desk base just in time for us to watch Stargate SG1 and Stargate Atlantis. Still more work to do before we can set up the computers, but it's very exciting and the counter top looks great!\n\n----\n\nIt was strange when we only turned on one baby monitor when we went to bed...only one little one to listen for.

I cannot believe it's already March! I've been away from work for a whole month. Just two more weeks to go and then it will be back to the old routine. I know I am supposed to be enjoying my time at home, and I am, but I have to admit that I'm really looking forward to getting back to work. Speaking of enjoying it, I was awake at 5 AM and thinking, "I'm getting the hang of this!" I crawled back into bed to get my final 3 hours of sleep feeling happy. Strange how contentment and peace show up at the oddest times.\n\nThis morning, when I dropped Kelby off at Granda's house, she immediately started throwing fits. First, it was because Cousin was playing with the new toy cash register and apparently she wanted to show it to me. Of course, I told her she had to share, etc, and from there it was downhill. She was totally uncooperative. I even made her sit down for a time out, through which she sobbed, with great big tears and dramatics. Finally, I just gave up and left. I suspected there was some underlying reason for her acting out like that, probably a need for attention and affection, and probably having something to do with the attention she sees us giving Bryler. It's just frustrating because I can't give her positive attention when she's being rotten. After I left, Granda called and said that Kelby wanted to be held for a little while and that she was doing much better.

I have a lot of pet peeves. When I think of them, I'll write them down. Here's one I thought of today. I hate those pull tabs on milk jugs (the ones that are *under* the cap, like the Food City brand milk jugs) and the aluminum seal on medicine bottles. I know it's meant to protect the contents inside, but do they have to make it so difficult to remove? Those milk jug pull tabs never come off right. And the medicine bottle seals always come off in little pieces and I'm too anal to leave any remnants of it attached. I much prefer the plastic around the outside of the bottle caps.\n\n----\n\nThe travel policy actually went out to employees today after a YEAR of edits & re-writes. I do not claim ownership of the end result, but I am just glad it's done. Now we can actually TRY to get everyone to follow a semi-uniform procedure. It was sent out to all 180 or so employees by the HR director, who accidentally attached an old version of the policy (dated 2005 and including all the "track changes"). Not the grand introduction I was hoping for. This is the type of mistake that I am always afraid I'll make someday (which I try to prevent by opening all attachments again before sending them), so I'm just glad it wasn't me. :)\n\n----\n\nMy body has gotten used to the new sleep routine. Before Bryler was born, we usually went to bed at 10:30 PM and got up at 6:00 AM. That's 7 1/2 hours of sleep - pretty good! Now we usually go to bed at 11:00 PM and get up at 5:45 AM, with 30 minutes of Bryler-feeding sometime in between. That's 6 hrs and 15 minutes. It seems like 1 hour and 15 minutes less sleep every night would affect me more, but I don't really notice being more sleepy during the day.

Granda and Grandmother came over to grill the leftovers from Sunday. I had steak seasoned with balsamic vinegar, Heinz 54 steak sauce, onion salt, and Carolina Seasoning topped with chopped onion and various peppers. It was wrapped in foil and put on the grill for 18 minutes. It was YUMMY!\n\n----\n\nWhile we were eating, we put Bryler in his bouncer seat with the mobile attached. When he kicks his legs, it turns on the lights and makes funny sounds. He was entertained for a good long time and was really kicking that thing and sometimes smiling at it. It was pretty obvious that he had figured out that he was making it work. It was so cute! \n\n----\n\nIt's probably been 3 months or so since I got the Sesame Street "splat mat" out so she could play with play dough. Today I got the splat mat out again to put under her high chair because she wanted to eat in the sun room (which is carpeted). Of course, as soon as she saw it, she wanted to play with play dough. So I let her. I've been thinking about getting it out for her for a couple of weeks and just haven't found a good time for it. Tonight worked out well. She was able to play a little bit on her own without making a terrible mess. The only thing she needs help with is rolling it out flat with the rolling pin so she can use the cookie cutters.

This evening, we took Kelby to a [[Tennessee Smokie's|http://www.smokiesbaseball.com/]] baseball game. We aren't big baseball fans, but Husband's employer offered free tickets as a summer event so we took advantage of the opportunity. Husband and Kelby picked me up at work and we headed for the stadium, which was about an hour away. We arrived early, so we spent some time at the [[Outdoor World Bass Pro Shop|http://www.basspro.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/CFPage?appID=94&CMID=&langId=-1&pageView=image&catalogId=10001&partNumber=&storeID=38&storeId=10151&deptId=000000000&categoryId=000000000&jumpToPage=1&currentPage=0&subdeptId=000000000]], which is like a mall it's so big, spending most of our time in the camping section. We wrote down some stuff we'd like to have, maybe for Christmas. The coolest thing we found was a [[non-iodine water purifier|http://www.basspro.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/Product_10151_-1_10001_52136_350004008_350000000_350004000_350-4-8]].\n\nWe were all famished by the time we left and made our way across the street to the baseball stadium. We ate hamburgers, hotdogs, and BBQ while chatting with Bryan's co-workers. We told Kelby that there would be a little playground there and we pointed it out to her when we arrived. Probably not the best idea since she was much more interested in going to the playground than eating. The players were warming up on the field. I told her that we would get to watch them play in a little while. She said, "I get to play, too." I said, "No, you're not big enough to play yet." She said, "Yes, I am. I'm a big girl. Daddy said so."\n\nWe had about 45 minutes before the game was to start, so we took Kelby to the playground. She played on the traditional playground for a while and then she noticed the big blowup slide. The kids climb up one side and then slide down the other side. We showed her the other kids sliding down and she wanted to do it. It was much higher than any slide she'd been on before, so we didn't know if she'd really slide down, especially since we couldn't climb up with her. But we bought her a ticket ($1) and let her stand in line. When it was her turn, a girl about 10 years old held her hand to get her started. She was doing pretty well, but I thought she could do it by herself so I told the girl to let her try it herself. She did and she climbed right up the rest of the way. Then we ran to the other side to see her slide down. Without a moment's hesitation, down she came! She had a shocked look on her face as she went down, but she was fine and said "Let's do it again." So we bought her a wristband that allowed her to do it as many times as she wanted ($5). She was the smallest one there and she did great. We were proud of her.\n\nThen we went to our seats to see the game. I went to the car to get Kelby's sippy cup and before I got back to my seat, the National Anthem had started so I had to wait at the top of the stairs. During a few parts of the song, they set off some very loud fireworks startling everyone who hadn't been to a game recently. Husband said that he looked down and Kelby was visibly startled and shaking. He held her and she didn't cry... until the song was over. Then I came down the steps to find Kelby bawling because the fireworks had scared her. But the sippy cup distracted her and she was fine again. \n\nI pointed out what was happening during the first few minutes of the game, showing her where the ball was and stuff. She was interested for a few minutes and then she wanted to go back to the playground. But she made it through 3 innings and I learned quite a bit about baseball, which made it much more enjoyable to watch. I remember when I had no interest in football because I had no clue what was going on. After Husband explained all the rules to me, I really enjoyed it. I can't say I'll start watching baseball now, but I have a much higher respect for baseball players now - especially the players who could actually hit the ball and the pitcher who can throw the ball that fast into a small target. But the outfielders seemed sluggish to me. Maybe the ball was coming to them faster than it appeared to us in the seats.\n\nWe let Kelby play on the playground for another 15 minutes or so and then picked up milkshakes at Mc Donald's and headed home. Kelby goofed off with us on the way home and kept us all in good humor. We didn't get home until 10:00. Kelby was really great. She didn't want to talk to anybody except us, but she was very well behaved. All in all, it was a great evening!\n\n----\n\nI missed Bryler during all of this. Granda had kept him for us so I hadn't seen him since I dropped him off this morning before work. When I picked him up, he was soft and nice-smelling from a recent bath and was as cute as ever. I kept him up for a little while to play with him before putting him to bed.\n\n----\n\nOn days like today, I realize how special it is to have kids.

We went into town this morning to pick up breakfast at Krystal, our whole little family. Of course, we didn't get Bryler out of the car. But it was nice to get out again. \n\n----\n\nKelby loves music. Granda got her a CD player for her birthday. We hadn't had time to show her how to use it until tonight. Granda was here visiting at the time. Husband was showing her how to push the buttons to go to the next song. She wanted to find the B I N G O song, but we didn't know which number it was on the CD, so they were just pushing the button until they found it. Kelby stopped pushing the button on a certain song, and after the introduction to the song, we realized why. It was the B I N G O song. She had recognized the song from the intro while none of the rest of us had!\n\nKelby went to bed without crying again tonight. All we did was remind her about the baby monitor that we could hear her and talk to her, and that we were right there with her if she needed us. Very encouraging!\n\n----\n\nBryler's tear duct seems to be blocked. Kelby had this when she was about his age. His eye was completely sealed shut by all the extra gooky stuff that had come out of his eye. We wiped it off with a warm wash cloth so he could open his eye and then massaged the corner of his eye to stimulate the tear duct, which is what the doctor had advised us to do with Kelby. This happened again later, but it's actually looking better now. I'm hoping the problem clears up very quickly.\n\nBryler was a little fussier this afternoon. He wanted to be held more and slept less. The pacifier seems to help at times, but not always. He's still a really good baby, though.

Well, I've had some very encouraging feedback to my blog so far. Mom, Lucas, Uncle Nance, and Uncle Nee have all read and have responded that they really like it. They all seem to like the format, which is a relief because I was afraid that by being different, it might be harder to navigate through. Husband recommended the wiki format, and he was right-on as usual. \n\nI can't say how much I have enjoyed creating the site and writing the journals. I have been handwriting in journals for so long, but I had started dreading it and therefore didn't write nearly as often as I'd like. I have found that I enjoy typing more than handwriting. I will miss the personal touch of seeing it written in my own handwriting, but this is definitely more satisfying. I think that since I wrote all my papers in college on the computer and now spend so much time on the computer at work, that it just feels right. I am a perfectionist, and the sloppy handwriting -- it gets sloppier and sloppier as I get older, I'm afraid -- bothers me. And I like to go back in and add things and it just gets messy on paper. I want my writing to look nice and clean, so typing is much more my style. I think I'm also quite a bit faster at typing than I am at hand writing, so the words are able to flow out closer to my own thoughts. \n\n----\n\nLucas wrote the following in his email to me: "I think that maybe the walkie-talkie is so effective not because it's magic, but because it makes her believe that her Daddy hasn't actually left her . . . that he's still there with her. Maybe she cries because she feels lonely, and to hear Daddy's voice reassures her. Wow, I can't talk about kids without feeling like I'm talking about my relationship with God! . . . " \n\nI agree with you, Lucas. Of course, I used the word "magic" in more of an abstract sense - meaning that it worked marvelous wonders by making Kelby quit crying when nothing else would. But I think you hit the nail on the head. She doesn't want to be alone in that dark room, unable to "play" with Mommy and Daddy or even to talk to them. It almost makes me sad to think that we have done this terrible thing to her... except for the fact that she has to go to bed and we would be bad parents if we let her stay up. So maybe hearing Daddy's voice one last time makes her feel better, like he's right there with her in her room. (And, yes, that does make me think about how wonderful it is to realize that God is right there with you even in your darkest and loneliest moments.) On the other hand, she may be afraid that he will come spank her if she doesn't quit crying (although he has never threatened to do that over the walkie-talkie). But we can all believe it is the former and not the latter and that will make us all feel better. <smile> I certainly hope that is the case.\n\nLucas also asked me when I find time to write my journal entries. Ever since I started creating the blog, I have been working on it after I put Kelby to bed, around 8:00. It has replaced my TV time, which I am not too upset about. My only problem is that it takes way too long. There is too much that I want to remember. I'd say that it typically takes me about 1 hour, but sometimes I find that it's 10:00 and I'm still writing or editing or organizing. This is a problem because there are so many other things that I need to do. Even though I sometimes watched TV after putting Kelby to bed, the TV time has always involved some other activity, as I am big on multi-tasking... Laundry folding, reading a book during commercials, going through the mail, cleaning the kitchen, putting away dishes, and picking up toys can all be done while I watch Super Nanny or Wife Swap or 1 Versus 100 or Funniest Home Videos or Myth Busters or Dirty Jobs. But they cannot be done while I am sitting at my computer. Alas, at some point, I will have to actually do chores instead of writing about my life. I also need to write thank you cards for all those wonderful gifts we got at the shower. And I am getting behind in updating the finances again. And there is a bunch of video editing that needs to get done -- there are home videos of Kelby that I like to edit and put on DVD and there are movies that we recorded from the [[Bivo|6 January 2007]] that need commercials removed and also put on DVD. I am also really behind on going through Kelby's pictures and putting them on Snapfish... And there are countless other things I'd like to get done.\n\n----\n\nAunt Nooni and Uncle Nance and Cousin came over and ate hot dogs with us tonight. They also picked up most of the cabinets that we removed from our downstairs kitchen. It was great to spend some time with them. Cousin was walking all over the place! She is soo cute. I was really impressed with how well Kelby was playing and sharing with Cousin. It was like they were friends! Sounds funny, but that's the first time I really thought of them in that way. Aunt Nooni and I always talk about how one day Kelby will say "Mommy, can Cousin come over and play!" or vice versa. But it always seemed to be years away. I see now that it's not too far away. Kelby was really excited to have Cousin over to her house. "Aunt Nooni and Uncle Nance and Nayna come home ah Pebby!"

Bryler showed frustration at Kelby for the first time today. He was in the Jumperoo and playing with an attached toy that spins round and round. Kelby came over and started pushing him to the side and playing with it herself. Bryler started fussing. I told Kelby to leave him alone. As soon as she left, he was fine again, and played with the toy with concentration for another 5 minutes.\n\nHusband said the word mildew for some reason and then he showed her what mildew looked like on the Internet. She was very interested and wanted to see more and more mildew until finally he had to tell her that they were done. It was very funny hearing their conversation.\n\nWe started planning our 10 year anniversary vacation today. We'd like to go on an Alaskan cruise, but we'll have to see if we can work out the details. I don't like the idea of leaving the kids for a full week, but they don't have shorter cruises. We've talked about going on an Alaskan cruise for a long time, and if we plan on having yet another kid, I'd say our chances of going are best this year, especially since we'd like to do something special for our big Year 10 of marriage.

Today was Dad's birthday (Happy Birthday, Dad!) and Kelby gave him a nice hug when we said goodbye after the evening service.\n\n----\n\nKelby went pee pee in the big person's potty at church this morning. I was so proud of her. She got a small chocolate donut as her extra special treat. She also went pee pee in the potty during nursery time, which is even more impressive! She is doing very well, but there is still a lot of pee in her pull-ups when I change her.\n\nUncle Nance took her and Nayna outside to play on the playground while Nooni and I sang on the worship team during the evening service. Kelby had a really great time and wasn't happy when it was time to go home.\n\nKelby said some pretty neat things today. She told several people "Dere's a hole in the trash can!" because she heard the adults talking about the leak in the hallway of the church where they had put a trash can to catch the water, but it was still wet on the floor because there was a hole in the trash can. When she showed it to Aunt Nooni, she said that the trash can was "towards Big Daddy" who was sitting nearby it. "Towards" seems to be another advanced word for a two-year-old. On the way home from church, Kelby remarked on the sky being pink and said "Somebody paint it." We figured out that she meant "somebody painted it" although I don't know where she saw a painting of a pink sky. She also talked about thunder being a noise that scared her. Then she was saying "thunder" and said, "Look at my mouth, Mommy." When I looked, she was exaggerating the TH sound with her tongue and lips, just like we might do to show her how to make the sound. I found this to be quite amusing. And she was actually saying the TH sound correctly: "Thundah".

We stayed home all day. It was one of those days where the weather is perfect and we'd wished we'd planned a hiking trip or something outdoorsy. I took Kelby outside for a little while and I pushed Bryler in the umbrella stroller while she pushed her baby doll in her mini umbrella stroller. Later, we grilled hamburgers.\n\nAt the end of the day, we both couldn't believe it had passed by so quickly. I didn't have much to show for it except that I had folded and put away some laundry away and started entering receipts in [[Microsoft Money|http://www.microsoft.com/money/default.mspx]]. I itemize most of what we buy so that I can keep track of how much we spend on categories such as groceries, clothes, tools, renovation, etc. I am so behind that it's hard to remember what we bought and the darn receipts aren't very helpful... For instance, we just have to remember that "SLX3LL" on the receipt was a laser leveler... So it took both of us to retrace our spending during the last 6 weeks. I still have a huge pile of receipts to enter, plus several bills that need to be paid.\n\n----\n\nYesterday, my Dad told me that Ed Stooksbury died this week. He was a man that used to go to our church, and Husband and Uncle Nee had golfed with him a few times. He was the type of person that you're just happy to know. Super nice all the time. It is very sad to hear that he died so young and so suddenly. He has two daughters that are probably teenagers by now. I used to teach his daughter, Erin, in Sunday School. I heard that he had a heart attack or aneurysm in his home, that his wife started to wonder where he was and she found him in the bathroom, already dead. As far as anyone knew he was a healthy man. Basically, it could happen to anyone. I kept thinking today about the horribleness of finding your husband dead like that. It scared me. I started wondering what the last words were that they had said to each other. And I started thinking about how much I love my husband and how I don't want him to ever leave me, and how I should tell him the things I want to say to him every day. Tonight, I told Husband how much I love him. I could never really express it adequately, but I think he knows. And he told me how much he appreciates me for all the things I do for the kids without complaining, and that made me feel really good.

My hair is falling out again. This happened to me a few months after Kelby was born, too. My doctor had recommended that I start taking my prenatal vitamins and it seemed to help. This time, I never stopped taking the vitamins and although my hair is definitely falling out more than usual, it's not as bad as last time. I remember being so upset about it, not because I thought I'd go bald but because the hair was EVERYWHERE! I'd pull out a handful after my shower, but I'd still find stray hairs all over my clothes, all over the floor - we'd even find hairs woven into our clothes when we got them out of the dryer - it was awful. Thankfully, it's only been a slight annoyance this time around and just a few hairs after the shower instead of a handful.\n\nI've lost 2 lbs since I last mentioned it my weight. I haven't really been dieting, but I've been trying to avoid candy and I've been walking as often as I can - 3 or 4 times a week. That's not a lot of weight lost, but at least it's finally starting to move downward. I went ahead and bought 3 pairs of pants that are about 2 sizes larger than I normally wear.\n\n----\n\nBryler has been grabbing and holding his foot the past few days. It's really cute. It's usually his left hand and left foot. Not sure when it was the FIRST time he did it, but it was sometime this week.\n\n----\n\nIt seems like Kelby's attachment for her Daddy is growing. Tonight he went to help Grandmother move some furniture while Kelby ate her dinner. After about 10 minutes...\n"Is Daddy at work?"\n"No, he's at Grandmother's house helping her move something. He'll be back in a few minutes."\nA few minutes later...\n"Is Daddy at work?"\n"No, he's at Grandmother's house helping her move something. He won't be gone long."\nA few more minutes later...\n"I really want Daddy."\nWhen he got home, she ran to greet him and gave him a big hug.\n"Do you want to help me mow the lawn or do you want to stay inside with Daddy?" I asked.\n"I want to stay inside with Daddy."\nHusband brought Kelby downstairs with him to move the car so that I could get the lawn mower out of the garage. He left Kelby get in the front seat for the short ride from the garage to the carport outside.\nShe said, "Where's are we going, Daddy? Home Depot?"\nShe's so cool.\nLater that evening, she wanted to sit with Daddy (not Mommy) at the computer. They played a few little computer games together. She asked him 3 separate times, "What does 'fix' mean?" He would tell her what it meant and then she'd ask him to tell her the example of fixing the TV and fixing the car. Then I offered the example that she could fix things with her tools, which was a mistake because she ran to go get her toolbox and it was already 8:35 and past her bedtime. But she was a good girl and didn't fuss too much when we put her to bed. \n\nShe had found her Curious George bandaid on the changing table and I attempted to un-crumple it enough so that she could put it on her knee. She went to bed without crying, but a few minutes later she did start crying and when I went in to check on her, she cried, "I really want my bandaid." She had lost it. I found it and told her to hold it in her hand since it wouldn't stick anymore. A few minutes later she started crying again. Husband told her over the baby monitor that she didn't need her bandaid to go to sleep. Finally, she went to sleep. Ever heard of a kid being attached to a bandaid?!

I can't enumerate the times that I have thought I had a wonderful idea... until I am somehow brought to my senses (usually after I tell someone about it) and realize that it wasn't such a good idea after all. Or I am sure that I am right about something... and then I find out that I was mistaken. I know that this happens to everyone, but I find it disconcerting. I start to doubt whether any of my "wonderful" ideas will be wonderful for very long and I begin to think that I cannot be certain of anything.\n\n----\n\nKelby got a small soft basketball from Granda for Easter. Tonight, she got it out of her backpack and start running back and forth in her room. She wasn't trying to dribble the ball, but she really looked like she was playing basketball: holding the ball between her hands, darting back and forth and spinning this way and that way as if she were avoiding other players and sometimes throwing the ball up in the air. I asked her if she was playing basketball and she said "Yes.... Like TV". Then she wanted me to find her "soccer ball shirt" and proceeded to remove the one she was currently wearing. I found her shirt and put it on her. Then she showed Daddy her basketball moves and they took turns throwing the ball in her clothes hamper. There's no question that she will like sports. She has always been very coordinated for her age. It will be fun to watch her play on a team someday.\n\nHusband was telling me that she showed him her sock and said, "Dat right dere. Dat's the heel." She also knows what the tongue of a shoe is. If you ask her what it is, she says, "tongue" and sticks out and points to her own tongue.\n\nToday, Kelby started using the "us" pronoun. Twice, she said, "Bryler is talking to us!"\n\nHusband was reading the Shapes book to Kelby and he asked her what one of was and she said, "Uncle Nee told me. Dat oval." She was right. She also knows the star, heart, diamond, and square shapes were. Now we're working on the rectangle, circle, and octagon. She's so smart.\n\nI picked up Bryler and Kelby said, "Is dat Bryler?" I said, "Yes, he's your brother." She said, "Bryler came out of Mommy's belly button." I told her she was right. Close enough! :)\n\nKelby is really good with Bryler. Granda said that when he started crying, she said, "It's okay, Bryler" in a nice sweet high-pitched voice. When he started fussing this afternoon, twice she got down close to his face and said, "Ohhh", which is what we often do to see if he'll talk to us. Both times, Bryler stopped crying and grinned at her. Tonight she was pretending to go to sleep on the floor. She lay down with her pillow, purple blanket, and Daddy Ho Ho. On an impulse, I laid Bryler down next to her with his head next to hers on the pillow, and she smiled and thought it was funny. Daddy joined in the "game" and laid down next to them with his head on the bean bag chair. Then Kelby shared her blanket with both Daddy and Bryler, all three of them under the purple blanket.\n\nI'm still really sensitive about making sure I spend some one-on-one time with Kelby and giving her a lot of attention. I know that she likes Bryler, but things have changed a lot since he's been born and I don't want her to feel that she is any less important now than she was before he was born. Today, I was thinking back to a few months ago when I felt so bonded to Kelby and worried about what would happen when Bryler was born. I am happy to say that I feel just as bonded to her as I was then.

I just realized that I forgot to say Happy Birthday to my brother, Lucas. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I miss you!\n\n----\n\nToday was hectic. Bryler was fussier than normal -- which we found out later was probably because he was cutting his 3rd tooth! -- and I was trying to do some laundry and getting the kids ready to go to my nephew Daniel's birthday party at 11:00. The party was at the park, so I put sunscreen on both the kids. We piled in the car and Bryler started screaming and I realized that he had sunscreen in his eyes. We pulled off the road to flush his eyes with water and wipe all the sunscreen off his face and hands. He was clearly feeling better after calming down -- even after his eyes stopped hurting he had to get over the trauma of having his eyes held open and water poured into them while being held upside down!\n\nWe picked up a present at Wal Mart and then went to the party, which had already started. There wasn't much time for relaxation at the party. The most "downtime" was holding Bryler and talking with my Dad while Mom took Kelby to the playground. We talked a little bit about my blog. He said that he really appreciates it because he likes to hear what's going on with us and since he's not a big talker, he can read about it. It made me feel good.\n\nAfter lunch, cake, and ice cream, and presents, Husband took Kelby back down to the playground before we had to go. In the car, I found out that one of Kelby's cousins had called her a Poopy-head on the playground and Husband had told him that it wasn't nice to call people names. It was sweet in a way because he was ready to fend for his little girl. After telling me the story, he looked over to her in the backseat and said, "You're my favorite girl." She replied, "You're my favorite boy, Daddy!" Funny how someone calling her a Poopy-head could result in a time of bonding for father and daughter.\n\n----\n\nI was exhausted on the way home. The hectic day had sapped all my energy. I wondered if we really wanted to have a third child when it was so hard to keep up with two of them. Lately, my life has seemed complicated enough with work and kids and all the stuff that needs to be done and never gets done at home. Maybe two is enough.

Today was a full day of just me, Kelby, and Bryler. Husband went to church in the morning and evening, and when he was home, Kelby and I took a nap. I missed him very much. We did find a few minutes to give Bryler a sponge bath, though. He really needed one. He screamed the whole time. But he sure smelled better afterward! \n\nBesides that, the most exciting thing that happened today was that Bryler smiled at me... a REAL smile this time! Yes, he grinned at me a week ago, but this was a full-mouth smile while he was wide awake and looking straight at me in response to me smiling and talking to him. He did it about 4 times. He has a WONDERFUL smile...precious....adorable, I can't find the right word. It lit up his whole face. I wanted so much for Husband to see it and to capture it in a picture, but he was at church and I knew that it the smile wouldn't last long enough for me to get the camera. I'm just looking forward to many more of those precious smiles. Today, it was a special gift. \n\n----\n\nPhysically, I am doing great. I haven't taken any Percoset in days. The only pain I feel is in my back, and I am taking Advil for that. Emotionally, watching two kids every day is really wearing on me. Of course, I love my kids with all my heart. But Kelby is two. I wouldn't call it the "terrible two's" as she is still a really great kid. But she definitely tries my patience at times. Bryler is great and I couldn't ask for a better baby. But after so many diaper changes and feedings and trying to juggle him while also taking Kelby to the potty or trying to get her to pick up her toys or cleaning up her messy hands and face after every meal, along with less than adequate sleep, I can say that I am very worn out and emotionally drained. However, Husband does a good job of reminding me of all the wonderful blessings God has given us so that I don't lose my perspective. And I am praying that I can be a good mother and not lose my patience or get lazy.

After weighing in at 177 lbs today, I noticed that my belly button, which is normally an "innie" but has been an "outie" for several months, is now stretched out so much that there are no wrinkles in it. It's smooth! It's just a small bump... maybe a little ramp... on my huge belly. I don't know why I find this so interesting.\n\nI have been sleeping much better the last few days. I think I have finally figured out how to position myself to be comfortable in the bed. Hopefully, I haven't just jinxed it by saying that. Baby boy moves all the time, it seems. He loves to stretch his legs to poke out my side. He also gets [[hiccups|http://www.musanim.com/mam/hiccup.htm]] about once a day. I look forward to getting to hold and see our little baby. Just a couple of weeks and he'll be here at last!\n\n----\n\nI realized today that Kelby's "firsts" - her first smile, first solid food, first tooth, first roll-over, first crawl, first step, first time walking, first birthday... I will never get to experience them again. Such precious moments and they are already gone. I can hardly even remember her being unable to walk and talk except for a vague remembrance. Seeing Kelby's cousin walking in that cute toddler fashion yesterday made me realize how quickly it all passes by. If you're not careful, you don't stop to really experience it and then it's gone and you've missed it. Kelby is not even a baby anymore, not really. She's supposed to be a toddler, but she doesn't even toddle any more. She not only walks, but she runs and jumps (and even gets her feet off the ground) and throws a ball very well, and can climb up in her highchair by herself and go up and down stairs and expresses herself in sentences. I remember when we were so enthralled that she said something that sounded just like "hello"! It scares me how fast time goes by. Before we know it, she'll be going to Kindergarten, and then we'll blink and she'll be getting married.\n\nKelby loves to see herself in pictures and video. We have a lot of video clips of her on our computers, and she is always asking to see them. "P'ease I see Pebby?" I get tired of seeing the same videos all the time, so I thought it would be fun to get out the DVD's I made of when she was a baby. I started with the very first one where we brought her home from the hospital. I don't even remember some of those scenes, and I was there videoing it just 2 years ago! It is fun to see Kelby as a little infant again. So cute and little. Today, we watched the one where Granny and Pa came to see Kelby for the first time when she was just a few days old. Granny had been so excited and pleased to see her great grandbaby. We asked Kelby who they were, and she said "Nanny and Pa!" As we watched the video, Granny was holding Kelby and couldn't keep her eyes off her and I said, "Granny loves Kelby." I couldn't keep the tears from welling up. She really loved Kelby very much.\n\nKelby has a "toolbox" where there are 5 shapes that fit into specific slots, and when you knock them in with the hammer, it makes a noise. Last time I remember, she couldn't fit the shapes into the holes except by trial and elimination, and I remember her getting frustrated with it. Today, she put them right where they went without any effort. She had them all cued up in their slots in just a few seconds. How did she learn to do that so quickly? There are numbers on each one and she even recognized some of the numbers. And she knew all of their colors except green and yellow... those two pesky colors!\n\nOh, yeah, and I saw Kelby pick and eat her bugger for the first time today. I guess we'll keep experiencing "firsts" for the rest of her life, some of them not so pleasant as others. <smile>

Bryler has been absolutely perfect at bedtime the past few days. He has not been crying at all when I put him in the crib at bedtime, which has been between 8:00 and 9:00 PM. I feed him a bottle until he is sleepy and then I put him in the crib and feed him a little more. I try to get his tummy as full as possible so he won't wake up for another feeding during the night. He's been eating 6 to 8 oz right before bed. I leave him drowsy but not completely asleep. He is usually playing quietly with the Peter Rabbit doll (whose body is more like a blanket) that Mom bought for Kelby when she was a baby. He likes to rub it against his face. I usually don't hear another peep from him until around 6 AM! It is almost too good to be true and I am bracing myself for a relapse. I know that this is probably not a good attitude to have, but I do better when I expect trouble than when I expect perfect behavior. Then I can be pleasantly surprised when things go better than expected.\n\n----\n\nKelby did not want to wake up this morning and then she started crying quietly in the car as I drove her to Granda's house. I didn't know what was wrong with her so I held her close for a few minutes in the car and then Granda held her for a little while after I dropped her off. She also wouldn't say bye bye to me. She would only say, "Mommy... Mommy" in her tearful voice. It was hard to leave her like that. Granda said that she did fine the rest of the day and was actually in a good mood, so I think (hope) that she was just having trouble waking up since we didn't even get home until almost 9:00 and then fed her and got her in bed around 9:30 last night.\n\nGranda caught Kelby feeding Bryler an orange popsicle today. Bryler was happily licking it while Kelby held it to his mouth. Of course, she was told not to do that and later that evening Husband and I also reminded her that Bryler is not old enough to eat popsicles. But I find it quite amusing anyway, especially that Bryler was enjoying the naughty little treat.\n\nKelby and Husband and I had a good time this evening just being silly and laughing together. She is a joy.

This morning was my first day back at church in 6 weeks. Hurray! Sandra bought Bryler a new outfit for his big debut. It was an adorable blue cardigan sweater, khaki pants, and matching shoes all accented with teddy bears. I noticed last night that the bumps on his face are mostly gone as well as the milia bumps on his nose, just in time. He looked so adorable!\n\nIt was great to be back in church. One of the songs was "I Surrender All". I surrendered all my worries and aspirations, my kids, my future to God. It is something that I have to do every once in a while. I sometimes forget that He's in control and that I can just relax and enjoy life instead of worrying about everything.\n\n----\n\nI watched Kelby & Bryler at home while Husband went to church for evening service. It was a beautiful day, so warm that we didn't need a jacket, so I took the kids out to the porch for a good hour and a half. Sitting on our only piece of porch furniture (a rocking chair that I got at a flea market just before we got married), I read Kelby a story and then fed Bryler. The rest of the time, I just relaxed and tried not to think of all the things that needed to get done in the house. Kelby played and Bryler slept in my arms. I took the time to notice things - how Bryler's whole hand was almost as long as my pinky finger, how cute Kelby's curls and big brown eyes are, and how wonderfully soft the baby blanket was (the one that Sandra made for Bryler last night). I sat there hoping that the blanket would stay that soft even after I washed it and thinking how crazy it is that I've got a wonderful husband, a nice house, a beautiful little daughter, and an adorable little son. And I smiled at all the things Kelby said while we were out there... When a couple walked by on the street, Kelby yelled over the railing, "Hurry peoples! You're almost to house!" (I think she meant you're almost home.) Then, when we saw a helicopter, she got excited and said, "Daddy do that!" The only time she's seen a helicopter is the little remote control helicopter that Daddy flies, so she thought he was flying the helicopter. I told her no, that this was a real helicopter, so then she asked if she could call Daddy to ask him if he would fly his helicopter. Then, my favorite... Kika (the cat) had gone down the porch steps so Kelby yelled and pointed her finger, "Kika, come here right now! One... two... three... now go to timeout!" I am truly blessed.\n\nI put on some kids' DVDs for Kelby while we ate popcorn shrimp (Yummy!). Afterward, she was trying to tell me something and I couldn't hear her well so I squatted down to her level, something I don't often do enough. She looked at me funny and then she squatted down, too! I thought that was really cute!\n\n----\n\nI am done with breastfeeding and I am so glad... But that means I've been engorged with milk for the past 3 days. All the articles say to decrease breastmilk gradually, and I tried to do this, but the milk supply just didn't seem to be decreasing and I didn't want it to go on for weeks so I finally just quit pumping altogether. It is amazing how much pain this causes! Last night was the worst. I was having trouble sleeping until I took another dose of Extra Strength Tylenol. I think the pain is finally lessening today so I'm hoping for a better night tonight.\n\nI haven't written about breastfeeding much, so I will give a recap. I hate it. Some women love it - it's a time of bonding and of providing unequaled (and free) nutrition for the baby. I might have felt "bonding" the first time I breastfed Bryler in the hospital, but since then all I've felt is breast pain. I dreaded it every time he needed to be fed, which was every 2 hours! I knew that Bryler was not latching on properly, so I got the Lactation Specialist lady to visit me on my second day in the hospital. Even the specialist couldn't help me get him to latch on better. She just showed me how to adjust him after he'd latch on to get him sucking correctly, which helped some, but it would still hurt really badly until he was adjusted and sometimes I never could get it right. By the end of the first week, I decided that pumping was a more efficient and less painful solution. But even when I would pump the milk instead of directly breastfeeding, I would still feel bad pain every time the milk was "let down" and my breasts have been sore every day since Bryler was born, so sore that I often have trouble holding the kids, which is terribly frustrating. Besides the pain, going back to work has been another reason I wanted to go ahead and stop breastfeeding. I am so thankful that Husband has supported my decision to quit even though it would have been best for Bryler to receive breast milk for 6 months rather than 6 weeks. He said he didn't want me to continue being in pain all the time.\n\nBryler didn't seem to even notice when we switched him from breast milk to formula. The only difference is that his gas and poop smells a lot worse and his poop is much nastier.

When Husband picked up Kelby at Granda's house after work, Nayna came up to him, so he held her on his lap. (Have I mentioned that Nayna likes her uncle a lot?) Then Kelby came over. Husband planned on holding both of them in his lap, but Kelby said, "Give Nayna to Aunt Nooni!" She didn't like him holding Nayna. Little bit of jealousy there. :)\n\nThis evening, we went to Ruby Tuesday for dinner with Huband's parents. On the way there, it was absolutely pouring down rain. Kelby asked for her Curious George umbrella and we just happened to have it in her diaper bag. I gave it to her and told her not to open it until we got there. When we got there, I ran in to check on the wait-time to be seated (none), and when I got back to the car, I found out that Kelby had opened up the umbrella so Husband had taken it away from her. I keep 2 umbrellas in the car so we were well covered. Husband took Bryler and I carried Kelby. On the way, I asked her if she understood why she couldn't use her umbrella. She said, "Yes." I said, "If you obey what we tell you to do, you get to do what you want to do." She said, "Okay". I was really proud of her because she didn't fuss or complain about it. \n\nWe ordered dessert, which we rarely do. It was a chocolate tall cake with ice cream on top. Kelby was engrossed in her coloring and didn't notice when it came to the table. She was sitting between Husband and me. When he passed the plate toward me, she looked up and when she saw it, her jaw literally dropped and her eyes got as big as saucers. It was so hilarious! She got to eat quite a bit of it because she ate a good dinner.\n\nBoth kids were really great in the restaurant. It was probably the best restaurant experience we've had with both the kids. Kelby sampled several types of foods and did some coloring and was such a good girl. It was a very nice evening.

Today at work, I got back to my office from a meeting and I had a voicemail from Kelby. She said, "I went poo poo in the potty and got a Big Daddy treat. Call me later!" I loved hearing her voice. It was a nice surprise.\n\nI gave Husband's resume as a hardware/software/firmware consultant to the manager of an IT group where I work. I have no idea if she'll use him, but it's still exciting. Now that we have his resume updated, we can give it out whenever we see an opportunity.\n\nThe pastor of my church has a blog now. It's http://pastorpaulmetlersblog.blogspot.com. I've enjoyed reading them.\n\n

Bryler started crawling today. He's been getting around some, but I would call it crawling today because I left him near the TV and when I came back, he was on the other side of the room. And he also wanted to be put down instead of being held, which he's never done before. I remember that Kelby did that, too. Once she figured out that she could get where she wanted to go by herself, she wasn't so interested in being held.\n\nBryler is also cutting his third tooth. It is his upper right tooth, but not the front one (called central incisor) but the one next to it (lateral incisor). This is not the typical order that infants get their teeth, but Kelby didn't get them in the typical order either.\n\n----\n\nI dyed my hair last night -- something I thought I'd never do. I've added highlights before, but never actually changed the hair color completely. But back when I thought I'd never change the color, my hair WAS strawberry blond. Actually Husband put the dye on for me. The color on the box said that it was "strawberry blond", and it is definitely more orange than it was before, almost too drastic for me, but I still received no comments from anyone at church (until I told them about it) so it must not be THAT strange looking.\n\n----\n\nWe got the information about our flights for the cruise today. We fly out early on Wednesday, Aug 29th and get back very late on Wed, Sept 5th. Just 2 1/2 weeks away!\n\n----\n\nWe've been watching the survivor shows on the Discovery Channel a lot recently. Bear Grylls and Les Stroud each have their own show and they get left somewhere in the wild and they have to figure out how to survive for several days with very few supplies. Les Stroud is the more crazy one - he is completely alone and does his own camera work. Bear has a cameraman follow him around, but he does more extreme stuff like climbing rock faces and eating nasty stuff. We usually watch the shows after the kids have gone to bed. I've thought before that we should probably use the time doing something more productive, but I find that watching the shows with Husband is very relaxing. And relaxation is great medicine after a stressful day.

I went to my endocrinologist today for a checkup. He did an ultrasound of my thyroid gland and said that it looked "perfect". It appears that the medicine dosage I have been taking is right on target for making me "normal", so we're not making any changes. He was confident enough that everything was going well that he said I didn't need to come back for another checkup until August. All great news!\n\n----\n\nWhile I was out, I also went to BabiesRUs and bought some Playtex Drop-Ins bottles, which allows you to use disposable bottle liners so that you don't have to wash as many bottles. I also went to Home Depot to pick up more supplies for our downstairs renovation project and to Food City for some groceries. I ended up being out for about 4 hours. As always, it was great to get out of the house for a little while.\n\n----\n\nKelby spent some time downstairs with Daddy this morning while he worked on putting up sheet rock. She was handing him nails and "sweeping". She loves to sweep. It was really cute to watch her. You could tell she felt really grown up.\n\nUncle Troy came to help Husband for several hours this evening. Kelby loves Uncle Troy. She would say, "Hi, Uncle Troy" over and over and over and over... until it drove them crazy and Husband had to ask her to quit saying it. She is definitely in her repetition stage of development. Another thing she repeats over and over is "Let Pebby do it, let Pebby do it..." until you either let her try to do whatever it is she wants to do or you change the activity to something completely different. This evening, I let Kelby help me make spaghetti for dinner. I can't tell you how many times I heard her say "Let Pebby do it" or "Let Pebby stir". It gets very tiring, but I could tell she was really enjoying helping me, so I endured. I try to remind myself that she will learn by doing, so I need to let her do stuff even if it makes a big mess or takes twice as long.\n\nThe bedtime experiment is not working out so well after all. I remind her about the baby monitor, that we're right there with her and that she can hear us and we can hear her and she seems comforted by this. But as soon as I lay her down, she starts wailing, "Mommy!... Mommy!..." I have tried every argument to get her to stop. I've tried getting her to sing. I've tried leaving her and then talking to her on the monitor for several minutes. I've tried going back in there when she starts crying to show her that I haven't abandoned her. The only thing that has worked is to pop her on the bottom and to tell her that if she doesn't quit crying, I'll have to come spank her again. I don't want to have to do that! What is her deal? Why won't she just go to sleep? Now I think I've made things worse because I've conditioned her to think that I will respond to her when she calls for Mommy. I think that's why she keeps saying it over and over. If I had just continued to ignore her, she would have just given up.

Granda said that Kelby kept her laughing all day. She called me at work a couple of times to tell me things that she had done or said. For instance, Kelby informed Granda that Cousin had snot on her nose. Then, when Granda stood on the couch to wipe something off the window (Kelby is not allowed to stand on the couches), Kelby saw her and said, "Dada, sit down right now!" Finally, Kelby is not allowed to say No to Granda (or us) if we ask her to do something. If she does, we say, "Don't tell me No". Today, they were playing and Granda said, "No, don't put that on my face." And Kelby replied very seriously, "Don't tell me No!" At least she remembers what we've told her!\n\nKelby has started rubbing the little bump in the middle of her top lip with her thumb. We don't let her do it because we don't want her to get in the habit of putting her fingers in her mouth... too many germs around for that. We don't know why on earth she started doing this, but the funny thing about it is that when I was a little girl, I sucked my thumb, and my favorite thing to do with my index finger of the thumb-sucking hand was to rub the little bump on my upper lip. Something like that couldn't be inherited, could it?\n\n----\n\nI made a whole lot of progress at work today to prepare the accounting department for my maternity leave. Yesterday, I was feeling like I could never be ready in time, but I am feeling much better now. In fact, if I went into labor this weekend, I think everything would be fine. I sent out the plan for reallocating my duties as well as a revised payroll processing schedule, went through all my notes from two spiral notebooks and consolidated them into one list, cleaned out my inbox, went through the pile of to-do-someday papers, and answered a bunch of emails. I was even able to take care of a few things that were on the new consolidated list. I also scheduled an interview with a potential employee from a temp agency who would assist the accounting staff with filing and data entry while I'm out. The interview is not until next Wed, so we'll see if the baby waits that long, but if not, my supervisor will conduct the interview. I am still hoping the baby waits 1 more week to come, simply because I should be able to get several more things done at work next week that will make me feel more closure before being completely away from work for 5 weeks. (After the 5 weeks, I will work part-time from home for 1 to 3 more weeks.) I would also like to have Kelby's birthday party with my side of the family on the 20th. If the baby waits until the due date, all these things can be accomplished. We'll see. Emotionally and physically, I am ready for the baby to come tonight. It is my practical, analytical side that wants him to wait.\n\n----\n\nI say that physically I am ready because this baby is wearing me out! He is very active and his movements often hurt me. He pushes and kicks and stretches and scrapes his arms and legs across my belly. My [[Braxton Hicks|http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/pregnancy/childbirth/156.html]] contractions are so strong that they are very uncomfortable, even painful, although not nearly as painful as the real contractions will be. I might have jinxed myself [[yesterday|11 January 2007]] after all because after saying that I was sleeping much better, I didn't sleep very well last night. For one thing, I kept [[snoring|http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/pregnancy/pregnancysleep/7541.html]]! I've never had a problem with snoring (maybe every once in a while, but usually I would stop after changing positions). Well, I kept waking myself up with my snores, or Husband would nudge me when I got too loud. Then I would try changing positions... but you know, I only have two positions - the right side or the left side. And after about 6 hours of sleep, my right hip started aching pretty badly (probably because of all the extra weight), so I could only sleep on the left side. But I still feel very blessed to be this far along and still able to sleep fairly well for 6 hours or so. I have heard of and know several women who don't sleep well after the first trimester. [[Poor sleep|http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/pregnancy_newborn/pregnancy/sleep_during_pregnancy.html]] in the last 3 weeks of pregnancy isn't anything to complain about!\n\n----\n\nHusband plans on doing more work on the downstairs former kitchen/future computer room tomorrow. Once Husband decides to get something done, he's very diligent! We went to Lowe's this evening to pick up some pipe caps to seal off the water pipes that were attached to the kitchen sink and we also picked out some [[Pergo|http://www.pergo.com/shop/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=PW%2080068]] laminate flooring. We decided to install Pergo instead of carpet, and we'll use area rugs for warmth and color. I am quite excited about the whole project. I think it will look great! We spend a lot of time down here so it will be a refreshing change.

Granda called me at work and told me that Bryler had given her a scare. She'd propped the door to the deck open because the girls were out there and she was bringing them drinks. Bryler was with Granda in his walker, right at her feet in the kitchen. All of a sudden he ran straight at the open doorway hard enough to bounce over the threshold and propel himself right out the door. This would have been fine except that it's a step down. Just one step, but of course the walker turned over, and Bryler tumbled and screamed. Kelby also started crying in sobs she was so upset. Granda ran and got him and found that he was not hurt except for a little scuffing. She held Bryler and Kelby as they cried, and Nayna, noticing them getting all the attention, started fussing to be held as well. But soon they all calmed down and went back to playing. Granda kept Bryler up longer than normal to make sure he was acting normally. He was. I think Granda was shaken up worse than the kids. I thank God that Bryler was not hurt.\n\n----\n\nUncle Nee was supposed to come home for a visit this weekend, but his trip got postponed. Granda was putting Kelby to bed and explaining that she wouldn't get to see Uncle Nee this weekend. Kelby was very sad and said several times with complete sincerity, "I miss Uncle Nee."\n\nI took Kelby with me to take some garbage out to the garage. Something must have reminded her of Husband because she said, "Hey Mommy, Daddy is fun!"\n\nWe are working on a bad habit she has of making a mean face and basically growling at whatever frustrates her, be it Bryler or me or Granda or whatever. She sticks out her lower jaw and squints her eyes and brings her face close to whatever it is and Grrrr's. It's just not a pleasant thing. When she only did it occasionally, I just ignored it. Now that she does it several times a day, we tell her not to use her "mean face". Yesterday, I imitated her "mean face" and she thought it was funny. Then she did it herself and laughed. I don't think she'd realized what she had been doing, and now she stops doing it as soon as we remind her not to.\n\nI don't know if I've mentioned this before, but this is something Kelby has been doing this for a long time: Most of the time, when she falls down, she gets up very quickly and says, "I'm alright!" before we can even ask her if she's okay. It was so funny the first few times she did it. Now, it's such a reflex to her and I'm so used to it, that I hardly even notice how cool it is.

When I went to get Bryler up this morning, he was not where I'd left him the night before, which was in the center of the crib with the top of his head toward the changing table. He was still in his crib, of course, but he was all the way to the edge of the crib at the changing table end with the top of his head facing the washer & dryer. He was laying on his right side, still holding the Peter Rabbit doll that I'd left him with. He'd obviously rolled over several times without letting go of the doll to get in that position. And I never heard a peep out of him all night. I was so amused by this that I got out our new camera and took some video. He was smiling at me as if he was proud of himself and it was too cute.\n\n----\n\nI am very ambitious. I have been accused by those I've worked with of being too ambitious. In recent months, I have aspired to being a CFO, preferably sooner than later. However, I have given it more serious thought in the last week and I have come to the conclusion that as cool as it might be, I'm not ready. I don't have nearly the experience that is expected of CFO's, most of my experience is limited to the one company I have worked for in the past 8 years (which is actually a weakness because my perspective is limited), and I simply do not have the training/ability to offer high-level financial advice at this point, which is what separates a CFO from the other positions. \n\nI looked over job descriptions of high-level accountants yesterday and the ones that fit my abilities best were "Director of Accounting" and "Controller". I felt like I was reading my own job description. This afternoon, while juggling a booty-load of work, I was mulling over my future and feeling stressed out over it until I thought about being a Director of Accounting rather than a CFO and being satisfied at that level. This thought was a relief. It felt good... It felt Right.... And I feel that it is a possibility. Not a sure thing at this point, but a possibility. I have not given up the idea of being a CFO someday, but I feel good about letting my future play itself out and letting God take care of it.

Husband went back to work today, and I worked about 4 hours from home. All I did was catch up on all the emails that were sent to me during the past 6 weeks. It was strange not having Husband downstairs nailing or sawing, and it was lonely at lunchtime. But I was in good spirits. It was a good day.\n\n----\n\nI took Kelby to Granda's house and kept Bryler with me. He was a good boy. I was very purposeful in spending time to talk to him and keep him stimulated while he was awake. I worry about giving him enough mental stimulation because I know that we talked to Kelby more when she was his age. He still sleeps so much that it feels like he's in his bouncer seat all day long! Although I enjoy talking to him, I have to admit that I would often rather do something else, and I also run short on ideas... today, I sang songs and just made up stuff to say, as well as making gibberish sounds. It's almost like talking out loud to yourself just to hear your own voice. He just sits there and looks at me, occasionally offering me a smile as a reward for my hard work. :)\n\nI plan on taking Bryler to work tomorrow to let my co-workers see him. This time, I'm just going to take Bryler. I'll take Kelby back for a visit some other time.\n\n----\n\nThis morning, I had to wake up Kelby because the time change has made her normal 7:40 wake-up time an hour later. She was in a good mood, though. I changed her diaper and told her it was Monday, and "what do you do on Monday?" (So far, she knows "Sunday we go to church" and "Monday we go to Granda's house".) She said, "On Monday, I go Dada's house." And then she surprised me by adding, "Dada's house coming right up!"\n\nKelby is doing great with her colors. She's got Yellow and Green down now. She can also count to 12, but she always skips 9. I don't know why. It was one of her favorite numbers to say before she started putting them in order.

We went to Home Depot and Walmart early this morning. Then we came home and I worked on my clothes for a couple of hours. I removed all the winter clothes from my closet and drawers and went through 3 storage containers of clothes to make sure there was no summer clothes in them. This is something I've needed to do for a couple of weeks, so I was glad I finally got it done.

Last night we watched an episode of [[Jericho|http://www.cbs.com/primetime/jericho/]] downstairs on the big screen after we put Kelby to bed. I held Bryler, who slept through it. It was like holding a big bundle of love in my arms. He lay there so peacefully, breathing softly. This morning on the way to work, I remembered that moment and decided it was time to write another lullaby, one for Bryler. I wrote one in my head before I got to work and wrote down the words before I went into the office. Then, on the way home, I decided that the melody was too repetitive, so I worked on it some more. It still isn't finished, but it's getting there.\n\n

God works in mysterious ways. I have come on a journey these past few months - from self confident and ready to become the next CFO tomorrow if I would just be given the chance... to satisfied with a 2nd-in-command position as long as it promised to lead to the CFO position in a few years... to hoping that the CFO position is given to someone who would take the dreaded responsibility and conflict away from me. At least that's how I'm feeling today. I am feeling, in some ways, beaten. Yet in other ways, I feel like it's all falling into place by unseen hands. I really have no fight left in me, and with this comes a sense of peace. I'm floating on a raft in a sea of absurdity and chaos, but I feel protected and dry. This only by the grace of God.\n\n----\n\nBryler is still working on perfecting the crawl. He is definitely getting better at it, but he gets frustrated and lays on his back and arches back as if to do a back-bend. I think he's wanting to either sit up or stand up when he does that. He hasn't done either one by himself yet. He's getting close to being able to do a standard sit-up. I don't think he's tried pushing himself up with his arm because I think he could probably do it. He can also stand up if he holds onto something for balance, but he hasn't really tried to pull himself up yet.\n\n----\n\nThis evening, I was getting ready to put Bryler to bed and Kelby started to play with him by clicking her tongue at him and playing This Little Piggy on his toes. He giggled easily at everything she did, and she was pleased by his warm reception. It was a precious moment that I'd like to put in a bottle and save for later.

Husband has agreed to let Kelby go to Granda's house 3 days a week for 4 hours in the morning. Today was the first day that I took her over there. Kelby was thrilled to go and squealed with excitement when she saw Granda and Layla waiting for her outside the house. They played outside for a little while, which Kelby has not had a chance to do in a long time. \n\nThe arrangement of taking Kelby to Granda's works great for me. I have time to spend with Bryler without splitting my focus between him and Kelby. I took the time to talk to him and smile at him, things I know I haven't been doing enough of. I feel guilty for sending Kelby away, but I really feel that I can be a better mother to both kids when I am not stressed out and losing my patience. And during the time that I had with Kelby when she came home, I focused on making it quality time, playing with her and talking and hugging her instead of just trying to keep her busy. \n\n----\n\nI definitely saw signs of jealously from Kelby today. I have noticed that she has been more fussy with me than normal and crying when there is no reason to, and I believe she does this because she wants more attention from me. She also wanted me to do things for her that she hasn't needed help with and would normally insist on doing herself, like getting up on the bar stool, getting down from the bar stool, and putting her shoes on. Again, I see this as wanting more attention from me. Finally, after Husband got her up from her nap, I was holding Bryler and she started following me around wanting me to hold her. She is used to being held more when she gets up in the morning or after her naps. I sat down so that I could hold both of them. She sat with me for just a few minutes and then she was fine. So far, she has dealt with her new brother very well. I just hope that I am doing what I need to do to make her feel loved and important.

Kelby is funny when she plays with Kika (the cat). She likes to boss her around, like she tells her to get down off the couch, and If she shows interest in Kelby's toys, she says, "No, Kika, dat's mine!" I don't know if I should try to get her to share with Kika in those cases. They are playmates, but I suppose we don't need to teach her to share with a cat. She likes to pull Kika's tail, and today I saw her pull on her ears. Kika doesn't seem to mind, but we don't let Kelby do it. Kika is very nice, but other cats wouldn't appreciate such treatment.\n\nWhile Husband was taking the kitchen demolition remains to the dump, Kelby and I put the baby's bassinet together. We borrowed the one that Cousin had used last year, and it is as good as new. But it was all in pieces and there were no instructions or even a picture to go by. It took me quite a while, but I was proud of myself for figuring it out and putting it together. Kelby had a great time putting the miscellaneous screws in miscellaneous holes and using the screw driver to screw them in (at least that's what she thought she was doing). She hasn't figured out that you only turn the screwdriver one way so she just turns it back and forth. Still, I am impressed with how long per attention span was with it. I captured just a little bit of it on video.\n\n----\n\nLife is a mixed bag of jelly beans and lemon heads. Sometimes things are sweet and interesting. Sometimes they are sour and all you can do is cry. But in the end, the lemon turns sweet and then you have to keep reaching into the bag to see what else life has in store for you, laughing and crying and wondering what life will bring you next...

I had a rough day at work - actually, a rough week. I left work late (again) and hurried home to get dinner and prepare for my nephew, Jack's, birthday party at the park. We fixed Manwich, which didn't turn out too good because I didn't realize until too late that we didn't have any buns and the loaf of sandwich bread that we ate it on was stale. Then we hurried to get the kids ready and jumped in the car, paid our Discover card bill at Sears, bought a birthday present at Walmart, and then got to the party only 20 minutes late.\n\nThe party was fun. Kelby thoroughly enjoyed it, especially the park, which is a very good playground. Little Jack is a really cute kid. He was amazingly enthusiastic about every little gift he got, with big smiles and surprised eyes. It reminded me of my Dad, who always cracked us up at Christmas by being amazingly enthusiastic about his gifts (but not quite as genuinely).\n\nBut I was worn out and feeling very weary by the time we left. Being tired is common for me, but feeling weary - not so much. It is not a good feeling. It feels like there is no life left in my body, like I could go to sleep and stay in bed for days. Some of this comes from my introversion. Extroverts have their energy recharged by being with people. Introverts expend energy by being with people and recharge by being alone - or at least quiet. I felt like a dud battery. As I took my shower, I remembered the verse where Jesus said to come to Him, everyone who is weary and heavy-laden, and He would give you rest. I prayed for His rest tonight. Later, with the kids in bed, I cast my cares on Him (and on Husband, who was a sympathetic ear) and soaked in the calm quietness of the night, and I felt much better.

I took Bryler to work today. Everyone said he was simply adorable, and he was. He was a good boy and even smiled some for them. I let P and E watch him for about 30 minutes while I talked with my supervisor, J, about all the stuff that I'd missed the past 6 weeks. It was fun seeing all my co-worker friends again. My desk was so clean, it didn't feel right. That won't take long to fix. :)\n\nAfter that, Bryler and I went to Walmart, then to Sears to pay our Discover bill, then to the bank to get my Short Term Disability check deposited. For his second day out in public, it was quite an outing. It was fun having him with me.\n\nIt was such a beautiful day-- almost too warm in the midday sun, but glorious later in the afternoon. We decided on the spur of the moment to have Husband's parents over to grill some hamburgers, which works since they just live a few houses away from us. After we ate, we sat on the porch and let Kelby run around the yard a little. She can be a lot of fun.\n\n----\n\nI have noticed a phenomenon, which I don't think I've ever read about. Here it is: You can be completely fed up with your kids and not want deal with them another minute, but when someone else is present (usually someone you don't live with), someone who has a fresh perspective or who just enjoys your kids, then your kids suddenly become precious again. I'm not saying that they are perfect when other people are around. I'm saying that the way you see your kids changes. In case nobody has documented this, I am going to name it the Third Eye Phenomenon because if you had a third eye, maybe that's the eye that would see all the wonderful things that your other two eyes can't see... the stuff that all the other people see when they see your kids.\n\n----\n\nI am feeling frustrated about the pile of receipts that still need to be entered. I've GOT to get them done this week, before I go back to work. I also HAVE to get my old clothes out and see if I can find something that will fit me that is suitable to wear to work. Last night, it took me like half an hour to find something to wear today. I didn't want to go in to work looking like I'd just had a baby... yeah, I know I just DID have a baby, but still. :) I probably used up the only outfit that looked decent & kinda fit on 1 hour in the office. Sigh. Time to get exercising.\n\n----\n\nMy American Idol favorites from tonight's show:\nMelinda Doolittle - awesome (Husband's favorite by a mile)\nLakisha Jones - wonderful\nPhil Stacey - best guy vocals\nStephanie Edwards - great vocals

Mother's Day. Some of it was good. I will talk about those things first. \n\nThe kids were super cute and they were well behaved most of the time. Kelby wore her Easter dress again and Bryler wore a white button-up-and-down shirt, kahki pants, and a tie. Everyone commented about the tie. Husband took pictures of me with the kids. After church, we went to the park with Husband's family, Uncle Nance's family, my family, and Uncle S's family. It wasn't really a crowd, though, because the families came and went in shifts. Kelby was really having a good time and didn't even stop to eat. She showed everyone the ants that were around a big tree - "little ones and bigs ones and the big ones will bite you!" she'd tell each person who came by. \n\nAt one point, I just had to laugh. She was running down the sidewalk with BOTH grandmothers running - yes, running - behind her. After that, Granda and Grammy took her over to the swings. When I found her on the playground with Grammy, her face was all pretty and flushed and I was afraid she might be getting a sunburn on her arms despite the sunscreen Aunt Nooni had put on her. On the way back to the picnic area, we stopped by to pet Aunt J and Uncle S's new adorable puppy, a chocolate lab. There was a crowd of kids petting him. I asked Kelby, "Do you want to pet the puppy?" "No, I WANT a puppy." "But do you want to pet the puppy?" "No, I WANT a puppy!" Finally, she pet the puppy and then I took her to the shaded picnic area. She spent the rest of the picnic looking for the puppy. We may have a dog lover on our hands. She was so worn out that she fell asleep within about 5 minutes of getting in the car.\n\nWhen we got home, I got to take a 1 1/2 hour nap. It was so quiet and peaceful with both the kids asleep.\n\nHusband went to church to play for the evening worship service. My mom wasn't going to be there to help me watch the kids because she and Dad went to see Grandma, so I stayed home with the kids. (They don't have child care during the singing part of the service.) Kelby and I played with George the monkey who kept running away from the Evil Chimp. (This is much more fun for Kelby than for me, but I enjoyed seeing her have a good time.)\n\nWhen you hold Bryler, he usually looks everywhere EXCEPT at your face. This is normal. If you lay him down, he'll look at you all day long, but not usually while you're holding him. But today, I stood him up on my lap and he looked right in my face and just smiled and talked to me for a good long time. It was so sweet, it brought tears to my eyes.\n\n----\n\nA few days ago, I was thinking about Mother's Day coming up and I realized that I finally feel like a mother. When we only had Kelby, I felt like a person who had a baby. I didn't feel like a "mother". Now that I have "kids", it's different. I am a mother. \n\nIt is still strange, though. I am often amazed that we have 2 kids. After being married for so long without kids and dreaming of having our own family someday, it's strange that it's happened.\n\n----\n\nMom forwarded this to me the other day. Very appropriate for Mother's Day and it's totally how I feel. (Note: I edited it just a little. Don't know who wrote it, so I figured it'd be okay to make it my own.)\n\nBefore I was a Mom, I never tripped over toys or sang lullabies when nobody was listening.\nI didn't worry about glass or chemicals being in the bottom shelves.\nI never thought about immunizations.\nBefore I was a Mom, I had never been puked on.\nPooped on.\nChewed on.\nPeed on.\nI had control of my world.\nI slept all night.\nBefore I was a Mom, I'd never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.\nOr give shots.\nI never looked into teary eyes and cried.\nI never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.\nI never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.\nOr waiting for a child to wake up.\nBefore I was a Mom, I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put them down.\nI never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.\nBefore I was a Mom, I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.\nI didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.\nI didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.\nBefore I was a Mom, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night several times to make sure all was okay.\nOr to make sure the covers were secured.\nOr to just listen to the quiet sound of breathing.\nI had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment, or the satisfaction of being a Mom.\nI didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.\nI never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.\nI never knew that I could love someone so much.\nI never knew I would love being a Mom.\n\n----\n\nNot to ruin this happy moment, but I must now write about my sob story. I had no reason to have a bad day except for the fact that I simply had a bad attitude. For some reason, I had it in my head that Mother's Day was about getting a break. Obviously, I did not get a break today. The morning was chaotic. One of my pet peeves is having to carry tons of stuff, especially bags, and especially when they keep falling off my shoulder. Today, there was a lot of stuff to carry: a diaper bag for Kelby, a diaper bag for Bryler, a backpack of change-clothes for Husband and Bryler, Kelby and my change-clothes on hangers, my purse, Kelby's coloring page from nursery, and of course, the kids themselves including Bryler's infant carrier. Before church and after church and during church... it was full of the maneuvering of children and bags. It drove me crazy. By the time we got home, I was feeling overwhelmed. The nap was good, but I woke up after having a dream about the house being on fire and trying to get Bryler out, and then I couldn't go back to sleep. I was frustrated about Husband having to go to church and leaving me at home. When I was playing with Kelby, she accidentally called me "Dada" (Granda). It hit me wrong and I teared up immediately. Of course, that's not really a big deal, but it made me feel like I wasn't spending as much time with her. She corrected herself and went on playing, which was good. I wouldn't have wanted her to know that it hurt me. But the MAIN thing that had me down was that I had wanted to work on Bryler's pictures all weekend and it was becoming quite clear that this was not going to happen. Basically, I wanted some "me" time and it just wasn't available. It wasn't my "ideal" Mother's Day. But in retrospect, I wouldn't have changed anything. I've come to the conclusion that Mother's Day is not about me. It's about my kids. It's about being a mother, not about getting a break from being a mother. When I signed my mom's Mother's Day card, I wrote something about knowing what it's like to be a mother now, knowing what it's like to invest myself in my kids. I thanked her for investing in me... because now I know that the investment was/is often a sacrifice. It is giving up your precious free time. And sleep time. It's playing "pretend" when you've never really enjoyed that game. It's feeding your kids first even though you're starving. It's answering the same questions over and over and over again. And many other sacrifices along the way. But it's worth it, and I wouldn't give my kids up for any amount of free time or sleep time. They are my life and I am so grateful to have been given such a blessing.

Last night, we watched another 2 episodes of [[Jericho|http://www.cbs.com/primetime/jericho/]]. This time, we put both kids to bed and brought the two baby monitor receivers downstairs. As we were waiting for the show to start, it was dark except for the two red lights of the baby monitors. The monitors show lights when there is any sound from the rooms, so I was pleased to see that there was no activity. Kelby and Bryler were sound asleep. I told Husband, "There are our kids. There are our little lights." That's what they are to me - lights in my life. They make me very happy.\n\n----\n\nToday we went to Walmart - the one that's not so busy - and let Kelby look at the toys. We bought lunch at the deli. When we got home, we all took a nap. A little while after our nap, Kelby told me, "I go poo poo." I thought she meant that she'd already gone in her diaper, but when I checked her she hadn't gone yet. So I took her to the potty and she poo poo'ed on the potty. Horray for Kelby! She got a "bunny rabbit treat", which was part of the chocolate Easter bunny she got from Uncle Nee. She also got to wear a Dora pull-up and fairy panties over the pull-up, which she picked out a few weeks ago at the store. Then we watched [[The Incredibles]] together, which is a movie we own. It was the first time Kelby had seen it, and she actually watched most of it. We paused it to eat dinner and then to give Bryler a bath. Then Bryler watched the end of the movie with us, complete with commentaries. It was pretty funny. It kept sounding like he was saying "Uh oh!" at key parts of the movie.\n\n----\n\nSpeaking of Bryler bath-time, I don't think I've mentioned that Bryler has not liked baths nearly as much as Kelby did when she was his age. She loved baths, smiling and kicking her legs in the water the whole time, and screamed when we got her out. The past 4 times or so we've given Bryler a bath, we screamed the whole time - from the moment we put him in the water until he was completely clothed. As a result, we only give him a bath once a week. We just keep him clean with wet wipes between baths. Thankfully, he did much better last week and I even got a picture of him smiling in the infant tub. And this week he did pretty well again. He didn't cry until we took him out of the water and he didn't cry for very long. So I think he's getting used to it. Maybe we'll start giving him baths more often. I sure do like the way he smells after his bath!

Kelby and Bryler went to Walmart with Granda today. They asked a worker to help them find the chalk, and after they found it, Granda told Kelby to tell the worker "Thank you", but she wouldn't say it. A little later, Kelby said, "Daddy told me not to talk to strangers." So that explained her silence. And yes, he did tell her that... but it was several months ago! This evening we told her that she was right, but that she could talk to strangers if she was with an adult such as Mommy, Daddy, Granda, etc.\n\n----\n\nI gave Bryler a sippy cup for the first time today. It's funny how much older he looks holding a sippy cup as opposed to a bottle. I just put water in it instead of juice. I don't want to make the same mistake we made with Kelby, who is just now starting to drink a little bit of water sometimes. She's a juice girl all the way.\n\nBryler is also standing up pretty well by himself as long as he's holding onto something, and Husband reported that he stood up for about 3 seconds on his own today. He also attempted to pull up to a standing position, but he didn't quite make it.\n\nBryler loves bananas baby food, so it needs to move up on his list of [[favorite foods|8 August 2007]].\n\nHe and Kelby have been playing together more and more in the past week. Kelby will get out some toys (tonight it was blocks) and he'll sit right down with her and play with them, too. So far, Kelby has been very generous to let him play with her toys, and I have been proud of her.\n\nOne interesting thing happened this evening... Husband was roughhousing with Kelby with her bean bag chair. He'd throw it at her and cover her up with it. Kelby was laughing and having a good time, and Bryler was watching them intently. One time when Husband had her covered up with it, she started fussing "Daddy, I can't get up!" and sounded upset although she was still just playing. But Bryler started crying until Husband let her up and then he was happy again when he saw that she was alright. Could he really be concerned for her at 6 months old?\n\n

Valentines Day - we couldn't take the baby out in public yet, so Husband had the idea to make a salmon dinner for me. I didn't eat it while I was pregnant because it might have mercury in it, and I really missed it. It was a wonderful meal - grilled salmon with fresh lemon, corn on the cob, potatoes, and rice. We actually sat at the dinner table, all 4 of us.\n\nEarlier today, Granda watched Kelby and Bryler so I could go to Home Depot with Husband. It was good to spend some time with him. It's so hard to find time to just talk. We stopped by Burger King on the way home. Something funny... When we went to pick up the kids, Granda smelled something and asked Kelby if she had poo-poo'ed. She said, "No, Nayna did." She was right.\n\n----\n\nBryler's umbilical cord stub finally fell off today. Horray! It was really annoying. Now he has a nice perfect "inny" belly button. I have discovered that Bryler has [[thrush|http://au.health.yahoo.com/041101/25/1uys.html?r=967673085]]. His tongue is white and his lips don't look normal. I'll call the pediatrician about it tomorrow. He also looks to be coming down with cradle cap, which is basically infant dandruff and often starts with bumps on the face. Right now, he just has some bumps across his forehead and cheeks. Kelby had it, too.\n\n----\n\nI already miss going to work. I wonder if I will be able to pick up where I left off after being away for 6 weeks. It worries me. There is so many rules and procedures in accounting, each one specific to the circumstance. Will I remember everything that I need to remember? I am tempted to read my work emails or to IM one of my co-workers to see how things are going. But I really am not supposed to work while I am on short term disability leave and I certainly will not get paid for any work time. And there are things that I need to be doing at home. So, maybe I can hold out a little longer.

You may have noticed that this was not posted on the 14th. I actually wrote this on the 15th, and yes, I did miss a day. My perfect record for the year has now been tarnished. But that's okay. I will still write about yesterday and call this entry 14 January 2006, because - well, I just can. I make up the rules, so it's not really cheating. <smile>\n\n----\n\nWe had our first "normal" Sunday in weeks. A normal Sunday consists of getting to church at 9:00 because Husband has band practice then, but then I often take Kelby to Wal- Mart for a half hour because I don't have to be there for choir practice until 9:30. Choir practice lasts until 10:00, where Mom helps me keep Kelby happy while we sing through the songs for that morning's service. This Sunday was different because I also got to hold Cousin during choir practice and she actually sat with me most of the time and was quite content while Kelby was unusually good and sat on Mom's lap. After choir practice, there's getting Kelby to the nursery and maybe grabbing a donut and juice before the service starts at 10:30. After the service, I pick up Kelby from the nursery and we usually end up going out to eat with Husband's parents. This time, though, we just went home to eat, and then it was nap-time for Kelby. We often take naps ourselves at this time, but I did spend about an hour writing thank-you cards for the shower gifts and Husband watched the Chicago football game before we both gave up and took a nap. Time goes by very quickly when you're napping. Suddenly, it was time to go back to church: choir practice at 5:00, followed by Sunday School at 6:30, evening worship (music & prayer) at 7:30, and finally arriving back home at 8:30. Then have dinner to eat, which took longer than normal, so Kelby didn't get into bed until 9:30. She is usually in bed around 7:45. Husband and I spent some time talking about the Sunday School lesson and then it was time for bed for us, too. Clearly, there was no time for writing in my blog!\n\n----\n\nI have decided that it would be good if I took notes from the church services and Sunday School classes and kept a journal of them here in my blog. Prior to December 2006, I taught the 3rd & 4th grade Sunday School class, and I got my Bible study from preparing for that class. Now that I have "retired" from teaching Sunday School, I haven't even opened my Bible! What a poor student I have become, and I am ashamed of it. I haven't even taken notes of the sermons since Kelby was born! Now that she is in the nursery, I really don't have an excuse for that except that I've gotten lazy. I did take notes from Sunday School this time, so I hope to find some time to organize them and put them in my blog at some point. The class was very interesting... Pastor Paul was a guest teacher of the class and the topic was the role of the Holy Spirit in conversion, in a person's character, and he also touched a little bit on the Fruits of the Spirit. Very thought-provoking! It felt like getting a good meal after just eating little snacks for several days. Maybe I can get my butt in gear and start taking my spiritual life more seriously.

It was a good day with Bryler. We had his walker again, so that kept him happy for hours. He has also discovered his squeal box. He squealed all day - happy squeals most of the time, but also some demanding squeals when he got tired and hungry. I was glad to hear them. To me, it's a first step in communication. \n\nI got out his 6-9 month summer clothes and hung them in his closet and put the 6-12 month clothes he'll be wearing this winter in the drawers. This freed up the storage box that held all these clothes so that I could fill it back up with the newborn and 0-3 month clothes that he just grew out of. I had two things to ponder during the 2 hours or so that I worked on it. \n1 - Growing up, I never realized how much trouble it was to keep 4 kids clothed. They just keep growing out of them! And besides that, it's switching from summer to winter clothes twice a year. I can't tell you how many hours I've already spent on kids clothes - and I've got two kids and the oldest is only 2! Hats off to my mother, who I never heard complain about this seemingly never-ending chore.\n2 - Since I'm assuming that we'll have one more kid, I realized that the next time I get those 0-3 month clothes out, I will looking through them to separate the boy clothes from the girl clothes - keeping one set and putting the other set away for good. It made me excited and sad at the same time. I know it's a little premature, but I'm silly that way sometimes. I like to plan WAY in advance.\n\n----\n\nKelby is still testing her limits and, as a result, trying my patience more than usual. She is back to bugging me constantly to play with her. She doesn't even bother Husband. So I alternate between feeling guilty for telling her no and feeling frustrated that I can't get anything done. Working on Bryler's clothes was actually an escape. Husband and Kelby watched [[Chicken Little]] again while I worked on it.\n\n----\n\nThe exciting part about the day was when the kids were down for the night - Kelby playing in the bed and Bryler crying and crying before finally falling asleep - when Husband and I booked our Alaskan cruise on Priceline.com!! We've been talking about it for a week. The downsides are that September is Alaska's rainiest season and it might rain the whole time, being away from the kids for 8 days, and the cost. But the upsides of seeing beautiful Alaska and getting a much-needed vacation won out easily. I was giddy once we pressed the "Finalize" button. I can hardly believe we're actually going to do it! Aug 29 - Sept 5, we'll be sailing a cruise ship, enjoying a balcony stateroom, taking exciting excursions at several seaports, and eating to our hearts content!

I worked about 6 hours from home today, by far the most I've worked in one day since having the baby. I put the finishing touches on the travel policy, which I have spent countless hours on for the past year revising and reformatting umpteen times to try to make everyone happy... an absolute nightmare of a task. I thought it would get finalized while I was on maternity leave, but it didn't. However, if all goes well, it will go out to employees this week and hopefully we can move on to less confusion concerning travel procedures.\n\n----\n\nI am starting to have some mixed feelings about going back to work next week. I am looking forward to going back to work, and there's no question about wanting to do that. But today, Bryler was so much more responsive to me. He's just starting to make sounds, which I call "talking", but I think it's really called "cooing". And he's smiling more and more and even almost laughing a little. This week, since I've been home without Husband and trying to work, I've been taking Kelby to Granda's house every day for about 4 hours and it's given me more time to focus on Bryler. I feel more bonded to him today than I've ever felt. It's kinda like we're hanging out together. I will definitely miss that. I just feel sad that now that he's starting to respond more, I'm not going to be with him all the time anymore. I know that it will all be okay and I will be able to spend a good amount of time with him in the evenings, but like any mother who works, I will feel torn between my desire to have a career and my desire to be with my kids.

Husband has been itching to cut down some rotting trees in our yard for several months, but he's only cut down one by himself and these were bigger trees. The weather was nice, so he decided that today was the day. His dad (Big Daddy) came over to assist, and within about an hour they had two big trees on the ground. It was quite dramatic. With the first tree, they attached a rope to Big Daddy's truck and Husband then notched the tree with a chainsaw to fall in the direction they decided it should go. It ended up crashing down with the top limbs hitting another tree and breaking them up into little pieces that rained down. It was hollow in the middle, so it wouldn't have lasted much longer.\n\nThe second tree was an old dying willow tree that was very close to the road. On that one, they attached the rope to Big Daddy who pulled in the desired direction while Husband notched the tree with the chainsaw chain saw. It fell exactly where it was supposed to. That one had a nest of ants in it and was rotting from the inside out.\n\nThese trees leave a lot of work yet to do - cutting up the trunk & limbs and moving all the debris to the burn pile at the back of the house, then the big bon fire. But Husband was so relieved to have this done. Later in the evening, he said how glad he was that his dad lived so close and was willing to pass on his experience from cutting down trees in his yard over the years. I thought, "That's what being a dad is all about - passing on your wisdom to your children and being there for them when they need you."\n

Kelby "cooked" at Granda's house. She took a video of it, so I got to see her. Granda let her use up some old spices so Kelby was having a good ol' time shaking spices into bowls and stirring them up. Granda said she "cooked" for hours. She was also pretending to be a mouse. Um, a cooking mouse? So when Granda would ask her a question, she'd say, "yes, squeak, squeak".

Today Pastor Paul had an excellent message about "being salt". He illustrated the message by showing the different types of Christians - those who have none unless salt is added (illustrated by an apple), those who are obviously full of salt (salted peanuts and butter popcorn), and those who are full of salt but nobody can really taste it (beanie-weanies and tomato soup). He challenged us to be full of salt, so that everyone will know that there is something different about us - that we are full of Jesus. \n\n----\n\nBryler wore an adorable striped pants and sweater vest outfit that Granda bought him yesterday. He looked like such a big boy.\n\nI put Kelby's hair in pig tails, but the rubber bands were gone out of her hair when I picked her up from the nursery. Her hair was a mess, but she was more upset than I was about it. She kept saying, "I lost my pig tails!"\n\n----\n\nOn the way home from church, I mentioned to Husband that I was tempted to stay home tonight instead of coming back to church. We all took a nap when we got home, and it felt so good. Both Kelby and Bryler actually slept for a long time - at the same time! When we woke up, it was time to go back to church, but Husband suggested I go ahead and stay home and rest. I did. I hated to miss, but at the same time it was much more relaxing than trying to watch the kids at church. The best thing was that Kelby got to finish her nap, which was an hour longer than she would have gotten if we'd gone to church. She slept 3 1/2 hours! \n\nWhen Kelby got up from her nap, Bryler was playing in his bouncer seat, making it play sounds by kicking. Kelby heard it and said, "I want to see my brother." I thought that was really sweet. I put in a Nursery Rhyme DVD and sat down on the couch with the kids to watch. During the song "I like to eat, eat, eat apples and bananas", I went to change Bryler's diaper. When I got back, Kelby had gotten a banana out of the fruit basket on the table, peeled it, and was in the process of throwing the peel away. She was obviously inspired by the song. I told her that she needed to ask before getting a banana ("Okay, Mommy") and then I put her in her high chair, and she ate the whole banana.\n\nKelby didn't cry when I put her to bed. She has been doing so much better about bed time. She has been resistant when we start the process but hasn't been crying when we put her in the crib. That is such a relief to me. I hated to hear her cry every night. I think that pointing out that we could hear her all the time with the baby monitor might have done the trick.

I don't have a lot of time to write tonight. We're packing up to leave for Lee's house tomorrow for our first vacation with Bryler. I keep a travel checklist on the computer and print it out whenever we're getting ready to go on a trip. This time, I had to add a column for Bryler. I moved a lot of stuff out of Kelby's column and into Bryler's. Kelby's not a baby anymore - no more diapers or bottles or baby food. Those things are now replaced with crayons, gameboy, and pool toys. We'll soon see whether our Scion will accommodate a family of 4 on a two-day trip.\n\nWe went to Mom & Dad's house to eat dinner with my Uncle & Aunt who are down from Boston. It was a very nice time. We got to talk with them without a whole lot of interruption and got to know them a lot better. They are very fascinating people.\n\nAfter dinner, Bryler wanted to get down and play. I put him down on a rug in the kitchen, but he wouldn't stay on it. Kelby was playing with some puzzles and Bryler wanted to play with whatever she was playing with. I'd move him back to the rug and it didn't take him long to be right next to Kelby again.\n\nKelby is afraid of loud noises. She is disturbed by fireworks, loud toilets, or anything that startles her. Tonight, she was in the living room at Mom's house playing with the toys when she suddenly started crying. Turns out the clock had chimed and startled her.

I know it seems crazy to be thinking about this now, but I can't help it...(it's hard to make your mind not think about things sometimes)...I think about whether we want to have a third child someday. Most of the time since Bryler was born, I have thought that emotionally I couldn't handle another child. I did not feel that I was doing a great job of being a mother to two children, let alone add another one. Because of my lack of sleep and the feeling of chaos and the emotions that have been influenced by postnatal hormones, I have felt that my world of organization and accomplishment had fallen apart. I am a perfectionist. I crave order and discipline. Lacking my regular pre-Bryler routine, I'd felt that I'd lost control of my life. (This is a recurrent theme for me - wanting to be in control vs. letting God take control.) A few days ago, I asked Husband if he wanted to have another child in a couple of years and he said what he always says when I ask him that question: "I don't know where we'd put him." Ever practical, his concern is the lack of a bedroom in our house for another child. I told him my fears about not being able to handle a third child and he said that he was not the least bit concerned about that, and that I was a wonderful mother. These must have been magic words... because ever since then, I have regained some confidence about my ability to handle another child someday. I began to think that maybe he was right - maybe I'm not so bad of a mother after all. I still want to wait and see how I feel in a couple of years before we decide for sure whether we want 3 children (and where we'd put them), but I now feel that it could be a possibility. Now I'm back to my pre-Bryler state of mind, that it's a "definite maybe".\n\n----\n\nThis evening, I was thinking about some of the discomforts of just having a baby and thinking to myself how this time will pass and then I can get back to "normal". This is usually how I deal with any phase of my life. I look to the future, I find something to look forward to, and I "patiently" await those "happier" times. But I realized today that if I do this all the time, I will neglect the blessings that are here for me in the present. Life is so short. Every minute is here and then gone, and if I only look to the future, I fail to enjoy what's here for me now. Bryler will never again be this little again. Tomorrow, he will be bigger and older. Kelby will never be two again, surprising us with new words and sentences every day. I need to consciously live in these minutes and not wish them away for any reason. I know cannot enjoy every minute, but I can value them.

Today was the official Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday, but Husband and I both had to work. It was okay with me, as I was looking forward to the baby shower that they were throwing me at work. The shower followed the weekly Administrative Meeting, and there ended up being more people at this shower than there was at the [[church shower|7 January 2007]]! As a result, I felt less comfortable - more on the spot - but I was overwhelmed by all the gifts and everyone's generosity, especially that of the accounting staff who went to the effort of fixing all the food (which was delicious) and decorating the room so nicely! I was most excited about the [[diaper bag|http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2266865&cp=&pg=7&f=Taxonomy%2FTRUS%2F2255957&origkw=diaper+bag&kw=diaper+bag&parentPage=search]] that I received from the accounting group, which I had heard was out of stock at Baby's R Us. They had found it at Toys R Us. Along with tons of diapers and wipes and gift cards and other great stuff from my co-workers in the office, my supervisor also got me a huge bag of miscellaneous goodies that remained on the gift registry! I will never feel that I have thanked people enough.\n\n----\n\nI just realized that I misspelled generosity on all the thank-you cards that I've written so far. I spelled it generousity. What a bummer!\n\n----\n\nKelby went to Wal- Mart with Granda today. She pointed to the seat-belt harness on the shopping cart that has the name Wal -Mart printed on it and said, "Dat say Wal- Mart". Granda called Husband to see if we had taught her that. Neither of us have, and neither has Granda. She always recognizes Wal- Mart stores, but I think it's pretty impressive if she recognizes the letters written somewhere other than the sign out front! \n\nThere is also the mystery of Toys R Us. We went there for the first time with Kelby on Saturday to check out her interest in baby dolls. She may have overheard us talking about going there, but nevertheless, we were surprised when we parked the car and she said "Daddy, dat's Toys R Us." We had never even heard her say Toys R Us before. But we figured she'd been there with Granda and she just remembered it. We found out today that Granda has never taken her to Toys R Us. Kelby had never been there before. So how did she know that we were at Toys R Us? The only thing we can think of is that she's probably seen commercials for it and maybe heard us talking about it.\n\n----\n\nMost people think that I will deliver the baby this week. [[Dr. D|9 January 2007]] gave me a range of Jan 23-28 as a "good time" and I've just kept Jan 24 as the due date when people ask me about it. The 23rd is a week from tomorrow. Certainly, I'm getting close, but I don't know if there's any real reason to believe he'll come early. I have mixed feelings about it. Sometimes I think that my water will break at any second, and sometimes I think he'll come late. I have things scheduled for this week, most importantly Kelby's birthday party with my family on Saturday. But I've left next week pretty much unscheduled. Will my body unconsciously wait until then? We'll just have to wait and see. In any case, I am ready when the baby's ready.

Bryler woke me up earlier than I wanted to get up. Last night, he ate 12 oz of formula between 7 PM and 5 AM instead of his typical 6 to 9 oz. Needless to say, his diaper was full. But it was worse than that. His [[onesie|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Onesie]] was completely wet all the way up to his chin, and the diaper itself had burst. [[Diapers|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diaper]] are filled with "a mixture of cellulose pulp and superabsorbent polymers". Once filled with pee, they expand to the size of [[BBs|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:BBs_%28package%29.jpg]] and are soft like [[Jell-o|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jell-O]]. Bryler's onesie was completely filled with this stuff and when I took it off of him, some of it got on his head. I managed to clean him up enough to transport him to the infant bath tub. So he got his bath at 7 AM.\n\n----\n\nMom had a cough, so I asked Dad to hold Bryler during the morning choir practice. Bryler was happy with his Pa Pa, pulling his beard like the 4 kids and 9 grandkids before him, and eventually fell asleep peacefully in his arms.\n\n----\n\nWe ate at Arby's with Husband's family. Kelby and Nayna sat side-by-side in their high chairs at our table. First, I got onto Kelby for showing her chewed-up food to Nayna, making Nayna show her food back. Kelby then started kicking her legs (kicking me in the process), which of course, made Nayna kick her legs (kicking Granda in the process). I told Kelby to stop kicking. She did it again, and Husband grabbed her hand and squeazed it and told her to stop. Kelby cocked her head to the side, furrowed her brow, and said to Husband, "Why you being mean? Why you being mean to me? You be nice!" I said something about her not obeying us and that's why she got in trouble. In the car, we explained to her the difference between discipline from Mommy and Daddy and being mean. The nice thing about Kelby being so verbal is that we get to know what she's thinking. The bad thing is that we know what she's thinking. And that means we have to try to explain things that we don't know how to explain.\n\n----\n\nTonight was the church baptism and picnic at the lake, but the kids didn't cooperate with their naps. The baptism was at 4:00. Kelby didn't wake up until 5:00 and Bryler was getting ready for another nap at about that time. So we stayed home.\n\nWhen Kelby got up, I took her downstairs to see Daddy. She took Daddy Ho Ho and Mommy Ho Ho with her. Husband said, "Hi Kelby!" She said, "Hidy...Granda says dat." Husband held her in his lap and said, "You've got Daddy and Daddy Ho Ho". She said, "You look the same!" Then they were making Mommy Ho Ho and Daddy Ho Ho dance when a few minutes later, she said, "Mommy Ho Ho and Mommy looks da same. Daddy.... Daddy! Mommy... Mommy!" pointing to the stuffed monkeys and then at us. My only consolation is that Mommy Ho Ho looks much nicer and cleaner than Daddy Ho Ho. :)\n\n----\n\nYesterday and today, Husband went with me to take the kids for a walk around the block in the [[tandem stroller|http://www.amazon.com/Joovy-Caboose-Stand-Tandem-Stroller/dp/B000GDNW7Y]] we got at one of our baby showers. Bryler loves being in the stroller. He is completely stimulated and we don't hear a peep out of him the whole time.\n\n----\n\nI am sad to say that although we've figured out how to get Bryler to go to sleep, we've also taught him to need the bottle to go to sleep. And when he wakes up at night, he cries until we give him the bottle so he'll go back to sleep. We've decided to retrain him (and us) to put himself to sleep without the bottle. Tonight was our first try. I fed him his first carrots baby food, which he LOVED. He didn't seem interested in a bottle, so we put him down and let him cry for about 10 minutes. I got him up to see if he was hungry. He ate about 1 ounce of formula and seemed disinterested, so we put him down again. He screamed for maybe 15 minutes and fell asleep. It seemed like an hour to me. Then, about an hour later, he started crying again. This time, Husband was distracted by playing with Troy and Lee on the computer, so I was left to agonize through his fits of rage alone. It was painful. I tried to console him without giving him the bottle or picking him up. I think it made him even more angry. He finally went to sleep, maybe after another 15 minutes of screaming. I'm not looking forward to this new training session.

I don't have much to report today. Aunt Nooni and Cousin came over this evening to go through the clothes Kelby grew out of to see if Cousin could wear any of them. Cousin is growing up quick - what a cutie! We had a nice visit. \n\nWhile they were here, Bryler was being really sweet and smiling at me. Aunt Nooni and I both heard him laugh. It was a soft little giggle. Very cute!

When I was putting Kelby in the car, she pointed to Husband's bicycle and asked, "Is that Daddy's?" \n"Yes, that's Daddy's bicycle."\n"Daddy's big bicycle... and helmet."\nNow where did she learn about helmets???\n\n----\n\nBryler has been teething for most of his short life, but he is just now starting to really drool along with gnawing on his fist. I can't say I'm excited about this development.

Bryler slept 6 hours straight again last night, from 12:15 to 6:15 AM. I am hoping for that to happen more and more frequently.\n\nThis afternoon, we were watching the news about the "Massacre at Virginia Tech". I was sitting in the Living Room holding both Bryler and Kelby on my lap. I didn't think Kelby would understand what they were talking about and we were curious about the details of what happened. They showing a clip of President Bush talking about it, then just a news reporter talking about other school shootings in recent years. After about 5 minutes, Kelby said, "Is something bad outside, Mommy?" I told her, "No, there isn't anything bad outside. Everything's good." A few minutes later, I realized that what she said was very strange, so I told Husband that we should probably turn it off and told him what she said. We asked her if she said that because of what she saw on TV and she said, "Yes". So we turned it off. It is sometimes scary how she picks up on things.\n\n----\n\n\nThis morning on my way to work, I passed the spot on the road where J died and Mr. M was injured in the terrible car crash on March 28. Now that I know where the spot is, it's difficult to miss, and I pass it every morning on my way to work. There's a big black spot spreading from the middle of the road to the shoulder, looking alarmingly similar to blood stains although I know it's not. As I do every day, I prayed for J's parents and for Mr. M. Then I started thinking about why J had to die, why the young mother had to die, and - most difficult to understand - why the little 4-year-old girl had to die. And why did Mr. M. have to go through this, his body broken and in pain. \n\nAnd this led to other questions. Why did my cousin's 16-year-old daughter have to find her mother on the couch after a drug overdose, already brain- dead? Why does Husband's 13-year-old cousin have brain cancer, which is now spreading to other parts of his little body? And why do some of our friends have so many trials and tragedies in their life, seemingly one after the other? And why did 32 people die so pointlessly at Virginia Tech today? After much pondering, I realized that I was asking the wrong question. The question is not "Why". We can never understand why. The question is "How". How does God fit all of the world together in His plan? How does one person's death affect those of us still living? How can we live our lives differently knowing how fragile life is? Do we cherish every moment we have with our loved ones? Do we realize how blessed we are to have a even one moment that is care-free? Do I thank God for His daily protection of me and my family? Do I lament potty training when there are some kids who are too sick to get out of bed? Do I take for granted the ability to have children? Will I live my life so that it makes a difference in the world?\n\nJ's parents were back at church yesterday, and they watched Bryler for me while I sang in the choir. There is no doubt that they are still grieving for their son. But I was struck by their ability to worship God. They seemed to draw strength from being in God's presence. The song we sang was more than appropriate for their situation:\n\nBlessed Be Your Name - Newsboys\n\nVERSE 1:\nBlessed be Your name\nIn the land that is plentiful\nWhere Your streams of abundance flow\nBlessed be Your name\n\nAnd blessed be Your name\nWhen I'm found in the desert place\nThough I walk through the wilderness\nBlessed be your name\n\nCHORUS:\nEvery blessing You pour out I'll\nTurn back to praise\nAnd when the darkness closes in, Lord\nStill I will say\nBlessed be the name of the Lord\nBlessed be Your name\nBlessed be the name of the Lord\nBlessed be Your glorious name\n\nVERSE 2:\nBlessed be Your name\nWhen the sun's shining down on me\nWhen the world's "all as it should be"\nBlessed be You name\n\nAnd blessed be Your name\nOn the road marked with suffering\nThough there's pain in the offering\nBlessed be Your name\n\nBRIDGE:\nYou give and take away\nYou give and take away\nMy heart will choose to say\nLord, blessed be Your name

This was an emotional day for me. It seems like the postnatal hormones act up for me about every other day, which in it's severe form is commonly referred to as "[[postnatal depression|http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/health_advice/facts/depressionpostnatal.htm]]". I had similar emotional downs after I had Kelby, but unfortunately, knowing what it is doesn't make it any easier to avoid. Usually for me, it is triggered by something that upsets me and then my mind jumps to other things that get me down. It is a terrible cycle. \n\nFirst thing this morning, I started feeling like I was doing a poor job as a mother. This was triggered by my desire to send Kelby to Granda's house and then feeling guilty about it. After mulling it all over for about an hour, I finally went back to convincing myself that it didn't make me a bad mother to need a short break every other day. Still, it was hard to get out of my blue mood. To kick myself out of that, I started thanking God for Bryler, for Kelby, for Husband, for our house, for my health, etc. I concentrated on Bryler, who was awake for several hours this morning, and I started feeling better. Then I started feeling lonely while Husband went to the landfill to take some carpet off and to Lowe's, so I turned on the TV. On the Learning Channel, I saw a woman having a baby for another couple. When the baby boy was born and he started crying, I cried right along with all the others remembering how special it was when I heard Bryler crying for the first time. Then I watched the movie [[Pay It Forward|http://payitforward.warnerbros.com/Pay_It_Forward/]] while doing some chores. If you've ever seen it, you know that it is very sad at the end, so I boo-hoo'ed over that. But it also makes you think about how miserable some people's lives are and how good you have it. So after gaining perspective, I was feeling pretty good. Kelby came home, and I quickly got frustrated with her over I'm not sure what. So then I started feeling terrible again. Then I took a nap, which felt good. I felt better after that... and I'm hoping this better mood is going to stick for a while.\n\n----\n\nJust a few things that Kelby did today:\n\nHusband made Kelby oatmeal (her usual breakfast when she's at home) and it was the last package in the box. He threw the box away. Kelby noticed and said, "No more oatmeal. Oatmeal all gone."\n\nWhen Husband brought Kelby home from Granda's house, she immediately ran over to show me her new watch that Granda got her. It is very cute and has monkeys on the face and the watchband. She was certainly proud of it. Later, she pointed to her clock in her bedroom and said, "clock" and then pointed to her watch and said, "clock". She also asked us several times, "What time it is?" to ask us to look at her watch and tell her what time it was.\n\nOne of the bouncer seats that we have for Bryler plays some songs - no words - just the tunes. Kelby turned it on and surprisd me by telling me what songs they were after just a few bars of each song. I was really impressed. Some of the songs I didn't know she knew.\n\n----\n\nI often wake up disoriented at night when I hear Bryler cry. I usually hold a pillow when I sleep, and I often think that the pillow is Bryler. It is a really strange feeling. I actually have to look down at the pillow to see if it's a pillow or Bryler. So far, it's always been a pillow.\n\nI had a really hard time waking up to feed Bryler last night. I missed my nap yesterday and got to bed late again, so the lack of sleep must have caught up with me. I am hoping the nap that I took today will make getting up a little easier tonight.

Kelby loves hoods on her coats. She likes to play with regular hats, but doesn't usually leave them on very long. But she'll keep her hood on until she gets hot. She just likes it. And when given the choice between a shirt with a kitty cat and a plain sweatshirt with a hood, she'll pick the one with the hood.\n\nGranda got her a little table and chair where the table-top is a dry erase board. It has numbers at the top and letters at the bottom that are there permanently. She loves to draw on the board and color in the letters and numbers and draw circles with dots in them and then use the eraser to clean it all off.\n\nShe is talking up a storm today, starting when she woke up. A few minutes ago, she said, "I got hangnail... Ow that hurts!" She also sang the B- I- B- L- E song while eating dinner and then said, "At Dada's house I sing B- I- B- L- E!"\n\nHusband made spaghetti yesterday and put some of the ingredients in it that my Dad puts in his spaghetti. We found that it doesn't take much [[Cayenne Pepper|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cayenne_pepper]] to make a big impact on taste. It was a tasty meal, but was definitely more spicy than spaghetti normally is. Kelby likes spaghetti and ate hers up quickly. When she was done, she started fussing. When we asked her what was wrong, she opened her mouth wide and pointed to her tongue. Eyes watering... nose running... it was quite obvious that she was feeling the effects of the pepper. All we could do was tell her to drink some milk. Poor thing... it was pretty funny! When I asked her if she wanted more, she said Huh (yes), but I decided to give her some oatmeal instead. I don't think she's figured out that it's the spaghetti that's causing her tongue to hurt.\n\nKelby continues to say "Huh" when she means "Yes". She is getting better at correcting herself without prompting, especially if she is really enthusiastic about what we're asking her. But she still says Huh much more often than Yes, and I often say, "I don't know what Huh means" and then she'll say "Yes!"\n\n----\n\nI had my weekly doctor's appointment today. Everything is looking fine and the baby's head is still down. It is funny because everyone asks me when I think the baby will come... like I should know or something!\n\nEvery day at work, I make more progress toward getting "caught up", but at the end of the day I think "I might not be back tomorrow" and I try to think of what I need to do and there's always so much more that needs to be done.\n\nI had a "charlie horse" cramp in my calf last night, which is common in pregnancy. I had them pretty often when I was pregnant with Kelby, but not so often with this pregnancy. This cramp last night was terribly painful and I had to jump out of bed and try to walk on it to get it to go away. My calf has been sore in that same place all day long.\n\n----\n\nHusband is still not feeling really great. He has symptoms of a cold - coughing, stuffy nose, drainage, etc. We are praying that he gets better before the baby comes. Kelby, on the other hand, seems to have completely recovered from the strep throat and only has the occasional runny nose. She is doing very well. I have been staying well despite all the people getting sick all around me. We're thinking the super-baby hormones are keeping my resistance up. I thank God! The body aches and ailments are enough to deal with without getting sick!

Kelby said her first prayer last night. Husband had explained to Kelby that Granny's body had died and her spirit was in Heaven. We first talked about death when she asked what a graveyard was when we passed by it, but it came up again during her bedtime story last night. One of her favorite books is her Seseme Street Dictionary, and I think the word was Poison and they got around to talking about death and Granny again. Anyway, Husband prayed and when he was saying thank you for this and that, she added "And Ganny". So when Husband was done, I asked her if she wanted to pray and thank God for Granny. I told her what to say, and she closed her eyes and said, "Dear God, tank you for Ganny... And Aunt Nooni... And..." I can't remember who all she named, but it was her first prayer and it was very sweet.\n\n----\n\nNooni invited me to come eat with her, Nayna, Granda, Kelby, and Bryler at Red Lobster. I had a lot to do at work, but I made it a priority. Husband has gotten to eat lunch with them a few times, and I have been jealous. It was definitely worth it. I loved seeing my babies and spending time with all of them. Nooni & Nance just got back from a trip to Orlando, so I got to hear a little more about it.\n\nAt the restaurant, I told Granda about Kelby thanking God for Granny in her prayer. Kelby heard me talking about it and said, "Ganny's body is dead." Leave it to a two-year-old to say something like that! Granda said, "Yes. But where is Granny?" Kelby said, "In Heaven!" and looked up at the ceiling and said, "Hi, Ganny. Tank you, Ganny, for the food." We tried not to laugh and I asked her if Granny picked out our food for us. She said, "Yes. Beans for me." And we just had to laugh.\n\nMe showing up for lunch was a surprise for Kelby. I was afraid that I might not be able to get off work and didn't want to disappoint her. When it was time for me to go back to work, she wanted me to hold her and she put her head on my shoulder. But she didn't cry, and I was glad of that.\n\nThere was an older couple eating in a booth near our table. I was worried that we were disturbing them, but when they left the man stopped by our table and said that he had really enjoyed watching the beautiful children. Indeed, I was proud of our children. It always amazes me how much joy they bring to not just us, but to others as well.\n\n----\n\nAfter we got Bryler full of carrots mixed with rice cereal followed by 4 oz of formula, we were ready to put him to bed. We'd kept him awake so that he could put himself to sleep. I was holding him in the rocker-recliner in the living room. Bryler followed Daddy with his eyes and then started giggling and squealing as Daddy laughed and talked to him. Bryler was getting so excited that he threw his hands out and back together almost in a clap, leaning closer and closer to Daddy, almost jumping out of my arms to get closer to him. It was great fun to see him so enthralled. I finally put him in the crib while he was still in a great mood. He put himself to sleep without so much of a whimper. A miracle!

Last night, I started to do some research on the Internet about getting babies to sleep through the night. I am doing pretty well with getting up 3 times a night, but I'm having trouble getting up in the morning. This is a concern since I'm going to need to get up about 2 hours earlier next week when I go back to work. Husband would get up to feed Bryler if I wanted him to, but that maternal instinct in me won't let me sleep if he starts crying or anything and there's no use in both of us being awake, so I've just decided to do the night duty and let Husband sleep, especially now that he's getting up early to go to work.\n\nAs for sleep methods, the [[Ferber method|http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/7755.html]] is most popular, but it is recommended for older babies (~6 months old), so I started looking more into the [[Ezzo scheduling method|http://www.gfi.org/java/jsp/article46.htm]], which you can start around 7 weeks old. Both are very controversial, but I think I found websites that gave a balanced review of the main points. I also looked up my records for when Kelby started sleeping through the night and it was early April. If he's like her, I only have a few more weeks of night feedings by just letting nature take care of it. I think that's what Husband would prefer me to do. The nature method is basically, if he's hungry - feed him, if he sleeps, let him. (That was supposed to be a joke. Sorry it wasn't so good - I'm sleep deprived, remember?)\n\nEven though I haven't adopted any new "method", today I started writing down how much and how often Bryler was eating. My goal is to be able know, or have a good idea, whether Bryler is crying because he is hungry or because he's tired or some other reason. I have already found that keeping track of when he last ate is a good idea. Now, when he starts crying, I don't just automatically fix a bottle. I look to see if he's chewing on his fist (a pretty good sign that he's hungry) and if it's been 2-3 hours since he last ate. This hasn't worked perfectly because in the afternoon, he ate smaller portions more frequently and I wasn't sure if he was hungry or not. I'd like to write down his feedings for a few days and see if he's on a schedule or if it's just erratic. I know he's been consistently waking up to be fed every 3 hours at night. If I knew that he always eats smaller portions in the afternoon, I could fix 2 oz bottles instead of 4 oz and I wouldn't be surprised about him crying after 1 hour instead of 2 to 3 hours. Basically, I'm analyzing my child's behavior so I can understand him better - giving me a better sense of control... yea, it's all about me when I get to the root of it.\n\nBryler has been looking at his fist a lot today. I think he's doing that pretty early for his age. It's really funny, though. He puts it right up to his eye, like he's going to rub his eye and then he doesn't. He just holds it just a half-inch or so in front of his eye.\n\nBryler is a big, strong boy. He just doesn't feel like a 7 weeks old to me. Holding him is interesting because he moves his head and shoulders all around, sometimes throwing him off balance. I have to hold onto him pretty tight. Today, I put him on his belly for some tummy time and he was happy for about 10 minutes pulling his head up and turning it from side to side. \n\n----\n\nKelby has not taken a nap all week until today. Every day, I'd put her down for her nap at her regular time, around 1:30, and she'd play in her crib for 2 hours. Of course, I would periodically tell her to lay down and be quiet, but if she's not tired, she just can't be quiet for very long. She didn't cry or anything. She just seemed to be happy to play. But after 2 hours, I let her get up and then we just put her to bed at 7:00 instead of 8:00 and she always fell asleep quickly. But by Thursday, she was getting to be irritable by 5:00 and 6:00. I wondered if she was growing out of her nap, but it just didn't seem right for her to go from 2 1/2 hour naps to nothing all of a sudden. So I figured out that sleeping later in the mornings, and probably the time change, was throwing her off. I woke her up at 7:15 this morning, which is still not as early as she'll have to get up next week. When she got home from Granda's house, she went outside and helped Husband move tree limbs to the burn pile, which really means that she got to ride in the wheel barrow. By 3:00 she started to fall apart so Husband brought her inside and I put her to bed. I told her that it would make her feel better and that she could get warm under her blanket, so she didn't cry and fell right to sleep. Hopefully, she will go back to having regular naps. Naps are good. :)

Today, Kelby was eating in the kitchen and Husband was teasing her from the living room, saying something about sleeping with a bran muffin and she said, "Not sleep, Daddy." He said it again and she replied, "I already told you, Daddy. Not sleep in bed with muffin. Babies sleep in bed."\n\n----\n\nI went to drop off some leftovers at Grandmothers' house to feed to her dog. When Kelby heard I was going, she was excited and wanted to go with me. So we visited with her for a little while. Kelby threw a fit when it was time to leave. Besides wanting to stay, she also had only had a 1 1/2 hour nap - not a good combination. But she didn't cry for very long. On the way home, she was already laughing again. I had a good time with her tonight.\n\n----\n\nI was holding Bryler at my computer and Husband was sitting next to me at his computer. Husband would talk to him and he would smile. Then, when Husband looked back at his monitor, Bryler would squawk at him. Husband would look back at him and talk to him and he would smile again. Each time Husband looked back at his monitor, Bryler would squawk at him again. He's so much fun when he's interactive like that.

I have to tell this story and I hope that Aunt Nooni doesn't mind too much since the story is partly about her. It is just too good of a memory to forget.\n\nOn Easter Sunday, I was singing in the choir and happened to notice the feet of the person next to me, which was Aunt Nooni. I was surprised to see that she had had a pedicure. She had a perfect French manicure - or French "pedicure" in this case - complete with a tiny painted flower on the nail of her big toe. They looked super in her cute, open-toed sandles. I had never known her to have her toe nails done, so I asked her later when she was at our house about the pedicure... and she said that the toe nails were fake! She had gotten them from Walmart after seeing someone else with perfectly groomed (and fake) toe nails! They totally looked real to me.\n\nA few days later, Kelby found a small squarish object and brought it to me. "What is dat, Mommy?" \nI knew immediately what it was. "That's Aunt Nooni's toe nail," I said.\n"Aunt Nooni's toe nail?" \n"Yes. She might want it back, so maybe you can take it to her tomorrow." \n"Okay." \nI didn't think to tell Kelby that the toe nail was fake, and she didn't seem the least bit surprised that she had found a complete toe nail on the floor.\n\nThe next morning, Kelby was prepared to go to Granda's house. She had her Easter basket full of Mr. Potato Head pieces and a large styrofoam egg, which was the substitute for the real Mr. Potato Head, who is currently missing. I put the fake toe nail in a small tupperware container with a lid so that it wouldn't get lost. Then I gave it to Kelby and told her that it was Aunt Nooni's toe nail. She put it in her basket and off we went to Granda's house. All the way there, she talked about Aunt Nooni's toe nail and how she had lost it and how she was going to give it to her. Amidst the gabber, I heard her say something about it hurting, which is when I realized that I needed to tell her that it was a PRETEND toe nail, so that it didn't hurt. She was happy with this explanation and added it to her dialog. \n\nI heard later that Kelby had presented Aunt Nooni with her "Hang Nail". I was not surprised at this. She often tells me about her hang nails, which usually is not a hang nail but ripped cuticles. In any case, it may have been an accurate description for the little piece of plastic - it got hung on something and that's how it fell off. Anyway, the whole thing was quite funny and we got a good laugh from it. And now Aunt Nooni can have a complete set of fake toe nails to show off once again.

Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck on Groundhog Day, or that I'm on a merry-go-round and I just can't get off. Day after day, I'm not wake up and the same projects are waiting for me, untouched from the day before. And every day, I think "Today I'm going to get such and such done." But I never find time to get to it. All my non-kid-time is spent on maintenance tasks, such as washing dishes and bottles, laundry, etc. My pile of receipts that need to be entered into our financial manager Microsoft Money gets deeper and deeper. The baby room still needs pictures hung on the walls. The list of things that I would really like to get done goes on and on. \n\nBut at least I am now finding time to write in my blog and I did get it caught up on that - FINALLY. And last night, I got the rest of the thank-you cards written. So, progress is being made, it's just so slow in coming that it's very frustrating. The thing I have to remember is that this time of staying home with the kids is very short and that my purpose is to spend time with them. And at least I am keeping up with the household maintenance tasks... well, most of the time. So, in that sense, I think I am successful after all.\n\n----\n\nBryler's little bumps on his face have turned into a pretty bad rash. I now do not think it's cradle cap. I think it's eczema. He also fusses whenever he poops. He is clearly uncomfortable. We are thinking that he may be allergic to milk, like Kelby was. We'll have to wait and make an appointment with the doctor on Monday so we can have him tested. If he is allergic to milk, I hope he isn't in too much pain before we change his diet. That will mean that he will have to have a special formula instead of breast milk.\n\nWe gave Bryler his first water bath today. He fussed when we took his clothes off, but as soon as we put him in the water, he calmed down. He seemed to enjoy the water. He was really cute. We got some video.\n\n----\n\nKelby used to want apple juice to drink all the time. A few days ago, while Granda was at our house, we discovered that Kelby liked Apple Milk. It's milk with a little bit of apple juice in it. Sounds gross to us. She doesn't like "regular" milk, but she loves "apple milk". Now, that's all she wants. She prefers it over plain apple juice. Every time I ask he what she wants, she says, "Apple milk, please!" Since we couldn't hardly get her to drink milk before, I think it's great.\n\nToday, Husband tried to fool her by giving her just milk when she asked for Apple Milk. She took a drink and then said, "Dat Apple Milk?" I said, "What do you think? Is it Apple Milk?" She thought about it a second and then she said, "Milk". So, yes, she can tell if you don't put the apple juice in it.

I don't have a lot of time to write today because I have been working on putting away all the new stuff that we got from my shower at work. So much great stuff! And Terri gave us more boy clothes (and some girl clothes that Kelby won't wear for a couple more years) that I went through and sorted. Several of the boy clothes will fit her now, and I don't mind dressing her in boy clothes, so that works out great.\n\n----\n\nJust a few cute things Kelby said today: \n"Daddy, where are you?" \n"Funny turtle" (about a bobble-head turtle).\n"Dis Dada's house 'ight dere" (as we were pulling into Granda's driveway)\n\n----\n\nMy contractions have been more frequent and my discomfort has been greater this evening... crampy feelings in the lower belly region. But I think the contractions might have been more frequent due to my increased activity because when I sat down to write more thank-you cards, they pretty much quit. My back also hurts more than usual - again probably because I've overdone it tonight. I am trying not to get my hopes up that the baby is coming soon because it still may be another week. I hate to be disappointed. So if I keep telling myself it's nothing, then I won't be disappointed... right?

Yes, I've skipped several days of blogging. I have just needed to put other things on a higher priority level this week. However, there are several things that have happened that I really want to remember, so I'm going to try to get most of the good stuff down. I know - it's long.\n\nThe "higher priority" things involved getting a new computer - new to me, anyway. It has been our plan to convert our "video" computer to my personal computer once we got the computer desk set up, so Husband did that for me on Tuesday. On Wednesday, we installed software on my new computer and that always takes time. Then Wed and Thurs I tried to get some receipts into Microsoft Money. I entered about 50 receipts (and that was only about a fifth of the receipts pile!). I also got a 22" wide screen monitor last week. It's super nice!\n\nThen there was enjoyable things to do with Husband such as on Friday, we watched the Stargates and on Saturday, we watched Guardian.\n\nI also decided to work from home for about 5 hours on Saturday. I have two very important deadlines next week and at this point in my career I don't feel that it would be wise to disappoint the President. I appreciated my Husband for not giving me a hard time about working on the weekend. I normally make it a point NOT to bring work home so that I can give priority to my family, and I made sure that I still gave priority to the family first on Saturday and did the work while the kids were taking a nap and then tried to stay involved with the kids while I worked after they awoke from their naps.\n\n----\n\nSaturday was actually a very rewarding day with Kelby. She ate a big breakfast: two waffles and a little bit of cereal! Husband took off the garbage and then cut low-hanging limbs off the trees in our yard. Kelby and I helped Husband drag them to the burn pile. Bryler sat in his bumbo on the back porch. (This didn't work very well because Kika kept bothering him.) During one trip to pick up limbs, Kelby told me that she was going to go "watch her brother" instead and then she called for Daddy to come help when Kika came up there, which I thought was really sweet.\n\nThen we went to the city to buy a hard drive on sale at Comp USA (which they were sold out of) and an MP 3 player for Kelby. Husband thought it would be nice to get her a music player and we found one that was very cheap and had a rebate on it. She received a CD player from Granda for her birthday, but the volume control is hard to work and it never starts at a volume level where you can hear it so it's kind of hard for her to work it by herself. This music player is much smaller and looks kind of similar to Husband's Gameboy, which she absolutely loves. We didn't tell her that we were getting it for her because we wanted to see if she liked it first. She played with it all the way home and she and Husband discussed the stuff they could put on it: Curious George movie, pictures, Kelby's songs, etc. Once we got home, I was getting ready to put her down for her nap and she asked if she could play with Daddy's new music player. I asked Husband, is it "Daddy's player?" He said, "No, it's Kelby's." Kelby's expression was priceless. She immediately lit up and said, "It's mine!" Then, on Sunday she showed it to several people saying, "Look! Daddy gave it to me... It's not Daddy's! It's mine!" She was clearly proud of it, and it's been a lot of fun.\n\nAfter Comp USA, we took Kelby to Toys-R-Us, just because she asked to go there and she had been a good girl. She loves to look at all the toys, and the best part is that she never asks if she can have anything. Maybe she hasn't figured it out that we could actually buy the things in the stores. We've even tried to get her to ask for things, such as a tricycle, but she never seems interested in taking things home with her. She just likes to move on to the next toy and the next aisle.\n\nAfter Toys-R-Us, we stopped at a neighborhood yard sale and got a big box of train set pieces, a book, and a puzzle - all for $2! We threw away about half of the track pieces because they were not complete sets, but in the end there were two complete sets of tracks, a workable battery-powered train engine, about 8 other train cars that attach behind it, a little ticket booth piece, a little toy soldier (which Kelby thought was really funny because it didn't go with the trains) and a small gorilla figurine (a nice bonus to go with her monkey collection). After her nap, the first thing she asked about was her new trains and she played with them for quite a while.\n\nOn the way home, Husband noticed that Kelby was pushing on the screen of her new music player and he took it from her and told her in a scolding voice that it was not a touch screen like the Gameboy and that she would break it if she pushed on it. He had told her that once before, but maybe she hadn't understood him. Kelby didn't say anything, but when he gave it back to her, it was clear that she had her feelings hurt. Her bottom lip stuck out and she turned her head away to look out the window and tried not to cry. But when Husband tried to tell her it was okay, she looked at him and big tears fell to her cheeks, and it was the saddest thing you ever saw. Husband was sorry that he'd scolded her and looking at her sad little face about made him cry, too. But after he reassured her several times, they went back to discussing the neat things they could put on it.\n\n----\n\nKelby had a great potty day. In the morning, I put panties on her without a pull-up and made a big deal about not peeing in the panties. When we went shopping, I put a pull-up on her over the panties, but I didn't draw attention to it and kept reminding her about not peeing in the panties. She kept those panties completely dry until lunchtime and peed in the potty at Chick-fil-a where we ate breakfast and Toys-R-Us! These were the first public bathrooms she's used besides the one at church. When we went to Sonic for lunch, she told us she had to go pee pee, but I took too long in getting her to the bathroom and she had already peed in her panties/pull-up. We called that an "accident", but didn't scold her. Later that evening, she also told me when she had to go poo poo and she went in the potty. I think the pull-ups are too much like diapers to her. Panties give her much more incentive to not pee in them. She did such a great job and I was so proud of her. And I was proud of myself for being dedicated to it all day long. I do believe that she is well on her way to being potty trained.\n\nOh yeah, and it was really cute because the toilet at Toys-R-Us was really loud. It was like an explosion and it scared Kelby. So that was the theme ever time she went pee pee today. She always talked about how the "big person toilet" at Toys-R-Us was "Super Loud!" When she went potty at church and at Jalisco's, she asked me if the toilet would be loud and she wanted me to flush them in case they were too loud and often repeated the story about the Super Loud toilets at Toys-R-Us... ("Remember that, Mommy?")\n\n----\n\nKelby is getting to a scary stage where she will argue with me and sometimes she will use a smart-alacky tone of voice. About a week ago, I was changing her diaper in the morning and she said, "Mommy?" and I said, "Kelby?" (which is a normal response for me). She said, "No, I'm SAYing MOMmy!" She didn't want me to respond to her - She just wanted to say Mommy for the fun of it and she was annoyed that I was responding to her. She said it again, "Mommy?" I responded, "Yes?" She said, "NO, I'm SAYing MOMmy!" This happened once more and finally I said, "Kelby, if you say Mommy, I will respond to you... and you better be nice!" "Okay" she said.\n\nLast Sunday, Husband ran in to Book-a-million and I stayed in the car with the kids. Kelby saw the Dollar Tree store that was next door and she said that it was Toys-R-Us. I told her it was not Toys-R-Us and she argued with me about it.\n"No, it's not Toys-R-Us." \n"Yes, it is! Dat's Toys-R-Us!"\nAfter a few exchanges like this, I just told her not to argue with me and that the Dollar Tree store does have toys, but it's not Toys-R-Us. This time she said, "Okay."\n\nThis morning, she showed me a picture of pink buttercup flowers in her book and asked me what they were. I told her that they were flowers and she just would not believe me. She kept arguing with me and I finally told her not to argue with me and if she didn't want to know what they were, she shouldn't ask me. She finally quit asking. I don't know why she wouldn't believe me.\n\nThese episodes make me worried about her teenage years. I am going to try to tell her not to argue with me a little quicker next time. I don't mind if she questions what I say, but she should not take that argumentative tone with me.\n\n----\n\nKelby has been much more balanced in her affection lately. I mean that sometimes she prefers Daddy and sometimes she prefers me. At times, she will ask for Daddy when she's sitting with me or she'll ask for me when she's sitting with Daddy. I like it that way. I am happy when she wants to be with me, and I'm happy that she also enjoys spending time with Daddy. There are some things that she likes to do with Daddy, such as coloring or playing the Gameboy and there are some things that likes to do with me, such as playing in her room or playing hide-and-seek.\n\n----\n\nBryler likes to get attention from both of us, but he definitely prefers for me to feed him. Tonight, he would NOT take the bottle from Husband and it was very frustrating. He'd try to give him the bottle and Bryler would arch his back and just wail. I'd take him and he'd start eating. I'd give him back to Husband and he'd start wailing. I'd take him back and he'd start eating again. We're holding him in the same position and everything. I even tried shushing him and sitting right next to him while Husband gave him the bottle but it just wouldn't work. Bryler was especially fussy this afternoon and evening. We had to let him cry for about 30 minutes before he finally went to sleep. This after trying to get him to stop crying for 20 minutes. By the end, my nerves were completely frazzled.\n\nFor about an hour when Bryler wasn't fussing, he sat in his bumbo and I put an easter basket full of toys next to him. He entertained himself by picking the toys out of the basket, playing with them, and then moving on to the next toy. That was really neat.\n\n----\n\nGranda went to visit Pa Thursday through Saturday, so Nooni watched Kelby and Bryler for us at Granda's house on Friday. She said that they had a really good time and that Bryler was "so easy" and "so sweet". Kelby pretended to be Granda and fixed Aunt Nooni (who was pretending to be Kelby) some food and then said in her Granda voice, "I have to go poo-poo" and proceeded to go poo poo in the potty all the while pretending to be Granda. On Saturday, Kelby again pretended to be Granda. She was playing in her crib and she said, "I'm Dada. I'm playing the piano." And then she moved her fingers along the crib railing while "playing" Twinkle Twinkle Little Star... "Remember that song, Mommy?"\n\nKelby always amazes us by things that she says or does that seem to be beyond her years. However, she also does things that are very cute and indicative of her age. I enjoy those things just as much. Most of the examples relate to the way she thinks about Bryler. She does not realize that he does not have abilities like she does. One example is when she shared her popsicle with him. Here's another example: In the mornings, I get them ready and then I usually carry Bryler in his infant carrier in my left hand and I hold Kelby's hand as we go downstairs to the car. One day last week, I had too many other things to carry so I took Kelby down first and left Bryler in his infant carrier at the top of the stairs. Kelby said, "Is Bryler coming?" I said, "Yes, he's coming, too." She said, "Is he coming down by himself?" I just laughed. I could just see Bryler jumping down the stairs with the infant carrier attached to his back.\n\n----\n\nToday was Father's Day. I hope Husband had a good one. He really is a great Dad! After church, we went to Jalisco's for lunch with Big Daddy and family. Then we picked up a Home Depot gift card and delivered it to my dad. The rest of the evening was naps, play-time, dinner, bath-time for Kelby, watched a little TV, bed-time for the kids, and Husband and I spent the rest of the evening at our computers. Time flew by as it always does.

Not really a fun day today, but I did get all the receipts entered into Microsoft Money, finally. It wasn't fun because I was determined to get it done, which means working on it for most of the day, and because Kelby wanted to play with me most of the day and she didn't take a nap although I left her in the crib for a little over an hour. Husband worked on sharpening his chain saw in the morning and worked on cutting up the felled tree in the afternoon. \n\nWe did take a break at lunchtime and went to Home Depot & [[Zaxbys|http://www.zaxbys.com/home.html]], so that was good. It was our first family outing with the 4 of us besides going to church, so it was an adventure. At Home Depot, they had a huge shopping cart where kids can sit in the front part and pretend they are driving, with a full sized shopping basket behind it. It was one of those that is so conspicuous that you're almost embarrassed to use it, but I thought that Kelby would enjoy it so I it was worth a try. Kelby sat in the "drivers seat" and I put Bryler's infant carrier in the basket part. Yes, Kelby did like it, and yes it was terribly difficult to navigate around corners, and yes we drew more attention than I preferred, but it was probably the easiest way to shop with 2 kids. Eating at Zaxbys was not bad at all... I fed Bryler a bottle while I ate, and Kelby was being a good girl and ate most of her grilled cheese sandwich that cost way too much. We had planned on going to Walmart for groceries after that, but decided it was just too much trouble with 2 kids in a busy Walmart so Husband just ran in and bought [[TaxCut|http://www.taxcut.com/index.html?otpPartnerID=2402&SID=1478&CID=289727&OfferId=ps_online&omnisource=GGL|CAMP012TaxCut+Brand|ADGP006TaxCut|KWRD006taxcut]] and some infant formula while the rest of us waited in the car.\n\nBy the end of the day, I had discovered two unpaid bills in the pile of receipts, one of which was overdue so I had to pay a $7 late fee. Darn!

Bryler slept 8 hours straight last night. We had a hard time getting him to go to bed. He was having a bad teething night. We'd put him down and he'd sleep for a few minutes and then start crying again. We finally just let him cry for about 10 minutes at 11:00 PM and he slept until I had to wake him up at 7:00 AM so I could get to work. It was the longest I've slept since Bryler was born.\n\n----\n\nKelby really got into her coloring tonight. She was doing something I've never seen her do before. Instead of coloring the pictures in the coloring book, she was drawing circles and squiggly lines. It actually turned out to be a pretty little abstract picture. Daddy told her that she was using the crayon called Asparagus (green). About 5 minutes later, we asked her what color it was, expecting her to say Green. She said "Paragus".

I finally feel like I'm in the so-called "Mommy Club". I didn't feel so much like a "parent" when we only had Kelby - I just felt like a young person with a daughter and I didn't feel a real connection with other mothers based solely on that one common thread. But something changed when we began to talk about "the kids" instead of just Kelby. It's just different somehow. I guess having a second child has made me realize that I know something about raising an infant. I'm certainly not an expert, but I actually feel like I could offer advise to another parent, which I think is probably a requirement of members of the Mommy Club. When you're raising your first child, every step of the child's development is a mysterious unknown. With the second child, it's still fun and exciting to see each step, but it's not so mysterious. \n\nI'm not sure I really like being in the Mommy Club now that I've claimed membership. Don't get me wrong - I love my kids and wouldn't change my life for anything! But it's just a feeling I have when I realize I am a "parent" now. It makes me feel old and boring, like all I have to talk about is what my kids ate or pooped or said today or last week. Looking back on my blog, that's about all I DO talk about! But my life is not really as one-sided as my blog my indicates... is it?

This morning, Kelby was stirring in her bed at her normal wake-up time, 7:30. I went to get her out of her crib and she said, "I ready to get up!" As I carried her into the kitchen for breakfast, I gave her a kiss on the cheek and she surprised me by kissing me back. I said, "I love you!" and she said, "Yes." I asked her if she was going to go to church with Daddy today and she said, "Yes!" Then she said, "Momma go church, too." I said, "No, Momma can't go to church today." Thankfully, she didn't change her mind based on that information. Then I asked her if she wanted oatmeal for breakfast and she surprised me again and said, "No, somefing else." \nI said, "Oh, you want something else?" \nShe said, "Yes." \n"Do you want some cereal?"\n"Ceral. In bowl!"\nSo... this morning, Kelby had Cinnamon Life cereal in a bowl.\n\n----\n\nHusband took Kelby to church with him today while I stayed home with Bryler. He said that she was really good and that she seemed to have a good time. I was really glad that she chose to go with Daddy instead of wanting to stay home with me again. It's good for her to get out of the house, and church is definitely a good place for her to go.\n\n----\n\nI spent a LOT of time with Bryler today. (I am actually holding him right now as I write this.) He was awake most of the day, which I'm not used to. Not only that, but he was hungry like every hour, or at least that's what it seemed. He was much fussier than normal and wanted to be held a lot, perhaps simply because he was awake more, but it could also be that he isn't feeling well. There were a few times when he seemed to be crying because he was distressed and not just hungry. I am anxious to get the doctor to check him out tomorrow to see if he is allergic to milk, which would tear up his digestive system. I was hoping to get a long nap today, but it just didn't happen. \n\nThis evening, Husband went back to church for the evening service. Things were going pretty well until around 7:30 when I started to get stressed out. Kelby was getting tired and pushing my limits and Bryler was crying again. I decided to put Kelby to bed since it was close to her bedtime anyway. For the first time since Bryler was born, I let him cry in his bouncer seat for about 5 minutes while I put Kelby to bed. It was very painful for me to try to ignore his cries. Later, after I fed him yet again, he slept peacefully as I held him close. I cried a few tears as I prayed that he would be alright and not be in pain. I love the little boy so much already.\n\n----\n\nHusband and I painted the walls downstairs during his few hours home between the morning and evening church services. Bryler took his only long nap during this time, so that worked out nicely. The walls look great! It's so nice to see the progress and Husband's hard work beginning to pay off. Next is putting up the trim, then installing the flooring.

Another very busy day at work, but the good news is that we have a temp employee starting on Monday. I consider this to be a personal success as it is something I have been trying to get worked out for several weeks, and it has finally come together. Now I just pray that the temp we selected is a good fit for the position!\n\nMy supervisor took the accounting department out to a birthday celebration lunch at Mimi's Cafe today. There are 6 of us altogether - all women - and 4 of us have birthdays in January. It was nice to get out of the office and talk about non-work stuff for a change. The atmosphere and food at Mimi's is enjoyable, but the service is slow and it's a bit pricey.\n\n----\n\nBaby Boy has been moving around a lot today. I get so used to it that I "tune it out" most of the time. Or I might notice it, but I don't really connect it to there being a baby in my belly. It's as if it were a normal bodily function, like my stomach growling or something. And then every now and then, I think "Oh! There's a baby in there... and he's MY baby! And he's going to come out very soon!" I look forward the most to seeing what he looks like and being able to hold him in my arms.\n\nI don't think any woman enjoys the thought of their water breaking in a public place. I worry about that sometimes and I have an emergency bag in my car in case it happens. I figure the worst place for it to happen would be at work, at a store like Wal- Mart, or while I'm singing in the choir at church. I worried about the same thing when I was pregnant with Kelby, but I went to the hospital with increasingly painful contractions and then they broke my water there. This time, although I'd like it to happen at home, I'd kind of like to have it happen naturally just to experience the surprise and excitement of it.\n\n----\n\nPa gave Kelby a stuffed singing Santa Clause doll for Christmas. She has been playing with it at Granda's house (Husband doesn't really like to hear it - it's very loud and annoying), and she took it back there this morning. She pushed the button and made it sing in the car, and I found it quite amusing that she sang the whole song with him.\n\nYesterday, Kelby all of a sudden started recanting the instructions we gave her about the potty a few weeks ago: "I tell Momma and Daddy and Dada I go poo poo in the potty and not in diaper..." It's funny because she repeats the instructions instead of just telling us she needs to go. Anyway, Husband took her to the toilet and had her sit on it, but she had already poo poo'ed in her diaper. We told her that she did a good job of telling us so she seemed satisfied. At least she's thinking about it and letting us know!\n\nYesterday, I got her little [[potty chair|http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-H0056-Royal-Potty/dp/B000067QMJ]] out of the closet and put it in the downstairs bathroom. This evening, she saw it and wanted to "go poo poo in the potty". We got it out for her and thought she just wanted to sit on it and pretend, but she started taking off her pants. Husband encouraged her and helped her take off her diaper and then he sat on the floor while she sat on the potty for several minutes. She was pretty enthusiastic about it, but she didn't poo poo or pee pee. We told her that she did a good job by sitting there so long and that if she was able to actually poo poo or pee pee in the potty, she could get a treat! After that, she wanted to keep sitting there, but after a while I told her we'd try again another time. I guess she has more patience than I do. The good thing is that she is interested in it and seems to have the motivation - she just hasn't figured out how to tell us BEFORE she goes.\n\nWe haven't really started getting serious about potty training her. We haven't gone to pull-ups yet, and we need to get a toilet seat that she can sit on without us holding her up for the upstairs bathroom and maybe we'll use the little potty chair downstairs. Once we decide to really train her, we'll take her to the potty every hour or so. In the meantime, we're just getting her used to the idea and thinking about what's happening in her diaper.

After dinner, I went to change clothes so I could take the kids on a walk around the block in the stroller - for the 5th day in a row! When I came out of the bedroom, Kelby had gone poo-poo and pee-pee in the potty all by herself. Kelby has not had an accident for several days, and she is pretty good about going by herself if necessary. For her potty treat, I let her take some candy Valentines Day hearts with her on the walk. As we were walking down the street with her sitting facing me in the tandem stroller, I pointed out to her that each candy heart had something written on it. She asked me what one of them said. I read it and told her, "It says, 'GET REAL'". She said without a blink, "I'm real. And Mommy and Daddy and Bryler are real." I just agreed with her and smiled to myself.\n\n----\n\nUpdate on our quest to teach Bryler to fall sleep without a bottle and to wean him off getting fed in the middle of the night:\nBryler has been going to bed alright, crying some but not a long time. But he is waking up again around 3 or 4 AM and instead of giving him a bottle, I go in and rub his back and try to calm him down every now and then. Problem is, it's not helping. The last 2 nights, he's cried for almost an hour straight. And you know I can't sleep when he's crying like that. I've been feeling very fatigued today so I'm going to try to get in bed a little earlier tonight. How long is it going to take him to learn how to go back to sleep without crying for an hour?!

This was my first day back to the regular church schedule. (I went to the morning service last week, but I didn't go to the choir practices or the evening service.) Mom held Bryler and helped me keep Kelby happy during the morning choir practice. Then Uncle Nance and his mom watched Bryler during the music so that I could sing in the choir and Husband could play bass. Mom was a teacher in the toddler nursery with Kelby and she said that Kelby was a good girl and even led the class in marching in a circle when it was time to play instruments.\n\nAfter church, we went to Subway with Husband's parents and "Uncle" Troy. Husband and Big Daddy had fun telling Kelby to say things, like "Please give me 5 dollars, Big Daddy" or "I want some chips please, Daddy".\n\nWe put Kelby in the crib to take a nap and planned on taking one ourselves, but she wouldn't go to sleep. Husband was able to sleep through her talking over the baby monitor, but I couldn't. I was really frustrated because I was going to have to keep her happy during choir practice and she doesn't obey very well when she is tired. I considered staying home, but I was feeling my impatience rising and thought it might drive me crazy to be home alone with the kids, so I decided to go. I am really glad I did. Kelby wasn't too bad in choir practice. Mom let her go through her purse for the millionth time. But the evening worship & prayer time was excellent. Husband had told me that he'd felt God there in the evening services in the past weeks. It seems that music and worship and prayer go well together. I was prepared to leave if Kelby or Bryler started being difficult and Husband would ride home with his parents, but Kelby fell asleep in my arms about 15 minutes into it and when Bryler started fussing, Mom took care of him...turns out he just wanted to be held. My feet were killing me so I sat down on the pew and held Kelby. I felt God's presence as I hadn't felt it in months. And I felt peace. Sitting there with my kids and my parents, letting the music soak in, it was like God took his finger and just touched me lightly on the forehead and all the worries melted away. I was thankful that I had come. I left feeling full and refreshed.

Kelby has a remarkable memory. She is also more attached to her "Purple Blanket" than I realized. I believe this is one of the blankets that Grandmother made for her before she was born. It is very heavy with a silky side and a wool side, and probably too warm for this time of year, but she wants us to cover her with it every night. Last night, we decided it was time to wash her bedclothes. She was not happy at all about going to bed without her Purple Blanket. I finally got her to pick an alternate blanket - she picked another purple one - with the promise that we'd wash her Purple Blanket and have it ready for her to sleep with tomorrow.\n\nNow, back to the memory part of the story. We were playing night-night in Kelby's bed this evening. Her Purple Blanket was in the dryer so she was using a pink blanket, the alternate purple blanket, and a green blanket as substitutes. I couldn't remember where the green blanket had come from. It had been in the cabinet for several months. Kelby remembered, though. She called it "Daddy's blanket". "Dat was Daddy's when he was a little boy." Of course, after she said it, I remembered. How can she remember stuff I can't even remember?\n\n----\n\nBryler slept 7 hours last night. Not the 8 hours of the previous night, but it was still much better than normal because he slept from 11 PM to 5:30 AM and I didn't have to get up in the middle of the night to feed him.

Bryler is coming right along. Yesterday, Husband saw him try to put his pacifier back in his mouth about 3 times. He's not really grabbing it with his hands, but he's pushing it with his fist. Last night, I watched him kick himself from his back to his side. His hair is growing. It's about an eighth of an inch all over his head. We had thought it was blond, but it's actually looking a little reddish to me now. Once it gets a little longer, we'll be able to tell a lot better. I still love the way his velvety head feels, especially after a bath and lotion.\n\nHe's thrown up once every day this week and we don't know why. But he's not had a fever. \n\nHe slept 6 hours again last night. This time, it was the first half of the night: from 9:30 PM to 3:30 AM. This is the first time he's done that.\n\n----\n\nToday while walking with E, we talked about stuff we like to fix for dinner. She said that she loved the rotisserie chicken from Food City. It sounded so good that I went there after work and picked one up. I got the BBQ kind. I was really good. Yummy. We had it with Julianne potatoes (from a box) and corn (from a can). Kelby ate a serving of each and then had seconds. After a few minutes of her first plate, we heard her saying "Ummm!" \n\n----\n\nI have really enjoyed work this week. I have been busy, but I've been able to work on things that I haven't been able to get to in months. I am taking over more responsibilities, and I love being able to refine the processes and get things more organized. Improvements are what I live for. And I think the Travel policy may get released next week! Yes, the travel policy that was supposed to be released last July 1st is still haunting me. But I see the end of the tunnel and I find that very satisfying. The pieces are finally coming together.\n\n----\n\nRandom thought for the day: \nThe following two sentences technically mean the same thing (I think):\nHe is Jewish.\nHe is a Jew.\nBut the two sentences mean something different to me when I hear them. "He is Jewish" means "He is of the Jewish faith" to me. People who are Jewish go to a synagogue and celebrate [[Hanukkah|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanukkah]] instead of Christmas.And "He is a Jew" indicates his ethnicity. I think of "a Jew" as someone who lives in Israel and is the opposite of a Gentile. On the other hand, Christians don't have two different versions because there is no Christian ethnic group. Another thing about the word Jewish. If you say it over and over real fast, it sounds like a totally different word. It's just a funny word to me. I work closely with several Jewish people, and I find that they are surprisingly tolerant of our Christian traditions (Chirstmas, Easter, etc) and have accepted them as more of a cultural phenomenon than a religious observance. It is very interesting. It has made me realize how ignorant I am about the Jewish religion. Jewish is a religion, right... Just like Islam and Christianity are religions?

I called the doctor first thing this morning and asked about the rash Bryler has and whether it could be caused by a milk allergy. He said that a common rash at this age is caused by "cradle cap" and then he described what the rash looks like, and Bryler's rash looks just like what he described. As for being fussier, the rash can be uncomfortable so it could cause a baby to be fussy. So that's the doctor's diagnosis and we're just supposed to keep applying lotion to the affected areas. I thought it was cradle cap when it first started showing up on [[14 February 2007]], so my first inclination was correct after all. The doctor said that the major symptom for a milk allergy is diarrhea and bloody stools, which he doesn't have. Cradle cap is more of a cosmetic problem so it's much better than having a milk allergy. It's just annoying, and I hate to see his beautiful face plagued with those ugly little bumps. But I have kept lotion on it today, and it's already looking a little better this evening.\n\nBryler slept more today than he did yesterday, but he still wanted to be held a lot and had some fussy periods. I carried him around in the Bjorn carrier this evening, which he seemed to like a lot and allowed me to get some work done while holding him. He is really growing. I weighed him at 10 lbs today. He's definitely longer, too. He's grown out of the preemie outfits that fit him when he was born because he's too long for them.\n\n----\n\nKelby sings the BIBLE song very well, with pretty good pitch and close to the correct melody. "B I B L E, Yeh dat book for me, (voice going higher and louder...) I stan ah ah, da da- da- da-, Deh B I B L E!" It's much cuter to hear it than to read it. Today, she started singing it while she was eating a piece of pizza. Husband suggested, as a joke, to sing "The B I B L E, Yes, that's for Uncle Nee..." Of course, she repeated it back to him just like that. Then she said, "How about Uncle Toy?... (then, singing...) B I B L E, Yeh dat book for Uncle Toy..." Then, "How about Da-da?..." and she continued to sing the song for Big Daddy, for Mamma, for Pebby, etc. Well, she's definitely creative.\n\nGranda brought us a pizza and Crazy Bread with Crazy Sauce from Little Caesar's tonight. I got a kick out of Kelby when she pointed to the bag of Crazy Bread and said Bed. I couldn't understand what she was saying, so I pointed to all the things on the table until I got to the bread, and that's what she wanted. I was surprised that she knew there was bread in the bag. I gave her a piece. Then she said, "Dip!" I understood her that time. :)\n\n----\n\nI think I am making progress on getting Kelby to listen and obey me. I feel that in order to be an effective mother, this is very important. And it will certainly go a long way toward reducing my frustration with her. I know that this is normal for her age, but she has selective hearing. She just ignores me when I say something she doesn't want to hear, like "Come on, it's time for bed" or "Don't touch the toilet paper until after you've tinkled." And I don't want to have to yell at her, although that does get her attention and she obeys me better if I yell. But if I start yelling now, it will just get worse as time goes on. I yelled at her to get her attention once today, and I decided that I'd have to change something. It just didn't feel right. \n\nSo I have been observing Husband, who she is much more responsive to than me. He doesn't try to reason with her or "convince" her to obey. If she doesn't do what he says, he spanks her. Simple as that. But since she obeys him pretty well, he doesn't have to spank her very much. So, this evening, I have tried to change the way I communicated with her. For things that I wanted her to obey me on, I told her in a firm voice what to do instead of suggesting what to do or trying to convince her to do it or reasoning with her. And if she ignored me, I gave her one swipe on the bottom. When I did this, it got her attention and she actually obeyed me without fussing, which was a miracle. The one swipe on the bottom did not really feel like I was spanking her, so I felt comfortable with it. My nature is very forgiving and I don't like to spank her, but I believe that she needs to be spanked when she is disobedient.\n\nI am learning that parenting is a technique. In the same way, discipline is something that you can learn to do well even if it doesn't come naturally. I have no problem with the nurturing/loving side of mothering. The discipline is much harder for me. But I think I can learn how to do it. At least I am going to try.\n\n----\n\nHusband got most of the crown molding up today. Next, he's going to level the floor in the closet and start installing the laminate flooring. He's really anxious to get started on that. We're praying very hard that all his efforts on leveling the floor will pay off because if it's not level enough, the floor will buckle and then it'll be an awful job to try to fix it.

Funny things that Kelby said today:\n"Momma, p'ease I take baby's house ah Dada's house?" (talking about a doll house that she calls the Baby's House because she plays with a miniature plastic baby in it, which was actually a cake topper at my baby shower)\n"Bye bye, Momma. I be back in bit." (pretty self explanatory)\nWe tell her that her name is K- K- Kelby so that she will say Kelby instead of Pebby. This is her response: "K- K- Pebby! Dat's me!"\n\nWhen she started saying her name about a month ago, I was so pleased. She was saying lots of other things long before she would say her own name, and it was so cute the way she said it! Husband started calling her Pebby and she would say, "No, not Pebby... Pebby!" It was really funny. However, I noticed that, after a while, when Husband asked her what her name was, she would hesitate and look kinda embarrassed. I suspected that she didn't want to try to say it because it wouldn't come out right and she would get teased. So we stopped doing that, and she no longer seems to be self conscious about how she says it. We still try to get her to say it with the K sound, but we don't call her Pebby (um... unless it slips) or tease her about the way she says it anymore. I still think it's really cute the way she says it.\n\nIt is funny how the things that she says are picked up by the people around her. For instance, Cousin is often called "Nayna" even by her own parents, we often say "Taint Tyoo" for Thank You or "P'ease" instead of Please, and I now call all monkeys "Ho- Ho's"... not to mention Kelby's naming of "Aunt Nooni", which will probably be her permanent pet name within the family circle.\n\nThis morning, when I dropped her off at Granda's house, she blew me two-handed kisses and said Bye Bye, but she also said "I 'ov oo" with the sign language -- without being prompted. It was very sweet! Nothing like that to melt a Momma's heart. It put a smile on my face as I left.\n\nThis evening, we told Kelby about her birthday party that she is having tomorrow at Grammy & Pa Pa's house. She seemed to understand all of it and was very excited. When I asked her how old she would be on her birthday, she knew that she was turning 2 - I think Granda has been working with her on that. She can't form the "2" sign with her pointer and middle finger, so I showed her how to put up both pointer fingers next to each other to show that she was turning 2.\n\n----\n\nToday at work, I spent most of the day in my "manager" role: sending instructions for the temp who starts on Monday, revising the payroll processing schedule, checking a payroll, meeting individually with all the staff to decide what new duties the accounting assistant will do once the temp is trained, setting up new account codes in the accounting system, and many, many emails. It was a satisfying day. There is still much that can be done if the baby delays, but I am also ready if he comes this weekend. I even forwarded my phone before I left just in case.

\nBryler slept from 8:30 PM to 5:55 AM! That's 9 1/2 hours. If he woke up, he did not cry! I got to sleep from 10:15 to 5:45. It was glorious. Are we making progress or was it just luck? I'm going to choose Progress! And I'm hoping for more sleepful nights.\n\n----\n\nAn episode with Kelby to remember:\n\nBackground - Husband reminded her this afternoon that she had to ask before she could go upstairs or downstairs.\n\nKelby and Husband were done eating before I even started because I was feeding Bryler while they ate. Kelby got down from her booster seat and hung out upstairs for a few minutes. Before we knew it, she was downstairs. Husband went down and spanked her because she hadn't asked first. He brought her back upstairs and she dissolved into great big sobs, the type of crying that comes when her feelings are hurt and the world seems to be coming to an end. I was in the kitchen eating at the bar. Husband was in the living room on the couch.\nShe started to come toward me crying, "Mommy". This is always hard to resist, but I know that I cannot let her run to me when she gets in trouble. She's got to deal with Daddy and resolve it with him. If I try to comfort her, it will undermine the discipline that Daddy gave her. After the lesson has been learned (at least temporarily), the comforting has to come from the one who gave the discipline to let her know that he/she still loves and accepts her. \nSo I say, "You can't cry for Mommy. You went downstairs without asking. You have to go to Daddy."\nKelby, still sobbing, went in the living room.\nHusband: Still firm, but softening his tone of voice, "I told you that you can't go downstairs without asking. Are you sorry?"\nKelby: "Yes... I'm sorry." Still crying, she went back in the kitchen and started to come toward me again.\nMe: "Are you wanting a hug?" I was going to tell her to go get a hug from Daddy.\nKelby: "No... Daddy Ho Ho." At this point, she's whimpering and I can hardly understand what she's saying.\nMe: "You want Daddy Ho Ho? Where is he?\nKelby: "Down-tairs." \nMe: "Go ask Daddy then."\nKelby walks over to Daddy and whimpers, "Daddy Ho Ho."\nHusband: "I'm not Daddy Ho Ho."\nMe: "Kelby, ask him properly."\nKelby attempts to compose herself, takes a deep breath and says with the highest level of seriousness and earnestness possible and with her big tears still fresh on her face, "Can I go down-tairs and get my Daddy Ho Ho?" It was arguably the most pitiful thing I've ever heard. And one of the funniest. Husband and I both tried very hard not to laugh in front of her. I had to turn away completely.\nHusband, who was no longer the slightest bit angry at her, said, "Sure! I'll go down with you!" And he did. I was glad, because by this time I was laughing so hard that my eyes were full of tears. \nA few minutes later, I heard Kelby playing and giggling with Daddy downstairs.

I didn't feel very good yesterday. It started around lunch time - feeling nauseated and weak. Thinking back on it, I've realized something about myself. I don't like for anyone to know it when I don't feel good. I pretend like I feel fine unless I'm forced to explain why I need to go home or sit down or something. Yesterday, I didn't tell a soul except Husband. I guess I figured it wasn't important for anyone else to know. I don't really need their sympathy. However, I do enjoy Husband's sympathy. :-)\n\nI felt bad all evening, too, so I went to bed early - at 9:30 - slept a full 8 hours and woke up feeling normal again. I believe this is the longest I've slept since Bryler was born. I am thankful to God that I was not sick this morning. It would not be a good week for me to miss work. The deadlines are looming, and I have an important lunch with the company president tomorrow. \n\n----\n\nKelby is doing excellently with the potty training. Yesterday she only had one accident and today she only had two (all of them pee pee accidents). Of course, we don't count nap-time or bed-time yet. She wears a pull up during nap time and a diaper at night. Although tonight at 9:15, she called to me through the baby monitor to say that she had to go pee-pee so I ran upstairs to take her to the potty and she really did have to pee. Very soon, we are going to have to move her to a toddler bed so she can get up and go to the bathroom by herself. I know that most kids her age have been in beds for months, but we've not had a reason to move her yet.\n\nAfter dinner, Kelby asked if she could feed Bryler. So we let her. Why not? It was really cute. Bryler had his first applesauce yesterday and seemed to like it much better than the rice cereal. Anyway, we showed Kelby how to only put a little bit of applesauce on the spoon and to tap the side of the spoon on the bowl if she got too much. She did it just like we showed her, often tapping the spoon on the bowl to get just the right amount to feed to Bryler. Then she put it right in his mouth and he smacked his lips and ate it up. I think he enjoyed it as much as she did. Kelby did a really good job feeding her baby brother.\n\n----\n\nI am ashamed to say that this is the first time I've remembered to pray with Kelby before I put her to bed. I've been meaning to do this for months, but I always think of it during the day and never at bedtime. I think that the problem is that we've gotten into a bedtime routine and once the routine starts, we just carry it out without thinking much about it. I also always envisioned sitting with her on the bed to pray like my mom used to do with me and since she's still in her crib, I couldn't think of how to do it. I told Husband about this a few days ago and he said, "We can just hold her and pray for her. We don't have to sit down." Duh. I'd never thought of that. So that's what I did tonight. I prayed to Jesus first and thanked him for Kelby and Bryler and for a good day. And then she asked me to pray to God so I prayed again and thanked Him for Kelby and that she was doing such a good job using the potty and for being with Kelby tonight. She liked it and wanted me to pray some more. I told her we would pray more tomorrow. \n\nGod is so good to me.

Today was my first day back in the office. I got up at 5:40 AM and managed to get myself, Bryler, and Kelby ready and at Granda's house by 7:10. I got teary-eyed when I got in my car to leave because Bryler was being sweet, smiling and cooing when we talked to him. I hated to leave him. I'm used to dropping off Kelby, but leaving my little boy was new and difficult. At the same time, I felt that same peace that I felt [[last night|18 March 2007]] and I realized that the anxiety I described on [[March 7th|7 March 2007]] was gone. I still hope that Husband quits his job soon (unless he miraculously starts enjoying it), but for now I think the arrangement with Granda is good, a blessing in fact.\n\nLet me tell you something about Granda. When I was in the youth group at church, (before I started dating Husband), we had a very active youth choir and Granda, who played the piano, went with us on all the choir tour trips and was there for most of the practices. As a young piano player myself, I really looked up to her. But she was more than that. I didn't know her very well, but I was always a little jealous of the girls who got to hang out with her because they would always be laughing and having such a good time. She was a role model - always faithful, always happy and positive, always showing love to her kids and the other kids in the youth group. If you told me back then that she would someday be my mother-in-law, I would have said you were crazy. And if you told me that she would someday help me raise my children, I would say that it was more than I would hope for. That is how blessed I am.\n\n----\n\nWork was good. I several hours with my supervisor to decide how to move forward with staffing and distribution of responsibilities, especially since two ladies in our group are going to be on maternity leave in the next few months. It was a very productive meeting, but I started to get a migraine around 2:00 and it kept getting worse. On the way home, the migraine was bad enough that it was making me feel sick. I took some Tylenol, but it didn't help. I had the headache all evening. It's weird. I haven't had a migraine since before I was pregnant.\n\n----\n\nHusband gets off work before I do so he would normally pick up the kids on the way home. Today Husband picked up Kelby when he got off work, but he was planning on working in the yard, so he left Bryler at Granda's house and I picked him up when I got off work. When I saw him, he looked so big, especially his head! I know that sounds funny, but at first I actually thought his head had grown while I was at work. But of course, I just hadn't realized how big he was because I had been with him constantly for days. Being away from him for almost 10 hours and then seeing him again, it was shocking how big he was. At the same time, I was sad because he showed no sign that he recognized me. He wouldn't even look at me. Seven weeks of staying home so he would bond to me and he didn't seem to even know me. I joked that maybe he was mad at me for leaving him, but it really did hurt my feelings just a little. Silly how things like that can mean so much.\n\n----\n\nTroy came over to help Husband cut up the willow tree tonight. It was amazing how much work they got done in a short amount of time. They cut and split the tree into logs, loaded them into Troy's truck, drove around the house to our back yard, and then unloaded them onto the burn pile- so much faster than using a wheel barrow. It was super nice of Troy to help. He stayed and ate hot dogs with us and then held Bryler for over an hour while we watched some TV.

Kelby wanted to take Daddy Ho Ho to Granda's house today so she could push him in her play shopping cart. Unfortunately, Daddy Ho Ho didn't make it home with Kelby and we didn't realize it until bedtime. \n\nWe ate late, and she was so sleepy that she almost fell asleep in her high chair. Everything was going pretty good until we went to put her in the crib and Daddy Ho-Ho was not there. We tried to give her the stuffed giraffe or her other monkey, George, to sleep with but she just wailed. We thought she'd fall asleep quickly since she was so tired, but I think being so tired made it worse-- she just couldn't handle it and kept getting more and more upset. It killed me listening to her cry at the top of her lungs, "Daddy Ho Ho!... Daddy Ho Ho!" \n\nFinally, I went in there and tried to convince her that "George" loved her and that Daddy Ho Ho was just spending the night at Granda's house, but she just wouldn't stop crying and saying "Daddy Ho Ho!". I've always read that attachments are healthy and that kids naturally grow out of them and decided that it wouldn't hurt to go get him... No reason for to have unnecessary trauma when Granda lived just down the road and she wouldn't want Kelby to cry like that. I called her to tell her we were going to come get Daddy Ho Ho and she said that she was planning on going out to put her car in the garage anyway so she could drop him by. I told Kelby that we were getting Daddy Ho Ho and she said okay and quit crying. A few minutes later, I was able to give him to her, and she was so happy and wrapped her arms around him and laid right down and went to sleep. Seeing her so happy made me happy, too.

It was a good day. We went early to Mcdonald's for breakfast and then to Walmart. At Mcdonald's, we didn't have to wait long for our food. After we ate, Husband took Kelby to the indoor playground. It was completely deserted and that was good because Husband had to get inside the play area to help Kelby climb to the top of the slide. The slide was a long and windy one. As far as I know, Kelby has only been down a few short, straight slides before. I was surprised and pleased that Kelby went down the big slide all by herself with Husband waiting for her at the bottom. We've decided that this is THE time to come to Mcdonald's. \n\nAt Walmart, Husband let Kelby ride the merry-go-round while I went through the line. This is something we don't normally do, but she really enjoys it and I figure it's a lot cheaper than going to an amusement park so a quarter here and there is a worthy spend.\n\n----\n\nWhen we got home from Walmart, our neighbor was just leaving from picking up the chopped wood that remained from the trees Husband cut down. We were saving it because our neighbor's son-in-law will use the wood in his fireplace. Husband went out to talk to the neighbor for a while and I let Kelby play outside. When Husband finished talking to the neighbor, we started talking about the poor condition of the flower bed next to the carport and decided to get rid of the flower bed and plant grass there instead. So we did. It took a couple of hours to pull up the mesh cloth that was under the dirt to keep the grass from growing, settle the dirt back, pull up the last remaining azalea bush in that bed - it was mostly dead - and haul off the weeds and roots in the wheelbarrow. (We also pulled the weeds in another flower bed. It is pretty much a dirt bed right now. We haven't decided what to plant in it.) While we were doing all this, Kelby looked for worms, pushed her toy cars down the sidewalk, and sprinkled water out of a water bottle to "plant seeds". Bryler was outside with us in his bouncer seat for about 30 minutes, but then he got hungry and fell asleep after we fed him. We left him inside in his swing and took the baby monitor outside in case he woke up. Around 12:30, I brought Kelby inside and gave her a much-needed bath while Husband planted the grass seed and covered it with hay. I was excited to finally get something done with that flowerbed. I like flowers, but not enough to have 5 flower beds! We don't have the time to keep up with flowers right now. It shows. We don't have a single flower planted. There are just the bushes that came with the house. Bit by bit, we'll do something with the remaining flower beds. One bit down, many bits to go.\n\n----\n\nI let Kelby eat lunch in the sunroom. That's when I noticed a swarm of flies IN the sunroom. Many of them were dead and sprinkled all over the floor, and another 20 or so were still flying around in one corner of the room. We were baffled for a little while and then Husband figured out that they must have laid eggs in the grease pan under our grill when we accidentally left it outside for 2 days. We vacuumed up all the flies with the shop vac, and Husband cleaned up the grease trays, so we hope to have eliminated that problem. \n\nSpeaking of bugs, we had a little bit of a scare because we saw about 4 winged ants in the kitchen and thought they might be termites. But after doing some research on the Internet, we think they were just winged ants and not termites. Now that we know to look for a segmented (bent) antenna and a skinny abdomen, I'd really like to see another one just to be sure. We're going to go ahead and treat the ground with the chemicals anyway.\n\n----\n\nAfter lunch and a shower, we all took a nap. I remember laying on the couch and feeling very happy and blessed. Even when Bryler woke up shortly after I laid down, I was still content and enjoyed giving him a bottle and then both of us slept a little while longer with Bryler breathing softly against me.\n\n-----\n\nAfter our naps, we worked on laundry. A whole weeks' worth of clothes and towels needed to be folded and put away, but we got it all done. All the while, we played with Kelby. She got quite a bit of attention today, and she was a good girl most of the time. Bryler was also good. He wore dark burgundy overalls with a dinosaur on them and a striped shirt and was absolutely adorable. His hair does seem to be coming in a reddish color. It is still really short and light-colored, so it's probably too early to tell for sure. I can carry him on my hip now. I remember the first time I was able to carry Kelby on my hip. It was something I'd imagined doing someday - a motherly thing, carrying a baby on the hip. Hitting that milestone with Bryler is just as special.

Today on the way home from work, I thought about what my friend said yesterday about wishing he'd waited until his oldest was in Kindergarten before having his third child. I calculated up how long that would be for us. Kelby will go to Kindergarten in September of 2010. Husband would be 35 and I'd be 34. That's not too old, I thought. \n\nWhen I got home, I talked to Husband about his thoughts on the subject and he said he still would want to have the third kid in about 2 years. I asked him if he thought we could handle 3 kids, and he said, "We'd have to." Then I asked him if he would rather go on vacation with 2 kids or with 3 kids, and he said 3 kids. And we both agree that if we had a third kid, we would never regret it because we know we'd fall in love with him/her. But if we didn't have a third kid, we might regret it someday. That's the thing. I don't want to be 40 years old and think, I wish we'd gone ahead and had another kid. So right now, it seems like we're leaning toward having another one in about 2 years, although I think I've convinced him that 2 1/2 years would be nicer (please not another January birthday!).

Something happened at work today that made me realize that the way I think about the value of workers is different than the way others think about it. I don't value what positions of power people have had, what lofty titles they may have had, how many people they supervised, or how many success stories they can tell. I don't even value degrees or experience - and let me explain what I mean: I have known too many people with degrees and more years of experience than I've been alive... who can't properly fill out an expense report, who can't communicate worth a hoot, and who, based on their work performance, I wonder how they ever passed a single class! And yet there are those rare people who do not have any degrees, with very little experience, who perform at a level of excellence beyond my own expectations. I think it is a travesty to pay the better worker less money simply because they don't have the degree or experience. Give me a worker who can do the work, and let me pay them what they're worth! Bottom line: I don't care what you SAY you have done - I only care about what you SHOW me you can do. Since I've invested a lot of time and effort into my own education, I clearly value it. But education and experience are only valuable if it means that you have more knowledge, and that it interprets into something practical to the job you are hired to do. OK - I feel better now. :)\n\n----\n\nI failed to mention an important milestone in Bryler's development. He can hold his own bottle! He's started trying to hold his bottle a couple of weeks ago. Last week, he started being successful as long as the bottle wasn't too full. He hasn't quite figured out that you have to hold the bottle at an angle to get the milk to flow down, though. But it's really cute to see him holding it and, of course, much more convenient when trying to get two kids ready to go to Granda's house in 15 minutes in the morning!

This morning, after over a week of spending the day with Kelby, I went back to work. I had to wake her up at 6:45 instead of letting her sleep 'til she woke up naturally, which is usually 7:30ish. She was cute and groggy. While putting her socks on, she put her hand to her ear and said "I hear dog". Sure enough, the dog across the street was barking. I said, "Yes, I hear the dog, too." She said, "I hear dog... across the street". Never heard her say that before! What a smart little girl.\n\nI dropped Kelby off at Granda's house like I always do on my way to work. This time, though, she cried when I left. That's not normal. She is usually very cheerful to wave me off, blow me kisses, and say "Bye, bye, Momma!" and even sometimes "I 'ov you!" I guess she had bonded with me during our 10 straight days together and didn't want me to go. It was sweet... but I hated to see her cry. She still said "Bye, bye, Momma" and "I 'ov you", but I'd rather see her happy than to get in my car and watch her go back in the house crying against Granda's shoulder.\n\nGranda didn't have Kelby's cousin to watch today, so it was just the two of them. They went to Target. Granda called me from there and said that when they got there, Kelby recognized the store. She said "Tahget!" I am not surprised when she recognizes Wal- Mart, where she's been a bajillion times in her life...but Target, where she's been just a handful of times? What a smart little girl.\n\nI called Husband on my way home from work and he said that Kelby had wanted to go downstairs and play. So they did. He said she put Mr. Potato Head's glasses on her face, which she did a yesterday and discovered that we thought that was pretty cute. It was still cute, so Husband still laughed. Then she put one of Mr. Potato Head's ears in her ear. If you're not familiar with Mr. Potato Head, the pieces are sticks with body parts at the end. Husband started to laugh at her and then realized that it was not a good thing to encourage. He told her very seriously that we can't put things in our ears because it could hurt very badly. He said she seemed to understand. \n\nThen she wanted to play with her [[Aquadoodle|http://www.aquadoodletoys.com/]] that she got for Christmas, and that's what they were doing when I got home. It's funny because I think she likes to say "Aquadoodle" more than she really likes to play with it. She says it a lot when she's playing with it. Actually, she prefers for someone else to do the writing or drawing and she watches. She plays pretty well by herself, but she really prefers someone to play with her (namely Momma, but Daddy will also do, especially when Momma's not home)....\n\nShe wears me out wanting to play with me all the time. I say this just to be honest. I actually wish she pulled Husband to her bedroom to play saying "Com'on Daddy!" and insisted on getting in his lap every SECOND he's on his computer just to give me a little break! I do get frustrated sometimes and wish she'd go play by herself for a while... but I just can't stand to ignore her. She's my little girl and I'm at work all day, so the least I can do is play with her for the 3 hours we have between the time I get home and she goes to bed. We have figured out that it is the fact that I am so responsive to her that makes her come to me instead of Daddy most of the time. It is the mother instinct. We went through a stage a few months ago when she was perfectly fine-- playing quietly by herself and completely happy-- until I got home. Then she would be fussy and clingy all of a sudden even if I played with her and did what she wanted me to do. I had to learn to flat ignore her when she did that. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. She would eventually just break down and cry and cry because I wouldn't pick her up or answer her. It was awful. A few times, I ended up crying, too. But I had to do it. After a few days, she learned that I would ignore her when she fussed like that and she started doing much better. I still think she is more fussy with me than with Daddy, but it has never gotten that bad again. I hope it never does. I just have to remember not to be TOO responsive to the wrong things. And don't worry, Daddy plays with her, too - he just gets to play with her whenever HE wants to play with her... lucky dog! I am just too soft to say no when she looks up at me with her big brown eyes and says, "Com'on Momma... Please?"\n\n----\n\nI went to the doctor today, and the verdict was good. Baby's head is down and he's in position to come out without a c-section or trying to push him into position. Hurray! Husband and I were correct that he had dropped. Crummy news is that I tested positive for Group B streptococcus ([[GBS|http://pregnancy.about.com/cs/groupbstrep/a/aa101397.htm]]) bacteria. It's found in about 25% of women, who usually show no symptoms, but it can be passed on the the baby and possibly make him sick, which is very bad for an infant. The nurse said it only happens to less than 1% of babies, but they will give me an antibiotic during labor to help prevent passing it to him and will keep us in the hospital 48 hours after delivery to make sure the baby doesn't show a fever. And the pediatrician will want to monitor the baby more closely.\n\nI also asked the nurse about the chances of the umbilical cord wrapping around his neck and causing brain damage, which my Mom told us last week was the cause of brain damage of a girl about our age that we used to know. After Mom told us, she said, "I probably shouldn't have told you that". Uh... yeah. Husband especially worries about things, and now this is a new worry. However, the nurse told us that it is very rare and that we shouldn't worry about it. I think the baby will be fine and I think Husband is also feeling better about everything now that the baby has dropped.\n\nI'll now have to see the doctor every week until Baby Boy is born. Sounds like a lot, but since it's only about 3, maybe 4, more weeks, that's not too bad! We just continue to pray that the baby is healthy, both mentally and physically. And my hope is that I don't tear too badly, or preferably not at all, during delivery. And I hope my water doesn't break when I'm at work or at the store or something. That would just be too embarrassing. Just a few hopes to end the day with. I'm glad that God loves us and will take care of us.

Today was strange without Kelby. The electricity went off around 6 AM and we can't sleep without any noise and then Bryler woke up at 6:15 so we went ahead and got up. We left at 7 AM and got breakfast at Mc Donalds (where I remarked that it was sad that Kelby wouldn't get to play on the playground) and then we went on a little shopping spree. We never would have shopped for that long if we'd had Kelby with us, so it was nice to be able to do that for a change. It was also fun to spend more time with just Bryler. He was a really good boy and I enjoyed getting him out of his infant carrier and carrying him around on my hip in some of the stores. This is the first time we've spent a good amount of time with just him without Kelby. It felt strange because I remembered what it was like to have "a" baby, but it wasn't "the" baby I remembered. And there was always the nagging feeling that something was missing. Or in this case: someone.\n\nWhat did we get on our shopping spree? Brackets that hold the two counter-top pieces together, 4 pairs of jeans and a shirt for Husband, one pair of earrings, stomachs full of Buddy's BBQ, a slush from Sonic for Husband, and some groceries. In our typical style, we did more looking and discussing what we should get than we did buying. We looked at media players, books, computer chairs, rugs to protect our new flooring from the computer chairs, and wide-screen monitors.\n\nWe didn't get to watch a movie in the theater as we had planned because Mom had a birthday party to go to, but we rented some movies and watched [[Pursuit of Happyness]] on our home theater, which is really just as good.\n\nIt was a good day, but I didn't get anything that I'd hoped to accomplish done. Not a single thing. The finances are way, way behind again and now that we're getting the computer desk set up, I really need to get the piles of receipts put away. And there are loads of laundry to do. And all the same far-off goals of books to read and CMA to earn. But the important thing was taken care of - spending time with my husband and son. \n\nWe also got to talk to Kelby on the phone a few times. She is fun to talk to on the phone. We can actually have conversations! She is an impressive little 2-year-old.

We took the kids to the doctor today. Bryler just had his 1 month check-up and 1 shot and Kelby also got a shot, which I think is her last vaccination. Bryler was 10.6 lbs (75%), 22 inches long (75%), and 50% for head diameter. Both kids cried a little when given the shot, but they both quit crying pretty quickly. I think Kelby was proud of her band aid. She kept wanting to look at it all day long.\n\nThe top of Bryler's head, where he's lost his red hair, now has a fine layer of hair that looks blond. He's also starting to get the dandruff part of cradle cap. But the bumps on his face are doing much better. He still has a little bit of goop in his left eye, but it's not too bad. The gurgling congestion at night continues, and the doctor says that it probably won't go away until it starts warming up outside and we no longer need to heat the house.\n\n----\n\nSandra bought Bryler two new outfits, and he wore one of them today. He looks adorable in it. This may sound stupid, but I think it's easier to be patient with an adorable baby. I enjoy holding Bryler more when he's wearing a really cute outfit than when he's wearing something I don't care for. I tried to figure out the psychology behind this, but I don't think I want to know. It probably means that I'm shallow and materialistic.\n\n----\n\nI took Kelby outside to play today, the first time I've done that in a while. She really loves it out there. She played with her shovel, pail, and sieve. I had Bryler in the Bjorn carrier. It was warm outside, but the wind was quite cold, so I tried my best to keep him warm and protected from the wind. Kelby was pretty well behaved until we came back inside and then she started to forget how to listen to me.

Bryler noticed Kika, our cat, for the first time today. I took him and Kelby out to the front porch while Husband trimmed the lawn with the push mower. Bryler's little head was going back and forth and back and forth following either the cat or Kelby running from one end of the porch to the other. He would get excited when the cat came close. Very cute!\n\nBryler's hair is growing, but I still can't tell what color it is. It's driving me crazy. I just look and look and I decide it's blond... no, it's light brown... no, it's red... no, it's strawberry blond. I think that it's a mix of colors right now. If I'm a little patient, I think it will become evident.\n\nI finally watched the 2 short videos that we got of Bryler just after he was born. The battery ran out in our camera after that and we didn't get any more video (at least not on that camera) until he was home from the hospital. But the neat thing was that it was really the first time I'd seen this play out. When those videos were taken by Husband, I was in the hospital bed and I was totally distracted by the after-birthing activities. I do remember Husband saying, "Looks like he's got your hair!" and me looking to over to see and realizing that it certainly DID look red. I also remember the relief I felt. Husband started videoing as soon as the baby was taken over to the heat-lamp, which was JUST after he was born and had given us such a fright because he wasn't crying or breathing and was turning pasty-purple. Of course, I was also struck by how little he was and how different his face looks now that he's filled out.\n\n----\n\nKelby came home saying "uh-huh" instead of "ess" (yes). It was kinda cute, but I know that it's going to get old really quick. I much prefer a strong yes over a uh-huh.\n\nGranda bought Kelby a really cool tool-set complete with hammer, screw driver & screws, multi-tool, pliers, power drill, and skill saw (which Bryler loves because there is a light on the "blade" that goes round and round in a hypnotizing way) - of course they are all plastic, but it's all pretty impressive nevertheless. I understand she played with it most of the day.\n\n----\n\nI got to eat lunch at Ryan's with my parents and younger sister, A. Dad retired earlier this year so it was neat that he was able to join us. We had a jolly good time. A's kids are school-age now, and as we discussed Kindergarten graduation, it struck me how mature and motherly A has become. I am proud of my little sister. A is taking her 2 young 'uns to Disney World this summer to celebrate her youngest's birthday. I can't wait to take our kids to Disney World someday.

This evening, we decided at the last minute to go to the Gondolier that's opened up nearby with Granda and Big Daddy. It was really busy, so we had to wait about 30 minutes for a table. Kelby said, "I want to eat." I said, "We have to wait until we get a table." She said, "I want a table so I can eat."

Kelby went to Granda's house today. They went outside and Granda asked her if she wanted to hold her hand to go down the stairs. She said, "No. I'm fine." Later, she asked her again and she said, "No, I'm just fine." Granda said she sounded just like me. Later, she gave something to Cousin and Cousin, who is just starting to talk, said thank you. Kelby said, "Granda, Nayna said Thank you!"\n\nAfter her nap, we opened the door to go downstairs and she say Bryler sitting in his bouncer seat at the bottom. She said, "Dere's Bryler! Bryler ah wait for us!"\n\nKelby is a good big sister. She likes to put the pacifier in Bryler's mouth and to hold the bottle. The funny thing is that she doesn't realize that she has to hold the bottle long enough for Bryler to eat. Today, I was helping Husband and Bryler started fussing so I asked her if she wanted to feed him. She put the bottle in her mouth and before he had time to suck on it, she said, "All done!" and took it back out. It was pretty funny.\n\n----\n\nI put Bryler in his bouncer seat with the attachment on it that plays music. When I turned it on, he said, "AH!" It was the first time he's made a sound like that. Later, he made a few noises that sounded kind of like the beginning of babbling. \n\n----\n\nHusband started installing the laminate flooring downstairs today. I helped a little and Big Daddy helped a lot. So far, it looks really great! It's very exciting.

I am now getting anxious for the baby to come. It feels like he never will. I am frustrated at not knowing when it will be and not having any control over it. I don't think I would feel this way if everyone assumed I'd wait until the due date to deliver. Every new day at work, people are like "Wow, you're here." As if I shouldn't be there. It's as if everyone thinks the due date is a deadline and that if the baby actually waits that long, he's LATE. Being late never feels good to me. Missing a deadline is a failure. But this should not be the case for a baby. He should come when he's ready and not feel any pressure to meet a deadline. And the same goes for the mother who has been carrying the baby for so long. \n\nI know that I, of all people, should not complain. My poor mother carried me a whole extra month later than my due date. Talk about being late! I could not imagine having to wait another MONTH for this baby to arrive!\n\n----\n\nToday we celebrated Kelby's birthday at my mom's house with 6 of her cousins, her parents, 3 aunts, 1 uncle, and her Grammy and Pa Pa. Her birthday is actually the 28th, but I didn't want to wait that long since the baby's due date is the 24th. \n\nOnce everyone arrived, Kelby opened presents and got some very nice gifts that I'm sure she will really enjoy. Then the kids played while I baked some chicken nuggets and french fries. Around 11:10, we ate. Along with the chicken and fries, we also had chips & dip and [[uncrustibles|http://www.smuckers.com/fg/otg/uncrustables/default.asp]]. When Kelby finished eating, we put 2 candles on a cupcake and sang Happy Birthday. (Kelby helped me bake the cupcakes this morning.) She loves to blow out candles, but I think she was conscious of all the eyes on her and it took her a few minutes to blow them out. But she finally did, with a great big blow for the last one, making it a dramatic ending. Then I let her pick some sprinkles to decorate the cupcake with and she dug in enthusiastically. The rest of the kids finished up eating and then they all got a cupcake to decorate with sprinkles or icing "pens". The older kids really got into it, with sprinkles thicker than the icing! I was pleased that they enjoyed it so much. After that, it was 12:00 and time to clean up. Kelby didn't want to leave. She was having too much fun playing with her new toys. The party went very well, I thought. I am really grateful to my parents for letting me have it at their house, and hopefully we didn't leave it in TOO much of a mess!\n\nWe went home and gave Kelby a nap. Husband and I sat around and talked and relaxed. When Kelby got up, it was time to get her ready to go to another birthday celebration - mine (my birthday is tomorrow). Granda and Big Daddy treated me to dinner at [[Johnnie Carino's|http://www.carinos.com/]], complete with a yummy dessert. Aunt Nooni, Uncle Nance, and Cousin also came. It was a very nice meal. I really enjoyed it.\n\nAfter dinner, Husband wanted to buy me a birthday gift, and I decided to get an [[Xbox 360|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xbox_360]]. I am more interested in the media capabilities than the gaming, but Husband will enjoy the games and maybe I will play some, too, especially since I'll be at home all day long for several weeks once the baby arrives. We picked it up at Wal- Mart on our way home, but I haven't got to see it in action yet. Husband plugged it in and it doesn't work. Now we'll have to take it back and exchange it. What a pain!\n\n----\n\nAunt Anna gave Kelby some books that came with CD's, and we listed the the Nursery Rhymes one in the car when we went to dinner. She especially liked the song that goes "The wheels on the bus go round and round..." She kept asking for us to play the "bus song" over and over. She listened to it about 4 times in a row and then said, "OK, turn off now." Funny.\n\nHusband read Kelby "Little Red Riding Hood" as her bedtime story. What an awful story for children! He emphasized the "not talking to strangers" lesson and glossed over the killing of the wicked wolf. At least this version didn't have the grandmother get eaten up! Afterward, Kelby put her head on Daddy's chest and let him rock her in the rocking chair for a few precious minutes before we put her in bed... premium snuggle time! She cried a little when we shut her door, but she seemed to be consoled by having a new "Baby Ho- Ho" to accompany her to bed, which was a gift she received at her birthday party.

My lunch meeting with the company president went as well as I had hoped, which just means that it happened and wasn't a complete flop. It is hard to measure it's success because she is very hard to read, but I found out the information I was seeking. She is planning on hiring a part-time CFO to train and mentor me over the next 2 years or so. She was concerned that I would be upset about this, but I am not. I feel that God knows what's best for me right now, and there are several reasons why I see this as an improvement upon what I had hoped to happen (me being the CFO myself). As Chief Accountant or Director of Finance, I should still get a healthy raise with much less responsibility and expectations than I would have as a CFO, and I would have someone that I can continue learning from - hopefully someone who has a wealth of experience to draw from. And I will still be in charge of all the accounting functions, which is what I feel very comfortable with. I am excited and optimistic. I can hardly believe that in only 4 more months, these things will start to fall into place. November seems much farther away than that, but it's not. Only 4 months away.\n\nMy happy mood is influenced by the fact that T and I were able to produce the financial statement packet complete with comprehensive Notes in only 3 days - actually 2 days since I was often distracted by other tasks. When I see improvements like this, it is so rewarding!\n\nAlthough it was a good day, it was quite stressful and I started to get a migraine by the end of the day. So I took an [[Excedrin Migrane|http://www.drugs.com/excedrin.html]] on my way home from work. My headache went away within the hour, but about 2 hours later, I started having an upset stomach. This is the 3rd time I've noticed upset stomach after taking Excedrin. I did some research and found that Excedrin has [[aspirin|http://www.drugs.com/aspirin.html]] in it, and that can cause an upset stomach. Crummy.\n\n----\n\nBig Daddy made Kelby a wooden walker 2 years ago because all the walkers in the stores were too high off the ground for her feet to reach the floor. She loved her walker immediately. Nayna used it next and she also enjoyed it. Today, it was passed down to Bryler. Granda called me to tell me that he was so pleased by it that he giggled as he made it move across the floor. They got hardwood floor several months ago, so the walker works even better now. I picked up Bryler on my way home and I brought the walker home with me so we could see him in action. He definitely enjoyed it better than laying in the bouncer seat and was going all over the place in it. It was so cute. Kelby paid a lot more attention to him when he was in his walker. He was more on her level, and being able to move around made him both more visible and more interactive. I had to watch her with him, though. She was also not being as gentle with him as she usually is.

It was back to the former craziness of work today, working on 10 things at once and barely keeping up, but not enough work to overwhelm me... Just as I like it. :)\n\n----\n\nBryler is starting to stand up and hold up his weight very well, of course with us holding him up for balance. He's also looking at his fist at a farther distance from his face now instead of putting it right up to his eye. I gave him my fingers to hold and pulled him up from a laying position to a seating position a couple of times. Then from an inclined position I gave him my fingers to hold and pulled so that there was just a slight amount of tension and he would respond by pulling some of his weight up a little bit without my help. He's a strong little feller.\n\n----\n\nToday, while Kelby was sitting in my lap, she pointed to the picture of me in my wedding gown that's on the wall in the living room and she said, "Dat's Mommy!" (Hey - several people have seen that same picture and asked who it was.) She looked at it a little while longer and I explained that that was when I was getting ready to marry Daddy. Then she pointed again and said, "Mommy fixed her hair!" I asked her if she liked my hair in the picture and she said yes. I wonder what she thinks I do to my hair now!\n\nKelby says "dank" when she wants something to drink. This is an improvement. Before, she called it "dat" and I often confused it with "that". I'd ask her what she wanted and I'd think she was saying, "That", so I'd look around for what she wanted and, finding nothing, ask her again what she wanted and she'd say "dat"! If this went on too long, she'd get tired and just do the sign language for drink. Then I'd feel silly and get her something to drink.\n\nTonight was fun. Kelby fell asleep watching TV with Daddy when she got home, so he put her into bed and she slept for about 2 hours. Having her nap put her in a better mood than normal and she was laughing a lot and it was just fun.

Bryler was good during the singing for Jane today. He was happy until he fell asleep in her arms. It is neat to look over and see his cute little self in the audience while I'm singing in the choir. I am so used to seeing him up close in my own arms. It's different to see him being held by someone else. It makes me proud. I think, "That's MY baby."\n\n----\n\nI had forgotten about the baby shower for Jane's daughter-in-law that was at 2:00-4:00 today. Fortunately, Big Daddy had driven separately than Granda. He rode home with Husband and he let me borrow his car. After church, we went out to eat and then we split up. I took Bryler to Mom's house to pass the time before the shower and Husband took Kelby home to take her nap. It was nice to spend some time with Mom & Dad, and I also got to see M & T and their kids. The shower was fun. We just sat around and talked and everyone made over Bryler, who was very cute. We didn't have choir practice so I got home in time for a little nap.\n\nHusband said that when he was putting Kelby down for her nap, she said, "I miss my brother."\n\n----\n\nUncle Nance took Kelby and Nayna outside to play on the playground during the evening worship service and Mom watched Bryler, so I got to sing on the worship team. Kelby had a grand time. It's nice that it's still light outside at 7:30 PM, and very nice of Uncle Nance to watch her.\n\n----\n\nHusband just told me that 693,416 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows books have been pre-ordered on Amazon.com so far. Can you imagine that many books?! I just cannot even fathom it. In just a few minutes, it will be 693,417 because we're probably going to pre-order as well. I'm 1 book behind. Better get reading...

This morning Husband decided at the last minute to go to a gun show with Troy. He's been wanting to get a gun for home security, and he ended up getting a pump riffle at a bargain. (We plan on keeping the gun unloaded on a high shelf in our bedroom closet with bullets close by in case someone tries to break into our house.) After the gun show, they went to Home Depot to buy the wood to build the computer desks to complete the downstairs renovation project. Then they went out to eat. So it was about 2:00 by the time they got home. I had a good time with Kelby and Bryler, but I missed having Husband around. \n\nI had planned to go to Babies R Us and Kohls that evening, but Husband discovered that his tires were bald, dangerously. He took the Honda to Sears and I followed with the kids in the Scion so that he wouldn't have to hang out alone for two hours. When we were picking the car back up, I was in the Scion feeding Bryler a bottle when he suddenly vomited all over himself. We had to change his clothes and clean him and the car seat up in the parking lot while he screamed. \n\nThis was not how I planned on spending my day and I was frustrated about not getting to go to Babies R Us, but that's life I guess.\n\nOn the way into town, I told Kelby that we were going to listen to some new songs. I had bought a kids CD at the Dollar Tree earlier this week, but we hadn't had a chance to listen to it. They were nursery rhyme songs so she liked it immediately. "Here we go Round the Mulberry Bush" is a song on another one of her CD's. When it came on with the new CD, she looked shocked and excited and said, "Mommy! Do you remember this song, Pop Goes the Weasel?!" She was very impressed that there was another version of the song. \n\nThe next time we were in the car, she wanted to hear her "new songs". I was already tired of the new songs, so I put in an older nursery rhymes CD, thinking she wouldn't be able to tell which was which. No, she knew right away and insisted on listening to the NEW songs. As soon as I put the new CD in, she was content. The girl knows her songs!\n\n----\n\nBryler said, "Ma Ma" today. He also reached out and touched the comforter that's on the wall next to the changing table when I changed his diaper. I think this was the first time he's reached out for something.\n\n----\n\nWhen Husband came home with the gun, he showed it to Kelby and very seriously told her that she should never touch it because it could hurt her worse than anything else in this house. I was listening from the other room, and when I went in there, Kelby was looking at the gun as if it would jump out and grab her. As soon as she saw me, she wanted me to hold her. Then we told her that if she ever saw a gun sitting out somewhere, she should tell Mommy or Daddy or Granda and not touch it. I think she got the idea.

Kelby went poo-poo in the potty at Granda's house today. She said, "Uh oh! Poo-poo!" and Granda got her to the potty just in time. She got a "Big pink treat" and was so proud of herself.\n\nGranda gave Kelby a doll-size playpen/high chair/swing/stroller set to go with the baby doll Husband and I gave her in the hospital when Bryler was born. She really likes putting the parts together and moving the doll from piece to piece. She is much more interested in playing with the accessories than with the baby itself.\n\nThere is a music video that comes on the Disney Channel by Corbin Bleu. It's the song [["Push It To The Limit"|http://www.lyricspy.com/169765/Corbin_Bleu_lyrics/Push_It_To_The_Limit_lyrics.html]]. It's a very "pop" song, not like the nursery rhymes and other children's songs she knows, so it was very funny when she started singing along with the the video when it came on TV a few weeks ago. I learned some of the words just so I could sing it with her when it'd come on. Today, we were watching a show called Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide, and Corbin Bleu had a cameo role in it. I recognized him, but I didn't remember where I'd seen him before. A few minutes later, I heard Kelby singing the Push It song. I didn't recognize him, but she did.\n\nI've been meaning to mention this for several weeks. I love the way Kelby says Okay. It is more like 3 syllables when she says it, with a southern drawl: "Oh-kah-ee".\n\nKelby's been complaining about it hurting when we change her diaper, so we figured out that she has a yeast infection. I called the doctor and got a prescription for her. \n\n----\n\nLucas sent me an email about my [[Groundhog Day|17 February 2007]] post. He mentioned that people like us make it worse by writing out long, grand lists of things that need to get done. (I actually haven't written a list of things to do since Bryler was born... but there are lists in my head.) I thought about this for a little bit and realized that the problem is not the lists, it's the PERCEPTION that there is a lack of progress. And I realized that my expectations were simply too high. For the past few days, I have been whittling down my list bit by bit. So, I now only expect to get ONE thing done (besides the "maintenance" tasks that need to be done every day). With my expectations being more reasonable considering my current situation, I should be able to meet or even exceed my expectations for progress. If I listed all the things I have completed in the past few days, I am actually doing pretty good. This week, I've gone through our stack of papers and sorted them, I've finished sending out all the thank you cards, and I've set up my computer upstairs (since we had to take everything down due to the downstairs renovations) so that I can work on finances and pictures, which is hopefully next on my list. So I'm changing my perspective. I'm still not getting a WHOLE lot done, but PROGRESS IS BEING MADE. If only I can remember that. :)\n\n----\n\nBefore I left on maternity leave I told everyone in the accounting department to feel free to call me if they had any questions for me. For the first time since I've been out, I finally got a call from E yesterday. She is the one who is taking on most of my duties while I'm out. She asked me a question about recognizing revenue on one of the most complicated contracts the company has. I was so relieved to find that I could remember how to do it. It felt like I was waking up a part of my brain that had been in a deep sleep for a long time. Maybe that's kind of what was happening. Although I am the same person at work as I am at home, I have a distinct role there. Being away from work for so long feels almost like a part of me is missing. It was also good to talk to E again, who is a really great friend. I have lots of good friends at work, and it feels weird not talking to them everyday. E told me that a couple of them want to come visit me next week. I'm looking forward to seeing them, showing off Bryler, and hearing about what's been going on at work.

I turned 31 years old today. I don't really keep track of how old I am anymore. I guess that's weird, but it's just not that important to me. If someone asks me old I am, I have to think about it and I usually ask Husband to make sure I'm right. I think of myself as being around 27 or 28 years old. I know this because when I see someone on TV or meet someone around that age, I think of myself as being their age. It surprises me when I realize that I'm actually older than that.\n\nMom & Dad took Husband, Kelby, and I out to lunch at Applebee's after church. It was a very nice meal with enjoyable conversation. I also got 3 birthday-wishing phone calls from out-of-town folks: from Uncle Nee, Lucas, and Pa. All of the calls were unexpected and much appreciated!\n\nI had exchanged the Xbox 360 for another one that morning, so we tried it out when we got home. Unfortunately, it also gave us a System Error. Things like that drive Husband crazy until they are resolved, so he took it back to a different Wal- Mart right then and there. We picked a different Wal- Mart in case the other one just had a bad shipment of them. By this time, I was really praying that our 3rd one would work! Nothing more frustrating than buying something that doesn't work, and then exchanging it for another one that doesn't work! Thankfully, the 3rd one worked fine. We didn't have any time to really do anything before returning to church, but it did at least boot up, and I was relieved.\n\n----\n\nWhile Husband was gone to Wal- Mart, I tried to take a nap, but my heart was beating too fast. You just can't relax when your heart is beating like that. I rested for 15 minutes and then gave up. On the way to church, I told Husband about it. He was much more concerned than I was and had me take my pulse. It was 104 beats per minute. After choir practice, it was still about the same, so I paged a nurse from the doctor's office (who never returned my call) and then Aunt Nooni got in touch with Husband's aunt, who is a nurse. After we went through a list of symptoms that I didn't have, she felt that it was not anything that would harm the baby, but that I needed to lay down on my left side (better blood flow on that side) and relax. She also thought that I was probably dehydrated, which could make it worse. \n\nInstead of going to Sunday School, Husband got me a Sprite and I laid down on my left side for a while on a pew. The heart rate went down to around 88 beats per minute after around 45 minutes. Honestly, I would have rather gone to Sunday School. I was tired, but I didn't feel THAT badly. I was more irritated than anything else. I have had this type of thing several times when I had hyperthyroidism. It feels like you just finished exercising and your heart rate is up. The only thing is that it stays up for hours.\n\nI sang on the praise team as I had planned (Mom watched Kelby for us), but I did sit down in a chair while I sang during the last half of it. Even without the heart rate problem, relieving my feet is a good thing. At the end, they have prayer time, and the Music Pastor had everyone pray for me. I was a little embarrassed, but I could never turn down prayers! Husband was also thankful for them.\n\nAfter church, I got extra pampering from the family. (No, don't carry this or that, etc.) When we got home, Husband had me lay down -- and watch the Colts win the playoffs! -- while he fixed me dinner and fed Kelby. It is strange and nice to be pampered like that, but I don't like feeling useless. Husband let me help put Kelby to bed, so that was a relief. Her bedtime routine is something I enjoy and I would hate to miss it while I lay on the couch!\n\nI can already predict that I will have a hard time taking it easy after the baby comes. I like to get things done and I hate sitting around while others do things for me.

We met my parents for breakfast at Mcdonald's followed by a trip to the flea market, also with my parents. It was the first time we've tried the flea market with the kids, and I realized pretty quickly that it wasn't the best idea. I'd brought the tandem stroller, but Kelby was quick to jump out of it at the first sign of toys. There were a lot more toys than usual and Kelby wanted to play with all of them, stepping on whatever was in her way and throwing them aside without reverence to try out the next toy. After a few aisles, I passed her off to Husband because he is better at controlling her. Bryler was happy enough in the stroller, but he wouldn't keep his hat on and I was worried about the sun. It was pretty funny how quickly he'd reach up and grab the hat off his head. I'm talking seconds. I gave up after about 15 times of putting it back on his head. Fortunately, Grammy had brought some sunscreen. I bought Bryler a few infant toys for 25 cents each and Kelby went home with a book that Grammy bought her. We also bought a Columbia Waist Wallet to use on our Alaskan Cruise for $5. We left when it started to get hot and the kids were really getting tired.\n\n----\n\nI spent the afternoon sorting and cropping pictures so that I can share them on [[Snapfish|http://www.snapfish.com/]]. Although I enjoy working on pictures, it is a daunting task. I am so behind. I've only sent out one batch of pictures since Bryler was born, and that was when he was only 1 month old! I had the pleasant problem of having too many great pictures. Bryler is smiling his charming, irresistible smile in just about every one! It's so hard to choose between them.\n\n----\n\nKelby continues to get in trouble by pushing the limits or ignoring what we say. It is very hard to figure out how to be balanced - how to give her just the right amount of independence while maintaining healthy boundaries. She learned the word "brat" today. After getting a spanking for throwing a fit for no good reason, I explained that we didn't want her to be a brat so we have to teach her not to cry and throw fits and several other examples of how brats act.\n\nAfter their nap, we went to Walmart to do some grocery shopping and to pick up a Little Caesar's Hot -N- Ready pizza. We split up, which is the normal routine when all 4 of us go to Walmart. But I usually take Bryler to the groceries while Husband takes Kelby to the electronics and toys. This time, I took Kelby. I don't even remember why. Maybe because Bryler was sleeping and I thought Husband might like a little break to enjoy himself in the electronics without keeping her in [[rein|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rein]]. Anyway, Kelby was really great. We had fun together looking at the food and having discussions about what to get and singing [["1, 2, 3-4-5, once I caught a fish alive..."|http://www.uptoten.com/kids/boowakwala-world-fish-count.html]] together which is a song I'd never heard until the Kelby songs. The shopping cart seat pinched the back of her knee and so we changed the ending of the song to "...because it bit my knee so, which knee did it bite, this little knee on my right!"\n\n----\n\nWe fed Bryler Sweet Potato baby food yesterday and Banana/Grape/Plum baby food today. He likes them both. Kelby has decided that she likes baby food again. Every time I feed Bryler, she wants some. I usually let her taste it after I'm done feeding Bryler and she ends up eating the rest of it. So far, it's just fruits and vegetables. I have a feeling she won't be so keen on the baby food meats.\n\nBryler can sit up without support for a few minutes now. He's still pretty wobbly, but is improving. He's also taking another lead in development. He will grab at anything that's within reach. We're having to watch him in his walker. Kelby had some stickers on a book shelf. Before we knew it, he had a sheet of stickers in his hand, covered in drool. So we're having to move everything out of reach now. And watch out if you're holding him and trying to eat or make a bottle or anything of that nature. I was trying to pour Kelby some juice in her sippy cup and each time I started to pour, his little fingers ended up right in the stream of juice. And he's so alert and looking all around at everything, especially if you're carrying him somewhere or pushing him in the stroller. When I see him looking around like that with his bright eyes, I think, "Look at my smart little boy!"

I had another satisfying day at work. I finally finished the indirect budget. I am so proud of it, like it's a work of art or something! Or maybe an elaborate trail of dominos would be a better analogy, where knocking one domino down causes the next to fall, and the next, and the next... It's all in Excel - 7 separate files, each with several spreadsheets, all linked together in a crazy circle. But it works! I can change one number and it will automatically recalculate all the rates. I've also built in check figures to make sure nothing gets out of whack without me knowing it. And believe me, it would be easy to do. Deleting one row in the first spreadsheet could cause the whole thing to screw up. Anyway, it's cool. :) The finance meeting also went great today. There were very few questions, which means that I did my job in presenting it in a way that made sense.\n\n----\n\nBryler rolls from his back to his tummy with ease now. And he usually doesn't stay on his back for long. But he doesn't like to stay on his tummy long either and I have yet to see him roll from his tummy to his back. Granda has seen him do it, but maybe he's forgotten how. Not long after he gets on his stomach, he fusses until we roll him over or pick him up. I remember Kelby doing this for a little while until she started rolling herself back over and sitting up.\n\nBryler must be going through a growth spurt. He's been waking up hungry in the middle of the night again. I've read that this often happens during a growing spell.\n\n----\n\nIn the past 2 days, Kelby has started telling me not to do stuff. "No, don't say dat." "Don't do dat, Mommy." "Stop, Mommy. Stop!" And I'm usually not doing anything unusal at all! Like when she says something to me and I respond to her, or if I sing with her, or if I do a silly dance to make her laugh. I've tried the tactic of ignoring her when she says it, but it hasn't worked. Today, I had enough of it and I told her to quit telling me not to do things. Amazingly, she didn't do it anymore tonight. I think she's testing me to see if I'll do what she tells me to do.\n\nWe've remembered to pray with her 3 nights in a row now. I can't think of much to say other than, "Dear Jesus, thank you for Kelby and Bryler and Daddy and help Kelby to have a good night." Sometimes Husband chimes in and helps me out if I can't think of anything else to say. Kelby closes her eyes with me as I hold her, and she is always smiling when I open my eyes. I think she likes our new bedtime routine.

I weigh 149 lbs now. That means I have about 20 more lbs to lose. I was reminded by a co-worker that when you quit breastfeeding, it is harder to lose weight because producing the breast milk burns a lot of calories - even more calories than growing the baby during pregnancy. To make up for the end of that activity, you have to either stop eating as much or start exercising. I hadn't really been eating extra in the last few weeks, so I can't cut down too much on the eating. So I've I started back with the walking routine with E at work. We walk around the commerce park loop, which is about 1 mile. She is pregnant now and I haven't been exercising, so we struggle together up the big hills. It's nice to get out of the office and fun talking with E about all her life drama - she always has some. :)\n\n----\n\nThere is a road that we often take on our way into town that is curvy and is heavily wooded on both sides of the road. A few weeks ago, I was driving this road and it looked like a tornado had just passed through. The trees lining the road were mangled something awful. After a little while, I figured out that this was not due to a natural phenomenon. The next time I drove down the road, I passed up the machine as it was eating up the trees. It was basically a huge rotating blade with a shield to prevent the bits from spewing into the road. It ate up the limbs and just left the pieces on the side of the road. I was furious. I'm not really a tree hugger, but I certainly don't appreciate seeing a mess of mangled trees for miles and miles along the road! It's obvious that this is the cheapest way to keep the trees from encroaching on the road, but to me, this was akin to littering. Yes, the wood will someday rot, but in the meantime, we get to see the remains of dead, mangled trees for miles and miles. Shameful!\n\n----\n\nBryler is a grunter. He more different-sounding grunts than I could count. Sometimes at night we sit in bed and listen and laugh at all the sounds coming from the bassinet: grunt, grunt... smacking lips... grunt, poot... grunt... smack, smack...\n\nHe's also developed a bad dribbling habit - he cannot drink from the bottle without making a terrible mess of dribbling milk anymore. He started this maybe 2 weeks ago. Before that, I rarely even needed a burp cloth. Now I always need something to wipe off his mouth, and I sometimes go ahead and put a bib on him. It seems weird for him to start doing that at 7 weeks old - seems like something that he would have at birth and then grow out of, not something to grow in to.\n\n----\n\nGranda said that Kelby "played hard" today, meaning that they had a lot of fun with not much down-time. She cooked a pretend birthday cake and held a pretend birthday party for her monkeys. Then she went shopping at "Walmart" (Cousin's room) with Kelby's play shopping cart, complete with pretend money from the play cash register. She was having so much fun that she even turned down a bath! She didn't have much of a nap, and she fell asleep again when she got home. After a 2 1/2 hour nap, she was a happy girl again. It's so much more fun when she's had a nap.\n\nKelby started trying to making Bryler smile today, making noises sticking her tongue in and out, and he did smile at her some. Very cute!

This morning, Kelby wanted to take Daddy Ho Ho to Granda's house. I don't like it when shre takes him because if she leaves him over there, she won't go to sleep without him. I suggested she leave him home and play with Mommy Ho Ho instead. Immediately, she started crying big dinosaur tears and sobbing. I realized that this is now a conditioned response with Daddy Ho Ho. She has figured out that I have a soft spot for him, that I am sympathetic to her attachment to him. And I realized that I cannot give in just because she is attached to the stuffed monkey. She cannot get her way by throwing a fit. I must be consistent in applying this rule, otherwise she will try it in other situations to get her way. It was very hard for me, but I was firm and told her that she could not take Daddy Ho Ho because she threw a fit, that she could take her stars blanket and play with Mommy Ho Ho today. She was unhappy until we got to Granda's house but finally gave up the tactic when she realized Granda wouldn't get Daddy Ho Ho for her either. When I left her, she was happy again. I think I did the right thing, as heartless as it made me feel.\n\n----\n\nKelby has been saying very cute and funny things today. I cannot possibly write them all down or even remember them, but a few stand out:\n\nHusband was teasing Kelby, who was coloring in her coloring book. He said, "I can't handle it [coloring]. I can't handle it, Kelby. Can you?" She said, "Yes, I can handle it, Daddy. I'm a big girl!"\n\nHusband vacuumed up some more flies in the sun room. \nKelby came to report to me: "Daddy's vacuuming up ants."\n"He's vacuuming up flies?"\n"Daddy's vacuuming up flies. Daddy doesn't like flies. Mommy doesn't like flies, too."\nDaddy corrected her: "Mommy doesn't like flies EITHER."\nI gave her a short lesson on when to use "too" vs. "either".\nThen she said, "Daddy doesn't like flies. Dey're NASTY!"\n\nGranda asked, "Do you need to go pee-pee?"\nKelby said, "No."\nA few minutes later, Granda asked again. "Kelby, do you need to go pee-pee?"\nKelby said, "No, Granda. I already told you."\n\nWe have a couple of those [[automatic shower cleaners|http://www.automaticshowercleaner.com/]]. I have been having trouble with mine. Every time I change the detergent bottle, it doesn't work anymore and we have to remove the batteries and hold our mouths in just the right position to get it to work again. Mine has been out of commission for a few days and it is currently sitting on my bathroom counter. Yesterday, I was fixing Kelby's hair for church and she asked me what it was. I told her it was a shower cleaner. She said "No." - She apparently didn't believe me. I said, "Yeah. It's a shower cleaner. Soap comes out of it and it cleans the shower." That was the end of that conversation. Today, after I brushed her teeth, she pointed to it and said, "Dat gets the shower clean. Push the button and soap comes out." \nBy the way, I never mentioned pushing the button. I guess she figured that out by herself.\n\n----\n\nBryler was a joy tonight. He smiled his sweet smile and laughed more than I've ever heard him laugh. He is a treasure. He likes to hold the burp cloth in his fist when he takes his bottle. He sometimes rubs it against his face while he eats. It's very sweet. When I got home from work, he woke up from his nap and I stood him up in my lap. He looked all around as if to say, "Come on, Mommy. Give me something interesting to look at." I thought, "He's a smart boy." :)

I had a bad morning. Bryler woke up at 4:50 AM and after I fed him, I couldn't get him to go back to sleep. When I gave him some Tylenol and gas drops, he gagged on it and threw up everything I had just fed him. Husband helped me clean up the mess and I changed Bryler's clothes, which woke him up completely. Both of us decided to just stay up since Bryler wouldn't be going back to sleep. Husband ended up changing the brake pads in his car at 5:30 in the morning.\n\nAnd you'd think I'd have gotten ready for church in plenty of time since I got up 2 hours early, but you know that's not how it works. The kids were wearing their Easter outfits 2 weeks late because it was too cold to wear on Easter. Granda made their outfits: Kelby wore a medium blue with white polka dots sun dress with a white sun hat. Bryler wore a sailor-type outfit in the same blue with white trim with a sailor hat. He was to be dedicated at church today, so I wanted to make sure everything looked good. Getting the kids dressed took a little more time than normal and I also had a hard time finding something to wear. That always gets me frustrated. (I ended up wearing an outfit I got from Granny, which was nice because it seemed like Granny got to be there for Bryler's dedication.) Anyway, back to my bad morning. I was running out of time and wanting to take pictures of the kids because they looked so cute, but getting irritated because they weren't cooperating, and I finally just gave up and we loaded up the car with Bryler screaming up a storm. We started down the road and then had to turn around because I forgot the stickers and coloring book I'd bought Kelby to help pass the time in choir practice. By the time we were on the road again, the morning had totally stressed me out. Then I realized that I'd forgotten to pack a burp cloth for Bryler in his bag. I started crying. Silly, I know, but I couldn't help it. Husband offered to go back home again, but I knew it wasn't important enough to go back for. I ended up using tissues to catch his dribbling when I fed him a bottle.\n\nIt's amazing how you can act normal in public after being a wreck a few minutes earlier, but you can, and nobody would ever know the difference. But the good thing is that acting happy can actually make you feel better. Smiling can lift your spirits even when you didn't really felt like smiling in the first place. So by choir practice, I was feeling almost normal again, and things went better from there.\n\n----\n\nWhen Bryler got dedicated, we had the family stand with us, and Troy, who we consider family. We are fortunate enough to have a lot of family going to the same church as us - 8 people including Nayna. There were about 4 other babies being dedicated. Bryler was the second. I held him until Paster Paul took him while he prayed for him. I was too preoccupied to concentrate very well, but Husband told me later that he felt God during the prayer telling him that Bryler's "going to be great". Granda apparently got a similar message and both of them got teary-eyed. It was a special time. Bryler did great and didn't cry once.\n\n----\n\nMom and I got to chat quite a bit between choir practice and Sunday School. I was in a chatty mood and it was fun to talk about whatever came to mind. During the evening worship service, I again felt God's presence in a special way. [[Five weeks ago|18 March 2007]], I felt God's peace. This time, I felt Joy. Near the end of the service, I was sitting in the pew holding Kelby in my lap and also holding a bottle for Bryler who was next to me in his infant carrier. Mom, who had been helping me watch the kids during the service, called me a "Super Mom". I told her no... but I did feel Super. Having my kids there with me (and behaving very well) felt perfect. After the bad morning I had, the Joy I felt was a gift of incredible value. The time was priceless.\n\n----\n\nRight before bed, Husband showed me the gun he'd bought yesterday - how to load it, pump it, take off the safety, and unload it. Then he had me try it. I didn't protest because I knew it was necessary for me to know how to work it, but on the inside, I was protesting the whole time. I just don't like guns. I agreed to let him buy one because I knew he would feel safer having one. Having something to protect yourself is a good thing... I've just heard too many disturbing stories about kids who've had accidents when they found a gun in the house. Guns scare me. When I had to look at the gun and hold it, I had a very emotional response. I felt like I couldn't breathe well and I actually got teary-eyed. Husband was really surprised at my response because I hadn't shown any resistance to getting the gun. I guess I had pushed down my fears, but they all suddenly came back to me in a rush. When I told Husband about them, he assured me that God would protect our children and with the right precautions, accidents can be avoided, and that calmed me down.

Warning: Graphic Content\nSometime during the week after Bryler was born, Husband went to get Kelby up from her nap and found her with poo-poo all over her hands, spread all over her stomach, wiped on the crib railings, all over the bedsheets, and some streaks of it on her face. (This was not the first time she's been caught playing in her poo-poo. She did it once before in the car a few months ago on our way back from visiting Granny.) Husband brought her out of her room holding her up by the forearms, asked me to assist him, and then put her in the shower (but not before I snapped a quick picture). It was a traumatic ordeal, with Kelby screaming because she was afraid of the shower (water in the face) and us trying to get th poo-poo off her while explaining why she should never touch her poo-poo because it will make her sick, etc. And then there was the crib cleanup process and trying to figure out why we kept smelling poo-poo, which ended up being Kelby's hands. I cut Kelby's fingernails as short as I could (poo-poo was caked underneath) and Granda helped us soak Kelby's fingers in baking soda to get the smell out. I hoped that the negative experience would prevent her from ever touching her poo-poo again.\n\nWell... it didn't. We left her in her room without supervision for a few minutes today. When she came out, she was acting normal until she fell down and started crying. I asked her if she hurt herself and she kept saying, "Before I fall down", which wasn't making any sense. Then I noticed that she stank and I saw poo-poo on her ankle. I thought she'd squirted poo-poo from her diaper onto her ankle when she fell. When I got her in her room to change her diaper and wipe off the poo-poo, I noticed it was also on her hands, and that it was too dry to have just happened. Then I looked around and found that there were poo-poo droppings scattered all over the floor, some poo on her Boots book, and, worst of all, a thick mess of it all over the face of her baby doll, which was in her new doll high chair. Yes, she was feeding poo to her baby doll. I gave her a shower, resulting in hysterical crying. She was much calmer after her shower, and I got her to explain everything that had happened while I videod. Then I put fresh clothes on her and cleaned up most of the mess just in time for the arrival of my parents and Aunt A, who I was expecting. Mom helped Kelby wash her hands one last time, and then we tried to move on to happier thoughts. Throughout the ordeal I was very firm with her about not touching her poo-poo because it will make her sick and she will have to get another shower, etc. Husband was working downstairs throughout all this so he didn't know about it until it was all cleaned up, but I had moved the poop-covered baby doll out to the porch so he could see it and help me decide whether it was worth trying to salvage. We decided to toss it (she has other baby dolls), but I did it while Kelby wasn't looking.\n\nWe all hoped that this was the last episode of poop-exploration. You would not believe it, but about 1 hour after I put her down for her nap, I heard her talking in her room. I went in to tell her to go to sleep and found her with poo-poo on her hands, her pillow, wiped on the crib headboard, and on Daddy Ho-Ho! I was exasperated. I spanked her because I told her earlier that day that she would get one if she did it again, and because if I didn't Husband would certainly do it later. She just kept saying, "I go poo poo in potty... I go poo-poo in potty!" Again, I didn't really understand because she DIDN'T go in the potty and since she'd already gone in her diaper, it was too late to go on the potty. I put her on the potty anyway and let her sit there for a few seconds. Then it was back in the shower, change of clothes again, changing all her bedsheets, and wiping off the crib. I made her sit and wait on me while I cleaned it up and then put her right back into the crib to finish up her nap. When I left her, I was unnerved. Did she just not understand what we were telling her? Or was the poo-poo just too interesting to resist? Or was she acting out for attention? Or did it have something to do with the potty training? All I can say is AAGH!\n\nAfter Kelby's nap, I got some premium snuggle time with Kelby. Bryler was sleeping so I was able to take a break and just sit down with her and hold her for about 15 minutes. I kissed her on the cheek, and she looked up at me and gave me a sweet little smile. It was precious, precious time. \n\nIn retrospect, it's easy to see how having children puts you through trials, but moments like these makes it all worth it.\n\n----\n\nBryler is getting better about not screaming when we change his diaper. I think he's finally getting used to it... after about 200 diaper changes, it's about time! He's also pretty much quit peeing on us. I've read that they grow out of it (for the most part), and I've also learned how to do quick diaper changes.\n\n----\n\nGranda found a Nintendo Wii at Wal Mart today, so she picked it up for us. Husband has been looking for one for a little while. I was so glad. It was a nice reward for him after a frustrating week of renovation work!

I slept most of the night, but I did have some trouble falling back asleep after I got up to go to the bathroom (3 times!) due to my [[heart rate|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heart_rate]] being up. I took my pulse once during the night and then first thing when I woke up. Both times it was around 88 beats per minute. That's about 15 beats faster than "normal". \n\nHusband wanted me to call the doctor's office and get their opinion on it. They said that it's normal for the heart rate to increase during pregnancy and they don't usually get concerned until it's more like 115-120 beats per minute, but that I could come in and have them check me out. I went ahead and got an appointment, mostly because I knew Husband would feel better about it if I did.\n\nWhen I got there, they got a urine sample (they do that every time I go, but I'm not sure what they do with it), took my pulse (109 beats per minute), took my blood pressure (which was fine), weighed me (no change from last time), and then I went to see the Nurse. She examined me to make sure I wasn't leaking amniotic fluid (I wasn't) and listened to my heart. She talked to the doctor and they decided to do an anti-stress test on the baby. They hooked my belly up to a monitor and I had to push a button every time I felt the baby move. At first, it was difficult to relax. I was supposed to meet my Mom, Sister A, and Sis-in-law T at Ryans for a birthday lunch, but I was going to be very late. However, I made myself relax and just concentrate on feeling the baby move. It was actually a nice change of pace, laying there in a recliner, listening to the baby's little heartbeat. After about 25 minutes, the read-out from the test results was apparently okay. The doctor came in and said I just had a "spell" and that there was nothing going on that would harm the baby. He said he could induce me or we could wait and let the baby come naturally. I said that we might as well wait. I asked if it was okay if I kept working and he said it was up to me. I saw the nurse once again and she told me to drink plenty of fluids - no caffeine - and she ordered a blood test to make sure my thyroid levels were okay. I suspect that my thyroid medicine may be making me "hyper" and that the dosage needs to be reduced, but we'll see. I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow and I'll find out the results of the bloodwork.\n\nThere HAS been a little bit of a change that is encouraging to me. I believe the baby has dropped even further. There is definitely more pressure than there was yesterday. I find that encouraging because any progress toward delivery makes me feel better, but it is also more uncomfortable. I have an even harder time bending down now, and even walking around is uncomfortable.\n\n----\n\nI received more birthday well-wishes today: flowers (Tulips) from the accounting staff, flowers (Assorted) from Sis-in-law T, and a phone call from Sister J. We also had the birthday lunch at Ryan's except that I missed most of it. All in all, it was a wonderful birthday weekend.\n\n----\n\nKelby was a joy today. Granda told us that she was playing with something that she could turn on and off (I think it was a bouncer seat). She said, "Pebby turn dat on.... Pebby turn dat off.... Pebby turn dat on again... Pebby turn dat off again." She has apparently picked up on the meaning of "again"! Granda also told Cousin "No, No" about something. Kelby also told her, "No, No, Nayna" and tried to snap her fingers while she said it, which is something Granda does sometimes to get their attention (although she hadn't done it this time). I wish I could've seen that!\n\nHusband was so good with Kelby tonight. He wanted me to try to relax, so he fed her and played with her, and it was just a joy to watch them. Kelby got a [[play house|http://www.amazon.com/Little-People-Sweet-Sounds-Home/dp/B000EQHIYQ]] from Mom for her birthday. Husband put the stickers on the different pieces and Kelby was right there with him the whole time, watching his every move. I got some pictures and video. It was just adorable.

I really enjoyed the church services today. I needed some encouragement for my work situation. The past few weeks have been frustrating and discouraging. I felt that God was telling me that He would guide me through whatever trials I might face. I didn't feel any more confident in myself, but I felt better because I placed it all in His hands. I've realized that this is something you have to keep doing over and over again. Pastor Paul reminded us (last week?) that when we cast our cares on Him at church, we shouldn't pick them back up as we walk out the door. That's hard to resist sometimes.\n\nAfter singing in the choir during the morning service, Bryler was sleeping when I picked him up from Jane, but he woke up as soon as I sat down. He's a squealer, so I was not sure I'd be able to keep him in the sanctuary, but I really wanted to. I hate missing the sermons. At first, he just looked up into my face and grabbed my nose and lips and hair. Then I distracted him pretty well with the bottle and then the pacifier. I have not given him a pacifier in a long time because he just wasn't interested in sucking on it. I was really impressed with how well he handled it, putting it right into his mouth then turning it around to chew on the handle and then taking the whole thing (with pacifier clip) and flinging it around like a sling shot. This is when I had to take it away from him because it was making noise and threatened to end up in someone's lap a few pews over.\n\n----\n\nBryler went from sitting up unsupported for a few minutes yesterday to being able to sit up for quite a long time today. I keep waiting for him to fall over and he doesn't. And he seems to like it pretty well, too, as long as he has something to play with. He seems so much older when he's sitting up on his own. And I feel proud of him. I want to tell everyone, "Look! He's sitting up all by himself!"\n\nMom had a cold, so I watched Bryler instead of singing on the praise team during the evening worship service. Uncle Nance had taken Kelby out to the playground with Nayna, so I had a nice relaxing time singing and listening from the pew and holding my sweet sleeping boy. He fell asleep pretty quickly. I thought several times about putting him in his infant carrier, but I just didn't want to. I don't rock him to sleep anymore because we're trying to train him to fall asleep on his own, and I realized how much I've missed holding him while he slept. I soaked it in as if I was savoring a rare piece of candy, knowing that it would not last long, that he would soon be too old to cradle in my arms. I also spent some time praying for him... praying that he would be everything that God wanted him to be and that we would raise him as best we could.

Today was the end of [[Stargate SG - 1|http://stargate.mgm.com/]]. We have been faithful to watch the new episodes on Friday nights for the last 5 years, and tonight we watched the final episode - the series finale. They have continued the basic premise on Stargate Atlantis, but I am still sad to see SG - 1 go. Watching the last episode was kind of like attending the funeral of a friend. All we'll have left are memories (re-runs). Oh, and movies! Just found out that two movies are in the works: [[Stargate: The Ark of Truth|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stargate:_The_Ark_of_Truth]] and [[Stargate: Continuum|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stargate:_Continuum]]!\n\n----\n\nBryler is still fussy just about every evening when Husband brings him home after work. He is good all day long with Granda and then fussy when we get to see him. He seems very sleepy but resists going to sleep. I found an [[article|http://www.enotalone.com/article/4386.html]] on the internet that discussed findings of a study conducted on infant fussiness. Here is an excerpt:\n\n"Brazelton also concluded that crying spells became much more focused or concentrated in the evening when the infants were about six weeks of age. At this age, very little crying occurred during the day. The spells of crying in the evening proved to be predictable and their onset was sudden. Regarding this rapid shift in behavior in the evening from a calm/quiet state to a crying state, Brazelton offered no explanation. The Japanese have a specific term for this behavior. It is 'night crying'."\n\nI don't know when he started doing this, but we went back to work when he was 6 weeks old and that's when we started noticing it. Most of the articles said that the phenomenon of evening fussiness typically ends by 3 months old. Bryler is almost 5 months old. I still think that this is the explanation for his behavior, and it gives me hope that he will soon grow out of it.\n\nAnother [[article|http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/fussy-evening.html]] was more focused on breastfeeding babies but talked about cluster feedings within the same fussiness topic. Here's an excerpt: \n"It is very common for babies to be fussy and nurse very often in the evenings, particularly in the early months... Cluster feeding, also called bunch feeding, is when babies space feeding closer together at certain times of the day and go longer between feedings at other times. This is very common, and often occurs in the evenings. It's often -but not always- followed by a longer sleep period than usual: baby may be "tanking up" before a long sleep. For example, your baby may nurse every hour (or even constantly) between 6 and 10 PM, then have a longish stretch of sleep at night - baby may even sleep all night." I'm not sure if this is what's happening with Bryler or not, but we often can't figure out if he's hungry or not during these fussy periods.\n\nThis evening, he fussed from about 3:30 to 5:00. Husband had given him a bottle early on and then tried to give him another one later, but he didn't seem interested. When I got home at around 5:00, he took a bottle from me and finally fell asleep.\n\nWhen Kelby and I went to get him up, he was asleep on his stomach. This is the first time I've seen him sleep on his stomach. (Seeing him laying there on his tummy reminded me of Kelby when she was his age, although she always slept with her little knees under her and butt in the air.) Bryler was good the rest of the night. He stayed up and watched some Stargate with us before he fell asleep.

I guess I haven't mentioned that last week I highlighted my hair with red and blond. Actually, Husband did the actual dying of the hair for me. We both like the results. Funny thing is that not a sole has noticed, or not enough to say anything to me about it if they did notice. So the results are subtle and apparently natural-looking.\n\n----\n\nBryler is not a little bitty baby anymore. He fills up my arms when I hold him. It makes me a little sad that he will never be that small little newborn bundle anymore. And he will never be as little as he is now again either. I wish I had more time to just sit and hold him and smell his baby-ness and feel his velvety head against my cheek without all the distractions and responsibilities. When I got home from work, Husband had just put Kelby into bed after she fell asleep on the couch once again. I fed Bryler a bottle until he fell asleep and then I fell asleep, too. I didn't want to put him down, so I didn't.\n\n----\n\nI don't think I ever gave an update on our new car search that I mentioned on [[6 February 2007]] and [[8 February 2007]]. I liked the Ford F150 Crew Cab truck that can seat 6, but Husband doesn't want to have to deal with parking such a large vehicle all the time. My next best choice and Husband's favorite was the Honda CRV 2007 model. But in the end, we decided not to buy anything right now. We've been saving up for a new family-friendly car to replace the Honda Civic, but it's nice having that money in the bank especially if Husband quits his job soon. We may end up buying a vehicle later this year, but not now. It's just too much money to part with.

Bryler rolled over today! Horray! Granda called me at work to tell me. He rolled from his back to his stomach. I look forward to when I get to see him do it.\n\n----\n\nGranda asked Kelby if she went to sleep when she got home. Here's the story she told (and it WAS a story).\n"Yes."\n"Did you cry?"\n"Yes, and Daddy spank me... and I didn't quit crying... AND SOooo so daddy spank me again!... And Mommy told me to be quiet but I didn't stop crying... AND SOooo daddy spanked me again!"\nGranda thought it was so funny that she called Husband at work to tell him. After she talked to Husband, Granda asked Kelby, "Did Daddy really spank you?"\n"No."\n"Were you just pretending?"\n"Yes."\n\nGranda and Kelby were playing finger puppets. Here was the conversation between the fingers:\n"You're so pretty."\n"Yes."\n"Who do you look like?" (expecting her to say Mommy or Daddy)\n"Phil...I'm Phil...I can sing!... Shoop Shoo Be Do Be Do..." (Phil is the music pastor and Shoop Shoo Be Do Be Do is part of a choir song.)

Here are some funny things Kelby has said recently:\n\nPlaying outside at Granda's house -\nGranda: "Can you tell God thank you for the beautiful day?"\nKelby: "Not right now. I'm blowing my nose."\n\nPlaying in the flower bed at home -\nKelby (in a distressed, tearful voice): "Uh oh! Something bit me!"\nMe: "Come here and let me see. Where did it bite you?"\nKelby: "On my bo bo."\n\nIn Granda's screened-in deck -\nKelby (pointing to the ceiling fan): "Dat's a fan."\nGranda: "Yes, that's an UGLY fan."\nKelby (a few minutes later): "Can you turn on dat ugly fan?"\n\nIn the church parking lot, Aunt Nooni is holding Kelby - \nHusband: "Kelby, can you figure out how Aunt Nooni can get back home? She doesn't have a car here."\nKelby has a look of concentration on her face.\nHusband: "How do you think Aunt Nooni should get home?... Are you thinking?"\nKelby: "I figuring out how get Aunt Nooni home."\nHusband: "Do you think she could ride in the car with us?"\nKelby: "Yes."\n(Later, in the car.)\nKelby (with pride): "I figured out how to get Aunt Nooni home!"\n\nKelby likes to talk about her brother Bryler. Both of the words "brother" & "Bryler" have the difficult R sound combined with the difficult TH and L sounds, so when she says the two words, they sound exactly the same. I like to get her to say "My brother Bryler" which sounds like "My bahyuh Bahyuh". It reminds me of the time when, back around Thanksgiving last year, "Uncle Nance" and "acorn nuts" sounded exactly the same when Kelby said them.

I am trying a new thing tonight. Husband is playing a game on the Xbox 360 upstairs, so rather than going downstairs to type on my computer, I am on his laptop in the living room.\n\nThis morning, I was thinking about the baby and I remembered what Pastor Paul said 2 weeks ago after we had sung the song [["God of Wonders"|http://www.lyrics007.com/Caedmon's%20Call%20Lyrics/God%20Of%20Wonders%20Lyrics.html]]. He was talking about how God is Lord of all the Universe, so He certainly has a handle on time. God's timing is perfect. I believe that this is true. There are many examples in my life where I was anxious for things to happen when I wanted them to happen. I would put it in God's hands and wait on Him, and in hindsight, His timing was always better than mine. From finding my husband to finding our house, the waiting was difficult, but God's plan was perfect. Now, I just need to trust that this baby will also come in God's time. For instance, if it were up to me, I would have already had this baby. But I realized this morning that Husband has been coughing and not feeling really great, probably due to a sinus infection, and he has just been feeling better in the last 2 days (although he's still not 100%). It would certainly be better to deliver the baby when he's feeling better. I have also had time to get some important things done at work in the past few days. Anyway, I cannot honestly say that I am no longer anxiously awaiting the arrival of the baby. I can just say that I am trying very hard to trust that he will come when God is ready for him to.\n\nI had another Dr appointment today and saw Dr. C. He checked to see if I was dilated, and he said I was a "tight 3 cm" and that I will probably have him within the week. He told me to schedule another appointment for Friday, but I'm hoping I'll go into labor before then. My bloodwork came back fine, so I won't be changing my thyroid medicine. My heart rate has been much better today. In fact, I have been feeling pretty good today... much better than yesterday.\n\n----\n\nThis morning, after I changed Kelby's diaper, I picked up the pants that I planned on putting on her. They had been her cousin Jack's khaki pants with a navy belt. She took one look at them, the first time she'd ever seen them, and said, "No, dat's boys clothes!" They certainly looked like "boys" pants to me - for some reason only the boys pants come with belts for that age - but I was shocked that she could tell the difference. She is so observant! I don't know how she picks up on things like that. I just told her that yes, they were boys clothes, but that it's okay for Kelby to wear boys clothes. She was satisfied and let me put them on her.\n\nThis evening, Kelby saw the tutu that she received from Aunt T & Uncle M for her birthday and wanted to put it on. She was so adorable. As soon as she had it on, she said "Pebby ah ballerina!" and put her hands up over her head and turned around in circles. Of course, I got some video and pictures.\n\nKelby was crying like normal when we put her in her bed. I wanted to try something new, so I told her I'd sing her the lullaby song if she'd stop crying and then she would have to go night-night. She quit crying and I got through half the song when Husband turned off the light. She started wailing and said it was "Dahk" and "Turn light on". I pointed to her nightlight and told her that Kelby had her own light that stayed on all night long. She looked at it as if she'd never noticed it before but kept crying while I finished the song and left her. It was painful for me. I go back to my earlier thought that maybe she cries every night because she's afraid of the dark. But I don't want to ask her if she is, because I don't want to suggest that she SHOULD be afraid of the dark if that's NOT the problem. The best solution I can find is to keep her light on one night and see if she goes to bed better that way. I'd really like to know if that's the problem because then we could do something about it. So we'll probably try that experiment and see what happens.

This morning, I was putting on my makeup and Kelby asked if she could put some on. I told her that she was too young, but I let her put some chap stick on. Then she wanted to know if Daddy could put make up on. I told her that he was a man and that men can't put makeup on. Then she wanted to know who could put makeup on. I told her all the examples of women I could think of and she kept saying, "Who else?... Who else?" And several times she asked about her uncles and Big Daddy and Pa Pa and for each, I would tell her, "No, he's a man. He can't wear makeup." Once this set in, she was all excited about going to tell Daddy that he's a man. And then she wanted to tell Uncle Troy that he's a man. She's so funny.\n\n----\n\nWe met Lucas for breakfast at Ryan's. (There was a lot of variety in food, but I wasn't real impressed with the taste. The pancakes were too think and the bacon was limp and most of the food was just so-so. All-in-all, we didn't think it was worth $8 per person.) It was great to spend some time with Lucas. It was the first time he's seen Bryler. Husband and I talked about our jobs, then Lucas caught Husband up on the recent auditions he's been involved in (I had already read about them in his blog), and I wanted to hear more about his church so we talked about that for a while. 1 1/2 hour went by quickly after not seeing him since Christmas, but I'll get to see him again at church tomorrow.\n\n----\n\nAfter breakfast, we went into the city and bought a hard drive at Circuit City because Husband wants to try out Windows Home Server on my old computer. We also looked at patio furniture because I've been wanting chairs for our porch since we moved into our house 4 years ago. This was a disappointment. The ones at Hearth & Patio that were perfect were way too expensive and the ones at Home Depot are all parts of sets that have a table, and we don't want a table! What do people do who just want patio chairs for their porch?!\n\nOn our way home, we stopped by Walmart so I could get drinks from the vending machines. When I got back in the car with the drinks, Kelby told us (in her own words) about the movie Chicken Little, when he shakes up a soda bottle and uses it to propel him up the window of a building. We were impressed. She's only seen that movie one time!\n\nWe stopped at [[Weigles|http://www.weigels.com/]] for gas and milk. I got the gas and washed the windows. Kelby commented about me washing the windows and the windshield. I asked her how she knew that it was called a windshield and she said that Daddy had told her. When he got back in the car, I asked him if he told her that it was a windshield and after thinking about it remembered telling her that if we didn't put our seatbelt on, we might go through the windshield if the car ran into anything. Of course, the point was the seat belt, not the windshield. He was really surprised that she remembered it because he had only told her about it once. After being reminded of it, she wanted Daddy to tell her about the windshield again. And again. She seemed very fascinated by it.\n\n----\n\nI finally saw Bryler roll from his tummy to his back today. He did it so quickly, I would have missed it had I blinked. He's also creeping now (pushing himself around on his stomach).\n\n----\n\nI went to see the play, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, this evening while Husband stayed home with the kids. My sister-in-law, T, directed it and my brother M stage managed, and my 3 nieces were all in it. I really enjoyed the show. Naomi, who played Lucy, surprised me at how well she delivered her lines. Natasha was simply adorable in her lines as Santa Claus' elf and made the whole audience laugh. And Cami was the youngest of about 6 nymphs who danced ballet-style to change the scenes. She did very well, and also made me laugh at times because she was being so serious and trying to be graceful and it was so not like Cami.\n\nWhen I told Kelby that Daddy would put her to bed tonight because I needed to go somewhere (to the play), she acted completely fine with it. But when it was time for me to go and she saw that I was actually leaving, she burst into tears and sobs of the kind that usually comes with getting hurt. I hated to leave her like that, but it's good to know that I'm still loved.

I worked at home today so I could watch the kids because Granda went to visit her son ("Uncle Nee") in Alabama. Kelby was a good big sister and brought toys to Bryler for him to "play" with. I told her that it was very nice of her to share. Then she brought him a book and said, "Bryler, why don't YOU read it?" I told her that he didn't know how to read yet (as if she did). <smile>\n\n----\n\nThere are certain things about having kids that you hear all the time. You hear about how painful labor is, how you'll lose a lot of sleep, that a kid will change your life, that you won't be able to just pick up and go anywhere on a moment's notice, and that they're dern expensive. I was prepared for these things and pretty much took them in stride when I had Kelby.\n\nAnd then there are other things that I have had to learn "the hard way" - nobody warned me about them in advance so they took me by surprise. The first Rude Awakening I had was that breastfeeding is a full time job and is accompanied by lots of pain and frustration. I thought that it would just come naturally - you know, like an instinct? Nope...not for me. I thought it might be better with the second kid, but it was actually worse.\n\nNumber two on my list of Rude Awakenings has got to be potty training. I had envisioned Kelby sitting proudly on the potty, getting treats, and moving from pull-ups to panties within a couple of months. I had a thorough plan for carrying this out, as well. What I didn't realize was that putting a kid on the potty is akin to torture - not to the kid, but to the parent (namely me). See [[7 February 2007]] for details.\n\nBut today, I was done whining and groaning about taking her to the potty and I decided that today was the day that I'd begin the "real" potty training. I started her out first thing when I got her up out of bed. I gave a nice lesson on pulling down the pull-up and pants to the ankles and not all the way off, and she actually accommodated me. But she didn't "do" anything except sit there for several minutes - no pee, no nothing. Ok - no problem. Be patient. I set the timer for 30 minutes, at which time I took her to the potty again. This time there was success! She pee'd. I gave her a treat (a jelly bean) and even got out the potty chart and let her affix a sticker. I set the timer for 1 hour, at which time I took her to the potty again. Another success, this time with lots of pee-pee. She seemed to just keep going! Another jelly bean, another sticker. Bravo! Now Mommy's really doing great! I set the timer for 1 hour, but about 45 minutes later I noticed she was pushing. I asked her if she was poo-poo'ing and she said yes so I grabbed her and ran for the toilet. Nothing was in her pull-up (phew! I made it!), so we waited... and waited... I put on my makeup... I read her a story... we waited. Finally, I gave up and said that we'd try again later. I noticed there was a little tiny poo-poo in the toilet, so I gave her 3 jelly beans and another sticker. I set the alarm for 1 hour and fixed her lunch. When the timer went off, she was still eating, so I decided to wait until she was done. And then I forgot about it. By around 1:00, her pull-up was soaked so I changed her and put her to bed. Well, she never went to sleep and after about an hour or so, I went to tell her to go to sleep and noticed she'd poo-pooed in her diaper. By the end of the afternoon, I was over the potty-training. So much for my big plans.\n\n----\n\nAfter watching the kids all day and also trying to work, I was exhausted and losing my patience. Husband mentioned something about mowing the lawn and I gladly volunteered. It was a welcome break. I don't mind mowing - we have a [[Cub Cadet Zero-turn Radius mower|http://www.cubcadet.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/category2_10051_14101_33817_16200_16200_-1]], so there's no physical labor. I actually find it to be pretty fun (but don't tell Husband that). I don't remember needing a break like that when we just had Kelby, but I really needed some time to myself today. After the mowing, I was refreshed and ready to spend time with the kids again. I guess that's a good sign.\n\nWhile I mowed, Husband let Kelby plant some moss ground cover (she put her foot on one side of the shovel and helped him push it in the ground), and later she helped him plant grass seed and lay down hay. She loved it! Bryler was also very happy outside sitting in the shade in his bouncer chair and looking all around with his big eyes.\n\nWhen I got done mowing, I fixed chili for supper while feeding Bryler - yes, WHILE feeding Bryler. I was quite please with myself for figuring out how to hold the bottle in the crook of my neck while holding him in my left arm, which left my right arm free to brown and drain the meat and even use the can opener (although that was a bit challenging). Seems like I should've learned that trick with the first kid.\n\n----\n\nAt the end of the day, Kelby was so sleepy. Daddy was going to read her a book, but they ended up sitting on the couch watching TV together, with Kelby's head resting against his chest. She just about fell asleep. It was really sweet.

We got to see Bryler roll over tonight. This was the 5th time he's rolled over from his back to his tummy, but the first time Husband and I got to see it. I got it on video. Later this evening, he was just laughing and giggling. He was so cute.\n\nI might mention that by this time, Kelby was rolling over effortlessly and she'd roll over in bed every night and I'd find her on tummy every morning with her arms and knees curled up beneath her and her little butt in the air.\n\n----\n\nKelby only took a half-hour nap, so she was totally having a hard time being a good girl tonight. She actually did better later in the evening when the real adrenaline was kicking in. She read me the whole story of Goldilocks and the 3 bears and the 3 Little Pigs. I got that on video, too. The cutest part was when the wolf "puffed and puffed and puffed and puffed and puffed and puffed and puffed!"

I have been reading a book called "Encountering the Holy Spirit" by French Arrington. There is a short section about the Fruit of the Spirit, and the one that stood out to me the most was Joy -- happiness "that does not depend on outward circumstances". The book only has one paragraph about joy, but I have been reminded about it several times in the past few days and here are my thoughts...\n\nSomething important about Fruit of the Spirit, as opposed to Gifts of the Spirit, is that you have to grow Fruit. You have to cultivate it. You have to pull out the weeds (bad habits) that are in opposition to growing healthy Fruit. You have to put forth an effort and then God will make it grow in your life. In the case of joy, bad habits that choke its growth are complaining, moping, feeling sorry for yourself, and letting little things get you down or make you angry.\n\nI have also found that there are times when you get an unexpected dose of joy from God, kind of like a taste test: once you experience it, you want more of it. This happened to me [[Sunday night|22 April 2007]] during the worship service. It seemed like God was offering Joy on a platter for anyone who wanted a taste. "Taste and see that the Lord is good." I've experienced true joy before, but it had been a while. I think that these occasions are pretty rare. Most of the time, you have to CHOSE joy. You will be tempted to be depressed, but you have to resist that temptation and take hold of the happiness that God makes available to His followers.\n\nIt's amazing how the little things in life can weigh you down... how you can find incredible strength to make it through the very difficult times in your life, but when you have absolutely nothing to complain about, you find yourself down in the dumps. I'm talking about LITTLE things: Someone cuts you off in traffic. You have to pay a late fee when you forget to pay your bill on time. Your house is a mess. You lose your patience with your kid and feel guilty about it. Someone says something to hurt your feelings. You can't find anything good to eat in the house. The list can go on and on. \n\nNow, I don't believe that God expects us to be happy ALL the time. There are times when you feel sorrowful and that's okay. However, to have joy is to "default to happiness". Instead of automatically getting down in the dumps whenever things aren't going your way, you choose to look on the bright side and to embrace happiness. This is not an easy thing to do. Sometimes it feels good to mope. Sometimes you feel like you deserve to be in a bad mood. But I don't think that being in a bad mood is very godly. I think I am in a bad mood more often than I should be, and that's what I'm working on. I have been tempted to get depressed several times this week. Choosing joy has been very challenging, but it's getting a little easier. Talking about it with Husband definitely helps, too. Yesterday, I just flat out told him, "I'm having a hard time being joyful." After we talked about it for a little while, my mood was lifted. I was tempted to feel depressed, but being happy is much better!

Bryler had a crying spell where nothing we did would make him stop. I was having a really hard time, feeling completely overwhelmed. Husband was reminding me what the books say... when he won't stop crying and you can't handle it anymore, you should just put him down. I told him that I couldn't just put him down. It is just as upsetting to me to hear him cry in the other room as it is to hear him cry in my arms. It's actually worse because I feel like I am not meeting his needs. At least if I'm holding him, I feel like I am doing all that I can. I said something like, "It's when he's crying that I HAVE to hold him." Kelby was in the room when I said it, but I didn't think anything about it until she came over to me just a few seconds later and started "crying" and holding her hands up so that I would hold her. Gotta watch what I say when she's around... She's a sharp one.\n\nAs I just mentioned, I was having a hard time dealing with the kids this morning. Kelby wasn't doing anything terrible, just making a mess as two-year-olds normally do, but with Bryler crying it just made things difficult for me to handle. I felt trapped. Husband came upstairs to see how I was doing and I told him that I wasn't doing very well. He took a break from the renovation work to help me finish giving lunch to Kelby. He decided that my problem "coping" was due to the fact that I hadn't gotten enough sleep. I wasn't so sure that this was the main problem, but I agreed that I needed more sleep. He put Kelby to bed for her nap and then took Bryler downstairs with him so I could take a nap. Problem is, I couldn't sleep! As tired as I was, I just couldn't calm my brain down enough to sleep. I think I went through every emotion that was possible. It was such a mish-mash of thoughts and feelings and worries and thankfulness and prayers and tears. After an hour of tossing and turning, I got up and found that Bryler was crying inconsolably again. This time, I just HAD to hold him. It is such a difference between feeling like I am trapped, with no other options... and holding him because I really want to. I just held him close for a long time and loved him with all my heart. I ended up not getting a nap after all, but I got some alone time and felt much better for the rest of the afternoon.\n\nWhile I was holding him and stroking his head, I noticed that his hair is falling out. I was not surprised that it was falling out, but I was still a little sad to see his pretty red hair go. By the end of the day, he was almost bald on the top. Husband said he was going to look like [[Ron Howard|http://images.usatoday.com/life/_photos/2005/07/28/inside-ron-howard.jpg]]. Oh, boy. \n\nAs for why Bryler was crying, I think that he may be teething already. It is earlier than usual for teething and I can't feel any teeth breaking through, but his behavior points toward that. For example, when we gave him the bottle, he drank just a little and then chewed on the nipple and started fussing. And he would chew on his hands if he didn't have a pacifier in his mouth.\n\n----\n\nAfter Kelby's nap, we went downstairs to visit with Daddy, who was working on putting in the base boards. To keep her occupied, he let her help him. He would cut the base boards (long, skinny pieces of wood) with his table saw and then let her carry them over to the wall and hold them in place while he nailed them in. She was so proud that she was helping Daddy. I got quite a bit of video. Husband was great with her, letting her help even though he could have done it much quicker by himself.\n\nYesterday, Husband wrote Kelby's name on a small scrap of base board trim and she walked around with it for a long time. It was special to her because Daddy had written her name on it. Today, she found a similar piece of trim upstairs and she said "Dat Kelby's". Then she looked it over to find her name. When she couldn't find it, she changed her mind and said, "No, dat's Daddy's." Again, showing the skill of deduction. If it didn't have her name on it, it must be Daddy's.\n\nGranda offered to watch both kids tonight so that we could go shopping and have some fun. Husband and I had a really good time together, just goofing off most of the time, but also talking about the kids and work and stuff like that. After a rough morning and afternoon, it was a breath of fresh air. While we were out, Kelby went poo-poo in the potty. Granda called me while we were at Home Depot so that Kelby could tell me. So far, she has poo-pooed in the potty 3 times for Granda and zero times for us. Not that I'm keeping score or anything. <smile>\n\nWhen we picked her up, she surprised all of us by saying Cousin's name with the L's sounds instead of N's! We weren't working with her on it or anything. She just said it! Now we can see if she'll start saying Bryler instead of Bryah.\n\nSpeaking of Granda, I don't know how she is so patient with her grandkids. I know that it's hard enough to be patient with your own kids, let alone someone else's! Maybe it's because they are not just someone elses' kids, that it's her grandchildren that makes a difference. Husband says that it's because she's raised 3 kids of her own and has learned how to deal with them and that we just haven't figured it out yet. But I don't think I'll ever have that much patience. Or maybe she's a saint, that very special person that we are so blessed to have watch our children all the time.\n\nAs soon as we got home, I put Kelby to bed because it was past her bedtime. I read her a story and then gave Kelby a hug. She knew that the next step was going to bed, but instead of crying she asked me to "sing songs", which I knew meant that she wanted me to sing her the [[lullaby|The Lullaby]] song. I took her into her room and held her as I softly sang the song to her. She surprised me by singing part of it with me... I didn't know she knew the words. That was really special. Then, I layed her down in the crib and she still didn't cry. I asked her if she wanted Daddy to come in to see how quiet she was and she said yes, and then I said "Night- Night, I love you" like I normally do, except this time, she replied, for the first time ever... "Night- Night Mommy, I uvs oo". I was so shocked and pleased. How sweet the sound of those words. I told Husband that she was expecting him and he said that she repeated it back to him as well.

I had a hard time sleeping last night. Just couldn't turn my mind off. Kept thinking the baby was going to come... but he didn't. This morning, I was feeling crummy/crampy and had a headache. Thought that meant maybe labor was starting... it apparently wasn't.\n\nI pretty much decided that this would be my last day of work until after maternity leave. I had my last scheduled meeting today and I was able to finish up or pass on any outstanding work that needed to be done within the next 2 months. So I will either have this baby or I'll work from home tomorrow. Not surprisingly, when Husband heard about my decision, he decided that he wouldn't go back to work either. He's planning on taking 6 weeks of FMLA leave. So we are officially starting our new phase in life tomorrow - and hopefully the baby will cooperate! <smile> We always have the option of going to the hospital and getting induced. The baby is full term and I'm already dilated, so I don't think it would hurt anything. We'll just wait and see what happens tonight and then we'll decide what to do tomorrow.\n\nWith all the preoccupation with HAVING the baby, it just doesn't seem real that there really WILL be a baby.... a baby boy that will be a permanent part of our family! Things that are life-changing like this are just difficult to imagine and comprehend until they are there and you actually experience them. Husband told me that he is dreading the hospital and delivery experience. I don't blame him. I think we're both hoping the delivery will go quickly and smoothly and then we can just enjoy the baby.\n\n----\n\nKelby continues to surprise us with the things she says - things we've never heard her say before. We took a walk in the neighborhood with Kelby in the stroller. Kelby and I usually go alone, but this time, Husband went with us. I said something about him coming with us and a few minutes later she said, "Daddy ah come wid us!" We passed up Granda's house and she said "I go inside Dada's house". I told her that we couldn't go inside right now and Husband asked her, "Kelby, what's inside Granda's house?" She said, quite matter-of-factly, "Dada." - which I found to be hilarious! Then we asked her who else was in Granda's house and she said, "Big Daddy."\n\nKelby started to cry when we prepared to put her in the crib and fussed when we started to leave. We left the closet light on, though, and once we shut the door, she didn't cry anymore. This seems to indicate that she was crying due to anticipation of the light being turned off and then when it didn't get turned off, she was okay. After she fell asleep, Husband turned the light off. I would like to try it out a few more times with and without the light on without telling her what we're going to do before I decide for real whether she has been crying because she is afraid of the dark or because she just doesn't want to go to bed and/or left alone.

I get to make the rules, so I'm just now writing about Tuesday even though I already posted an entry for Wednesday. I forgot to write something down that I want to remember:\n\nToday was Aunt Nooni's birthday. We had a party at Granda's house. We grilled aluminum foil dinners that you put together yourself -- kinda like a dinner bar where you pick what you want in your aluminum foil and then stick it on the grill. The highlight of the evening was when Kelby, Aunt Nooni, and I were waiting outside for our dinners to cook and it started to rain. Kelby, of course, wanted to play in the rain. Kelby and Aunt Nooni came up with a little tune similar to the first line of Ring Around the Rosie with the words, "We're playing in the rain" and then Kelby kept trying to get us to come out from under the cover and would motion to us and say, "Com'on!" in the middle of the little tune and before long we were all marching and clapping and singing "We're playing in the rain" interspersed with an occasional, "Com'on" in playful imitation of Kelby. Brenda came out with Nayna and soon, there were five of us singing and marching in the rain in Granda's driveway. It was great fun.

We went to Mc Donalds for breakfast and then to Walmart. Mc Donalds was a bummer because we had to wait 20 minutes for our food. Turns out they give precedence to the drive-thru customers and when we left we figured out that they had TWO drive-thru lines! No wonder it took so long! We went to a Walmart that is farther from the city so it's not very busy at all. That made the shopping much more fun, and they were having a promotion where Kelby got her picture taken with a Spiderman cut-out and a free 5x7 print.\n\nI liked getting out in the morning and having the rest of the day to get stuff done at home. I got the finances totally caught up - all the receipts entered, balanced the checkbook, created a budget to see if we could live on my income alone, and even did the taxes (which resulted in a nice refund!). \n\nHusband grilled hotdogs for dinner, and Kelby and I ate in the sunroom. She really likes it out there. I like it, too. It was my favorite room when we bought the house. Unfortunately, we only use in the Spring and Fall because the windows are not insulated and it costs way too much to heat or cool the room. Today was a beautiful day - it was a little warm in the sunroom, but not too bad. \n\nHusband has suggested a great solution to the sunroom - cut it in half, making it into a bedroom on the one side and a "breakfast nook" on the other side. This would require taking out the windows and putting in a wall on the bedroom side and double-pane windows on the breakfast nook side. It will not happen any time soon, but it sounds like a great plan to me. I hate to have all that wasted space when we could really use another bedroom if we decide to have another kid, or an office if we decide that 2 kids are enough.\n\n----\n\nBryler made an Ohh sound today. Husband was talking to him as he lay on the changing table and Bryler was really focused in on him and smiling and finally imitated him by making the Ohh sound. He only did it once, but we both heard it.

I found out a few minutes ago that my friend E's water broke tonight. I am concerned because she is a little over 6 weeks early and she's been taken by ambulance to a hospital with more advanced neo-natal care. She has been having a rough pregnancy, especially this past week - probably because she was starting labor and didn't know it! Pray for the health of the little preemie baby, Dalton, who will probably be delivered tonight or tomorrow. Pray for E... for peace, for strength, and for the birth of her new baby to be a blessed time in her life.\n\nOur new part-time accounting assistant started work today. Not bad timing since E won't be there for 6 weeks for maternity leave. I'm hoping the new girl will be good. (You wouldn't believe how difficult it is to find someone who can actually file and do data entry accurately!) I had kind of a rough day at work. It wasn't a bad day - I just couldn't keep up with the new issues flying at me. At the end of the day (and 35 minutes late), I just left my office without even trying to figure out what was going to be waiting for me in the morning. I'm looking forward to the long Memorial Day weekend. Maybe I can catch up on some sleep!\n\n----\n\nToday Kelby corrected her own grammer. She was playing with her rubber duckies and she said, "See them... THOSE ducks."\n\n----\n\nBryler rolled over from his tummy to his back for the first time today at Granda's. I put him on his tummy when I got home, but he didn't seem interested in trying to roll over. That's okay. I'm sure he'll do it again soon.\n\nBryler had a rough evening. He cried for about 45 minutes straight before I got home and then another 45 minutes while I was mowing the lawn. Poor Husband had to suffer through it alone both times. Bryler's been teething pretty badly. Yesterday, I got out all of Kelby's old baby toys and cleaned them so that Bryler could play with (teeth on) them. He's teethed on several of them this evening.

This evening, we went to the Gondolier to eat. I attached the giraffe toy that Uncle Nee gave Bryler at our baby shower to his car seat. He was using it as a punching bag with his left hand. He was definitely doing it on purpose! \n\nHe also discovered his feet. He just kept looking at them like they were the most interesting thing. I don't remember Kelby doing that. \n\nLast night, I was holding him in the cradle position in my arms and he lifted his head up and pretty much did a sit-up. He is so strong.\n\n----\n\nGranda told me that today Kelby was talking to Bryler in her sweet, high-pitched voice and said, "Bryler, you got a booger in your nose." \n\nWhen I got home, I mentioned that we were getting ready to go somewhere and Kelby said, "To Eat! With Aunt Nooni... and... Who else?"\n\nKelby only got 1 hour of nap-time, so she was really sleepy. She started to fall asleep in the car, but she was really fighting it. You could tell that she just couldn't keep her eyes open. She even tried to drink from her sippy cup, but she'd nod off and start to let it fall from her mouth and then catch herself and start drinking again. Husband and I were totally cracking up watching her.\n\nAt the restaurant, she and Husband played with her little animals figures as we waited for the food. Husband called the chimpanzee the "evil monkey" and the turtles had to run away from him. Husband would do a little scenario and then Kelby would basically repeat it, "evil monkey" and all.\n\nWhen I read her a bedtime story, it was getting late so I was trying to hurry. It was a nursery rhyme book. Instead of turning one page, I would discretely turn two or three pages at a time. When we got to the last page, she said, "Hey, you skipped some!" She's just too smart for me.

Bryler woke up this morning with his OTHER eye sealed shut with mucous junk. Now BOTH of his tear ducts are blocked. What a bother!\n\n----\n\nLast night, when Kelby was brushing her teeth, she said, "I brush dat Taco off my teeth!" (We had tacos for dinner.) \n\n----\n\nI had a much better day today. I took a 1 hour nap in the morning while Husband and Kelby were at church and another 1 hour nap in the afternoon when Kelby was taking her tap. The house was a wreck because I didn't get much done [[yesterday|24 February 2007]], so I spent a lot of time trying to catch up on the housework. It must have put me in a domestic mood because I cooked enchiladas and baked some oatmeal cookies. I am not much of a cook, so getting motivated to cook is a big thing for me. I was proud of myself.\n\nI have found that everyone is a little different when it comes to food. When I talk about food, I am talking about all the different foods that are available to you to eat, excluding candy. Some people love and enjoy everything available to eat - everything is a "Yummy" for them. Others love just a few things (Yummy!) and hate everything else (Ugh!) or they are just neutral about them (Ho Hum). You get the idea. There are a lot of foods that Husband really likes, but there's also lots of foods he really doesn't like. I'd say he is 20% Ugh, 20% Ho Hum, and 60% Yummy. I, on the other hand, am neutral about most foods. I eat them. They taste okay and it satisfies my hunger. There are only a few foods that I really love and really enjoy eating. I am about 90% Ho Hum and 5% Ugh and 5% Yummy. This drives Husband crazy. He always asks me how I like this or that and my answer is usually, it's alright. So when I say that something is really yummy, he almost gets as excited as me about it, which I find to be really funny. The reason I am thinking about this is because I really liked the enchiladas that we ate tonight. It is on my short Yummy list. :)

Last night, we decided that today (Thursday) would be the best time to have the baby and that, if the baby didn't decide to come naturally during the night, we would go ahead and go to the hospital and let them break my water and induce labor. I slept very well and woke up at 5:15 excited about having the baby. I went through all the reasons why we should go ahead and induce labor and I prayed about it and it just felt "right". I couldn't go back to sleep, so I got up and got completely ready to go to the hospital: put on makeup, fixed my hair, ate some cereal, and packed up the remaining items missing from the bags (which have been packed for weeks). I even loaded the car with the lighter items. Husband woke up at 6:00 and asked me if I was sure about this, and I told him yes and gave several of the reasons and he was also good with the plan. Then he suggested we call the hospital to make sure they had rooms available. I did as he suggested. I ended up talking with his Aunt who works in the maternity ward. She said that we needed to schedule it with our doctor's office (which doesn't even open until 9:00). She asked if I was having contractions - I said "no" - and she said that I really shouldn't get my water broken because it could introduce bacteria and result in a C-section and that the due dates could be off by plus or minus 2 weeks, etc. She found out that Dr. C would be on call today and told me I'd have to set it up with him, but that they were full and only had 1 bed left. It was unlikely that we could get it scheduled for today on such short notice especially when they were full. (By the way, I don't know that I agree with the c-section argument, although there might be a slightly greater risk. Only about 15% of women have their water break naturally and the rest have it broken in the hospital, and none of the doctors had expressed any concerns about inducing labor during my visits with them. In fact, they always ask me if I want to schedule it. The most discouraging thing was the inability to just go to the hospital and have the baby at any time, which I had been led to believe was an option by my Nurse Practictioner, and the fact that they were full.)\n\nHusband heard me get off the phone and asked me what they said. I could hardly tell him. I was already crying. I was so ready to go have this baby and the disappointment was crushing. I don't take disappointment well, and already being more emotional due to pregnancy, I just couldn't stop crying for like 10 minutes. It took me a while to get it out that I had talked with his aunt. Husband was great and reassured me that this was just not God's will so we should be happy that we didn't go to the hospital just to be turned away. He decided to go to work after all. I considered going back to work myself, but I finally decided I needed a day off to chill out. After I quit thinking about not having the baby like I had planned and started planning other things, I felt much better. Distraction is good.\n\nI checked my work emails and let them know that I hadn't had the baby but that I would be checking emails periodically from home. Then Kelby woke up and we had breakfast and played Ballerina (in her costume again) for a little while. Then we headed for Babies R Us to use up the gift cards I'd received from my showers. I bought several things that I had registered for but hadn't received. Nothing like spending free money to cheer you up! <smile>\n\nKelby and I met Husband for lunch at Aubrey's. It was fun to see him in the middle of a work day, and it was fun to have Kelby with us, too. Husband had decided to take the rest of the day off, so we went to Sam's & Wal- Mart before I took Kelby home for her nap. It ended up being a very nice day after all. Mom had called and left a message while I was out to check on how I was doing, so I returned her call and told her about the morning's disappointment. I felt better after talking with her. The baby will come at the right time, and there's a reason why today was not the right day.\n\nI am not getting my hopes up that the baby will come tonight. I think I'll just assume he'll stay in there for another week and that way I won't be disappointed if he comes "early". I emailed work and let them know that I'd probably be back tomorrow. I need distraction from wishing the baby would come, and work is a good distraction.\n\n----\n\nI let Kelby pick out her potty seat at Babies R Us. She picked one with [[Dora the Explorer|http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2324814&cp=&sr=1&f=Taxonomy%2FTRUS%2F2255957&origkw=toilet+seat&kw=toilet+seat&parentPage=search]], who neither Husband or I like very much. I don't like Dora because she yells all the time. I find her annoying. Thankfully, we also found a [[Sponge Bob|http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2388626&cp=&sr=1&f=Taxonomy%2FTRUS%2F2255957&origkw=toilet+seat&kw=toilet+seat&parentPage=search]] one at Wal- Mart, which will go nicely with the Sponge Bob toothbrush and Sponge Bob toothpaste that she also picked out a few weeks ago. I had planned on getting two potty seats - one for us and one for Granda - so we'll keep the Sponge Bob one and let Granda use the Dora one. <smile> This afternoon, Kelby was excited to use her new Sponge Bob potty seat and her new step stool so she could "Go up steps by myself!" She didn't mind sitting there for quite a while, but nothing ever came out. We tried it again later that evening, but still no successes. I am just pleased that she wants to sit on the toilet!!\n\n----\n\nTonight when we put Kelby to bed, I left the light on again. She didn't stop crying like she did last night, though. It took her the usual 5 minutes to fuss until she fell asleep. Then, about 15 minutes later, we heard her talking. And she kept talking for a while. She never does that at night, so we figured that the light was encouraging her to play with her Ho-ho's instead of sleeping. Husband went and turned her light off and she cried again. After a few minutes, he talked to her over the baby monitor to tell her to go to sleep and she quit crying and went to sleep. So, no conclusions about whether she's been afraid of the dark. Tonight seemed to indicate that she just doesn't like going to bed.\n\n----\n\nJust a few things about Kelby that I've forgotten to mention:\nDuring the last election, Husband and Kelby were watching TV and an ad for Bob Corker came on. Husband said his name and Kelby repeated it. It didn't take much before he would ask her "Who are you going to vote for?" and she'd answer "Bob Corker!" It was really cute and got lots of laughs from everyone. The funny thing is that now every time she sees [[Bob the Builder|http://www.bobthebuilder.com/usa/intro.html]], she says that it is Bob Corker. Even though I correct her every time, she still says it, and we haven't mentioned Bob Corker for months. Why on earth she gets the two confused, I have no idea... except that they are both Bobs.\n\nAnother thing she does is "count", and it goes something like this: Six, nine, six, two, seven... In the last week or so, though, if we'd remind her to start with one, she could count to five in the correct order, well... most of the time. Tonight, we read the "Five Little Monkeys" (Jumping on the Bed) book and she counted correctly -- we just had to remind her to start with one every time. It was the best I've ever heard her count! Husband told her that the rule is that you always start with one. And then a few minutes after we read the book, I asked her "What number do you always start with?" and she answered "One!" I was so proud of her!

I think I forgot to mention that Bryler is getting his second tooth - bottom left. I first saw it on Sunday, but I think it broke through Friday or Saturday. So he's been in full teething mode the past few days - chewing on anything and everything and drooling like mad and being a little fussier than usual.\n\nThis is a nice stage because he doesn't crawl yet and I can just set him on the floor for a few minutes and not worry about him going very far, at least not very quickly. He is sitting up perfectly now. He gets bored before he falls over. That's the biggest deterrent to floor playing. He gets tired of it pretty quickly. He'd much rather be in his walker, with being held and walked around being next favorable, and being in his Jumperoo being next (although he's not nearly so interested in it since he's used the walker), and with playing on the floor or in his bouncer seats bringing up the rear.\n\nI gave Bryler his first taste of peaches baby food this evening. He opened his mouth in anticipation wider than he's ever done before, but he wouldn't open his mouth again...Didn't like it too much. I stuffed a few more spoonfuls in his closed mouth but gave up pretty quickly. I know he was hungry because he ate about 4 ounces of formula afterward. That's okay. I don't care for peach-flavored stuff myself.\n\n----\n\nKelby has a yeast infection. She's complained about her pee-pee hurting a few times, and today she said that she tried to pee-pee and nothing would come out and that it hurt. Granda and I were sure that she had a bladder infection (urinary tract infection) because of her symptoms and the fact that she doesn't drink hardly any water. In fact, she pretty much drinks apple juice all day every day, with a little bit of milk whenever we make her drink it. It turns out that we were wrong about the bladder infection. Husband and I took her to the doctor where she had to pee in a cup (no problem there) and they tested it and found no infection. But the doctor checked her out and did find yeast. \n\nKelby was impressive at the doctor's office. She was not nervous like she has been in the past. I guess reading all those stories about going to the doctor and how he can help you get better has paid off. She knew exactly why she was there. In fact, when the nurse came in and asked us what was going on, I started to answer but Kelby took over with complete poise and confidence. She looked right at the nurse and said, "This morning... when I went to the bathroom... I could not pee pee... and my pee pee hurt." Bryan and I - and the nurse - were all suppressing smiles because she was so serious and we felt it would not be proper to laugh in response. Then when the doctor came in, he squatted down to be on her level and I told her that she could talk to him so she squatted down, too, facing him. She didn't tell it quite the same way, but she added the story about peeing in a cup this time. She did so great. We were proud. She pretty much could have gone to the doctor all by herself.\n\n----\n\nGranda told me today that she is going to go visit Pa this weekend because it was a year ago this week that we found out that Granny had pancreatic cancer. I didn't realize that it was that time. It hit me harder than I thought it would. I had a hard time grasping that just a year ago, we didn't know how very short the time would be. A year ago, we were looking forward to a new baby and having him grow up knowing the special person that was Granny. So much has happened since she "flew away" that it seems like a very long time ago. Realizing that a year ago she was still with us... just makes all those emotions of loss come back.

Kelby has been doing so well with the potty training during the day that I thought I'd start the nighttime training. I had her wear panties with a pullup over them and told her to call for me if she had to pee pee. She didn't call for me all night long. When I got her up and was changing her shirt and she told me she had to pee pee. I said okay but I was taking my time removing her pullup and then her panties and then I was shocked to find that THEY WERE DRY. Realizing she'd gone all night long without peeing, I scooped her up and rushed her to the bathroom where she had a long pee in the potty. I was so proud of her. She must have gotten Mommy's strong bladder. :)\n\nKelby keeps asking us about the windshield - several times yesterday and today. She wants to hear the whole thing - about how it keeps rocks and bugs and rain and wind out of our faces and how if we don't have our seatbelts on, we might fly through the windshield and hit our heads and get hurt. We tell the whole thing and then she immediately asks us to tell it to her again. Such a strange thing for her to be interested in!\n\n----\n\nBryler was wonderful yesterday. He was happy most of the time and skipped his typical fussy period. Because of church, we didn't get him in bed until 9:45 PM with a full stomach, so I thought that he'd sleep through the night. I miscalculated the signs. It was the worst night he's had in a month. My research on fussiness has led me to believe that some babies need a fussy period to let off extra energy and that it is followed by a long period of sleep. Well, the lack of fussiness during the day may have resulted in fussing during the night - the fussy quota had not yet been reached. He woke up at 12:45 AM and I fed him again. He woke up two more times before 6:00 AM and was not interested in the bottle either time. I resisted picking him up because that's a no no at this point because it will reinforce the crying. So I let him cry it out. Twice. I got up at 5:45 like usual, then he woke up again at 6:10 AM. He was still not interested in the bottle and was clearly not "awake" because he was crying with his eyes completely shut and kept ALMOST falling asleep. I waited until he quit crying for a few minutes before I picked him up, which was about 6:35. Sounds crazy to wait until he falls asleep to pick him up, but my goal is to teach him to fall asleep on his own and that crying will not get us to pick him up at night. Although it was still very unpleasant and I didn't get a good night's sleep, I wasn't quite as disturbed by his crying as I usually am because I felt that it was "necessary" crying and that there wasn't anything "wrong" with him or that I wasn't meeting one of his needs.\n<html><img src="http://g-ec2.images-amazon.com/images/I/413uVUocxQL._AA280_.jpg" border="0" height="175 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\nLast night at church, I put Bryler in the [[Jumperoo|http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000BXC1AI/ref=pd_sl_aw_flat-hi_newtoysg_17188237_1]] in the nursery and he just loved it. So I put ours together tonight and he bounced around and looked over me and smiled a few times as if to say, "This is fun!" Kelby never liked the Jumperoo, so I'm glad we'll be getting some use out of it. (No, this is not Bryler in the picture. This baby's got way too much hair!)\n\nBryler also started laughing at something other than our direct attempts at making him laugh. Tonight, he laughed when we gave him Kelby's stuffed giraffe. We didn't have to do anything except give it to him. He'd hold it for a few minutes and then laugh again and then drop it and we'd give it back to him and he'd laugh again. It was really funny.

After church, we went to eat at Mom & Dad's house. We had a great visit, and Dad made his legendary spaghetti that tastes similar to chili. We got to hear more about Mom's counseling job and her challenges. They've also been wanting to renovate their kitchen for - ah-hem - YEARS. They were thinking about letting Home Depot install the cabinets, but they've now decided to have Dad (who just retired last month) do the work, so that will keep him busy.\n\nKelby actually took a nap, so the rest of us got one, too. That was nice.\n\nThe evening service was really good again, but Kelby didn't want to sit still and Bryler started crying so I took them out to the lobby for the second half. Husband was playing the bass, so we couldn't leave. I was very proud of myself for not losing my patience or letting it ruin the night. I still enjoyed the music, which was still plenty loud in the lobby, and Kelby and I played with a bouncy ball that Kelby had gotten in the nursery that morning.

Here is the conversation Kelby and I had first thing this morning while I changed her diaper:\nMe: "Time to get up!"\nKelby: "I want to play at Kelby’s house."\nMe: "No, you get to go to Granda's house today. Mommy’s got to go to work."\nKelby: "Is Daddy sleeping?"\nMe: "No. He’s at work."\nKelby: "Daddy's at work?... I want Daddy."\nMe: "Daddy will come pick you up from Granda's house this afternoon."\nKelby: "I want Dada."\nMe: "Okay. We're getting ready to go to Granda's house."\nKelby: "Bryler would like to come."\nMe: "Okay. He can come. Does he like Granda’s house?"\nKelby: "Yes... I want to take Daddy’s Boy- Game."\nMe: "Gameboy?"\nKelby: "Yes. I want to take Daddy's Gameboy."\nMe: "No, you can't take Daddy's Gameboy, but when he picks you up, he will let you play with it. Let's find something in your toy box downstairs to take to Granda's house."\nKelby: "Okay."\nOn our way out, we looked in the big storage box that holds Kelby's extra toys. She immediately saw something she wanted.\n"Santa Claus!" She pulled him out and gave him a hug. "Pa gave me dat. Pa gave me Santa Claus, Mommy. Let's see if he works."\n\nYes, he still works. We listed to Santa Claus singing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" on the way to Granda's house.\n\nWhen Daddy picked Kelby up that afternoon, Kelby ran and gave him a nice big hug. That made him feel really good.\n\n----\n\nThis evening, Kelby found her two pretend cell phones and gave one to Daddy so he could talk on the phone with her. One of the phones rings automatically a few seconds after you "hang it up". She would purposely say "Bye Bye" and hang up, walk a few steps away, and say "Oh!" and run back to answer the phone when it started ringing again. They're conversations were so cute. Things like...\nKelby: "Hello?"\nDaddy: "Are you coming over to play with me?"\nKelby: "I will come play yesterday."\nDaddy: "You'll come play with me tomorrow?" \nKelby: "Yes."\n\n----\n\nE had her baby last night. Dalton is 4 lbs 15 oz and is doing well, and so is E. Dalton is in the neo-natal intensive care unit, and E is not allowed to hold him yet because his lungs are not fully developed and he has oxygen tubes in his nose. But he is not on a respirator and there are no major problems, thank God. E is going home tomorrow, but Dalton has to stay in the hospital for about 2 weeks - after his lungs fully develop and he develops the sucking reflex. \n\nI didn't get much done at work today. Everyone was all excited and talking in the hallways about E's baby being born. Three co-workers and I went to visit E and the baby at the hospital after lunch. Since she delivered 6 weeks early, we hadn't given her a baby shower yet. We stopped by Target to pick up the smallest baby outfits we could find and some other fun things for E and the baby. At the neo-natal unit, E had to buzz herself in and could only bring 1 guest at a time. Then we had to wash our hands for 3 full minutes and put a gown on over our clothes before entering the special nursery. Dalton was the first baby we came to. He was in a cloth contraption that kept him in a fetal position and had tubes in his nose and intravenous feeding tubes in his arm. He still had some [[lanugo|http://www.drgreene.com/21_1131.html]] (fine hair) on his arms. He was a tiny little thing and was sleeping soundly during my visit. I only saw him for a few minutes so the others could have their turn. During one of the others' visit, he started crying and poor E couldn't hold him or do anything to comfort him. How hard that must be! \n\nWe couldn't see Dalton through the ICU window, but we could see another baby that was in an enclosed incubator like the ones I've seen on TV. He was the tiniest baby I'd ever seen, much smaller than Dalton was. It made me sad to see him. He looked so alone and isolated in the glass box. On our way back to the office, I felt anxious to hold my own baby boy. I was so thankful to have had two healthy full-term babies. So grateful that I didn't have to go home and leave my baby at the hospital.

When I dropped the kids off at Granda's house, they were being too cute. Bryler was using the giraffe toy as a punching bag again and he was jabbering at the same time. Kelby was throwing me kisses and saying "See you later!" I didn't want to leave them. I wanted to stay and play.\n\n----\n\nGranda said that when Kelby saw Aunt Nooni coming out of the bathroom, she said, "Aunt Nooni needs a treat! She went potty!"

Husband wasn't feeling very well today... probably some kind of stomach virus. He did make some progress on the downstairs, but he spent more time relaxing upstairs. But since we think that it's a virus, he has to stay away from Bryler and limit contact with Kelby. This left more of the care to me, and by the end of the day I was just exhausted. I was also expecting 4 of my co-workers to visit me the next day, so I was trying to get the kitchen and bathroom cleaned and the baby room finished. I got most of the kitchen done, but I didn't even touch the bathroom or baby's room. Looks like I'll be busy in the morning!\n\nKelby poo- poo'ed in the potty at HOME today! Hooray! She was playing in her highchair when I noticed her face turning red. We told her not to push and I rushed her to the bathroom. Amazingly, I got there in time. While she sat there, she said, "Poo- poo coming out my bo- bo!" I found that quite hilarious!\n\nKelby asked for a banana. I had a bit and she ate the rest of it. When she was done, she asked for more banana. Since she'd eaten the whole banana, I told her it was all gone. She said, "No, Mama! More banana right dere!" and pointed to the other two bananas that were in the bowl. I was not trying to fool her, I just never thought of peeling another one for her. \n\n"Firsts" mark the beginning of the end. Let me explain. When a baby first crawls, it's the beginning of the end of immobility. When he first walks, it marks the beginning of the end of crawling. He may crawl a little bit more, but it is definitely the ending of a stage of like. So today is the end of "Pebby". She said it correctly today, with a K and an Elby. It makes me sad because it was so cute when she said Pebby, but it is also an exciting day. She is growing up. My baby is growing up.... sob, sob, sob.\n\n----\n\nLast night, Kelby came down with a cold and was coughing most of the night. I got her up to give her Tylenol cold medicine, which doesn't taste good so it is a bit of an effort to get her to swallow it. Thankfully, it did seem to lessen her coughing.\n\nWe worried that Bryler would catch the cold, which can turn into [[RSV|http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/infections/bacterial_viral/rsv.html]] in infants and can be serious enough to lead to hospitalization. Sure enough, he started getting congested and choking on his mucous. We'll have to call the doctor if he continues showing symptoms. \n\n----\n\nI got caught up on reading my friend, [[Jennifer's|http://jshell73.livejournal.com/]], blog today. I was several days behind. She is 9 months pregnant and expecting her baby any day now. I found it quite interesting that she was describing the same emotional roller coaster that I am now experiencing. I felt like I was reading my own blog. It was comforting to hear that I was not alone. It made me feel more normal.\n\nIt made me start wondering why women have to go through so much to bring a child into the world: the sickness/discomfort/moodiness of pregnancy, the loss of privacy and control over your body, the pain of childbirth, and the post natal recover, all of it an emotional roller coaster. And then I thought about the horrendous task of the husband, whose job it is to take care of the woman throughout all of this, keeping her sane and comforting and supporting her - loving her - even when she is illogical and completely pitiful. I don't know which one of us has it worse. :)

Went back to work today. I got two projects done that I hadn't expected to be able to do before maternity leave, so that was satisfying.\n\n----\n\nAlso went back to the doctor. Despite my hopes that I was making progress and would be more dilated, I found out quite the opposite. Dr. D said that I am only about 1 cm dilated. In other words, the baby's not ready to come out yet. He said it could be 7 to 10 days more before I go into labor. My world felt like it was falling apart. My carefully laid plans were crumbling. I was able to fake being calm and in control until I left the doctor's office, but on the inside, I was a little girl who had her just found out that her birthday party had been canceled.\n\nI called Husband on the way home and tearfully told him my discouraging news. He was the strong supportive husband I needed him to be. He asked me if the baby was healthy and if everything was alright besides the delay in birth, and I said yes, and he said that this was all that mattered. We have so much to be thankful for that we should not be upset that we have to wait an extra week for our healthy baby to be born. He was right, of course, and it did make me feel better. How can I complain? I am healthy. They baby is healthy. We are getting a boy, just like we wanted, after having a perfectly healthy baby girl, who is now more of a blessing than we ever thought possible.\n\nI felt awful for being disappointed, but it was just so hard to imagine having to wait another week. I'm so tired of it. Tired of all the people asking me when the baby is coming. It feels like I am letting all these people down by not having the baby yet. If only I could just be left alone about it. If only I could take a break from being pregnant for just a little while and have people talk about something else. Let's go back to talking about the weather or work or American Idol... anything except whether the baby would come tonight or tomorrow or next week or whether I've had any contractions lately.\n\nAfter giving myself a nice little pity party, I am feeling much better. Husband's words are true. God's timing is perfect despite everything. The key is to remember that His timing is perfect in hindsight, and I just have to wait another week or so before I can appreciate the hindsight part of it. In the meantime, I just have to quit worrying about it and keep myself busy by being a mother and wife and all the other things that make me who I am besides being very pregnant. So, on to other things...\n\n----\n\nWe are making progress on our downstairs renovation project... actually, I'm not able to help much, but Husband is making progress. He patched up the walls where the kitchen cabinets had been and it's now ready to be painted. Yesterday, he removed the built-in book case, and today, he put sheet rock up where the bookcase had been. It is amazing how different it looks with just this one change - opens the room up even more. This evening, we worked on boxing up the stuff that had been in the book cases.\n\n----\n\nWhile boxing stuff up, I found a [[children's Bible|http://www.amazon.com/NIrV-Read-Me-Bible-Revised/dp/0310920086/sr=8-1/qid=1169858299/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-5755826-6120063?ie=UTF8&s=books ]] that I used when I taught Sunday School and put it in with Kelby's books. She found it and asked me to read her "Dat Bible". I don't know how she knew it was a Bible! She had never seen it before and it doesn't look anything like the other Bibles she's seen.\n\nGranda said that Kelby spelled her name (aloud) today by herself. She said K E L B Y. I haven't got to hear her do it yet.\n\nShe also said that Kelby pee-peed in the potty on her new Dora potty seat today! Of course, we all made as big of a deal about it as we could. She also sat on the potty twice tonight, but nothing came out. She likes to flush the toilet, and I had to tell her not to go into the bathroom anymore without Mommy or Daddy because she was going in there to flush the toilet. I don't think it's a good idea for her to play with the toilet without being supervised. <smile>

Kelby and I planted a flower today. She was given a small potted plant with medium-sized pink flowers in her nursery class on Sunday. Their lesson was "God makes things grow." We didn't get around to planting it until today, but it looked exactly the same as it did when she got it. Kelby was very excited about planting her flowers. We had to hurry because it was thundering and windy outside, clearly about to storm, but it wasn't raining yet. Kelby helped me pick the spot to plant the flowers - in a nice empty spot in the front - and then she used her sandbox shovel to dig the hole, depositing the dirt in her little bucket. It thundered loudly and she said, "I like thunder. Thunder is cool." Of course I agreed with her. I remembered trying to get her to go to sleep during a thunder storm a few weeks ago and telling her that I liked the thunder and to try to think about how neat it was when she heard it. \n\nIt thundered much louder and she was clearly nervous about it and said it was time to go inside. But as the thunder rolled out, she helped me put the flower in the ground and I covered it up with pebbly dirt. We started down the sidewalk talking about how the rain will help the flower grow. I looked back and smiled at the pink flowers, standing tall and beautiful among the weeds and pebbles, ready to face the coming rain. We watched some ants and pulled a few weeds before another loud thunder roll made Kelby run for the door. As we went inside, she continued to talk about the thunder being cool and how the rain would help the flower grow. I was proud of her. Although the thunder scared her, she was being as brave as she could be. Maybe that's how the pink flowers felt, too. \n\nI hope Kelby's flowers stay around for a while. They are a reminder of how happy she makes me.

The 4 of us went to Mc Donald's for breakfast, followed by shopping at Home Depot and Walmart. At Mc Donald's, there was a group of elderly gentlemen sitting nearby. Kelby said, "Dere's peoples!" Husband corrected her and said, "There's people, not peoples." Then he said, "There's Bryler. Is he people?" She said, "No he's a person!" Her grammer is coming right along!\n\nHusband took Kelby to the Mc Donalds playground while I finished up eating. He said that he had so much fun with her. Kelby is at a perfect age for Husband now. She is so interactive and learning so much and says and does such surprising things. And now that she is wanting to spend more time with Daddy, it's just a joy.\n\nWe gave Kelby an early nap so that Husband could take her with him to play frisbee golf with Uncle Nee and Uncle Troy. I stayed home with Bryler. I know that Kelby enjoyed spending time with them and Husband said that she behaved very well. Afterward, he asked her where she wanted to eat and she said Sonic, so that's where they went.\n\nI was changing Bryler's diaper and realized half-way through that I was out of wet wipes. I was standing there trying to open the plastic package of wipes and having a difficult time of it when I looked down and saw that Bryler was displaying a perfectly arched stream of pee - just like one you might see in an elegant fountain in the park - shooting directly over his head and into his crib. He was laying there looking at me with the most bored look on his face. I grabbed a diaper just in time to catch the last few drops and just burst out laughing. I was so not prepared for that! That's okay - it was time to change the crib sheets anyway.\n\nWhen Nee came over to the house to see Bryler, Bryler smiled at him right away. This is the first time Nee's seen Bryler since he was born.\n\n----\n\nWhen I put Kelby to bed, she was really good. I told her good night and I love you and then reminded her that tomorrow was Sunday. She said, "We go to Home Depot!" I said, "We'll see" and closed the door. As soon as it was closed, I heard her call for me. I opened the door back up and she said, "I loves you too, Mommy." What a sweety.

I have had a hard time finding time for my blog this week, so I'm doing a catch-up entry.\n\nWork has been very busy, but good. Today, I was given a cost proposal to work on, which is something I need to get more experience on before my supervisor retires. Today was also the deadline to get the February financial statements to the company president, but there was a lot of research that needed to be done before they were ready to be seen. Things just didn't seem to make sense. I was proud of myself for finding the answers in the short time between doing the proposals and attending a charity luncheon and several other interruptions.\n\nStrange thing happened after the charity luncheon today, which was attended by a bunch of local businesses. The VP of the company I work for introduced me to an older business man who told me that he is learning to do wood carving and wanted to move on from carving Santa Claus's to the female face. He said that someone told him to find the prettiest female in the room and get a picture to work from, and that he had noticed my profile during the luncheon and could he take my picture. I was really embarrassed that someone - a stranger no less - would be looking at me when I didn't know it and I know my face was crimson, but I was also flattered by the compliment. He assured me that he wasn't a "dirty old man" and introduced me to his wife and gave me his business card, so I let him take my picture. He only wanted head-shots. He took one of me smiling, one without smiling, and one of my profile. I didn't tell my co-workers who were waiting on me what had happened. It was just too weird.\n\n----\n\nKelby has done great with bedtime the last few nights. Tonight, I sung her [[The Lullaby]] and put her in the crib as I sang the last few bars. She didn't protest. I whispered that Daddy would come say night-night if she stayed nice and quiet. Then I said, "Night-night, I love you." She replied, "Okay. I loves you too, Mommy." She didn't cry at all, and when Husband went in to say goodnight, she told him she loved him, too. These are the moments that make being a mommy or daddy so special.\n\n----\n\nLast night, I spent a few hours pulling pictures into the Walmart photo center website so I could use a coupon for 20 free prints that was going to expire. Husband also spent about an hour and a half helping pick the best ones and what size prints to order. After all that, we couldn't get the coupon code to work and we didn't want the prints enough to pay for them. So all that time was a complete waste. I was VERY ANGRY. Nothing angers me more than wasting my valuable time due to someone else's incompetence. It just boiled me. There were so many things I wanted to get done and I didn't get anything done at all!\n\nTonight was much better. Even though I worked late, I still got all of the maternity clothes from the four corners of the house, sorted, and put away in storage containers for return to their rightful owners. It feels so good to get something done!\n\n----\n\nPlease pray for a couple in my church who I have known most of my life. Their youngest son died today in a head-on car accident. I cannot imagine what they are going through right now. It hurts my heart. It really, really does.

Bryler was a good boy this evening. I really enjoyed holding him. He loves to stand up, so as we watched Star Gate SG 1, I held him standing up in my lap and he looked all around and watched some TV, too. He usually goes to bed for the night around 9:30 right after taking his bottle. This evening was the same. I fed him the bottle and he fell asleep on my shoulder after I burped him. But I didn't want to put him down. I just held him as he slept, and I enjoyed every minute of it. I thought about how quickly Kelby grew up and how she didn't want to be held so much any more, at least not the snuggle-type of being held. She doesn't fall asleep in my arms anymore. So this time with Bryler is special, and I do not take it for granted like I probably did when Kelby was this age.

Bryler had another bad night. He woke up around 4:00 AM choking on his mucous. We were up most of the rest of the morning with him. Every time I put him down, he'd start choking and gagging again. We were plum tired when Kelby woke up at 7:15. I called the doctor at 8:00 and got an appointment for 9:40. I had to cancel the lunch with my co-workers, which I really hated to do. I didn't know how long the doctor appointment would last, I still hadn't cleaned the bathroom, nor finished putting up pictures in the baby room, nor finished cleaning the kitchen... plus Husband still felt bad with his stomach virus and Kelby still had her cold, so I rescheduled it for next Tuesday. We also let Kelby go to Granda's house even though it wasn't her scheduled day to go so that we could get some rest.\n\nWhen I got to the doctor's office, I was feeling so low. (I took him by myself because Husband was feeling sick and was catching up on the sleep we had missed last night.) I had a list of things that Bryler was dealing with - both eyes with blocked tear ducts, worsening thrush, cradle cap, maintenance of the circumcised wee- wee, and of course, the cold. First they weighed him, and he was 10.6 lbs. Then they got his temperature, which was 99.2, which the nurse said was "good". Finally, the doctor came in and we went through the list. Would you believe, he came out of the office much healthier. Turns out he doesn't have thrush (it was just milk on his taste buds that made his tongue white - boy, do I feel stupid!), his wee- wee is fine (he showed me how to care for it), and he doesn't even have a cold. It's just congestion caused by the dry air of our heaters. We run the heat more at night, which is why he's only congested at night. If he had a cold, he'd be coughing all day AND night. He recommended using a humidifier or a vaporizer right next to where he sleeps. That leaves him with blocked tear ducts and cradle cap - no big deal. In other words, he's FINE. I left with my spirits lifted. And when I got home, I got a 2-hour nap.\n\nWhen Bryler smiles, it just melts my heart and makes me so happy. His smile is beautiful. It spreads right up to his eyes. If only there were more of them. It gives me something wonderful to look forward to and something to cherish now.\n\nI usually put Bryler's bouncer seat right next to the couch while I take a nap so that I can put the pacifier back in his mouth or pick him up easily if he cries. Yesterday, I woke up after about an hour of sleeping and he was sleeping peacefully there in the bouncer seat. But I couldn't resist picking him up and holding him for the rest of my nap. He's my little snuggle buddy.\n\n----\n\nKelby poo-poo'ed on the potty at Granda's house again today. This time, she asked to go. She's getting the hang of it!\n\nI am ending the day feeling proud of myself. No, I didn't get anything done that was on my to-do list. Instead, I spent the evening playing with Kelby. In the past few days, she's asked me to come play with her many times, and I have given some excuse. I know I can't spend every minute with her, but I was starting to feel like I was neglecting my most important responsibility. Tonight, I made her the priority and let the rest of the stuff wait. We spent some time on the front porch with Kika, walked down to get the mail, ate dinner, then she helped me clean off the kitchen counters, then she dressed up like a ballerina (when I showed her some ballet moves, she wanted me to put her ballerina outfit on), then I taught her how to hang up the ballerina clothes on hangers, then we played with her books and toys in her bedroom until it was time for bed. It was good quality time spent with my other little buddy and it felt good. She was happy. It felt right. I felt like a good mother. <smile>

I found that once my "plans" for having a baby this week were postponed, I could relax and not worry about when the baby would come. After the initial disappointment, I actually found it to be a relief to quit thinking about whether the next contraction would start the labor.\n\n----\n\nWe stayed home most of the day doing laundry and "regular" stuff. After dinner, we went to Food City to pick up some groceries and rent some movies. We hadn't rented movies in a long time. We also made last-minute plans to recognize Kelby's actual birthday the next day (the 28th) with cupcakes and just a few gifts after lunch (wherever we ended up eating). She had already had one birthday party at Grammy's house, and another one is planned for after the baby is born so that Uncle Nee can be there, but we didn't want the "real" day to go unobserved. When we got home from Food City, we made bran muffins for a "healthy" snack and then baked the birthday cupcakes for tomorrow, which of course had to be tested to make sure they were good. Then, after we put Kelby to bed, we watched [[Superman Returns]].\n\n----\n\nHusband is teaching Kelby to say "I don't know" when she doesn't know the answer to something. If you ask her a question that she doesn't know the answer to, she usually just says nothing or sometimes says "huh", which is confusing since that usually means Yes. She is catching on to "I don't know" pretty well, and it's pretty cute. So far, I haven't heard her say "I don't know" without being prompted, but I'm sure it will happen soon.\n\nToday, Kelby counted to 10 for me all by herself! She did it for me perfectly, but she skipped Nine when she did it for Daddy. Still, I was very impressed! \n\nWe also looked up some language [[milestones|http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/development/language_development.shtml]] and we feel that she's skipped to age 3. <smile> She also already does a few of the things on the 4 year old list: such as "Knows names of familiar animals", "Names common objects in picture books or magazines", and "Knows one or more colors". As far as language goes, she seems to be pretty advanced for a 2-year-old.

Kelby fell down the stairs today. It is actually the first time that's happened. She has always done so well on the stairs that I let her go down by herself. I had let her do that several times before, but I was just below her on the stairs, prepared to catch her if she fell. This time, I put something up in the bathroom while she started down and when I got to the top of the stairs, I got there just in time to see her lose her balance and slide about 4 steps down on her stomach and then the momentum of the fall flipped her over backward another 2 steps where she stopped on the landing. I was too far away to do anything except say, "Oh no! Oh no!" a couple of times as I ran down the steps. It scared me half to death, and of course, it scared her too, but thankfully she was not hurt. She started crying and I ran down and scooped her up in my arms and held her until she calmed down. Husband was downstairs and heard her fall and asked me why she was going down by herself. I told him it was my fault because I let her go down by herself. In my confidence in her abilities, I had forgotten that she was only 2 years old. It will be quite a while before I let her go down by herself again. \n\nMy memory of the event plays out in slow motion. I see her slowly falling step by step and finally reaching the landing and her scared face. The interesting thing is that when I play out the memory in my mind -- like playing a movie in slow motion -- it "skips" a couple of times, which I believe is when I had blinked.\n\nI am so thankful to God that she was not hurt badly!

I am tired of writing the nicknames of people. So I am going to drop some of them. Just thought I'd warn you.\n\nLee came up from Huntsville for a golf tournament last night. He came over for a few hours tonight. He took Kelby out to play golf in our yard for a little while. She lost interest in that pretty quickly, but she fixed him food (sweet gum balls, dirt, crushed leaves, gravel, and whatever else she could find) until Husband told Kelby it was time to come inside. Lee had brought some Wii games, so we got Kelby to play Mario Party with us. We had a 4-person game going. Kelby started out doing very well, pointing her controller correctly and pressing the button, but she started to get tired after about a half hour of it. Still, it was a neat memory, playing the Wii with Kelby, Lee and Husband.

I got a LONG nap today - 2 1/2 hours! I usually get up as soon as Kelby or Bryler wakes up, but Husband turned off the monitor and went in Kelby's bedroom to play with her as soon as she woke up without me knowing and I kept sleeping.\n\n----\n\nHusband's parents, Grandmother, and Nee brought dinner over to our house - chimichangas and rice (made by Nee). It was good, especially the ones with whole wheat tortillas. Kelby was so cute. We hadn't told her that they were coming and I had taken her out to the porch. When they all drove up, I asked her who had come to see us. With each person that came up the sidewalk, she got more and more excited. "Dada... Uncle Nee!... Big Daddy!!... GRANDMAUR!"

First this morning, I changed Kelby's diaper and put a pullup on her, which means I was going to attempt the potty-training YET AGAIN. I reminded her to tell us when she needed to go poo poo or pee pee and she said, "And I'll get a pink treat!" We didn't have any more "pink treats", so I said, "How about some jelly beans?" She liked that idea and said, "I go pee pee." She wanted to go ahead and pee pee in the potty so she could get a jelly bean right away. As I was taking her to the potty, she said, "Pull it just to the ankles. Not past the feet." She remembered the lesson I gave her [[a month ago|23 March 2007]]. Sure enough, she pee peed and got 2 jelly beans. After breakfast, I took her again and she pee peed again. This continued every 45 minutes except during her nap and she peed just about every time I took her so that I actually lost count of the number of times. At the end of the day, I was so proud of Kelby. But I was also quite proud of myself. I made it through a day of potty training without giving up!\n\n----\n\nJust one saying for today:\nI was putting my makeup on in the bathroom and Kelby decided she wanted to brush her teeth. So she brought her potty stool over to the sink, put the toothpaste on her toothbrush (several times), and brushed her teeth (several times). A few minutes into it, she said, "I'm brushing my teeth. Mommy's fixing her face."

Bryler is 1 month old today. He's growing so fast. He's not that little tiny newborn anymore. He holds his head up so well that I don't have to worry about supporting it very much anymore. He seems to be a really strong baby. Today I worked on organizing all the pictures that we've taken the last 2 months and picking out the ones I'd like to put on Snapfish. Hopefully, I'll get those out soon. I was really pleased that the pictures had turned out better than I expected. It's really strange, though, because he reminds me so much of Kelby's baby pictures, I have to keep reminding myself that it's Bryler and not Kelby.\n\n----\n\nThis morning, I put together the tandum (2 kid) stroller that we got at our baby shower. It's super nice! Bryler rides in his infant car seat on the front and Kelby either sits or stands behind him. After dinner, we took a walk around the block to try it out. It was the first exercise I've gotten since the Bryler was born... but not the last! I hope to take more walks with the kids as the days keep getting warmer.\n\n----\n\nWhile I was changing Kelby's diaper this morning, she said, "Paypuhzuh". I didn't understand her so I ignored her at first, or maybe I said, "Uh huh." Anyway, she kept insisting, "Pay Puh Zuh." So I repeated it back to her "Paypuhzuh?" just like she had said it so that she could hear what I was hearing. She shook her head and said very slowly, "Pay... Puh Zuh!" and pointed to the top drawer of her cabinet. She said it like I was learning a foreign language and she had to speak each syllable so that I could understand. It worked. I said, "Oh, play puzzle!" She was so proud of me.\n\nSo we got out the puzzle of the United States that Uncle Nee had given her for her birthday and played with it a little while. She was able to show me where Tennessee was without any help. Then after we worked on it for a while, she could also point out where Texas and Florida were. Pretty soon, she'll be better than me at know where the states are!\n\nAs for the daily potty report, yes, she poo-poo'ed on the potty again today. This time, I caught her with her face all red and ran her into the bathroom where she promptly tinkled, but did not seem to need to poo-poo anymore. I knew she had started pushing just a few minutes ago, so I didn't want to put her diaper back on just to change a poo-poo diaper a few minutes later... so we waited... and waited... she wanted to play with the toilet seat lid and then the toilet paper, so I got her a book to look at and I started cleaning the bathroom... 15 minutes later, I looked over and her face was all red again. Success! I was so proud of her, but also proud of myself for not getting too impatient.\n\n----\n\nI sacrificed my afternoon nap to assist Husband in the renovation project while Kelby was taking her nap. Turns out that when you remove carpet from stairs, there are a billion nails and staples to remove. Husband had already spent hours working on it and I ended up spending a couple hours as well. It is a dreadful job, but we have to get them out so that there is a smooth surface for the laminate flooring. He may be able to put the flooring on the stairs tomorrow. Soon, we'll be able to move the furniture back in and maybe watch some movies on our newly painted large screen... uh, wall!

Bryler Noel has finally arrived... after waiting for so long, he showed up sooner than expected after all (see [[26 January 2007]]). It appears that he wanted to be born on his sister's birthday, January 28th. Most of our discussion about whether or not to induce labor was surrounded around how long we wanted to wait vs. how close to Kelby's birthday we wanted it to be. The closer it got to her birthday, the sillier we felt about inducing. So we decided not to schedule the labor and let God and the baby pick the date.\n\nSaturday night, we watched [[Superman Returns]], so it was about 11:45 before we went to bed. My contractions had been strong that day (although not more frequent than usual), and I felt that the baby had dropped lower or something because the pressure from the contractions were just "different". Around 1:50 AM, I had a contraction that woke me up. After using the bathroom and getting back in bed, I had contractions about 8 minutes apart for a while. I didn't write them down - didn't want to get my hopes up - but I lay in bed trying to sleep, looking at the clock every time a contraction started. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep during the hour or so that this was going on. Finally, I got up to get a piece of paper and a pen to write them down. When I got back in bed, they stopped coming for about 15 minutes, but then they started up again and they were about 4 minutes apart. I didn't want to get Husband's hopes up or wake him up if it was a false alarm, but they continued so I finally told him around 3:00 AM. They kept coming about 4 to 5 minutes apart and I started feeling pressure in my back, so we felt that these were probably signs of real labor and not just Braxton Hicks contractions. After being told by the Dr. that I was only 1 cm dilated on Friday, I was afraid that it was a false alarm, but Husband felt that we needed to go ahead and go to the hospital just in case. We had heard stories about second babies coming faster than first babies, so we didn't want to wait too long before going to the hospital. Husband was worried that if I was too far along when we got to the hospital, it would be too late to get an epidural...sweet of him to be so concerned about minimizing my pain. He called Granda and she came over to stay with Kelby while she continued sleeping. I hated to leave Kelby without saying goodbye or explaining why we'd not be there when she woke up (on her birthday no less), but I felt that this was the best plan, especially since she is so comfortable with Granda.\n\nWe arrived at the hospital at 3:40 AM and checked in, but they didn't admit me until after the doctor saw me at 9:30 AM. By then, I was only 2 cm dilated, but they had been monitoring my contractions that for 5 1/2 hours and could see that I was in the early stages of labor. The baby was also high up in the birth canal - too high to safely break my water. By this time, my contractions were feeling much stronger than they had been at home and were consistently 3 to 4 1/2 minutes apart. The doctor I saw was from a different medical group, Dr. M. The nurses told me that they were surprised the doctors from my group had not already scheduled an inducement and that if they were on call this morning, they would have already induced me. Since it was a doctor that had not seen me before, he would be more hesitant to induce labor. During the time I was being monitored, I slept very little. I was mostly concentrating on the baby's heartbeat, which beeped on the monitor, and watching my contractions show up on the screen to see how consistent they were. And I also prayed a lot, prayed that I would not have to go back home if that was God's will.\n\nI liked Dr. M a lot. He was informative and answered my questions without seeming to be annoyed by them, and he didn't ramble on or give vague answers. After checking me, he gave me my options: \n1) I could go back home and wait and see how long it would take for my contractions to bring the baby down into the birth canal (postponing labor perhaps a few days, but probably requiring me to stay home and rest the whole time) \n2) try to stop the contractions with medication (postponing the labor until the contractions started back up on their own or labor was induced), or \n3) Have [[pitocin|http://www.drspock.com/article/0,1510,4925,00.html]] injections to see if the augmented contractions would bring the baby down far enough for my water to be broken and the baby delivered (speeding up labor with baby born TODAY).\n\nI was already very tired from not sleeping but 2 hours all night. I was feeling the contractions at a pain level of 3 to 4 on the scale of 1 to 10. Although they were bearable, I was not at all thrilled with going home and waiting because I'd never know how dilated I was nor when to go back to the hospital... and the waiting would not be fun! Stopping the contractions certainly didn't sound like something I wanted to do when I was so ready for the baby to come. So I was certainly leaning toward the pitocin option. I told Husband my preference and he was okay with it. I was very relieved. At this point, I didn't care if he came on Kelby's birthday. Their birthdays would be so close to each other anyway, we'd probably end up having combined birthday parties anyway, at least while they were young. And it was still uncertain. If it was not God's will, the pitocin would not work and we'd go home to wait. I was admitted to the hospital and moved to a delivery room at 9:30 AM.\n\nWhen I called Granda to give her an update, I found out that Kelby was happy to see her when she woke up. Granda sang her happy birthday, and she didn't seem the least bit upset by our absence. I was very relieved to hear this. \n\nAfter getting settled in the delivery room, the nurse tried to get a vein in my left hand for the I.V., but the blood vessel burst. That was not pleasant and left a nice bruise. She got another nurse to stick me in my right arm about 2 inches above my hand. Through the I.V., I was given fluids to keep me hydrated, the pitocin, and antibiotics for the strep B. The antibiotics hurt - it felt like hot oil going up my arm. After a few minutes, the pain pretty much went away. I had propped my arm up at the elbow. After about 10 minutes, I moved my arm back down and the burning came back much worse this time. I felt like my arm was going to fall off! Luckily, there wasn't much of the antibiotic left and the pain only lasted about 5 more minutes. The baby's heart rate monitor kept losing the baby's heart beat because he kept moving, so they actually attached on to the top of his head. The nurse said that this was standard procedure nowadays, but it was a little nerve wracking while she was attaching it. It left a little tiny mark on his forehead, which healed up before we even left the hospital.\n\nAt 10:40 AM they checked me again, and the baby had moved down enough so the Dr broke my water. It all happened quickly. The Dr said that if I was "average", I would deliver the baby around 6:00 that evening. I was pleased and hopeful that I would get to see my baby that day. \n\nMom watched Kelby during choir practice and kept her happy with gummy fruit snacks, but she started missing me by the end and asked to go see Granda. Kelby went to the nursery for the first part of the service while Granda played piano and then she brought her to the hospital around 11:30 for a visit before they had lunch and then went to Aunt Nooni's house for a nap. It was a little strange to see Kelby in my condition, in a hospital gown with all the tubes attached to me. I was glad to see her, though. I was glad to see that she was doing fine without us.\n\nAfter my water was broken, the contractions started to become very painful. I was at a pain level of 6 at Noon. It wasn't long before my pain level was up to 8 and 9 and I asked for the [[epidural|http://www.brighamandwomens.org/painfreebirthing/epidprocedure.aspx]], maybe around 12:45. The epidural was painful, but I expected it to be. That is one thing I remembered very well from delivering Kelby. I have to sit up and stick out my back, with my chin to my chest. Husband stood in front of me and held my shoulders as I leaned against him. I held onto the belt loops on his pants. Having him there was very comforting, and he helped keep me from flinching too badly when I got "stuck". First, the anesthesiologist gave me a shot for local pain killer, which hurt. Then he stuck me a couple more times, each one feeling a little different, but each one hurting. When he inserted the catheter, I felt a sudden terrible tingling in my upper right thigh and could not resist flinching. The tingling was a very sharp pain. I wasn't expecting that. But it was still worth it. Very soon after receiving the epidural, I could feel the pressure from the contractions, but no pain. What a relief! That only lasted about 1 hour, though.\n\nI was planning on taking a nap as soon as the pain from the contractions lessened, but I never got a chance. Mom came by and visited for a few minutes, and then I saw Aunt Nooni and Kelby for just a minute. Husband went to visit people in the waiting room. I tried to relax, but I noticed that the baby's heart rate was dropping at the end of my contractions. I called the nurse in and we tried changing my position (laying on the right side, then the left side, etc). I was getting ready to get someone to go get Husband when he came back to the room. I was starting to stress out and I wanted him with me. Some positions seemed to help a little, but not for long. By the end, the only time his heart rate didn't go down at the end of my contractions was when I was actually moving, but it wasn't very comfortable to keep moving. They also made me put an oxygen mask over my mouth. That was awful! I felt like it was suffocating me, which I know is not the intent of an oxygen mask! But it was terribly uncomfortable on my face and I couldn't see well with it on, and I had a harder time breathing naturally. But they said it would help the baby, so I endured it. It was good that the heart rate would good back up after the contractions because they would have suggested a c-section delivery if stayed down. The nurses monitored the heart rate closely from about 12:45 to 1:45.\n\nAt around 1:45, I was dilated 5 cm. They increased my pitocin level, and I immediately started to feel the contractions stronger and stronger, until I was at a pain level of 9. Husband pushed the button on the epidural machine to increase the pain reliever, and we called the nurse, who checked me again around 2:10. Within about 25 minutes, I had gone from 5 cm to 10 cm dilated! It took me a little bit to understand what she was saying... that I was ready to push! They called for the doctor to get ready, and the nurses all got busy getting the bed ready and bringing in the delivery equipment. The nurses had me push on the next contraction to get the baby in position for delivery, so by the time the doctor got there, they could see the baby's head. I think the doctor had me push through 2 contractions, and then the baby's head was out. The umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby's neck twice (explains the reason for heart rate dropping), so he untangled him, and then I had to push through 1 more contraction to get the rest of the baby out. Husband stood near me and encouraged me, and it helped.\n\nWhen the baby came out, he did not start crying immediately like Kelby did. He moved a little bit at first, but as the umbilical cord was cut and fluid sucked out of his mouth, he turned purple and hung in the doctors hands lifeless. The doctors and nurses did not seem to be concerned, but I became panicky and tearful. I said, "He's not crying, he's not moving." I don't remember if anyone replied to me or not. Once the cord was cut, the nurse took him to the heat lamp table and rubbed him down. It was just a few second before he started crying. Husband went to watch and I looked on from the hospital bed. I was unconsciously holding my breath. When he started crying, I felt a surge of emotion from the relief... first came tears and then a laugh as I started to breathe again. Then we noticed that his hair was red-tinted. He was beautiful. Husband thought his head was a little cone-shaped from delivery, but if it was, it didn't last long. He was about the same size as Kelby when she was born. He was 7 lbs 15 oz and 21 inches long. Kelby was 7 lbs 13 oz and 21 inches when she was born.\n\nWhile the doctor stitched me up, the nurses cleaned everything including the baby, and performed the [[apgar tests|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apgar_score]]. I called my mom to tell her that the baby was here and Husband went to tell everyone in the waiting room. It was a whole hour after he was born before I got to hold him! I don't remember much, but I know I let him nurse and I was so glad to finally get to see the baby that I had carried for 9 months. \n\nI was so exhausted! It was a sleepless night and a very stressful day. Husband has told me many times since then how proud he was of me in handling the pain and delivery and stress of it all. I guess he expected me to yell or cry or something like that. I just tried to stay calm and breathe. I knew that it would all pass and that in the end, we would finally get to see the baby.\n\nOnce we had the family in the room, Husband announced the name of the baby: Bryler Noel. I made up the name Bryler several months ago, but a search on the Internet shows that there are others with that name. Still, I think it is unique enough that he won't know many others by that name. It was on the top of our long list of names that we took to the hospital with us, and it was not hard to decide once we saw him.\n\nSo the rest of the evening was full of visitors coming to see the baby, a little birthday party for Kelby complete with cupcakes that we had baked the previous night and a few presents, picking at hospital lunch food (my only meal of the day), a couple of feedings for Bryler, more visitors, and finally going to bed around 8 PM. It felt more like 1 AM. Husband's aunt was on duty that night, so she kept him in the nursery and brought him back when he got hungry. It was really nice to have a family member to watch him that first night. I was afraid to keep him in our room since we were both so tired.\n\nI thank God for a healthy baby and that the long-awaited event had finally come!

I have cut back on my journal writing. The main reason has been that [[Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows|http://www.amazon.com/Harry-Potter-Deathly-Hallows-Book/dp/0545010225/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-2796332-1911027?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1185652907&sr=8-1]] - book #7 in the series - came out last week. No, I am not reading that book... yet. I am a whole book behind the rest of the HP -reading world. Everyone I know that got the 753-page book has already read it. This means that I have to NOT listen whenever anyone starts to talk about the book so that I won't hear anything that would spoil the secrets. Thus, I have been inspired to "catch up" and I've been reading book #6, [[Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince|http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0439784549/$%7B0%7D]] since Saturday, the day when the new book arrived at our house for Husband to read. I am not a fast reader. I'm still not even half-way through the book. So expect a little less writing and a lot more reading in the next few weeks.\n\nThis might seem like a bad thing, but I have found that reading books, especially novels, makes me more inspired to write. Actually writing stuff makes me lose confidence while reading stuff makes me gain confidence. Maybe it is like eating. The more you eat, the less you want. And the less you eat, especially while being surrounded by food, the more you want to eat. Today, I felt the need to write. The words were writing themselves in my head, and I just had to get them down because I knew that they would soon be forgotten.\n\nSpeaking of journal writing, I had an interesting stream of thought a few minutes ago as I rocked Bryler to sleep while feeding him a bottle, which I know I'm supposed to quit doing, but I did enjoy it... Nothing more relaxing than that. Anyway, I wondered what it would be like to read a journal written about my own childhood like the one I've been writing about Kelby's childhood. Would I have a better sense of who I am? Would it make me more grounded, more solid, to remember all the things that I have forgotten about my life growing up in the yellow house? I have often been troubled by my lack of remembrance about my childhood. I know that it was happy. I know that I had no real worries, no tragedies (except for the time my cat, Ami, got run over by a car), and I rarely even fought with my siblings. But knowing this doesn't really satisfy me. How could so many years pass by and be forgotten? Who was I back then and how did I come to be the person I am now? I am tempted to get out my journals that I started writing in grade school. But I've read them once before and found myself to be a stranger, and that disturbs me. I am not the same person that I used to be. But I digress. What I decided was that reading my mother's journal about my childhood, had she written one, would NOT have given me a better sense of who I am, but I think it WOULD have given me a better sense of how my mother felt about me. I have never doubted that she loved me (and still loves me), but it would have been interesting to get her personal perspective on what it was like to raise me. And that made me think about what it will be like for Kelby or Bryler to read my journal someday. So... Kelby, Bryler... if you are reading this... I love you so so much. More than I could ever express in words.\n\n----\n\nBryler is 6 months old today. And he is getting funner every day! (I know that funner is not a word, but I like it.) Today, I was holding him on the couch downstairs and I had the brown throw blanket covering our legs. The blanket has a fringe around the edges - strings about 6 inches long - and he was fascinated by it. He played with it on his feet, running the strings through his toes, and then touching it with his hands. I was impressed with how gingerly he touched it. I'm used to him being clumsy when handling his toys, banging them against his body and other things to make noises with them, putting his whole arm into it. But with the blanket, he was carefully bringing his hand over and gently touching individual strings with his fingers. I watched him do this for a good long time. I was amazed at how grown up he was getting.\n\nBryler had prunes for the first time on Thursday. He liked them even less than he liked peaches. But he went a whole day without pooping, so I wanted to make sure he wasn't constipated. (If he ever was, he isn't anymore! I changed 3 poopy diapers today!) I've always heard that most babies don't like most things on their first taste, but they soon warm up to it after they get their taste buds used to it. That's why you should not give up on it after one try. So we've fed him peaches several times since [[Wednesday|25 July 2007]]. Each time, he seemed to like it more, and today he ate a bunch of peaches and opened his mouth for me until it was all gone. It's so much easier when he opens his mouth.\n\nI gave Bryler a bath today. Husband was working on his new website (which I will tell about more when it's ready), so I gave Bryler a bath by myself. I used the infant bath tub in the sick... for the last time. I let him sit up in it. He loved it... splashing in the water the whole time and not even caring that he was splashing the water right into his face... and all over me... and all over the floor... and all over the counter. I am so glad that he likes baths now. Next time, I'll put him in the "big" bathtub. Maybe I'll stay a little dryer.\n\nThe "training" we've put ourselves through to make Bryler learn to go to sleep without a bottle and without our assistance has finally paid off. He's slept through the night almost every night this week - 8:00ish PM to 6:00ish AM! Sometimes he cries himself to sleep when we put him down for the night and sometimes he doesn't. At those time, he just rolls over on his side, clutches his Peter Rabbit doll/blanket, and goes to sleep.\n\n----\n\nI took Bryler to Kohl's with me this morning. When I got back, Kelby was using my computer and surprised me by demonstrating that she can use the mouse all by herself, moving the pointer to where she wants it to go and then clicking the left button! The only problem is that now she wants to "see Elmo" all the time and that means Kelby and I both want to use the computer at the same time. I predict she'll have her own computer before she's 3. Or maybe for her 3rd birthday.\n\nKelby did better is terms of obeying this week. I've had to count her several times, but she gets moving very quickly when I get to 2. I'm working on getting her to obey the first time I ask her, reminding her that I shouldn't have to count to make her start moving. I am seeing some improvements little by little.\n\nThis afternoon, she was sitting in my lap at my computer and she passed gas. Pfhphfphf. We all heard it. She said, "'Scuse me." After a moment, I said, "That stinks, Kelby." It really did! It was terrible! She said, "It was my poot." Husband and I just couldn't resist laughing. It was just too funny.

Bryler is going through a new phase that is not fun. He doesn't want to go to bed in the evening. He'll be sleepy as anything and will even fall asleep if you're holding him, but as soon as you put him in the crib he will scream and wail until you pick him up again. Last night, I left him with Husband and went to bed at 10:30. When Husband came to bed at 11:30, I woke up and I could hear Bryler screaming from the next room. He had been crying for 20 minutes. I waited another 10 minutes (in agony, by the way) and finally went in to try to calm him down. Thankfully, he did fall asleep and I was able to transfer him to the crib ever-so-carefully without waking him. But I was so scared that he would wake up again. At every sound he'd make from the baby monitor, I'd pray and pray that he wouldn't wake up. He didn't. He slept until 6:30 AM. \n\nI cannot describe the feeling I get when I have to listen to Bryler cry and not go pick him up. It is agony. It is emtionally painful. I can't breathe well and my chest feels tight. I have trouble thinking about anything else. \n\nMy first theory about why he was having such a hard time going to sleep at night was that it was teething. This still may be a possibility, but it doesn't seem to help when I give him teething tablets at night when that usually helps at other times of the day. My next theory was that it was [[separation anxiety|http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/development/separation_anxiety.html]], but he's too young for that. My most recent theory is that he is getting overly tired. This comes from some [[research|http://www.intelihealth.com/IH/ihtIH/WSIHW000/29010/29454/331780.html?d=dmtChildGuide]] I did this afternoon: "A baby should be put to bed before she becomes overly tired. Once in the morning and once in the afternoon (and possibly once in the early evening), soothe your baby, put her down to sleep, and give her some time to see if she falls asleep on her own. Let a younger baby cry for five, 10 or 20 minutes before picking her up. An older baby can cry up to an hour." I think we'll try putting him down for the night a little earlier to see if it will help. We have solved Kelby's bedtime issues just in time for Bryler to start his.\n\n----\n\nFirst thing after breakfast, Kelby and I went outside to plant 4 groundcover plants in the garden. Then we gave her a bath and took her to see Big Daddy and Uncle Nee fly RC airplanes at Grandmother's house. Kelby ended up spending most of her time with Grandmother. They went to see her ducks at pond, then visited her pet birds, then Kelby "helped" with laundry, then they tried out the front porch swing and finally the swing out in the yard. When we got in the car, I asked Kelby if she had fun seeing the ducks ("Yes"), seeing the dog ("Yes"), seeing the birds ("Yes"), helping with the laundry ("Yes"... the dog's name is Xerxes!") The dog's name is Aska - one of her monkeys is named Xerxes, the one that Husband named - so I thought this was quite funny.\n\nI gave Bryler a quick bath before Husband's family came over for a Memorial Day cookout. We had hamburgers and hot dogs. After everyone ate, the guys went outside to play Frisbee golf in the back yard. It was super hot outside and Kelby and Nayna were right there with them having a grand ol' time and getting extremely red-faced. We put sunscreen on them, so the red faces were hopefully from being hot and not burnt. \n\nBryler was a good boy most of the time and showed off his skill in sitting up by himself. He's been able to sit up by propping him up on his hands for about a week and he's getting better and better at it. He also ate 7 whole oz in one sitting! Later in the afternoon, Granda was holding him and he was squealing and making cute little baby sounds.

\nToday was a good day. Church was good - both the morning and evening services. The music was great and Husband kicked booty on the bass. I never payed attention to the bass much before I started dating him... Now that's mainly what I listen for, and he just keeps getting better and always surprises me with the cool stuff he does.\n\n----\n\nFor lunch, we picked up stuff at the grocery store to make subway-type sandwiches, which was fun. I made the best sub sandwich I've ever made for myself. (I usually don't like homemade subs.) This time, it was Yummy. Just a little more tweaking and it will be Really Yummy... we have enough supplies to eat sub sandwiches all week long, so maybe I'll find the perfect combination one of these days. :)\n\n----\n\nI helped Aunt Nooni and Granda in the infant nursery during Sunday School. Two of the boy babies were very hefty and one of them was just 1 month older than Bryler. Suddenly, my big boy Bryler didn't seem so big any more. Now, he's the perfect size.\n\n----\n\nThe only bad thing about the day was that Bryler cried the whole time that Jane watched him while I sang in the choir in the morning service, which took about 30 minutes. He started crying as soon as I handed him over to her, but I had thought at the time that he was just hungry. When she never came into the service, I was worried. As soon as the singing was over, I found them in the changing room in the bathroom and he was still screaming. I felt so bad. Jane kept Kelby was she was a baby, but Kelby was never very difficult and certainly never cried the whole time. Jane was excited about keeping Bryler, and he was good for her the two other times she kept him. This time, I felt like I had burdened her. It is one thing to have to deal with your own crying baby, but it is much worse to find out that he was so much trouble to someone who was kind enough to baby sit. I know that babies do that sometimes, but I just hated that she had to deal with a screaming baby, trying everything she could think of to calm him down with no success. It bothered me all day long. I suspect he was teething or had gas or maybe even an ear ache. He still cried some when I took him, but he did calm down enough to take a bottle and then I gave him some Tylenol and he slept through the whole sermon. He is a wonderful treasure when he is sleeping or happy. I enjoyed holding my sweet baby during the service. If only he had been so sweet for Jane.\n\n----\n\nIt was a beautiful day. When we went outside after church, I asked Kelby if she could thank God for the beautiful day, remembering the funny thing she had said [[the other day|23 April 2007]]. She said matter-of-factly: "No." But later, in the car, I heard her say, "Thank you, God, for a beautiful day." I was very impressed. Then... "Thank you, Nayna, for a beautiful day... Thank you, Kelby, for a beautiful day." I didn't say anything. I just smiled to myself. One of these days she will understand.

I forgot to mention that Bryler slept 7 hours straight for the first time last night: from 9:45 PM to 4:45 AM. Unfortunately, my body wasn't used to sleeping that long in a stretch. I kept waking up every 30 minutes or so after 2:30 AM listening for him and wondering if he was going to wake up. But I could certainly get used to it!\n\n----\n\nOne more thing: I always get behind on my blog over the weekends. My routine gets all messed up, usually starting with Friday. Then, on Monday I want to write about the newest stuff first because it's freshest on my mind but I don't want to publish the blog entries out of order so I have to wait until I'm totally caught up before I post the entries and that may take a day or so. That is why sometimes you don't see any blogs for several days and then all of a sudden there are like 4 or 5. It's not a technical glitch. It's a function of Me. :)

Since having the baby, I have had a really hard time finding a routine for writing in my blog. It has been very frustrating to me because there is so much that I was to remember about these first few precious days of Bryler's life. They go by so quickly and it's so easy to forget. Once you get behind, you can spend a lot of time trying to catch up and then you get more and more behind as the days keep passing by without writing stuff down. But I've done my best to capture the most important points. Here's a big "catch-up" entry.\n\nMonday, 29 January 2007\nWe had to stay in the hospital for 48 hours after Bryler was born because I tested positive for Strep B. That means we had a full day at the hospital on Monday. I took a shower, put some makeup on, and started feeling a bit more like myself after a good night's sleep. We had more visitors from family during the day, including seeing Kelby, and several of my co-workers stopped by as well.\n\nKelby had her 2-year doctor's appointment so Granda met Husband at the doctor's office. Everything looked good. She was 33" tall, putting her in the 40% for height, and 26 lbs, putting her in the 50% for weight. We were surprised about the height because she's usually been taller than average. She's finally gaining some weight, so that's good.\n \nBryler surprised me by being able to hold his head up by himself for several seconds already. I had a little bit of fun and changed him out of the hospital attire and standard baby blanket into some of his new baby outfits. He looked much cuter in baby blue! \n\nTuesday, 30 January 2007\nMy mom came by and spent some time with Bryler and me in the morning. We got to go home around 2:30. A few hours prior to that, Bryler got circumcised by the hospital pediatrician. They take him away to do that... I guess it's too traumatic for the parents to watch. The doctor had used a local anesthesia on Bryler, which we didn't know they did for infants, but we were glad to hear it. They also did a hearing test on him. This is all done by computer. The first time they tried it, one ear passed, but the nurse said he was too tired and hungry (irritable) to pass the on the other ear. We said a prayer, and after he was fed, they tested him again. We were relieved to hear that he passed. \n\nI have to admit that I don't think I had ever changed a baby boy's diaper before, and the nurses had changed Bryler'd diapers since he was born, so I was suddenly faced with changing his diaper for the first time. Husband was at Wal Mart with Uncle Nee and Kelby to get my Percoset prescription filled, so I was alone. I read over the instructions for caring for the wee-wee after circumcision and then started to take his diaper off. He started screaming. I freaked out and called a nurse to come help me change his diaper. I was glad I did. Never too proud to ask for help. :)\n\nWhen we got home, we were greeted by a blue bow that came from Granny's funeral and a Baby Boy balloon attached to our mailbox. I had saved the bow so that Granny could "be there" for the special event. It wasn't long after we got home before Husband's family came over for a formal birthday party for Kelby. We had purposely delayed the party until after Bryler arrived so that Uncle Nee could be there. Granda and Aunt Nooni had organized everything, so I didn't have to do anything much to prepare for the party. That was really nice. Kelby got some neat presents, including a CD player and a train set.\n\nWednesday, 31 January 2007\nWe took Bryler to the pediatrician. He was 7.6 lbs, which put him in the 50th % for weight. He hadn't lost much weight since he was born. (They usually lose some in the first few days before they start gaining.) They measured him at 20 1/4" long (a little shorter than the 21" they told us in the hospital), which put him in the 75th % for height. His head was 35 3/4 cm, which was in the 50th % for head diameter.\n\nThursday, 1 February 2007\nMy milk came in, so Bryler's poop turned bright orange. Diaper changes are a challenge. We take his diaper off and start cleaning him with a baby wipe, and he'll pee on us. Yep, a nice stream of pee-pee shooting everywhere - on the wall, on us, on the new clean diaper we just got out, on his clothes, etc. Since he was circumcised, we could use a baby wipe on his bottom, but not on his wee wee. We have to just use a wet cloth there. Afterward cleaning him off, we had to put a dollop of vaseline on the wee wee so that the diaper wouldn't stick to his wound. Sounds easy, right? It's not. Ever try getting vaseline off your finger or a Q-tip and onto a slippery surface that keeps moving while the baby keep kicking his legs like wild?\n\nFriday, 2 February 2007\nI decided to quit breastfeeding and to pump the breast milk instead so that it could be given to Bryler in a bottle. This provides more flexibility in my daily routine since Husband and others can feed him, while he will still receive the benefits of the breast milk. Bryler doesn't seem to mind taking a bottle.\n\nBryler grinned at Kelby today. Husband and Kelby were the first to see this important achievement. It's really neat that he chose to smile at his sister first.\n\nSaturday, 3 February 2007\nBryler grinned at Husband.\n\nSunday, 4 February 2007\nFinally... Bryler grinned at me!

Bryler was as close to having a perfect day as he's ever been. He was happy and cuddly and sweet and adorable. And he got up on his elbows and knees several times like he was getting ready to crawl!\n\n----\n\nWe've been working on getting Kelby to say Granda instead of Dada off and on for a few weeks. The first few times, we only got her to say Gr-dada. But this morning, she said it perfectly! "Gr-anda!" We all clapped and cheered and her face beamed.\n\n----\n\nLast week, I struggled more than usual with the kids growing up. I saw a girl about 4 or 5 years old at Walmart that reminded me of Kelby, and I thought "I'm not ready for Kelby to be that old!" I'm generally more annoyed by kids that age, even through about 10 years old. So I worry about whether my own kids will annoy me when they are those ages. I see them growing before my eyes, so quickly! Will Kelby be as interesting when the novelty of her talking wears off? She's already starting to be argumentative. I just hope she doesn't end up being a brat! But I am trying to suppress these negative feelings and just concentrate on this wonderful stage they are in now. I cannot stop the time from ticking away. All I can do is enjoy it now. I have been spending more time just playing with the kids and not worrying so much about getting things done while they're awake. Of course, that's a sacrifice because there are still so many things to do. But in the long run, the dirty refrigerator and pictures that need to be sorted are not as important as making the most of these precious times.

Bryler was sitting up much better today. I was sitting behind him and setting him back upright when he'd topple, but he didn't fall forward like he used to. He's come down with a cold - lots of snot and an awful-sounding cough. He wants to flip over on his tummy all the time. He won't stay still long enough to take his bottle. Yesterday, he was trying to flip over while I was feeding him in his crib and I held him so he wouldn't flip. All of a sudden, I remembered that Kelby used to do this same thing, and I'd hold her so that she wouldn't flip over while I fed her. It's funny how you can forget those things, but it all came back to me as if it had happened yesterday.\n\n----\n\nI took a half-day off from work today because I've been working so much overtime. So, of course, Husband took off early, too. We ate lunch, went to Walmart to buy some ice cream for dessert, and then ate it at a table in the mostly-empty mall. Then we watched Pirates of the Caribbean: World's End at the theater. This is the first time we've seen a movie in the theater since Chistmas! We had a really good time, just the two of us on a nice casual date.\n\n----\n\nThe past two nights I've gotten some work done. On Wednesday, I entered a bunch of receipts into Microsoft Money. Yesterday, I cleaned and organized Bryler's closet and we did two loads of laundry. Tonight, I folded another two loads of laundry. It always amazes me how much laundry there is. We really need to do one load every day to keep it up.

Bryler had his 2 month Dr appointment today. He is 13 lbs! Up from 10.6 lbs a month ago. He is 80% for weight and 50% for height (23 inches), which makes him a cubby little boy. He is 60% for head diameter. He got 4 shots and 1 oral vaccine. Two shots in one leg, one shot in the other leg, and one shot in the arm. He was laying on the table for the leg shots, but as soon as I picked him up to comfort him, he quieted down and stopped crying. Then he cried again when they gave him the shot in the arm, but he only cried for a few seconds. What a brave little boy!\n\nThen we met Granda, Kelby, Aunt Nooni, and Cousin at the office so my co-workers could see the kids. It went pretty well. They stayed about 30 minutes. Bryler was good most of the time and even smiled some. Kelby doesn't like talking in front of strangers much, but we got her to say a few things. Cousin was adorable with her prissy little walk and told everyone "Bye Bye!" \n\n----\n\nAfter that, it was busy-busy until the finance meeting with the company president. It went okay, but I came out feeling like everything was even more confusing than it was before the meeting. It seems like we talk in circles and never come to any conclusions. After that, I worked on the cost proposal that's due tomorrow and ended up working about 45 minutes later than I'd planned. I left feeling frustrated and discouraged.\n\n----\n\nA co-worker knows the couple that I mentioned yesterday who lost their son in a car accident so we talked about it in the morning and then later in the afternoon when we read about it in the newspaper. There were actually 3 deaths in the accident - the young man that I knew from church, a young woman (the driver of the car that went into the other lane), and her 3-year-old daughter. I also know from church the 2 people in the other vehicle in the crash - a man (2 legs, back, sturnum, and ribs were broken) and his 4-year-old granddaughter (1 wrist broken and ruptured spleen). What a tragic event for a little 4-year-old to experience! Of course, the death of the two young adults, especially the one I knew, hurts my heart. But it wasn't until this morning that I found out that the 3-year-old girl also died, and I found it to be very disturbing. I didn't know her, but it grieves me. All afternoon, I have not felt like myself. I have felt like my mind was outside my body. I keep thinking about the accident and wondering things - wondering where the parties in both cars were going, what caused the car to go into the other lane, where exactly was the wreck, what was I doing at the time of the wreck, what would I do if I saw the wreck, what if I lost my son or daughter in a wreck, what if it were my husband who broke both arms and back or my daughter in serious condition in the hospital... etc, etc. I wanted to go home and hold my little girl and boy and my husband and keep them safe.\n\n\nSomeone forwarded this to me concerning the accident. I didn't read it until after I wrote the entry above, but it was so good, I decided to add it:\n\nGod’s Grace\nby Bob Hamlett\n\nDo angels travel before us and protect us from harm’s way? Does God’s Grace cover us like a protective blanket from many tragic events? Can only mere seconds in our timing be the difference in life or death? Can the prayers of a parent be enough to spare a child from the most horrendous of consequences? I believe the answer to each of these questions is “YES”!\n\nAs the father of two grown children, there is not a day that goes by that I don’t ask God’s protection over my family. It’s as part of my daily routine as brushing my teeth and getting dressed every morning…except it is anything but routine to me. It is as essential to my peace of mind as anything I do in my daily conversations with my Heavenly Father. Today, as He has in times past, God answered those prayers in a mighty way!\n\nToday was an ordinary Spring day in East Tennessee. The sky was blue, the temperature was cool, and the redbuds were blooming in the trees. My son, Bobby Hamlett, was traveling on a stretch of highway between {City} and {City}. His windows were down so he could enjoy the cool weather, his radio was turned up so he could hear some of his favorite tunes, and life looked good through the windshield of his Mustang as he traveled down the road without a care in the world. In an instant, it would be an ordinary day no more. Out of nowhere came a car that had drifted into his lane at a high rate of speed. The driver was totally oblivious to what was about to happen. My alert son performed an emergency evasive maneuver that barely prevented this out-of-control car from hitting him in the driver’s side of his Mustang. His quick instincts and God’s Grace resulted in him narrowly avoiding a severe accident while his mind was trying to process what that crazy driver behind the wheel was thinking. That “crazy driver” was a 25 year old lady who would alter the lives of five people forever. For just as the car that she was driving barely missed my son, she plowed head-on into a Chevrolet truck that was following right behind Bobby. That driver never had a chance to react. My son described the horrible sight as he viewed it in his rearview mirror. The violent crash, metal flying everywhere, flames from both vehicles, and within moments…three people would be killed instantly and two more seriously hurt. On that stretch of highway…on that Spring day…lives would be spared and lives would be lost. I never understand how God decides who will be in each category…somehow it never seems to work out to be “fair” from my perspective…but I do know that God doesn’t make mistakes so I just accept it for that.\n\nTomorrow night, my son is coming to our house for dinner. I will hug him a little tighter; I will enjoy his company with a fresh appreciation; I will remind him again that I love him; and I will thank God for His Grace and protection…again! For in this attached newspaper article there could easily have been another name. A name that I could not bear to read there. A pain that I could not stand to endure. A loss that I could not even imagine. We never know what the next day may bring. We only know that we have today. So today, I'm reminded again...to those you love, tell them often; don’t let the pressures of life steal your peace and joy; and learn to laugh (especially at yourself) so the road of life will be a beautiful journey…wherever that journey takes you.

Kelby's new favorite thing to say is "Dat's cool" with the stress on Dat's. Yesterday, Big Daddy was showing Kelby his tool set for the RC airplanes. He said, "These are needle-nose pliers." She usually repeats whatever it is, so here we all are waiting for her to try to say "needle-nose pliers" but instead she says, "Dat's cool." This afternoon, I took a shower and afterward Kelby said, "Are you done with your bath?" I said, "Yes, now I'm doing laundry." She said, "Dat's cool."\n\n----\n\nBryler had a rough day. Granda said that he was fussy and spit up a lot and might have had a fever. He's been teething badly tonight. He's got his 4 month doctor's appointment in the morning.

Dieting is not fun. I've lost only 2 lbs since Feb 21. I still can't fit into any of my jeans and can only wear pants that have an elastic waist, which I don't have very many of. So I am on a diet. At work, everyone has candy on their desks. Chocolate candy bars. Today, I was able to resist eating any, but the candy was there torturing me every time I left my desk. And I seem to be hungry all the time. I eat lunch - today it was a shrimp in garlic sauce frozen dinner. Afterwards, I feel about as hungry as I did before I ate. I eat an apple. I'm still hungry, but I resist eating again until I get home, but I think about food. A lot.

A few days [[ago|1 January 2007]], I said that I understood what Kelby said 85-90% of the time. I think I overstated that a bit... or maybe she's just learning new words that I haven't caught on to yet. In any case, she sure is talking a lot and I find myself saying "Oh, OK" or "Really?" when I have no idea what she's said. Is that a bad thing to do?\n\nKelby seems to be back into the groove of Momma & Daddy going to work. I dropped her off at Granda's house this morning and she did not cry, although she was not very enthusiastic in her Bye-bye and kiss-blowing. \n\nHusband got called by the Music Pastor, Phil, to fix a computer at church, so I ended up picking Kelby up after work. She was certainly happy to see me and didn't fuss about leaving like she has sometimes, so that was good. She was standing at the door waiting for me with a big grin on her face and a new pink monkey (the kind with the long arms with velcro hands) hanging around her neck... an early Valentines gift from Granda. Turns out she also got a smaller red monkey of the same type from Aunt Nooni (Husband's sister). She was proud of her new Ho Ho's. She has a favorite stuffed monkey that she sleeps with every night that she calls Ho Ho. I think that name came from the sound that monkeys make. She has another monkey we named George because he looks a bit like Curious George. He was my monkey when I was a little girl. (I actually saved my favorite stuffed animals for the kids I would someday have.) These two new monkeys do not have special names yet, so they are both "Ho Ho's".\n\nWe just put Kelby to bed a few minutes ago. She cries every night when we put her to bed. We have a routine that we are very faithful to, but the crying just seems to be part of the routine, much as I dread it, and it has been this way for several months. The bedtime routine starts around 7:30 pm. We change her diaper, brush her teeth, she picks out a book to read, we read it, we each hug her good night, and then put her in the crib. Sometimes she starts crying at the hugging time, which is the worst because she doesn't want to cooperate with the hugs. Tonight, we were lucky. She gave us pretty nice hugs but erupted into crying as soon as her head passed over the crib railing. The worst part is that among the cries, she always says "Mommaaa... Mommaaa!" I have learned that trying to console her just prolongs the crying, so we just leave quickly with "Night Night, I love you!" as cheerfully as we can be over her cries, and shut her door. She usually only cries for about 5 minutes before she falls asleep. I often take my shower at that time so I don't have to listen to her, and she's asleep by the time I get out. I got a new [[baby monitor/walkie talkie|http://www.amazon.com/Evenflo-Whisper-Connect-Nursery-Monitor/dp/B000CDNECQ/sr=8-2/qid=1167873197/ref=sr_1_2/002-5755826-6120063?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products]] set for Christmas. I thought the walkie talkie feature would be great for us. Instead of yelling down the stairs to Husband that dinner is ready or that Kelby blew up her diaper with a stink bomb, I can just push a button and tell him. Brilliant! Anyway, a few times when Kelby has cried longer than usual in bed, Husband has pushed the button to talk to the monitor in Kelby's room and has told her firmly (but not yelling) to quit crying and go to sleep. She must think it's magic or something because every time he's done it, she has not uttered a single sound more. It is completely silent. It's almost creepy the way she quits crying immediately. We don't use it every night. It has crossed my mind that maybe it scares the bajeebers out of her, and I don't want to scare her. So, we just use it when we've heard enough crying. We'll see how long that's effective.

Kelby was especially cute this morning. I put her hair in pig tails and she wore a red t-shirt and blue-jean shorts. She looked so grown up in a "kid" kind of way - like she was ready to get on a school bus and go to school. \n\nWhile she was sitting on the potty, I saw a string attached to her shirt and cut it off with my hair-cutting scissors. I put the scissors away and this was the conversation that followed (all while she's sitting on the potty):\nKelby: "Dat's Mommy's scissors."\nMe: "Yes, we have to be careful with scissors."\nKelby: "Be careful...Not cut my body!"\nMe (not sure if she said "body" because I've never heard her say that before): "What?"\nKelby: "Be careful... not cut my body."\nMe: "Be careful not to cut your body?"\nKelby: "Yes. Not put a hole in my body... because I not able to hold Bryler."\nMe: "If you have a hole in your body you won't be able to hold Bryler?"\nKelby: "Yes." She thinks for a moment. "If I have a hole in my body, I not able to go to Dada's house."\n\nI've mentioned before that I have to get the kids downstairs every morning so I can take them to Granda's house. I've been putting the backpack on my shoulder, all the bags (my lunch plus the toys Kelby wants to take to Granda's house) in my left hand along with Bryler's infant carrier propped up on my left hip while holding Kelby's hand in my right hand. This is a crazy sight if you can imagine it. Our stairs are pretty narrow and steep and now that there's no carpet on them, they're even more formidable. Yesterday, I decided to go down with Bryler and the stuff and let Kelby come down by herself behind me. We've been letting her go up and down by herself sometimes as long as she's not carrying anything else and holds onto the handrail, but I've been uneasy about it ever since she fell down the stairs a few months ago. I can still see her limbs flailing and her scary decent in slow-motion in my mind. But she has been doing well and is very good to hold onto the handrail the whole time. Anyway, this morning, I went down in front of her again all the while telling her to be very careful and to hold onto the handrail. I got to the bottom and I turned to wait on her and she said, "I be careful for YOU, Mommy, because I'll miss you." I think she meant that if she got hurt, she would miss me. She comes up with the funniest (and sweetest) things sometimes.\n\nWe got in the car and I buckled her into the front seat for the short drive to Granda's house. I was pulling out of the driveway and she said, "You got to put your seatbelt on." Ever observant, she is. I said, "You're right. I forgot to put my seatbelt on." She said, "You forget to put your seatbelt on, you go through the windshield! Dere's the windshield right dere!" If there's one thing we've taught her well, it's the value of a seatbelt!\n\nI just thought of something she said on Sunday at Krystal that totally cracked me up. She had told me that she needed to go poo-poo. I took her to the potty and she went pee-pee and said she was done. Twice I pushed her back on the seat and told her to wait and see if she could poo-poo. Exasperated, she said, "Mommy, I don't have any poo-poo in my bo-bo!", motioning dramatically with her hand and ending the sentence pointing at her bottom. At that, I tried very hard to hide my laughter and let her get down. She was right, by the way. She made it all the way home without having an accident.\n\n----\n\nSpeaking of accidents, she had one today. She stood right in front of Husband in her bedroom and peed right through her panties and shorts and onto the floor. She must have had a full bladder. Husband gave her a good scolding because I'd asked her several times in the past hour is she needed to go, and it was clear that she simply didn't feel like going to the potty and decided to just let it come out. She had to help us clean it up. I think that it was actually a positive experience in her potty training. She needed to figure out what the consequences will be if she decides not go to the potty. I will be surprised if she does that again. I expect accidents will happen when we don't get her to the potty on time or when she goes while she's sleeping, but I don't think she'll just stand there and pee on herself again.\n\n----\n\nGranda and Aunt Nooni took the kids to the mall today. Kelby asked to eat lunch with Daddy, so they met up with him at Sonny's BBQ. When I heard about it, I was jealous. (Of course, there was no way I could have left the office today. It was 9 1/2 hours of heavy concentration and I realized at the end of the day that I never even went to the bathroom.) Husband said that he's never seen Bryler smile at him more than he did today at lunch. I was glad to hear that. Bryler is not nearly as fun in the evenings, so it was good that Husband got to experience him in his full glory.\n\n----\n\nBryler slept through the night for about 2 weeks. That ended about 2 weeks ago. Since then, he's been waking up hungry at around 4:00 AM. It's not too bad, though. One of us gives him a bottle in the crib and after about 4 ounces, he falls back asleep until about 6:15 AM.

Today was even more strange without Kelby. I only had one child to dress up in church clothes, one to keep happy in choir practice, none to take to nursery, none to entertain at Applebees (Bryler slept through most of it), one to put down for a nap, one for Grammy to watch while I sang on the worship team during the evening service.\n\nWe treated Mom and Dad to Applebees as a late Mother's Day gift. The food and conversation was good. I enjoy doing that much more than buying Mom a plant or an outfit.\n\n----\n\nThe highlight of the day was after the evening service when we picked Kelby up at Granda's house. We drove into the driveway and they were waiting outside for us. Kelby came running to the car with a big smile on her face. I got out to hug her but she got to Husband first - she jumped right into his lap before he even had a chance to get out of the car - and then I got my precious hug. She was happy to see us. I hope I never forget the image of her running to greet us. \n\nGranda got us to look in her mouth with a flashlight so we could see that she had bumps on the roof of her mouth and in her throat - a definite trip to the doctor. Then we went home and had some dinner. Kelby ate fettuccine noodles fine, but the crackers hurt her throat. She had a fever of 100.8 yesterday but no other symptoms until today on the way back from Pa's house. She'd slept until Nashville and then woke up crying after having a bad dream (she's having a lot of those recently) and that's when they discovered that swallowing hurt her throat and she didn't even want to drink her juice. They stopped at Walmart to pick up some Tylenol and a treat. She picked out candy corn "because Mommy and Daddy likes dat". Granda gave her a few pieces out of the bag to eat, and she saved us some. Thoughtful of her. :)\n\nJust from the conversations over dinner, Husband and I were both very aware that she was talking even better than she'd talked before she left. Her vocabulary had grown and her sentences were more complex and mostly grammatically correct.\n\nWe only got to spend about an hour and a half with her before it was time for her to go to bed, but it was wonderful to have her back home. It felt right.

At the end of every week, I cut last week's blog entries out of the current [[Journal Entries]] list and paste them into the [[Archived Journal Entries]] list. I did it again just a few minutes ago. Every time I do it, I am surprised that another week has passed. It is like my life is flashing before my eyes, so to speak. This is disturbing sometimes, but at least I've written down the important things. At least I will be able to read and remember when it really is time for my life to pass.\n\n----\n\nKelby continues to either skip her nap or sleep only 45 minutes or so. That's not nearly enough. She has a really hard time being a "good girl" when she hasn't had enough sleep. So Husband either puts her to bed for a nap when he gets home or we put her to bed early. She's been taking a good nap when she's at home on the weekends. For some reason, she just won't take a good nap at Granda's house. Maybe she has too much fun to sleep.\n\n----\n\nLast Saturday, I went shopping at Babies R Us while the kids took a nap. I picked up a new stuffed monkey jut like her Daddy Ho Ho. Our plan was to get her another Daddy Ho Ho so that I wouldn't have to take him back and forth to Granda's every day. She is quite attached to him, especially at nap time. I didn't show the new one to her because we hoped she would just think that he'd had a bath or something - the old one is very worn out now, so the new one doesn't have the worn nose and matted fur like the original one. I sneaked the new one to Granda's house, but I brought the old one just in case. Granda called me at work and told me that when she showed Kelby the new monkey, she said, "I want the old one" and insisted enough that Granda brought out the old one for her. The good thing is that she also likes the new one, which she started calling "Mommy Monkey", although she is not nearly as special as Daddy Ho Ho. I think we've convinced her to be happy with Mommy Monkey staying at Granda's house and Daddy Ho Ho staying at Kelby's house, so if that works out, our plan will be a success.\n\n----\n\nBryler has been pulling on his left ear, and at times he does it while crying. I will call the doctor tomorrow to see if they want to see him. I don't know if he's old enough to have an antibiotic even if he does have an ear infection.\n\nI have more to write about today, but it is getting late so I will continue this tomorrow.

Most of the time, we don't think about dying and so we tend to take things for granted. I always hear about people with terminal illnesses or near-death experiences who have a new perspective and appreciation for life. So I try to have that type of perspective and appreciation BEFORE I have a near-death experience or terminal illness! \n\nThe problem with this line of thinking is that I inevitably start to imagine what would happen if I died or if Husband died, etc. Last night, I was having one of those moments and I had a very emotional response, different than I'd ever experienced before. My relationship with Kelby was the trigger of my emotion. Kelby is very attached to me. I am not bragging or anything. She really is. She wants *Mommy* to hold her hand, *Mommy* to get her out of bed in the morning or from her nap, *Mommy* to read her the bedtime story, *Mommy* to brush her teeth, *Mommy* to fix her dinner, etc, etc. I imagined that if I died, Kelby would say, "I want Mommy" and she would have to be told that Mommy was gone to live in Heaven with Granny. The thought of this just tore me up. I could not stand the thought of not being there for Kelby. Of course, I feel the same way about Husband and Bryler, but I was just really surprised by this new emotion. I knew that Kelby was attached to me, but I didn't realize how attached I was to Kelby. Bryler seems to prefers it when I feed him when he's hungry and I know he likes it when I hold him and talk to him, but I know that he would soon get used to me not being there. Kelby would take it much harder, so that hit me much harder.\n\nIn the morning when I woke Kelby up, remembering my thoughts from the night before, I stood there and just looked at her for a little bit and smoothed her hair as she slowly came out of slumber. When I got her out of the crib, I hugged her a little longer than normal and I said, "I love you, Kelby." I don't usually say that first thing in the morning. She replied, "Yes." (which is her normal response when someone tells her they love her)... then, "I lovs you too, Mommy." I just teared right up. \n\nI was more emotional than usual when I left the kids at Granda's house. You never know when it might be your time to go. I just prayed that it wasn't my time yet, that God would allow me and Husband to live to see our kids grow up. I hope that is not a bad thing to pray for. I know Heaven will be great, but there are special people here in life that I just don't feel ready to leave behind any time soon. The good thing is that I realize that every day is a gift from God.

<html><img src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/152/346120323_88a43fb97d.jpg?v=0" border="0" height="200 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\nThis is my favorite "image" of Kelby. I just love to look at it for some reason, so I thought it fitting to include it here. She has curly honey-colored hair and she loves the moon and stars. The gif file is animated and her little feet and the paint brush move, but I can't get it to work on this blog.

This evening, we dropped Bryler off at Granda's house and Kelby off at Aunt Nooni's house on our way to [[Ye Olde Steakhouse|http://www.yeoldesteakhouse.com/]], where we were treated to dinner by Paster Phil. This is the 3rd time Phil and his wife have taken us out as a thank-you for all the work Husband has done on the computers at church during the past 5 years or so. They have the best steak I've ever had. I ate a 20 oz New York Strip, a side salad, and broccoli casserole. Definitely on my Yummy list! Another couple from church, J&T Brown, also went with us. It was good to get to know them better.\n\n----\n\nWhile we were at dinner, Kelby went with Aunt Nooni, Uncle Nance, and Nayna to a birthday party at the lake. Kelby didn't miss us, but she missed Bryler and had Nooni call Granda to check on him. When Nooni told her that he was fine, Kelby said, "But is he crying?" Isn't that sweet! She was worried about her little brother!\n\nWhen we came to pick her up, they said that she was a good girl at the party, but she did not want to leave their house because she wasn't finished playing with their toys and it was getting late so she was sleepy. She started crying when I picked her up to leave and continued to do so even after I told her to stop and that she wouldn't get what she wanted when she threw a fit. When we got in the car, Husband told her that if she ever threw a fit like that again, she would get a spanking when she got in the car. A few minutes later, as we were driving down the road and talking about something totally different, Kelby said very seriously, "I not do dat again, Daddy." She must have been thinking it over and was worried that Daddy was still upset at her. She's never reacted like that before. We were impressed. How can you be upset with her when she says something like that!\n\n----\n\nBryler got to spend the evening shopping at Kohl's with Granda. She said that he really enjoyed riding in the stroller and that everyone was talking to him. She dropped him off at our house with new tennis shoes on. I was happy to see our little cutie again. Just for fun, we put a fake tattoo on his arm - up high so that most shirts would hide it, but where we could also easily show it off. I was given a package of baby tattoos as a gag gift by C at the baby shower at work and had found them when I cleaned out his closet last week. The one we put on him was a heart with "MOM" written inside it (see the bottom right one in the picture below).\n<html><img src="http://www.perpetualkid.com/productimages/lg/TATT-0118.jpg" border="0" height="150 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\nI thought it was just hilarious and got several pictures of our little rebel boy.\n

Last night was the first night Bryler slept in his crib. He's been sleeping in the bassinet in our room. The doctor said that kids can (theoretically) sleep through the night at his age, but that it usually won't happen until their in their own room. We decided it was time. I didn't have any issues like I did the first time we put Kelby in her crib. I guess I'm not as worried with the second one. He didn't sleep through the night, but I feel that it was a success because he slept just as well in the crib even though it was new to him.\n\n----\n\nThis morning, I got Kelby up and dressed her. When I got out her shoes, they had dirt all over them. As I tried to clean them up, I reminded Kelby about how she had gotten them dirty last week when she helped Daddy plant moss, lay grass seed, and cover it with hay. Kelby replied, "Dat fun, Mommy. Dat fun helping Daddy work outside!" \n\nThis actually happened last Monday (the day after we went to Grammy's house) and I forgot to mention it. When we pulled out of the driveway, Kelby said, "Pebby go-ning ah Grammy's house." Then, realizing she said the wrong thing and sounding amused at herself, said, "No, not Grammy's house! Dada's house!" It was really funny to hear her correct herself like that.\n\nYesterday, Granda told me that Kelby started counting the parts on her earring. She said, "Uno, dos, tres, cuatro!" Today, Kelby said, "Bye-Bye! Adios! Dat's what Dora says!" And no, we've never taught her how to count in Spanish. She learned it all from [[Dora the Explorer|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dora_the_Explorer]]. I can never say that she doesn't learn from watching TV.\n\n----\n\nTonight was the funeral for J, the young man who died in the car crash on Wednesday. I wanted to go to the funeral and we knew that taking 2 kids to a funeral wasn't a good idea, so Husband went to the receiving of friends with his dad while I stayed home with the kids, and then I went to the funeral with Granda and Grandmother while Husband stayed home with the kids. It worked out really well, actually.\n\nThere were lots of people there that I hadn't seen in a long time, but I only got to talk with a few of them. The family seemed to be holding up really well. When I hugged the mother, I said that I was praying for her and she mentioned that she'd missed holding Bryler (she always kept Kelby for us when she was a baby while I sang in the choir and Husband played bass). I told her not to worry, that I wouldn't fire her - a little light-hearted banter to lighten the somber mood. You never know what to say to someone who's lost a son, so it was nice of her to give me something to say.\n\nI sat between my Mom and Granda during the funeral service. It was not terribly emotional considering the tragic circumstances, although I noticed a few people wiping tears, especially during an acapella horn solo of "Peace, Peace, Wonderful Peace". I couldn't see the faces of the family, who sat on the front row. Pastor Fred spoke first about their relationship - how they were able to "speak truth" to each other about spiritual things. Then about how J was a good athlete, loved the lake and loved to ride the wave runner, and described a happy memory from when J and his 2 siblings were young. Then Pastor Paul talked about an incident when he played flag football with J. He said that their team was about to lose the game when J told everyone that they were going to intercept the ball and get a touchdown. Sure enough, they intercepted the ball and got a touchdown on the very next play. Afterward, he had turned to Paul and said, "You just gotta believe." Paul said that this is what J would say to us now. You just gotta believe. I can't remember which one of them said it, but one of the pastors said that God loved J every day of his life. That spoke a lot to me. Even on our bad days, he still loves us.

Bryler had his 4 month doctor's appointment today. He is 75% for height (25 3/4") and 75% for weight (15.6 lbs) and 50% for head diameter. He's allowed to have sunscreen and bug spray without deet and we can try feeding him rice cereal. The most shocking thing was that the doctor looked at his gums and said that he's not teething yet - that babies drool and chew on things whether they're teething or not. We've thought for months that he was teething. I almost don't believe him, but I'm sure that he knows what to look for and I don't. When I told the doctor about having trouble getting him to go to bed, he said that babies do best when they are put to bed at the same time every night and awakened at the same time every morning, and that it's fine (and probably necessary) to let him cry himself to sleep. He said that babies are very smart - they know just how long to cry to make Mommy come pick him up. Babies train their parents. Now I have to train myself to resist picking him up whenever he cries after we put him to bed at night.\n\nBedtime went great tonight. I fed Bryler a bottle and then put him in the crib at 9:30. He was still awake and not crying. I wound up the mobile and turned off the light and left. I don't think he even cried. Now if only he'll sleep 8 hours, it will be perfect.\n\n----\n\nAfter Bryler's doctor appointment, I met Granda with Kelby and Nayna at my office. My co-workers hadn't seen them for 2 months. I was busy keeping up with Kelby most of the time while the ladies played with Bryler. At one point, Nayna wanted me to hold her. Kelby didn't like it and wanted me to hold her, too. When I held both of them at the same time, Kelby told me to give Nayna to Granda. She is getting more and more possessive of me.\n\n----\n\nAfter dinner, we met my parents at the assisted living home where Grandma lives (my Dad's mother). It was a long-overdue visit and the first time Grandma's seen Bryler. Kelby was hesitant at first and clinged to me and Husband, but about 15 minutes into the visit, she loosened up and was talking up a storm by the end. Bryler was a good boy and gave lots of smiles. It was a good visit. When we left, out of the blue, Kelby said, "I had fun, Mommy. I had fun at Grandma's house."\n\nWe saw a TCBY on the way home and stopped to pick up some frozen yogurt. We had a buy-one-get-one-free coupon. Kelby was all excited about having "ice keam". I put some yogurt in an extra bowl, put a bib on her, and let her feed herself in her car seat as we drove home. It was fun. I remember being so excited when I was young when we went to get ice cream as a family. Now it's my own little family.\n\n----\n\nLast night, we watched a movie downstairs after putting the kids to bed. I heard Kelby crying on the monitor and I went up to see what was the matter. She said that there was a monster in her room. I told her that it was just a dream and that everything was okay. I asked her if she wanted me to pray for her and she said "Yes" so I said a simple little prayer for her to have a good night's sleep. I adjusted her blanket and she thought I was taking it off so she reached up to me and said, "Hold me." Such a hard thing to resist! But I told her that she needed to go back to sleep and she did without protesting.\n\nThe night before last, a similar thing happened. We were watching a movie downstairs and she started crying in bed. When I went to check on her, she said that she heard something outside. It being Memorial Day, I didn't know if she had heard fireworks or if we had the movie on too loud. I told her that everything was okay and that it might have been the movie so we'd turn it down so she wouldn't be disturbed. She said "Okay" and seemed satisfied. As I smoothed her hair, I realized, "she's my little girl now, not my little baby."

We went to Walmart with the intention of buying Kelby a little tricycle, but she didn't seem very interested in it. She hasn't quite figured out how to make it go on her own although I'm sure she'd get it with just a little practice. I'm sure we'll end up buying her one, but it would be more fun if she was excited about getting it, so we'll wait a little while longer.\n\n----\n\nWe watched [[Rocky Balboa]] tonight, the first movie we've seen on the big screen since Husband renovated the downstairs. Kelby was taking a nap, and I held Bryler. He slept for a little while and then got really fussy and wouldn't stop crying until I stood up with him. So I got to watch standing up until he fell asleep again. I can bounce him while sitting down - why do babies like it so much when you stand up and/or walk with them?

Bryler slept 9 hours last night - the longest ever! He slept from 9:30 PM to 6:30 AM. It was so perfect that I wanted so badly for it to go that well again tonight. I was sorely disappointed and it put me in a terrible mood. Bryler started acting like he needed to go to sleep at 7:30 PM. I tried to let him cry it out, but after about 15 minutes, I thought he might be hungry and picked him up to give him a bottle. When he saw that I was coming for him, he whimpered at me as if I'd hurt his feelings. Although he quit crying while I held him and gave him the bottle, he kept gulping air and was upset for 10 minutes. I felt that he was upset at me, like I had hurt his feelings. (I know he's only 4 months old, but it's possible!) He fell asleep about half way through the bottle but woke back up when I burped him. By this time, it was 8:30 and I was afraid that he wouldn't sleep 9 hours again, meaning he'd wake me up around 4:30 or 5:00. My alarm goes off at 5:45 and it's terribly annoying to be awakened like that. We decided to let him stay up for a little while longer. He was happy for about 15 minutes while Husband held him and then he started fussing pretty badly. I finally gave in at around 8:50 and put him in his crib to cry himself to sleep. About 45 minutes later, he quit crying. I had a really hard time listening to him cry. It makes me want to cry. I think I'm having a harder time with Bryler than I did with Kelby in this regard. I don't know why. Maybe I've gotten used to being able to sooth Kelby now that she's older and it's difficult for me to just stand by without soothing Bryler.\n\n----\n\nWe've decided to let Kelby go to see Pa with Granda, Aunt Nooni, and Nayna this weekend. It was not an easy decision, but I think it is the right one. Husband doesn't have any vacation leave left over because he used it up when Bryler was born, so we probably won't be able to take the trip to go see Pa until Thanksgiving, and Pa is really wanting to see her. We've asked her every day this week if she'd like to go, reminding her that Mommy and Daddy would be staying home and that she's have to go to sleep two nights without us. The first time Husband asked her, she said she wanted to stay home with Daddy. But every time after that, she's said she wanted to go see Pa, and she was pretty excited about it tonight when I was packing her bag.\n\nHusband and I were talking on Tuesday night about how precious Kelby is to us. She is so much fun. I remember praying before she was born that she would bring joy to people's lives (not just ours). I have thought several times about that and noticed the joy that she would bring to people. I feel that if we kept her home with us this weekend, we'd be keeping the joy to ourselves. We love Pa and would like to share. My main worry is the long drive down there. I know that Granda will be careful, but you can't always keep the loonies on the road from doing stupid things. I have been praying for their safety on the road and will have to trust her in God's hands this weekend. We will really miss her. The weekends are when we spend the most time with her. But we'll make the most of it. We're already planning to go to see a movie if Mom can watch Bryler for a couple of hours.

Kelby continues to have her naps after Husband brings her home from Granda's house. It cuts into our time with her, but it's definitely better than her not having a nap. She's in a much better mood after her nap.\n\nBryler started coming down with a cough yesterday. Today, it's a full-blown coughing/sneezing/snotting cold. There's something disturbing about a little infant coughing. I called the doctor's office and talked to a nurse. She said that a cold is a virus and they can't give infants medicine for a virus. He just has to wait it out. We can help the symptoms by running a vaporizer or humidifier to loosen the mucus and put some saline salt drops in his nose and then suction it out.\n\n----\n\nProbably as a result of being hungry all day again, I decided to cook tonight. I wanted salmon cooked on the grill. We ended up with two types of salmon, [[talapia|http://www.reference.com/browse/wiki/Tilapia]], potatoes, rice, cheesy macaroni shells, and bread. A feast! And Husband brought me two peanut butter Oreo cookies for dessert, which I ate with milk (skim, of course).

We went to my niece, Cami's, birthday party at the park at 11:00. It was a fun event - in addition to the playground, they had water balloon games and served lunch, cake, and ice cream. Kelby's cousin, Rebekah, partnered up with her on the water balloon toss. Rebekah was a really great sport about it - handing it to her gently and then letting Kelby throw it at her - and didn't mind at all when the balloon popped at her feet after just a few turns. They actually did about as well as the other "teams". Then they all took turns sitting on the water balloons to make them pop. They all got a little wet, but it was so hot that it didn't matter a whole lot. Bryler was content to watch all the ruckus from his stroller. Cami was her normal excited self, buzzing around constantly and singing "Let's get this party started!" several times.\n\n----\n\nKelby got two spankings for playing when she was supposed to be sleeping at naptime today. I went to check on her because she was still making noises after about 45 minutes. I found her sitting up in her bed playing with Bingo cards. She had obviously dangled herself over the side of her crib to get the bingo cards and paper markers that were on top of her bookcase. She knows she's not allowed to do that. I took them all away from her and said, "I'm going to spank you now." I spanked her leg and then told her to go to sleep and no more playing. 20 minutes later, Husband heard knocking sounds coming from her crib on the baby monitor. He went upstairs to check on her and she'd gotten the bingo cards off her bookcase again! This was blatant disobedience, and she got a more serious spanking from Husband, resulting in lots of crying. But within 5 minutes of this second spanking, she was asleep.\n\nI sometimes struggle with what to tolerate with a 2 1/2 year old. Should we let her eat with her fingers because it's easier than using a fork? Should we let her sulk and pout? Should we let her make ugly faces and sounds when she's frustrated? I have decided that the general rule should be that if we don't want her to do it when she's 10 years old, might as well not allow it now.\n\nWhile she was sleeping, we found something that made us laugh really hard. When she went potty by herself in the downstairs bathroom, she must have dropped the toilet paper roll in the toilet and fished it out with her hand and set it back up on the counter. She must have thought we wouldn't notice the warped toilet paper roll with her hand print molded into it from where she fished it out of the toilet!\n\n----\n\nWhile the kids slept, I spent a few hours getting caught up on the finances. This was a little frustrating because it wasn't what I wanted to do. I really wanted to work on pictures. I'd made a lot of progress two weeks ago, but I've done nothing on it since then.\n\n----\n\nBryler is getting up on his hands and knees now. He's moving around, but nowhere that he wants to go. He hasn't yet figured out how to make his limbs do what he wants them to do. He is enjoying being on the floor more now. We brought the walker home for the weekend, but he was happy being on the floor most of the time.

I haven't cried about the passing of Granny since two days after Thanksgiving as we drove back to Pa's house from visiting her grave site... until today. I was in the shower and I started thinking about the baby being born and that Pa & Uncle T planned to drive the 4 hours to come visit when the baby is born. And I thought about how sad it will be because everyone will be thinking about how much Granny would have wanted to see the new baby. That is what has been the hardest for me - wanting Granny to know the baby and for Kelby to remember Granny, who was very special to Kelby... very special to me.\n\nThis evening, Kelby found a bumble bee finger puppet that Granny had given her. I asked her if she remembered who gave that to her, and she didn't. I gave her plenty of time to think about it, but she just didn't remember. I was sad. I wanted her to remember. I wanted to hear her yell, "Nanny!" A few weeks ago, I thought that maybe if we talked about Granny enough and showed her pictures and videos of Granny, Kelby would remember her. But I don't know if it's possible. She will remember the videos and recognize her from the pictures, but she will probably not remember Granny.\n\nIt will be difficult for me to see Pa & Uncle T coming to visit without Granny. Pa has never come without Granny before. And there will be the baby that she will never get to hold. I hope that she will be able to see him from Heaven, but it just won't be the same without her. "Oh, would you look at that baby!" she would say. And she would be careful to hold him just right and maybe sing a little song to him. I had really hoped she would live a few months longer so she could see the baby, but it was not to be. She was ready to go. It's just that I was not ready for her to go.\n\n----\n\nGranda said that when she put Kelby down for her nap today, Kelby took her pink monkey with her and she took the monkey by the shoulders and looked it in the eyes and very seriously said, "Time to go to sleep now."\n\nI was very impressed with Husband today. Kelby had climbed into her highchair with "I get up by myself" like she normally does. Then here I go and hit her in the head with the tray when I go to put it on. I've never done that before and we were both a bit stunned. She burst out in tears as if it hurt terribly. I knew I hadn't hit her very hard, that it just surprised her, but I didn't really know what to do. I told her I was sorry, that it was an accident, and rubbed her head, but still she cried and cried. I considered getting her back out of the high chair to console her, but that just didn't seem right since I didn't think she was really hurt. Daddy to the rescue! The Santa Claus Pez dispenser was nearby, so he asked her, what color is this (Red, she says - crying continues), what color is his beard (White, she says - crying continues), how many Santa Clauses are there?... This one made her think a little, so the crying started to stall. One, he said, holding up one finger. "One" she repeated. Then he asked how many fingers he was holding up now. By this time, she was thoroughly distracted and helped Daddy count his fingers. I put food on her tray and the whole thing was quickly forgotten. Distraction is clearly an art I have not yet mastered.\n\nKelby and I played with play dough this evening. She received a play dough table for Christmas, but it's too low for me in my pregnant state so I took her upstairs and we played at the kitchen counter. I had bought her some cookie cutters to use and I got out the rolling pin. She loved it. I could tell she was getting sleepy, though. She would get frustrated if she didn't push the cookie cutter all the way through the dough and it ripped when trying to get the shape out. It is too bad that doing something fun always ends with sadness when it has to end. She was not at all happy to put the play dough away for the night. I tried a little bit of distraction, and it worked pretty well. I'm learning.\n\nI used the baby monitor walkie talkie to tell Husband that Kelby was getting ready for bed. He responded that he'd be up in a minute. After that, Kelby was very interested in the monitor during the diaper change and putting pajamas on. She'd point at it and say "That's Daddy". I thought, oh no, the [[magic|3 January 2007]] is gone-- she's figured it out that it's just Daddy talking to her!\n\nTonight, as soon as Husband finished the last sentence of her bedtime story, a Curious George book (for the 5th night in a row), Kelby burst into tears. She knew what was coming before he even closed the book! We did not get happy hugs this time. We tried to ignore her cries and quickly put her to bed and closed the door. She fell asleep while I was in the shower, but about 45 minutes later, she woke up and started crying again. Husband used the baby monitor walkie talkie and said, "Kelby, go to sleep." We didn't hear another sound... I guess the magic is still there after all!

Today is the Fourth of July. Independence Day. Or, as my Mom described it, our country's birthday. The best part is having the day off from work. This year, it fell on a Wednesday so we didn't get the benefit of a long weekend, but it was still nice. It felt like a Saturday. We met Mom and Dad for breakfast at Shoney's. The food was much better than Ryan's breakfast and a little cheaper, too. And it was nice seeing my parents in the middle of the week. They're going to the [[Smithville Jamboree|http://www.smithvillefiddlersjamboree.net/]] this weekend so they won't be at church on Sunday morning.\n\nWe planned a cookout with Husband's family for dinner and fireworks (everyone except Uncle Nee could come - later that evening, Kelby said, "We forgot Uncle Nee to come!"). I spent the afternoon doing spring cleaning. Yes, I know it's summer. I'm a little behind. I got a lot done, not everything of course, but it felt good. When everyone arrived, we ate hamburgers and hotdogs, and a bunch of other stuff that people brought. Kelby and Layla played together pretty well, but when Kelby started being selfish and not wanting to share, I made her stop playing and eat. Bryler hung out in his high chair while we ate and was passed around from person to person the rest of the evening.\n\nThe highlight of the evening was the fireworks. We didn't wait for it to get dark because the kids needed to get in bed before then. Nooni had found a kid's fireworks bag - not suitable for kids to shoot, of course, but it had sparklers, snakes, strobes, tanks, poppers, and something that you sit on the ground and it shoots colored sparks out to look similar to a traditional firework, except that it sat on the ground and made a hissing sound instead of a boom. It was definitely the most impressive of the fireworks in the pack, but it was also this one that scared Kelby half to death. Kelby held her first sparkler and did very well after giving a jump when it first burst into sparks. The next thing was a pull-popper and she didn't seem very interested in that. Then it was the cool firework I just mentioned. She was sitting on the porch steps, about 3 steps up, and the firework was at the bottom of the steps. Nooni set it off. I was videoing from the yard and Husband was on the porch. As soon as it started throwing sparks, she started shaking and crying and was clearly freaking out. Uncle Nance ran to get her and gave her to Husband. I think she was just not prepared for it and would have been okay if she was sitting with someone or being held, or if she was farther away from it. She was a little more hesitant the rest of the night and wanted me to hold her through most of it, but she did enjoy the rest of the fireworks and even threw a few poppers on the ground and held a few more sparklers. I reminded her that fireworks were noisy like thunder, but noises don't hurt you (we had already explained the dangers of the fireworks themselves). She responded immediately, "Thunder is cool!" Bryler was super cute, sitting on Big Daddy's shoulders like Kelby used to do. He liked watching the fireworks about as much as Kelby did. By the end, he'd fallen asleep against Granda and I put him straight to bed.\n\nAfter everyone left, Kelby continued to play in the sunroom for a little while. When she came in, she had peed on herself - no pull-up. She didn't want to quit playing to use the potty. I found out the yucky way. When I picked her up, I got pee all over my shirt. Husband had told her that she would get a spanking the next time she peed on herself just because she didn't want to quit playing. He was downstairs, so I felt like I should carry it out. I told her that I was going to spank her and she said "Okay" and I slapped her thigh once and she cried. I know she cried because it was a spanking and not because it hurt her leg because I didn't spank her hard. As I removed her wet clothes, I reminded her about the Elmo story, how he and his friends had to stop playing when they felt like they had to go so that they wouldn't have an accident. Then I told her she needed a bath and she was happy again.\n\nBy this time, Bryler had woken up again and needed his diaper changed and to be fed so I got him up while I gave Kelby a bath. I was holding him on my lap, steading him with one hand while trying to remove Kelby's pig tails as she played in the tub. That's hard to do with one hand. The first one came out pretty easily. The other side was being difficult. I pulled and pulled and pulled and pulled. And pulled and pulled. Kelby looked up at me with her big brown eyes and said in her sweet curious voice, "Are you having hard time?"\n\nI got Kelby in the bed and then I rocked Bryler in his room as he took his bottle. He looked right up into my eyes for a full five minutes until he fell asleep in my arms.\n\nAfter that, I took a shower and then Husband and I watched [[Bridge to Terabithia]]. Although I was tired and it was getting late, I hadn't yet sat down and relaxed the whole holiday. I was glad I did. It was a great movie.\n\nThe end - A very special day.

Last night was very painful for me when Bryler wouldn't quit crying when we put him to bed. He was asleep when I got in bed but he started crying about 5 minutes later and cried off-and-on for about 1 hour and 15 minutes. I hated to listen to him cry and it seemed to go on and on forever. I had already given in once and got him up to feed him so I knew he wasn't hungry. Most likely, he was pushing all the right buttons to make me want to pick him up again. But that is the worst thing I could do because it would tell him that this is how he can get me to pick him up. I was resisting, but I was miserable. Husband reminded me that he wouldn't be damaged by crying and I remembered that when this has happened before, he was still happy to see me in the morning. About the time that I started to convince myself to relax, he quit crying around 11:45 and then slept all night.\n\n----\n\nGranda met me at the doctor's office at 9:10. I took Kelby in to see the doctor while Granda took Bryler to Walmart. The doctor's office was really busy so we were there in the "fish" room for almost an hour. After not seeing Kelby all weekend, I had a lot of fun with her. We played Purple Car (she was the purple car) and Blue Car (that would be me) and "Ring Around the Rosie" and we looked at the sharks ("Dey will hurt me!") and jellyfish ("Dey will hurt me!") and sea turtles and octopus and clams ("Dey won't hurt me") on the walls. She actually knew which ones would hurt her without me telling her. How does she know these things?\n\nThey took a strep test and it was negative. The doctor diagnosed it as [[Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease|http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dvrd/revb/enterovirus/hfhf.htm]]. It is "a common illness of infants and children. It is characterized by fever, sores in the mouth, and a rash with blisters. HFMD begins with a mild fever, poor appetite, malaise ("feeling sick"), and frequently a sore throat. One or 2 days after the fever begins, painful sores develop in the mouth. They begin as small red spots that blister and then often become ulcers. They are usually located on the tongue, gums, and inside of the cheeks. The skin rash develops over 1 to 2 days with flat or raised red spots, some with blisters. The rash does not itch, and it is usually located on the palms of the hands and soles of the feet. It may also appear on the buttocks. A person with HFMD may have only the rash or the mouth ulcers." Kelby doesn't have much of a rash - only a few faint dots on her feet - but she did complain about her feet hurting. Since it's a virus, we just have to wait it out. We can treat the symptoms by giving her cold stuff like popsicles and Tylenol. We'll just have to wait and see if she gave it to Bryler. Adults don't usually get it. The good thing is that I think she's already getting over it. She didn't seem to have any problem eating or drinking today. She just wanted to be held more than usual.\n\nThat night, she asked to take a bath. I washed her and then went to get something. When I came back, I asked her what she was doing. She said, "I'm floating the eggs." Sure enough, she was very carefully placing plastic easter eggs (separated into halves) in the water so that they would float. I was impressed. I've never told her about floating, but maybe Granda or Daddy has. Anyway, I thought that "floating" was a pretty advanced concept for a 2-year-old.\n\n----\n\nWe finally got the computers set up on the new computer desk. It is one big L-shaped desk that can potentially sit 4 computers and our printer. Right now, we've just got 2 computers and the printer, but I'd like to set up a computer for Kelby. She definitely has the interest. She just needs to work on her mouse skills and she will be able to play some simple games on [[Sesame Street's website|http://www.sesameworkshop.org/sesamestreet/]].

I didn't take one step outside of the house today. Husband took Kelby to church with him even though Mom called to say that she was sick and wouldn't be able to watch her. I was planning on keeping her at home, but Husband was knew I needed the sleep so he decided to go ahead and take her. I think he and Granda took turns watching her during band and choir practice. He said it worked out okay. After church, they went to Long John Silver for lunch. Husband asked Kelby what she wanted to eat and she said, "Corn". I guess she remembered that they had corn on the cob there. He said it was really cute because she ate it very enthusiastically and would turn the cob and say, "Dere's some corn!" and would dig right in until she's eaten every kernel. She also ate some fish, a hush puppy, and fries dipped in tartar sauce.\n\n----\n\nAt home alone with Bryler, it was a relatively peaceful morning. I was so sleepy. I slept for about 1 hr 20 min in the morning and then another 2 hours in the afternoon while Kelby took her nap. It was much-needed!\n\n----\n\nI have always heard that you should choose your battles. In other words, if it's not that important, don't make such a fuss about it. I followed this advice tonight. Husband had to go back to church so I was watching Kelby and Bryler. Kelby's crayons have been downstairs in a storage room throughout our renovation project, so I suggested we find them and let her color while I worked on sending out pictures of Bryler. She was up for it. She did color for about 15 minutes and then I noticed that she was taking the paper off of a crayon. We don't normally let her do that. It's probably just something we've been taught not to do - DON'T TAKE THE PAPER OFF THE CRAYONS! It's the socially acceptable behavior. And so it's something we naturally want to pass on to Kelby. But I decided not to make a fuss about it. I rationalized that the paper isn't that important - a two year old is not going to care whether it's "sky blue" or "turquioise blue". And the paper will have to come off once the tips are colored off anyway. I just let her do it, and I told her where to put the paper scraps so that it didn't make a mess. She was occupied for over an hour taking the paper off of crayons! She was happy and she wasn't tearing the house apart or asking me "I see Elmo, please" every other second, so I was happy, too. I ended up putting the colorful paper scraps in a plastic baggy and saving them. I thought they might make a nice gluing project for Kelby someday.\n\nDuring this time, I also put on a DVD called [["Mommy & Me"|http://www.mommyandme.com/]], which we got for free in a formula sample bag. It was a bunch of moms and dads singing songs and doing motions with their kids. She loved it. She watched it 5 times and wanted to watch it more, but it was time for bed. Mostly, she just watched, but by the end she was singing the songs and doing some of the motions.\n\n----\n\nAfter Kelby was in bed and Husband and I had just finished eating dinner, Bryler was awake and just hangin' out in his bouncer seat, wide-eyed and happy, but perhaps bored out of his mind. Husband started talking to him. Bryler just smiled and smiled at him, kicking his legs and pumping his arms. He was so responsive, even more than he's been when I talk to him. It was precious!\n\nI haven't figured out whether Bryler is teething or he's just picky about which bottle we use. He seems to prefer the Playtex "nursers" over the Dr. Brown's bottles. He sucks a few times on the Dr Brown's and then spits it out and starts fussing. I normally would conclude that he's not hungry - he's just teething & wants to chew instead of eat. But the problem is that he really is hungry. Once, I tried pouring the milk into a Playtex bottle and he ate much better. I guess I'll have to test this out a little more to know for certain.

Last night, Bryler didn't go right back to sleep after I fed him, so I thought he might have an ear ache or was teething. I brought him to the kitchen and gave him a little squirt of the infant Tylenol in the side of him mouth. Like several times in the past, he gagged on the Tylenol and threw up all the milk he'd just eaten. It was so frustrating. It's like trying to fix a problem and making it much worse.\n\nWe took Bryler to the doctor this afternoon. He kept pulling on his left ear, sometimes while crying. And his episodes of crying all of a sudden - not caused by hunger - made us suspect an ear infection. Granda brought Kelby, Bryler, and Nayna to the doctor and I left work early and met her there. Nayna had heavy congestion (lots of thick snot), so Granda went ahead and had her seen along with Bryler. Husband came by the office when he got off from work, so all of us were in the little examination room when the doctor came in. It turns out that Bryler did not have an ear infection -- he's just teething -- and Nayna had ear infections in both ears.\n\nAfter we left the doctor's office, Husband took Kelby with him to Home Depot and I took Bryler by Walgreens. I picked up some [[Tylenol Meltaways|https://www.tylenol.com/product_detail.jhtml?id=tylenol/children/prod_child.inc&prod=subpchild]], which are tablets that melt in your mouth. I was hoping for some melting strips like they have for [[Benadryl|http://www.pfizerch.com/product.aspx?id=1978]], but they apparently don't make those in Tylenol yet. When I got home, I cut each tablet in half because that would be the right dosage for Bryler's age. Then I tried one out on him. He took it just fine. No gagging or anything. The real test will be when I try to give it to him in the middle of the night.\n\nBryler has reached out to touch the comforter on the wall next to his changing table before, but today he reached out and grabbed his Spiderman teether doll. He grabbed it hard enough to pull it out of my hand! I was so proud of him. \n\n----\n\nI ate lunch with my older sister, J, today. We ate at Subway. We had a great time talking and the time passed very quickly. I'm realizing that our personalities are more similar than I've previously thought. I relate very easily to the things that she is going through. When I was on my way home from work, I remembered the time when I worked for her - maybe 11 years ago? She managed a fireplace store and I helped her with some of the bookkeeping work. (This was my first experience with accounting-type work. Several years later, I looked back on that experience and decided to get my degree in accounting.) I remembered how impressed I was with how she managed all the aspects of the store and wondered how she knew what to do. Now I know that she was winging it most of the time. But she certainly had a great deal of initiative. I find myself in that same position now - I have a lot of initiative and "get things done", and most of the time I'm just winging it.

Bryler slept 6 hours straight last night! Woo-hoo! The funny thing is that I looked up when Kelby first slept 6 hours straight and it was on the exact same night - April 4th. I don't know what the odds are of doing that, but I think it's probably even less likely than being born on the same day.\n\nI was expecting a terrible night, actually. Bryler has a terrible cold and he had a really rough evening yesterday. From the time I got home at 6:00 (went shopping at Walmart after work) 'till 10:15, he did nothing but either sleep or scream. The only way thing that made him stop screaming was to bounce him. I don't mean gentle bouncing either. He wanted to be seriously bounced. Or maybe it wasn't what he wanted - maybe it just distracted him enough that he forgot to cry. Thankfully, there was a lot more sleeping than screaming. But I was really worried that he'd "wake up" about time to go to bed, or else he'd just be too miserable to sleep very well. I was wrong. He slept perfectly for 6 whole hours.\n\nBryler made a lot of cooing noises this evening as he lay on the changing table after a diaper change. It's so much fun when he's smiling and "talking".\n\n----\n\nThis evening, Husband went to church to play bass for a special Easter service. I stayed home with the kids. Kelby and I were eating in the sun room and she said - out of the blue - "A little piggy is Kelby.... Oink Oink." After dinner, I put on a Mommy & Me DVD and she sang and did the motions with it.

I felt a special connection to Bryler today. When he's hungry, he lifts his head, opens his mouth, and tries to "eat" my face. It's pretty funny. This afternoon, he lifted his head up and opened his mouth, but instead of trying to eat me, he just looked up into my face. I supported his head and he just froze in that position, looking into my eyes for several minutes. Grammy and Husband got some pictures. It was really sweet. \n\nHe slept most of the day, like normal, but this evening he was awake for about an hour. I lay him belly-down across my chest and he looked up at me with those big blue eyes and held my finger in his little hand. I felt like he knew I was his mother, or at least that he knew who I was - that I was not just another person. There were so many other things I needed to do, but I didn't want to quit holding him close to me. I thought about how I couldn't stand it if something happened to him. I felt a wave of protective emotion. I don't know what else to call it. After a little while, I let Husband spend some "awake" time with him. They also had some good bonding time together.\n\nI love to look at his reddish hair, to feel his soft head. His hair color is special to me even though I know it could all fall out and come in a different color, or it could change to another color when he gets a little older. I had strawberry blond hair growing up (although most of the red tint is now gone).\n\nGrammy came for a visit for a couple of hours. Kelby enjoyed playing with "Gammy" and we ate lunch together. We watched some video of Kelby when she was just born to compare the way she looked to Bryler. They definitely have a resemblance, although Kelby's face was rounder and her cheeks were chubbier and she had dark hair color.\n\nKelby pee-peed in the potty twice today. She sat on the potty once this morning without anything coming out and I gave her one treat for sitting there for a full minute (a mini chocolate chip cookie in the shape of a bunny rabbit). After lunch, she asked for a treat and I told her I would give her a treat if she sat on the toilet for a minute. She wanted Grammy to come watch her sit on the potty. She took off her pants and diaper and climbed the 2 steps on her step-stool, sat on the toilet, and then I told her she needed to sit there for a minute and asked her if she could pee-pee or poo-poo. She got a funny look on her face and out came a tinkle-tinkle. She laughed and we cheered and had her give us "five". I asked her if she had any more, and she waited a second and out came another tinkle-tinkle and a giggle. We cheered again. I asked her if she had anymore... she ended up with a total of 4 tinkle-tinkles! It was hilarious. We were so proud of her. It was the first time I had gotten to be there when she peed in the potty. And I was glad that Grammy got to be there, too. Kelby got 5 treats as a reward.\n\nAfter her nap, the first thing she asked for was Grammy so she could see her go poo-poo in the potty. I had to tell her that Grammy had gone home, but that Daddy was here and did she want him to come see her go poo-poo in the potty. She said yes, so we waited as she went through the steps and sat on her potty and... she tinkle-tinkled twice! Much progress.\n\nThis evening, Kelby, Husband, and I went to Home Depot while Granda watched Bryler. Afterward, we picked up some milk at Weigels. When Husband got out of the car, I told Kelby that Daddy was going in to get milk. She repeated, "Daddy ah get milk". She was silent for several minutes. A truck pulled up next to us and a man got out and went in the store. Kelby said, "More people come get milk." She using deduction! Daddy goes in the store to get milk. Someone else goes in - he must also want milk. <smile>\n\nOn the way home, we talked about how we wouldn't trade Kelby for anything. How we loved our lives when it was just Husband and me, but now that we have Kelby, we wouldn't have it any other way. And how we'd feel the same way about Bryler. And if we have another child, we'll love him/her just as much. It's just amazing how a child can change your life. Your capacity for love just keeps growing to include those new precious additions to the family.\n\nKelby busted her upper lip when we got home. I was in the middle of changing Bryler's diaper, so I called for Husband to help. She had clearly hurt herself worse than normal because she was crying so hard. I was so thankful Husband was not downstairs or in the shower or something. I don't know what I would have done. He was great with her, calming her down and getting the blood cleaned up.

I am tired. I feel worn out. My feet hurt terribly. I don't want to move. I really would just like to get into bed, except that it's only 9 pm and I'm burning up. I hate to lay in bed when I'm hot. I have felt hot all day. I wore a sweater. Not a good idea. I wore the new blue jeans that I bought a few weeks ago. They fit me then. Now that the baby has dropped, I couldn't keep my pants up on my belly where they're supposed to be. They bothered me all day long. Now I'm back down to 1 pair of blue jeans that fit me decently. I also ate a ton today and gained 1 1/2 pounds, making it about 45 pounds that I've gained in total this pregnancy.\n\nKelby's cousin turned 1 today, so there was a birthday party with pizza, cake, and ice cream. I enjoyed it. Kelby also enjoyed it. She had her own little cake and ice cream. I warned Kelby before the birthday party that we would get to watch Cousin open presents and that she wouldn't open any tonight because it's Cousin's birthday (my voice trying to make this sound like a fun arrangement). The first time I told her, she didn't give me much response. The second time I told her, she actually repeated it to me. I think I told her one more time and maybe Husband did, too. When she had eaten her cake and ice cream, I asked her if she wanted watch Cousin open presents and she was enthusiastic about it. She wanted to go over close to Cousin to "watch" but we kept her in our laps or next to us on the couch because I thought letting her down would be too tempting for her. I was so proud of her, though. She sat with us quietly watching and saying "Oooh" at all the neat stuff Cousin got. Cousin's grandmother was very kind and brought a gift for Kelby - a Cabbage Patch doll - and she really liked it. After Cousin was done opening the presents, we let Kelby play with some of the new toys, trying to make sure she shared properly. She is doing much better about sharing, I think. The first time I worked in the nursery, Kelby was awful - she cried and threw a fit every time another kid touched a toy she wanted. Today, she shared nicely with 2 other kids in the waiting room at the doctor and she also did pretty well at the birthday party (although both times with some guidance).\n\nOne thing she did was pretty funny. Both Kelby and Cousin wanted to play with a certain toy. Someone said to give Cousin the box because she'd be just as happy with that. A few minutes later, a similar situation occurred. Both of them wanted the same toy. We told Kelby to share. Kelby held onto the toy she wanted and calmly gave Cousin the box that it came in.\n\nKelby didn't sleep very well last night and Granda said that she's been saying her throat hurts and asking for Mommy more than usual. Kelby's cousin had strep throat not too long ago, so I thought it was worth the $15 co-pay to go ahead and take her to the doctor for a strep throat test. She didn't have a whole lot of symptoms, so it was a risk, but I knew I'd feel better knowing whether she had it or not. Sure enough, she does have it. I need to go back to my journals and count the number of times she's had strep throat or scarlet fever. I think this makes about the 5th time. The good thing is that it's easy to treat. She gets an antibiotic and she's no longer contagious after 24 hours of her first dose and she starts feeling better around that same time. \n\nHusband is so smart and talented at computer stuff. I am proud of him. My parents' computer crashed and they couldn't get their new printer/fax/scanner to work so I picked it up on my way home from work. Bryan plugged it in and found it in pretty bad shape: blue screen of death and messages that the registry was missing or something. He worked on it maybe 30 minutes and had both the computer and printer working again. He's brilliant, I tell you. He just doesn't know it.

We fed Bryler his first "solid" food today: rice cereal. We fed him in the Bumbo. He did much better than I expected him to. I have always had a hard time giving him medicine from a dropper, so I thought that he might have trouble eating from a spoon. He wouldn't open his mouth for me, but he didn't resist when I shoved it in and he didn't spit it out or push it out with his tongue. He ate it.\n\n----\n\nTonight I watched the videos that Granda took at Pa's house last weekend. It was really great. It was almost like I was there. And Kelby and Nayna were so cute! I like pictures a lot, but I never realized how cool video was until today. :-) And I was glad we gave Granda the camera that does both pictures and video for her birthday.\n\nPa had some chickens and chicks in his shed, so that was a major attraction for the kids. On Friday night when they got there, Pa was getting ready to take them to the shed and he put his ball cap on. Kelby and Layla saw him put it on and wanted a ball cap, too. So there they went both in pink sun dresses, walking down to the shed, hand-in-hand with Pa, all 3 of them wearing Pa's ball caps. It was precious.\n\nOn Saturday, there was a video of Kelby playing with Nayna by getting her to lay on the floor and then covering her up with pillows and laying on top of them. This sounds cruel, but both of them were enjoying it and I thought it was really sweet to see them playing nicely together like that. Usually, I see Nayna following after Kelby or trying to play with something that Kelby is playing with and Kelby not being very happy about it. I'm sure that they play together a lot while I'm at work, but this is the first time I've gotten to see them actually play together like friends. \n\nLater that afternoon, they went to visit Granny's grave and planted some grass seed. It made me tear up watching Pa, Kelby, and Nayna spreading the grass seed out of a brown paper bag next to the grave stone adorned with the most beautiful flowers...Such love and care going into the maintenance of the grave site. Kelby and Nayna were taking it so seriously, taking handfuls of seed and tossing it. How pleased Granny would be to see the kids there. I could just hear Granny saying, "Oh, would you look at that..." and laughing at all the funny things that they did. Granny always enjoyed life - whatever we were doing at the time, she was happy. I don't remember Granny ever being in a bad mood. I was glad to see Kelby there. I still haven't lost my hope that Kelby will remember her.\n\nOn Sunday morning, Kelby was "playing" Granny's piano and singing the A, B, C song. Uncle T was teasing her by changing the words and singing the letters out of order. Kelby argued with him at first, and then she started making it silly it as well. Uncle T ended one of his phrases with "Aunt Nooni" and Kelby said, "I'm singing Aunt Nooni... OKAY?!" and he said, "Alright with me" then she proceeded to sing "Aunt Nooni" as she pushed the piano keys at random.\n\nThey went to church with Pa: Pa the Preacher with all 3 of his kids, one granddaughter, and 2 of his great-granddaughters. Granda said that she was very good. I don't have any video from church, but I saw some video taken in the car when they were still in their dresses. Kelby was in her Easter outfit and sun hat and she was talking on the phone with Daddy and then with me. It was really neat to see what had transpired on the other side of the phone when she was talking to me. I figured out why I couldn't understand what she was saying. Half the time she wasn't even talking to me!

This morning I read an article in a baby magazine about a mother who delivered her second baby just 3 days before her own mother died from a long struggle with cancer. During the first stressful months of caring for her kids, she remembered all the advice her mother had given her before she passed away, advice I myself could use. I was so touched by the story that I had tears streaming down my cheeks. She had prayed every night that her mother would hold on until the baby was born - even though she was "ready to go". It reminded me of when we wanted so badly for Granny to live for a few more months so that she could see Bryler. It also made me so thankful that I have my own mother here to encourage me these past few weeks. She is always there for me when I need her and she understands how stressful being a mother can be. And I'm also thankful that I have a mother-in-law (Granda), who also understands and has been so supportive and helpful, even bringing me flowers to brighten my day. They both have been such a blessing to me.\n\nI also watched an interview with [[Barbara Mandell|http://www.barbara-mandrell.com/]] on the 700 Club this morning. I've never watched the 700 Club before, and I just happened upon it. I don't know anything about Barbara Mandell except that she sings country, but her testimony was so touching. She talked about how she and her husband had prayed and felt a peace about her retiring from the stage, and that being a homemaker was the hardest thing she'd ever done. She also talked about how God's blessings would come out of nowhere with things that were better than what she'd even think to ask for. I was so impressed with her that I may look up some of her songs to see what they're like.\n\n----\n\nWe finally finished the baby room today by hanging up the comforter, pictures, and clock on the walls. This is good because my co-workers are visiting me tomorrow. I also cleaned up the house. I felt like I had a very productive day.\n\n----\n\nA few weeks ago, Granda and I were watching some home videos of Kelby when she was a baby, comparing how she looked to Bryler and just enjoying those happy memories. We came to the video where Granny and Pa came to see Kelby for the first time. It was a sweet memory, but also sad knowing that she would not get to see Bryler. I noticed that Granny was wearing a checked jacket that I now have in my closet. I was given a lot of Granny's clothes after she "flew away", something that has been a blessing to me because she had great taste in clothes and, being a pastor's wife, she had a lot of business suits and great stuff I can wear to work. And I believe she would be pleased that I am enjoying the clothes that she enjoyed picking out. I decided to wear that jacket tomorrow for my co-workers' visit, but it needed ironing. (I haven't ironed anything in weeks since I haven't been to work or church.) As I ironed the jacket, I thought about Granny. I thought about how unkind it is that the clothes last so much longer than the person. I am left with the clothes, so unimportant compared with the wonderful person that was Granny.\n\n

Another bad night last night. I tried to give Bryler a [[Tylenol Meltaways|https://www.tylenol.com/product_detail.jhtml?id=tylenol/children/prod_child.inc&prod=subpchild]] pill and he gagged on it and threw up. I bought the Meltaways so that he WOULDN'T throw up! I was so frustrated! Husband came and helped me clean it up and change his clothes once again. Then I fed him again since he'd thrown up his midnight snack. He's been relapsing the last few nights, waking up twice to be fed instead of once and also fussing a couple of times until we put his pacifier back in his mouth. Maybe if we can figure out how to give him Tylenol so he'll keep it down, he can sleep without his teeth hurting too badly. Husband suggested we put the Tylenol pill in his milk. I didn't think he'd drink it, but he apparently doesn't mind the taste of bubble-gum flavored milk. I tried it this evening and he didn't seem to even notice anything was different. There is hope!\n\nI finally got out the booster seat that we got at Bryler's shower. I set it up for Kelby at the kitchen counter and put her high chair away in the sun room. She liked sitting on the booster seat and eating like a big girl with Mommy and Daddy. Kelby is growing up. Very quickly.\n\nSpeaking of growing up, I worked on Bryler's clothes again today. He's grown out of his newborn and 0-3 month clothes, so I got out all of his 3-6 month clothes and put the little ones away. I remember when I had to do that with Kelby and I was so sad that she was not my little tiny baby anymore. I remember Husband comforting me and reminding me that we didn't have Kelby so we could keep her as a baby - we had her so we could watch her grow up. These words helped me through many more days of putting away clothes as she grew out of them. I still had a touch of sadness putting Bryler's little clothes away today, but now that I know how much more fun he will get as he grows up, I didn't take it so hard.\n\nKelby played with Bryler this evening. She gave him one of her Little People figurines and then drove her Little People car over his body and around his head as he sat in his bouncer seat and smiled and followed her with his eyes. She played and talked to him as if he were playing back and it was really cute. Bryler already seems to like his big sister.\n\nBryler didn't cry at all tonight when we gave him a bath. He was such a good boy!\n\n----\n\nUpdate on house renovations: Husband built shelves into the computer desks today. Yesterday, he ordered the counter tops for the desks. Unfortunately, we'll have to wait 4 weeks for them. He also caulked around the kitchen window where some ants were coming in and driving us crazy. He had to take all the framing down first. Progress around the house seems slow-going at times, but it has to be done one step at a time and I consider each completed step as a success.\n\nI went to Kohl's while the kids were taking a nap. I bought a little over $100 worth of clothes, shoes, and jewelry, and paid for it with gift cards I'd gotten from Christmas. I am so glad I asked for Kohl's gift cards. It's like celebrating Christmas throughout the year. What fun it is to buy stuff without spending money!

Bryler made up for his extra good night the previous night by waking up an extra time last night. He woke up at 12:15 AM, 3 AM, and 5:15 AM. The worst was the 5:15 one because my alarm was set for 5:45. How crummy is that!\n\nHusband said that Bryler was making all sorts of sounds when he went to pick him up at Granda's house, sounds that he had never heard Bryler make before. There is something about that place (um... probably the people who live there?) that makes kids do really cool things.\n\n----\n\nThis morning I got Kelby up and was changing her diaper and telling her that I had to go to work and she said, tearfully, "I want my mommy!... I want my mommy, Mommy." I explained that I had to go to work, but that I would see her tonight and then tomorrow is Saturday so I get to spend all day with her. She said, "I want to stay home and play with my mommy." First of all, that was a big sentence for a 2 year old. Second of all, what else could possibly make you feel so wonderful and so terrible at the same time? When I took her to Granda's house she said the same "I want my mommy" when I was getting ready to leave, and it was awful to leave her. But right before I walked out the door I said, "See you later" and Granda told her to say okay, so she said, "Okay" and seemed like she might really be okay. I found out later that she didn't say it the rest of the day, so I didn't feel like SUCH an awful terrible mommy.\n<html><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/P/B0000630L2.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_AA280_.jpg" border="0" height="200 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\n\n\nI just remembered something that Kelby did the other day. I was putting away a load of clothes in her room and she was playing with her Thomas the Tank Engine set. Out of the blue, she decided that she was going to change his diaper. Let me remind you, I'm talking about a train engine. I guess from watching the cartoon, she would think of him as a person, but I found it quite amusing. She asked me for a diaper so I gave her a dryer sheet. She proceeded to wipe him (read: polish) and put the diaper on him (read: wrap him up in it). She did this a couple of times and then she said, "Thomas has poo poo in his mouth!" and "Thomas go take a shower!" Now, if you've been keeping up with my blog, you will know that she is referring to [[something in her past|22 February 2007]]. Although I don't think she ever got the poo poo in her mouth, she knows that playing with poo poo results in a shower. I humored her and we went and turned the shower on and pretended to put him in it. \n\n----\n\nI met my older sister, JKLMN, for lunch today. We don't get to see each other very often, and when we do there's always a lot of stuff going on and kids to keep track of. So it was really nice for it to be just the two of us for a change. We decided to eat lunch together on the first Friday of every month. We talked about health-related stuff for a while and then I got JKLMN to describe her job to me, and I found out a lot of stuff I didn't know. It was very interesting. At one point, something struck me as funny and we both got so tickled that we had to wipe away tears from laughing so hard. It's always fun and refreshing to laugh like that. Laughter really is good for the soul!\n\nLaughing like that reminded me of the Tuesday lunches I used to have with Lucas before he moved away. We often got tickled at something or other and had a good laugh. I miss that a lot. I also miss our lively discussions about sometimes deep and sometimes silly things.

I got sick at work today. I was fine until around 11 AM and then I started getting a headache, probably from stress. I ate my salad that I left there over the weekend, but the lettuce and mushrooms tasted like they had gone bad so I only ate a few bites of the lettuce and picked out the cauliflower and broccoli. To supplement my lunch, I ate a bag of popcorn. Around 1:30, I was feeling nauseated and had trouble keeping my head up. I managed to make it to around 3:00 and then I threw up in my trash can. I had anticipated that it might happen and had shut the door to my office, so I was able to vomit in private at least. My supervisor knew I wasn't feeling well (I was very pale in the face) and had suggested I go home about 15 minutes before I threw up, so I finished up what I was working on, turned it in to her so that she could finish it up, and left around 3:30. I had a hard time on the way home - not nauseated anymore, but just feeling weak and really drowsy. As soon as I got home, I crawled into bed and slept for an hour and a half. I woke up feeling much better and actually had some color back in my face. I've had a little nagging headache behind my eyes the rest of the evening, but it wasn't bad and I could operate like normal. It was either food poisoning or a bad migraine. Doesn't seem to be a virus or anything.\n\nGranda fixed spaghetti for us and brought it by our house so we didn't have to cook. That was very kind of her! I was just telling Husband yesterday that one of the things I'm looking forward to on the cruise is having someone else fix all the food. Cooking is just not fun for me, especially the part where you have to figure out what to eat. :)\n\n----\n\nI fed Bryler his first green beans baby food tonight. He liked it! I also fed him sweet potato, which I think is his favorite so far. He was really enjoying his food, making Mmmm sounds between bites as if he couldn't wait for another bite and opening his mouth and almost lunging for the spoon after I'd refill it. When I was done feeding him, I let him take the spoon. He was so cute putting the spoon in his mouth just like a big boy.\n\nBryler also started to crawl tonight. As I've mentioned, he's been getting up on his hands and knees, but tonight he was able to take a few "steps" in the direction he was aiming toward! Kelby was playing with him at the time. She was giving him bath letters to chew on and then taking them away saying "Ucky, ucky... I wash dat!" and putting them in a pretend washing machine and closing the lid. Bryler was getting frustrated because Kelby wouldn't let him chew on them for more than a few seconds before taking them away so he was "crawling" to get closer to her stash of letters. We got a little of this on video because it was great fun watching them play together. Even though Kelby wasn't being terribly generous with the toys, she was well-meaning.

This was my 7th day of being home all day with my two kids. I respect anyone who can be a stay-at-home mom. I'm glad I'll be able to return to work in 5 more weeks. I miss the routine of work and the opportunity to think about things besides keeping enough bottles clean, the kids fed and diapers changed, the dishes washed, the laundry done... \n\n----\n\nNow that we're going to need two car seats, we are ready to trade in our 2-door Honda Civic for a more family friendly vehicle. We're thinking about the Hyundai Santa Fe, the Toyota Rav4, an extended cab truck, or a Mazda 5. We would like to do some test driving sometime this week.\n\n----\n\nKelby continues to be very good-natured toward Bryler, with not a hint of jealousy so far. I am so pleased by this! She likes to watch us change his diaper, to hold the bottle while he eats, to try to give him the pacifier, and she would do much more to bother him if we weren't watching very closely. \n\nToday, we heard a thump in the back room and Husband went to go check on her. He found her in Bryler's room, standing on a chair in front of the changing table, preparing to do a diaper change to her Peter Rabbit. The thump was the baby wipes container falling on the floor when she tried to get one out. She continues to amaze us with the things she comes up with.\n\nKelby pee-peed in the potty 3 times today. She's on a roll!\n\n----\n\nI got out my [[Bjorn infant carrier|http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2267522&cp=&sr=1&f=Taxonomy%2FTRUS%2F2255957&origkw=bjorn&kw=bjorn&parentPage=search]] today while Husband and Kelby went to Home Depot. He was sleeping while I carried him in the carrier, but it was nice to keep him close to me instead of putting him down. He sleeps so much that it feels like I'm neglecting him when he's in the swing or bouncer seat all the time. Bryler continues to have more "awake" time in the evenings, so that is nice.

Today was a very difficult day for me. I know that postpartum hormones play a part, but I have not been dealing with stress very well today. I am impatient with Kelby, and then I feel bad for getting angry with her. I feel worn out and frayed on the edges. Husband has been working downstairs trying to get the concrete leveled so he can put the laminate flooring in, which means I have been alone with both kids most of the time. But even though I spend a lot of time watching them, I know that I am not spending quality time with them, especially Kelby. When I was working, I'd spend a few hours every night playing with her. Now, it's all I can do to keep enough bottles clean, the baby fed and diapers changed, the dishes washed, and the laundry done... And there's so many things I'd like to do for ME, but I get to the end of the day and I didn't ever get to those things. And then I feel guilty for wanting to do those things for ME, guilty for being selfish and wanting time for myself. \n\nHusband doesn't want to send Kelby to Granda's house while we're on leave. He says that we should be able to take care of our own kids. Given that, I just feel like a bad mother because I can't seem to take care of my own kids all day every day -- not with sanity -- at least not enjoying it . I am a perfectionist. I like to do a good job - no, a great job - at everything. Being a good mother is one of the most important things in my life. For me to do a mediocre job, or a poor job, is just very depressing to me. \n\nThankfully, Husband has agreed to let me send Kelby to Granda's house three days a week for about 3 hours in the morning. I think that I can do a better job of being a mother with just a little break. I'd like to spend that time concentrating on the baby and getting some sanity, and then maybe I can spend some more quality time with her while she's home. He does not agree with me that I am a bad mother. He says that lots of mothers feel overwhelmed like I do. He is supportive and encouraging. He makes me feel better, like I'm not that bad of a loser after all.\n\nI am not really looking forward to another day, but I am praying that I will get over these feelings.

My feet HURT! If you've ever hiked several miles up a mountain, that's what they feel like. I realized too late that I made it worse by not wearing shoes all day long. I stayed home and did stuff around the house today and never thought about putting shoes on. I did put socks on, and I'm sure that helped keep the swelling down a little because when I took the socks off, I had big grooves in my ankles where the elastic had kept the blood from rushing down into my feet. After my shower, the feet hurt so badly that I sat down for a 10-minute rest before drying my hair. Perhaps taking the socks off to take a shower wasn't a good idea either, although I don't think it was really an option to leave them on. <smile>\n\nNote to self when I am no longer pregnant: do not take it for granted when you are able to lie on your stomach, when you are able to lie flat on your back or stand up straight and not feel like something is wrong, when you can tie your shoes or cut your toenails without discomfort, when you sleep through the night without carefully placing your body in certain positions or without several trips to the bathroom, when you can give your husband a hug without a huge beach-ball between you, when you are allowed to eat steak that's not charred and luncheon meat that's not been shriveled in the microwave, when you can hold your child on your lap without her falling off or when you can carry your child on your hip, when you have regular bowel movements without the aid of Fibercon, when you can fit through spaces that look plenty big enough...until you get stuck, when you are not feeling 5 degrees warmer than everyone else in the room, and when you can fit into your clothes and feel comfortable in them.\n\n----\n\nI don't know what got into Husband today, but he got up early and immediately put some laundry in the washer and then started taking down the downstairs kitchen cabinets, a project we'd planned to do "someday". That was certainly unexpected! We haven't talked about doing that for months. We have used the downstairs kitchen maybe 2 times since we moved into the house in July of 2003. We had considered leaving the sink and a microwave down there for future slumber parties and such, but in the end we decided it wasn't worth it. We'd rather free up the space. Now that it's all removed, I think we made the right choice. There is a nice sized room now available for us to use. We plan on moving our computers in there. So the downstairs will consist of the home theater, an office section with our computers, a play section for the kids, a bathroom, and a storage room. The theater area includes two couches, a futon, a cabinet housing a computer that Husband built which we call the Bivo - a takeoff from the Tivo, and a projector mounted to the ceiling that shows movies 100 inches diagonally on the wall (BIG), and surround-sound speakers. It's a very nice setup, thanks to the genius of Husband. We don't go see movies in the theater much any more. Sitting on our much-more-comfortable couches, eating popcorn and watching a rented movie (both of which are at least half the price) is much more desirable, especially now that we have Kelby and it's harder to get out. So back to the renovations... the next step is to get the rest of the kitchen cabinets and oven out of the way (Husband already took a truckload to Aunt Nooni's house, who wants to use them), move the outlets to floor level, repair the walls, replace a little section of sheet rock, paint the walls, get new carpet, and buy/install some cabinets that will work as computer desks. We also have the fireplace to finish up. We installed a gas heater in the fireplace in 2005 because we never planned on burning wood in it, but we need to do something with the brick surround - paint it, cover it with sheet rock or something. As you can see, it's gonna take some time, but step by step we'll get there. Maybe we'll have it all done by next year.\n\n----\n\nI spent the day with Kelby. It was a good day. I got some stuff done while "playing" with her. It's hard to remember what we did, actually. Kinda funny how you can pass a whole day and not even remember what you did at the end of it. I know that while she took a nap, I worked on updating our finances while assisting Husband (minimally as there was not much I could do, being so pregnant). When Kelby woke up from her nap, she sat on my lap for a good while as I sat in my computer chair and talked with Husband. At one point, she surprised me and snuggled against me. This is a rare treat. Kelby is very loving, but she rarely snuggles unless she's just woken up or she doesn't feel good. Kelby is too busy for that. Some kids are snugglers and others are not. Maybe our boy will be a snuggler. I would like that.\n\n----\n\nTomorrow is our baby shower at church. Aunt Nooni and Granda are organizing it, with help from others. I am excited, but I am also feeling like maybe I should have just said, "No thanks, I don't need another shower." I am just not comfortable with people spending their time and money for our benefit. I especially hate that Aunt Nooni and Granda are going to such effort. But they seem to not mind, so maybe I should just get over it and accept it as a very nice gift. I am not good at accepting gifts, especially when I feel that I don't deserve them. I like to earn things. If I don't earn it, I feel guilty for having it. I think it was easier when I was pregnant with Kelby and had my first showers (I had one at work and church) because it was expected -- everyone has a shower for their first baby. But not everyone has showers for their second baby, although around here, it is not uncommon when the second baby is a different sex than the first one. I talked to some people and they all thought I should go ahead and have one for my second since I was having a boy, so I agreed. I tried to make it as low-key as possible while still inviting everyone in the church so that nobody felt left out. But when I hear about the shower planning, it sounds like a very nice shower that's being thrown. I'm crazy to wish for a sorry little shower instead of a nice big one, aren't I? Yes, I am. People are just too nice! It's not like I don't need the stuff I registered for, it's just that I feel like God has blessed us so much that it feels like we're stealing when people give us more. I am grateful beyond words, and I will never feel like I can give back enough. Maybe there is a lesson in all this that I am supposed to learn. Something about accepting gifts that I don't deserve and not feeling guilty about it. Hmmm...

I cleaned furiously all morning, plus gave Kelby a bath, in preparation from the visit of my co-workers (specifically: my supervisor, J, and 3 of the 4 ladies I supervise: E, P, and T). I was satisfied with the shape of the house by 12:00 when they were supposed to be here. They arrived around 12:20 and left around 1:40. They all said that Bryler was cute and took turns holding him. Kelby ran around a lot but didn't say much. She's much quieter around people she doesn't know well. Husband was in the next room building his new computer that had arrived a few minutes prior. It was great to see them and hear what's been going on at the office. On the one hand, I felt "out of the loop", but on the other hand I felt like I'd never left - it was all the same 'ol same 'ol - personality conflicts and people asking us (the accounting staff) to perform the near impossible. It made me feel confident that I could pick up where I'd left off. My plan is to work from home next week (Husband will be back to work full time starting Monday) and then go back to full time the following week. That would result in my maternity leave being 6 weeks of no work and 1 work part time from home.\n\nIt turned out that Husband was missing two important parts to his new computer, so he went to town and I made some phone calls to stores to see if we could find them. Unfortunately, he ended up having to order the parts, which means he won't be able to use the new computer until next week.\n\n----\n\nThis evening, Pa, Uncle Nick, and Uncle Tee drove the 4 hour trip to see Bryler for the first time. They arrived around 9:30. Kelby was already in bed. I was looking forward to seeing them, but also dreading it because Granny wouldn't be with them and I guess I was afraid it would be emotional and sad. Thankfully, it was not that way at all. Everyone seemed to be happy although they were tired from their trip. Pa scooped up Bryler and held him the whole time. Nobody mentioned Granny (although I'm sure everyone thought of her), except I overhead Husband telling his mom that I was wearing the jacket that Granny had worn the first time she saw Kelby. They stayed about a half hour and then retired to Granda's house. Kelby and Bryler will be spending the day with them tomorrow while Husband and I have an "outing". It is a short visit - they'll be returning home on Thursday after breakfast.\n\n----\n\nBryler cried and fussed for a full hour straight and off-and-on the rest of the evening. We tried everything, but he just wouldn't be consoled. I am decreasing my breast milk production and he's had formula for the past few nights, so maybe his body is adjusting to the change in diet. He hasn't pooped all day (although yesterday he blew up a mustard bomb in his diaper - twice... it was just like mustard - same color and consistency, except the smell was much worse). Is he constipated? Got gas? Teething? There's no way to know. It's frustrating. When he gets really upset, he cries really loudly and it actually hurts our ears when we hold him. Husband is thinking about keeping ear plugs on hand for such an occasion, but I'm hoping it won't happen very often.

I love my little Bryler. He was so sweet and cute today. I loved being able to hold him and spend more time with him. He also holds onto me more when I hold him. I love it when he does that. This evening, I got teary-eyed just watching him take a bottle. I love the way he moves his fingers along my watch band or holds onto my fingers - one in each hand - while he eats, eyes closed and face peaceful. \n\nAt church this morning he started crying again when I gave him to Jane. I was really worried that he'd cry the whole time like he did last week, but he fell asleep after a few minutes. I was so relieved when I saw her bringing him into the sanctuary. This evening after choir practice, Bryler was in his infant carrier and was smiling and cooing at me and Mom, such a precious time.\n\nI stopped by Domino's to pick up a pizza on the way home. While we were waiting, I took the giraffe toy off of Bryler's infant carrier and put it on his lap so he could grab onto it better. It was so cute. He held it in his arms and managed to get his ear in his mouth so he could chew on it.\n\nHusband didn't have to play for the evening service, so he stayed home with Kelby tonight. He said they had a lot of fun together. It was really funny because when I got home, she smiled and yelled "Mommy!" .... and then she ran right in the kitchen and hugged Husband (not me) around the legs. We thought it was pretty funny.\n\n----\n\nMom gave a speech about mental health in church this morning. She did a really great job and I was proud of her. Her basic message was that if our body is the temple, we should be concerned about good mental health. She talked some about mental disorders being a chemical imbalance that should be treated appropriately - with medicine, with counseling, with prayer. She encouraged people with disorders to not be ashamed about them, but to share with others so that we can educate each other. I am sure I'm leaving out some major points, but anyway it was good and Jane even gave her an "Amen" when she finished.\n\n----\n\nHusband's second cousin, Tyler, died today. He's been fighting brain cancer for several years and they thought he was beating it when they found that the cancer had spread to other parts of his body. The hospital sent him home under hospice care a couple of weeks ago, so we knew that things were not going well. I felt very sad when I heard that he had died. I did not know him. My only remembrance of him was when they came to visit Granny & Pa at Christmas about 10 years ago and Husband was teasing him by calling him Ganesh and making him laugh, and then we saw him last Thanksgiving. But I know Uncle T (Tyler's grandfather) and Pa and other family members, and I know how sad they are to lose him. And I cannot imagine losing my son to cancer. It is truly sad and heartbreaking.

We cleaned up the house most of the morning, ate a late lunch, and then took a nap. Then we rushed to get ready to go to Mom & Dad's house to celebrate Easter with my family. Everyone was there except for Lucas and my sister, A, and her family. It was a full house. \n\nWe had a quick Easter egg hunt - quick because it was cold outside. Kelby and her 2 youngest cousins got to search for eggs a minute earlier than the rest of her cousins, and she did pretty well except for the fact that she wanted to open each egg as she found them which made her a lot slower than the rest of the kids so there weren't many left. That's okay - she didn't need any more candy-filled eggs! We had homemade pizza, which is a tradition with my family. Then there was fresh-baked cookies with ice cream. Kelby is growing up - she wanted to sit at the kids' table instead of with Mommy and Daddy. I was fine with that. She seemed to be amused by her rowdy cousins, content to just watch and listen. \n\nDid I mention rowdiness? Well, when you get 8 kids under 9 years old in a small area, you tend to have a lot of noise. At one point, the kids were marching in a single file line through the house playing tambourines and all sorts of instruments while singing at the top of their lungs. The adults calmly kept up their conversations, but they had to yell at each other to be heard. Looking back on it, I find it quite amusing.\n\nChaos makes me a little nervous, and it was our first time having Bryler at a family event, so I found myself doing an unconscious roll-call: There's Bryler, there's Kelby... Then, a very strange feeling, like I was missing someone. And then I'd realize with relief - no we've only got two kids - they're all accounted for. I got this feeling about 3 times during the evening. It was really weird. All-in-all, the evening was fun - good food and good conversation with people I care for and care about me and my family. What more could you ask for?

Bryler's 6-month doctor appointment was today. Bryler is 18.4 lbs (74%), 27 inches tall (70%), and 44.75 cm in head diameter (80%). He's a big boy! I think he's perfect.\n\nWe are supposed to get him used to eating 3 meals a day, to eat baby food primarily with formula being a supplement, and he can have juice and water in a sippy cup (but not more than 6 oz a day) as well as table food (excluding honey, nuts, and shell fish). We're also supposed to start brushing his teeth with just water. The doctor was impressed that he could already sit up by himself - he's only supposed to be a "supported sitter" at this age.\n\n----\n\nThe kids came to visit me at work after the doctor appointment. It wasn't the best visit. Bryler's nap-time was interrupted by the visit to the doctor and he was very sleepy and didn't want to show everyone how he could sit up by himself or get up on his hands and knees. But he DID reach for me - the best he's ever done it. Kelby started off doing very well, telling them the story of when Bryler fell down the steps and got a boo-boo on his head. But she quickly clammed up after that and wanted me or Granda to hold her, which made Layla want to be held, which made Kelby annoyed because she didn't want Layla to be held with her. People would talk to Kelby and she'd just turn her head away from them. It wasn't a disastrous visit, but it was stressful.\n\n----\n\nKelby hasn't been very interested in going on a walk in the stroller lately. Tonight, she stayed home with Daddy while I took Bryler in the one-person stroller. He really enjoys the walks. He can be terribly fussy and tired, but as soon as we're on the road, he's perfectly content. He holds onto the sides of the stroller and looks all around and is super cute.

Bryler woke up this morning with chubbier cheeks and a double chin. He's really starting to fill out. He's also been eating more often, sometimes every hour. If our bathroom scale is correct, he's gained almost 2 lbs since he was born. His eyes are less puffy, losing that just-been-born look. He's also been much more alert and awake today - looking all around. \n\n----\n\nThis afternoon, I was sitting in a recliner chair holding Bryler, and Kelby climbed up in my lap and lay against me in exactly the same position that Bryler was laying. It was the first hint of jealousy I'd seen. I held her and kissed her forehead and told her that now I was holding both my babies and that she was my favorite girl, and she responded, "And Bryler, too!" She was apparently satisfied with my reaction and she got down and resumed her playing a few minutes later. It was pretty sweet, actually.\n\nKelby includes Bryler in her playtime, such as showing him her Curious George stickers before "sticking" them. It doesn't seem to bother her one bit that he doesn't respond when she talks to him. She is happy enough that he is awake and often says, "Bryler's eyes open." It is really cute how she says Bryler's name. It comes out close to "Bahleh". But she had no trouble remembering his name. We told her what his name was once in the hospital and she remembered it every time after that.\n\nKelby is at that stage where she wants to do everything by herself. I hear "Pebby do dat" or "Let Pebby try!" all day long. I know it is a good thing, but it drives me crazy sometimes.\n\nShe went pee-pee in the potty three times again today. I have realized that potty training requires as much commitment from the parents as the child. Honestly, it is a royal pain. When she says she's got to go, you have to stop what you're doing IMMEDIATELY, let her do all the steps by herself, like taking off the pants, putting the step stool in place, etc, which would go much faster if she'd let me help. Then she usually doesn't want to sit on the pot for more than just a second before she wants to get the toilet paper even though I've told her countless times that she has to wait until she's peed or pooped before she gets the toilet paper. Then I have to get her to wait to see if anything comes out, which is not an easy thing to do. Finally, there's wiping and flushing the toilet and putting the pants back on and washing hands. All this has to be done whether she pees or not. And sometimes she gets done and 10 minutes later, she wants to do it again. We never know whether she just wants to sit on the potty for the fun of it or whether she really has to go.\n\n----\n\nI got to go to Wal Mart today. I was really tired, and a nap sounded inviting, but the lure of getting out of the house and getting some much-needed shopping done won out. We put Kelby down for a nap and Husband did some more work on the basement while watching Bryler (who slept most of the time) while I escaped the confines of the house for 2 hours. It was the first time I'd driven since Jan 27th. It was really nice!

Today was a good day, following a not-so-good night of sleep. I tossed and turned and my mind wouldn't quit working and maybe I slept some, but I looked at the clock so many times that it was driving me crazy. I tried reading to relax my brain. It didn't help. Finally got up and went downstairs and laid down on the couch. I ate some Triskit crackers because my stomach felt like it needed some food -- I haven't had a night-time snack like that in years! -- and I slept fine the rest of the night. I don't know if it's psychological or that I just can't get comfortable enough to sleep in my bed, but I certainly seem to sleep better on the couches. They are softer than my bed, so I sink in more and it seems to support my big belly better. And I can lean up against the side of the couch, which also supports the baby. But it is more lonely and I don't plan on making a habit of sleeping on the couch except as a last resort.\n\n----\n\nThis morning, I reminded Kelby that "On Sunday, we to go church." She surprised me a few minutes later when she said, "On Sunday, I eat at home." That is true because she usually eats breakfast at Granda's house, except for Saturdays and Sundays. What an intuitive observation!\n\nKelby was very clingy to me at church prior to going into the nursery, which was from 9:00 to 10:20. Husband is practicing with the band during that time, so he can't provide much assistance. I don't think she was feeling very well. I am glad that she loves me and wants to be with me, but it wears me out when she is like that. \n\nI didn't want to take her to the nursery because of how clingy she was being and the recent history of hysterical crying when I left her, so I tried to find Husband so he could take her. I asked Big Daddy if he knew where Husband was, and he told me he was in the "studio" working on a computer. On the way to the studio, Kelby saw the Music Pastor and said, "Phil, Where Daddy is?" I was completely surprised that she understood that I was looking for him, let alone that she knew how to ask Phil by name where he was! Phil ended up offering to take Kelby to the nursery since Husband happened to be working on his computer. I agreed, but I wasn't very optimistic. I just knew that she would have a fit when she realized I wasn't coming with them. I was wrong. She did great. I stood outside the door of the nursery (she didn't know I was there) and waited for her to start crying, but she never did. What a relief!\n\nOur baby shower was at 4:30 that afternoon, so we rushed home after church, ate a quick lunch, put Kelby to bed for her nap, and took naps ourselves. Husband was feeling badly that morning and hadn't slept very well either. After his nap, he had a temperature of 100.6, so we decided he should stay home instead of going to the shower. We thought he might be getting strep throat. Aunt Terri had sent us a big garbage bag full of toys that her kids had quit playing with. After my 1 and 1/2 hour nap, I went through all the toys and picked out about 15 items that were in the best shape and that Kelby would enjoy. I had a bright idea. I spot cleaned them, then put them in about 10 gift bags. Since Kelby hadn't seen any of the toys, these would be like new to her, and she could open them while I opened the gifts at the shower! I got Kelby up and dressed and explained to her that we were going to a party for the baby and that I would be opening a lot of presents, and that she would get some presents, too! She was excited about that. Then I explained to her that Daddy was sick and that he would have to stay home. When I put her in the car, she told me "Daddy ah sick. Daddy ah stay home." I was impressed. On the way to church, we passed Trinity Methodist Church like we usually do. A few weeks ago, she saw it and said "church". We had been impressed as we had not told her it was a church. This evening, when we passed it, she said, "Dere's a big church!" in an very impressed tone of voice. I called Husband just to tell him what she'd said. We are quite amazed at her ability to make sentences.\n\n----\n\nThe shower was very, very nice. It was a drop-by shower, so it was relaxed and casual. I estimate about 35 people came. The decorations were very cute (stuffed animals in the theme of the baby's new room - zoo animals), and the food spread was great (chips & dip, nuts, fruits, veggies, cake, etc)! There was only 1 person there when I got there and people were slow to trickle in. Kelby and I ate without feeling rushed and by the time I opened presents there were about 4 tables pretty full with people. Since there wasn't such a large crowd and I knew all the people who came, I didn't feel so much in the spotlight.\n\nWhile I opened the presents, Kelby opened her gifts that I brought for her in gift bags. Grammy supervised her so I didn't have to take my attention away from opening baby gifts. She was very good. She also explained to everyone that Daddy was sick and stayed home. I was so proud of her!\n\nAt the end, Aunt Nooni organized all the gifts for me and Uncle Nance loaded my car. Since Husband was home sick and my car was filled with several hundred dollars worth of stuff, Kelby and I didn't stay for Sunday School. I feel so grateful for the people who came out in the pouring rain, for the gifts that people sent even though they couldn't come, for the food people prepared, for the people who helped setup and clean up, and especially for Aunt Nooni and Granda, who organized it and went to a lot of trouble to make the shower such a great event and blessing to us! I left feeling like I hadn't thanked everyone enough.

We stayed home all day long. This is a rare thing for us, but since we went out on July 4th and it had felt like a Saturday, it felt good to stay home and get some stuff done. I finally got caught up on the finances including my least favorite part - the filing. I hadn't filed any papers or receipts since January, so it took forever. But it felt great to get it all put away and have a clean desk.\n\nHusband was listening to his music and during a song with heavy bass in it, Kelby said, "Dat's you, Daddy!" Of course, it wasn't him, but it was neat that she recognized that she was hearing a bass and identifying it with Daddy's instrument.\n\nWe have tried very hard not to laugh and make a big deal about it when Kelby poots. This is because we don't want her to be a pooting girl when she's school age. Yes, it's a social thing, and we know it. It's not such a big deal for boys to poot - but not so great for girls to poot. So we've taught her to simply say "Excuse me" and then when she's older we'll tell her to go to the bathroom if she has to poot a loud or stinky one. But I can't decide which is more hilarious, her laughing when she poots, or her calmly saying "Scuse me" and pretending like nothing happened, especially when she does one after the other. Sometimes, if it's a really big one, she does giggle and it's even harder to keep a straight face. Husband told me that a few days ago, Kelby must have had really bad gas. As she was going up the stairs, he couldn't hear the poots, but on about every other step, she said, "'Scuse me!" He could hardly contain himself.\n\nUncle Troy came over for a visit this evening. When we told Kelby that he was coming, Kelby said, "Uncle Troy is cool." She had a good time playing with him.\n\n----\n\nBryler had a good day today. He really didn't fuss unless he was hungry and just a little bit when I put him down to sleep. This makes such a big difference. We can enjoy him so much more when he's in a pleasant mood. One thing that helped was that we borrowed the walker from Husband's parents. He loves the walker! He explores every nook and cranny, just like a cat does in a new place. He also followed Kelby and me around the room and reached out to me a few times as if to hug my legs. He's getting to be so much fun.

I live a very fast-paced life. There's very little down-time and if there is any, it's planned or it's at the expense of something else that I was supposed to do at that time. Work is especially fast. I am never ever bored and rarely relaxed. I like it that way. The only problem is that a fast-paced life seems to fly by much faster than a slow-paced one even though the number of seconds in a minute are the same either way. Sometimes I wish I could slow the seconds down or stretch them out to twice their length. My little boy sitting in my lap is twice the size of the newborn infant I saw at work today. She was tiny and light as a feather. Bryler is... not so light. And he's eating food from a spoon now for goodness sakes. His face is even looking more like a little boy's face than an infants face. \n\nThis afternoon, I set him on the floor in his room while I put clothes in the dryer (his room IS the laundry room, remember). He was happy as could be as long as I was in sight. When I went to change clothes in the other room, he started fussing. When I came back to his room, he gave me a big smile as if to say, "Yeah, it worked! She came back." It was quite clear that he had fussed because I'd left him and now that I was back, he was happy again. So what I'm saying is that he is developing personality, and it is fun. Yes, he is selfish and manipulative and devious, but he's mine and he loves me and that's all that matters at this point.\n\n----\n\nKelby seemed to be feeling much better today. She woke up very happy and wanted to take her blocks to Granda's house. I let Kelby sit in the front seat on the very short trip to Granda's house, which is a few doors down on the same street. I put the blocks between the two front seats, but it didn't fit there very well.\nShe said, "Dat eblongs down dere" and pointed to the floor board.\nI thought, Did she actually just use the word "belongs"?!\nI said, "That belongs down there?"\n"Yes."\nI put it the blocks on the floor board. I said, "You're smart."\n"Yes."\n"You should say thank you."\n"Tank choo."\n"When someone tells you you're smart, that's a compliment so you should say thank you."\n"Tank choo."\n"You're welcome."\n"I say tank choo when Daddy says I'm pretty."\nI laughed. She said thank you a few more times and I said you're welcome while poking her to make her laugh.\nThen, she said, "Thank you for those."\n"For the blocks?"\n"Uh huh. Thank you for the blocks, Mommy."\n"You're welcome."\nWe got to Granda's house and I took Kelby and Bryler inside. Granda had two hard boiled eggs in little dainty egg holders ready for her. One was ready to eat and one still had the shell on it so Kelby could take it off. Kelby likes the whites of the eggs, which is the part that I like too. They discovered this when they were at Pa's house. She was too occupied with taking the shell off to give me a hug when I left, but she blew me a kiss. When I told her to be a good girl, she said, "You be a good girl, too, Mommy."\n\nKelby has apparently gotten over her fear of the vacuum cleaner. Granda called me today and told me that Kelby had vacuumed for her in the little screened-in deck. When she was finished, she accidentally dropped some raisins on the floor, so she got the vacuum cleaner and vacuumed them up.

Last night was a bad night for Bryler. He cried until we picked him up and bounced him or fed him until he fell asleep, but as soon as we put him down he would start crying again. \n\nFor one of the feeding times, Husband volunteered to give him the bottle so I could sleep. But I could hear Bryler crying in the next room. I tried very hard to ignore it, but I just couldn't. I ended up getting up and standing around feeling anxious as he cried and Husband held him. It was then that I realized that I am very (overly?) protective when he cries. I want to be the one holding and comforting him. Problem is that I get frustrated by his crying just like anyone else would and I need a break just like anyone else would. But when someone tries to give me a break and takes him while he's crying, I keep wanting to take him back. I've got to resist my instincts and let others comfort him sometimes, especially Husband so he can bond with Bryler.\n\n----\n\nToday we left Kelby and Bryler with Granda, Pa, Uncle Nick, and Uncle T. Cousin was also there, so it was all 3 of Granda's grandkids. We ended up staying for about 2 hours instead of just dropping them off. Honestly, I was getting up the courage to leave the kids. Granda had watched all 3 of them once before, but there was so much going on that it just seemed crazy and I was worried that Cousin would poke Bryler in the eye or that Kelby would be whiny or that Bryler would have one of his crying spells. But after a while, I realized everything was going fine without me. Bryler was peaceful as ever sleeping in Pa's arms and Kelby and Cousin were playing well together. \n\nWhen we finally left around 11 AM we talked in the car about whether we wanted to have Granda watch both our kids. Granda is willing to keep all 3 of her grandkids during the day while we all work, and we would pay her double for 2 kids, but we just don't know if it's the best arrangement. Of course, the alternative is for one of us to stay home... which would mean that Husband would quit work. Granda was a stay-at-home mom and had 3 kids herself, but her kids were more spaced out in ages. The oldest was 4 when the third one was born. Her grandkids are much closer in age. It would be a two-year-old, a one-year-old, and a 7-week-old. Watching just two of them is manageable, but adding a third one makes it so much more complicated. She pretty much can't go anywhere with them and when one of them is being difficult or something, it's hard to watch the other two. For instance, if Kelby needs to go to the potty, she'll have to take Cousin in the bathroom with her so that she won't mess with Bryler. I'm not saying it's not possible, it's just a little crazy. If Husband decides to quit work, he would keep one of the kids at home with him. This would not happen immediately because he would work out a two-weeks notice at the very least. But we would still feel better about leaving both kids with her if we knew it was just a temporary arrangement. Husband doesn't want to just be a stay-at-home dad (although there is nothing wrong with being a homemaker - he just wants to do more). I agree that he SHOULD do more because he has so many talents that it would be crazy to let them go to waste. He wants to work - but he wants to work at home and to reap all the benefits of his work, which means working for himself. It is important for him to feel productive. So we'd also have to figure out how he can stay at home and take care of a kid and still find enough time to get some work done. We are praying about what we need to do. It is a difficult decision.\n\n----\n\nWe had an enjoyable day out of the house without the kids. We went to Home Depot and Lowe's to return items from our renovation project that we didn't use. We ate lunch at Cece's Pizza and then went to the bookstore and got a book on [[podcasting|http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Podcasting]], which is something Husband has been thinking about trying out if he works for himself. Then we went to Kohl's and bought Husband some clothes. We picked up the kids and spent about an hour and a half at home before we went back over to Granda's to celebrate Uncle Nance's birthday. I got to talk with Uncle Nick for a while. He is also an accountant with his CPA so I've always wanted to talk to him in more detail about what he did so I finally got that opportunity. He's a really neat guy.\n\nI also got to talk with Uncle Nance (who works for the same company I do) and Aunt Nooni a little bit. Aunt Nooni has been sick and has had to stay away from Bryler, so we haven't been able to spend much time with them. I have missed them.\n\n----\n\nToday, I woke up to Kelby singing, "Knick knack paddywack, give dog bone, dis old man come rolling home." She even got the melody right.\n\nShe is starting to verbalize her emotions. I asked her if she wanted to get down from her highchair and she said, "Yes... But I'm sad." I don't have a clue what she was sad about, but I was pleased that she was able to tell me how she was feeling.\n\nShe is starting to get her questions in the correct word-order. Husband took the kids to the car and I followed up with the diaper bags. When I got to the car, I overheard her saying, "Mommy coming, Daddy?" When she saw me, she said, "Hey Mommy, are you coming?" She sounded so grown up.\n\nI also heard her say "Your Welcome" today for the first time without being prompted.\n\nEarly on, we taught her to cover her mouth when she coughed. Recently, she wouldn't do it even when we reminded her to. So I explained to her that she needed to cover her mouth to "catch the germs". She thought that was funny so she started to cover her mouth again, at least after I'd remind her.

Today, the kids went to Granda's house like normal. In the afternoon, Aunt Nooni came to pick up Nayna before Husband arrived to pick up the kids. She knocked on the door - something Husband usually does and Aunt Nooni usually doesn't do. Kelby expected it to be her Daddy and was so disappointed that it wasn't him that she cried and cried. Kelby was playing outside when he arrived and she ran to the car and jumped up in his lap before he even had a chance to get out of the car. She missed her Daddy. He spent a lot of time with her yesterday, so we think that fueled her to miss him more than usual. In any case, it made Husband's day. Who wouldn't want your daughter to give you such a warm greeting after a long day of work? It also caused Husband to want to spend more time with her, so he played with her for a long time this evening. It is so nice to see them bonding like that. I love it that she is attached to me, but I am pleased to see that she is also attached to her Daddy.\n\nHusband and Kelby played with her "George" monkey. This is the monkey that was mine when I was young. Husband would make monkey sounds and then "interpret" what he was saying. Kelby would do the same thing and would talk in her deep voice to make George talk. It was really cute. \n\nThey spent so much time with George that I thought she might want to sleep with him (and Daddy Ho Ho, of course). I started to put him in the crib with her and I asked her if she wanted to sleep with him. She said "No, take him out! I want to sleep with Daddy Ho Ho!" She sure is dedicated to her Daddy Ho Ho!

This was the first Easter in I-don't-know-how-many years that our church has not put on a big Easter production. The week before Easter usually includes about 4 or 5 rehearsals with performances on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night. This year was different. There were special services on Thursday (a foot-washing service) and Friday (which focused on the last days of Christ), which Husband went to while I stayed home with the kids. Then there was an Easter-focused Sunday morning service with 2 special songs sung by the choir, but no evening service. It was definitely the most relaxed Easter I've had in a long time. I have to say that it was nice. The Easter productions are fun to be a part of - you feel like you're included in something really great, especially during the performances when we get to see everything come together. But it's also nice to stay home and rest.\n\n----\n\nGrammy gave Kelby an Easter present in a gift bag at church this morning. Kelby proudly carried her gift bag around and cried (uh- threw a fit?) when I wouldn't let her take it into the nursery with her. Then, when I picked her up from nursery, it was the first thing she asked for: "I want my present."\n\n----\n\nHusband's family ended up coming to our house for the Easter meal, mainly because we have a working grill. We had aluminum foil dinners. Our house was bustling with food everywhere and everyone putting their foil dinners together like pieces of fine art and eating at various times depending on who got their food on the grill before it got completely full, with Kelby and Cousin running around the sun room in their matching sun dresses. I took a nap during part of Kelby's nap and then watched Husband play Monkey Ball (a 4-player game) on the Wii with his family while I held Bryler. Then Kelby opened her Easter basket from Granda and we played for a little while. I let her eat more jelly beans than I planned on giving her, but hey it was Easter! Before I knew it, it was late and I was wondering how the day went by so quickly.\n\n----\n\nThe most precious part of the day was the very last part when Kelby asked if she could play Aunt Nooni's game with Daddy. She meant Zelda, a Wii game that's on loan from Aunt Nooni. Kelby sat with Daddy on the couch and he let Kelby use the remote control while he used the joystick. (You have to use both at the same time to play the game.) She'd kill the monsters (slash movement with the joystick) and push the buttons as Daddy instructed to open doors or let go of a vine. By the end, he didn't have to tell her. He'd come to a door and she'd go ahead and push a button. You could tell that she loved every minute of it. It was just precious to watch.

Kelby had an accident at Granda's house today. Her crib is an older model and you lift up the side and it locks into place or lower it to reach the baby easier. Kelby lifted it up and crawled under the crib to get some toys that were underneath and the side fell back down and hit her in the face - hitting her vertically on her left eyebrow and left cheek. The eyebrow was cut and bleeding. Kelby screamed. Granda calmed her down and cleaned it up but it was hard to see how deep the cut was, so I met her at the doctor's office to make sure she didn't need stitches. \n\nWhen Granda called me at work she said, "Well, Kelby cut her head." At first, I didn't think that it was anything serious, but I think she was trying not to upset me. It worked. I was not upset. I just said that I'd call the doctor and meet her there. It helped that Kelby was not crying. While Granda was on the phone with me, she told Kelby that they were going to go to the doctor and I heard Kelby say, "But you have to change your clothes first!" Granda explained to me that Bryler had spit up on her. It's just like Kelby to worry about something like that when her head's just been busted!\n\nGranda stayed in the car with Bryler and Layla while I went in the doctor's office with Kelby. It was a long wait because they were really busy and we didn't have an appointment. While we were waiting, Kelby looked at a dinosaur book that had a little sound box attached that made a dinosaur roaring sound when you pushed the button. She liked that a lot and kept pushing the button. After a while, she pointed to the box and said, "Is dere a dinosaur in dere?" \n\nThe nurse came in and had Kelby lay down and squirted water (or "oo-ahtah" as Kelby says it) on the cut to clean it. Kelby didn't like that too much. She said it was cold. But with the cut cleaned up, we could see that it wasn't a deep cut. The doctor came to look at it and he made sure that her eye muscles were not damaged (they weren't) and gave us some miniature ice packs. He predicted she'd have a black eye, but nothing serious. It was good news - stitches would not have been fun! \n\nAfter Kelby's nap, the eyelid under the cut was swollen and her cheek was turning purple. Husband sat her down in her booster seat to eat. After a few minutes, I noticed she was just sitting there looking dazed. I tried to get her to talk, but she just shook her head or answered a faint, "No". How are you feeling? She shook her head. Are you okay? "No." Do you feel bad? "No." Do you feel okay? "No." I pulled Husband aside and told him that she wasn't acting normally. Of course, I was worried about the head injury. Husband came in and tried to get her to talk. After a question or two, she said faintly, "I have to go poo poo." So he took her to the bathroom and I went to help. Still, she seemed completely out-of-it. We were really getting concerned and were watching her intently. And then all of a sudden while washing her hands she started jabbering about something in her usual animated way and we both sighed in relief. I guess she just took a while to wake up.\n\n----\n\nI fed Bryler his first green beans on Sunday. He liked them. Today, I tried peas. He hated them. I had fun watching him grimace after each bite... until he started gagging... and then he threw it up. \n\nRight now, I'd rank the foods he's had from best to worst as follows: Sweet Potato, Squash, Teething Biscuits, Carrots, Applesauce, Cereal, Green Beans, Bananas, Fruit Mixes, Prunes, Peas. This, of course, is based on how quickly he eats it, how much he eats, and how enthusiastically he opens his mouth.

Funny things Kelby has said recently:\n*"Bless you, Daddy" after he sneezed.\n*Putting her hand over her mouth, she said very dramatically, "Oh my gosh!" I asked her if she had heard that on TV and she "Yes". Speaking of TV, for the first time, Kelby asked for something that she saw in a commercial. It was Cookie Crisp cereal... ah, the power of the media.\n*She knocked her train track pieces off the table and said, "Uh oh! Pieces fall down!"\n*I told Kelby, "You know better than that!" as I scolded her for something. She responded, "I know better than that!"\n*After saying something to Daddy, which he did not respond to: "Answer me, Daddy... answer me!"\n*After saying something to me, which I did not respond to: "Hear me, Mommy!"\n\nI tried a new experiment tonight. I put Kelby to bed like normal except that I left the door open so she'd have a light on from the hallway. I thought it might be more comforting to her for the door to be open, like we weren't shutting her in her room alone. She didn't cry at first, but a few minutes later, she started her normal wailing. I endured the crying for about 20 minutes. I was downstairs offering moral support to Husband concerning the concrete leveling project, trying to ignore her cries, but I had had enough. I went to her room and she was standing up in the crib looking absolutely pitiful - nose running and tears running down her face. I wiped her nose and made her lay back down, then I shut the door so it would be dark, but I didn't leave her. I sat down next to her crib and told her to close her eyes and "no talking". This didn't work. She kept saying, "Mommy? Mommy? Mommy?" But she didn't have anything to say to me. She just wanted me to answer her. After telling her "eyes closed and mouth shut" about a million times, I told her I'd have to spank her if she talked again. She said it again, and I swatted her bottom once. It wasn't a real spanking, but it got her attention and she quit talking and also didn't cry. She did it one more time, whispering to see if I could hear her. I swatted her bottom again and repeated "eyes closed and mouth shut". Finally, she was quiet. I waited about 10 minutes until I hoped she was asleep and then I opened the door. The hallway light was on, so it woke her up. She thought I was leaving, so she started crying again. I told her I was still there and got her to quit crying. Then I stood in the doorway another 5 minutes until she really was asleep. I listened for her the rest of the evening, prepared to talk to her through the baby monitor if she cried or spoke again. My goal was to let her know that we had not abandoned her. The "eyes closed, mouth shut" was an attempt to provide structure and instruction for the correct way to go to sleep. We'll see if anything comes of this new experiment. It was tiring, especially because I was holding Bryler through the whole thing, but it kills me for her to cry like that every night.\n\n----\n\nHusband and I went to test drive vehicles today. Granda watched Kelby and Bryler for us. While we were out just the two of us, we decided to have my birthday meal and ate at O'Charley's. That was really nice. I had shrimp for the first time in years (couldn't have it while I had hyperthyroidism) and steak for the first time in months (didn't want it well done, which is the way you're supposed to have it when you're pregnant). We test drove a Rav4, a Ford F150 supercab, and a Honda CRV. We haven't made any decisions yet. In fact, we might not buy anything at all. It's just hard to part with $20K+. We ended up being out for about 6 hours, which I didn't expect. It did me a lot of good to spend some alone time with Husband. We have been so busy taking care of the kids and renovating the downstairs that we've hardly had time to just talk.\n\n----\n\nBryler is such a good baby! When I was pregnant, I often prayed for a happy baby. So far, God has really answered my prayer. He's been fussy just a few times when we didn't know why, and usually we'd end up feeding him and that would do the trick. He also throws fits when when we change his diaper, but that's nothing. For 98% of the time, he's either sleeping or eating or just looking around. He also seems to be very healthy, which is another answer to prayer. Husband and I prayed daily for a healthy baby. The pediatrician thought he looked good enough that he didn't recommend seeing him again until he was 1 month old, keeping him out of the office, which is a risk of exposure to sickness. I am so thankful to God... Not only do we have a boy, but he is healthy and good-natured.

Last night, Husband slept on the couch to help prevent me from catching whatever he had. I actually slept well in the bed and was glad I didn't repeat the [[previous night's|7 January 2007]] experience. Husband stayed home from work today so he could go to the doctor. We thought it might be strep throat, but the doctor looked at his throat and said it looked fine. (I would have liked a throat culture and actual strep test, but I guess that's too much to ask!) He told him that he probably had what was going around (nice vague diagnosis) and gave him a prescription for steroids and told him to take cough medicine. Husband got his prescription filled and went home and collapsed. After a few hours of sleep, he woke up with a 103.4 degree temperature. Tylenol wasn't helping get his temperature down. I left work a little early to get him some Advil (I also got "real" Tylenol - not the generic he'd been using - & Motrin just to be sure) and some Sprite Zero, which he likes. I also called and left a message for the doctor to see if he had any ideas for getting the fever down. I picked up Kelby and finally got home to deliver the medicine, by which time his fever was down to around 100. The doctor's nurse finally called back and said to continue taking Tylenol every 4 hours and up to xxxmg of Advil (or Motrin, which they said was the same thing). Husband had already taken some Advil, and the fever was going down, so he didn't take anything more. It's good to know, though, in case the fever starts raging again. I have to admit, I was worried when he called and told me about his temperature. I didn't like him being home alone with a fever like that.\n\nAnd now we are praying that I don't catch whatever Husband has and that he gets better before the baby comes because if he's still sick, he won't be able to hold him and may even need to stay at his parents' house if he still has a fever when the baby comes home. But I think he will get better and everything will be fine.\n\n----\n\nThere really is too much that Kelby does that I want to remember forever, but I could never write it all down. Since Husband was sick with something contagious, Kelby and I were pretty much on our own tonight. She said so many cute little things... things I had never heard her say before. Like "All done" when she finished drinking her juice, or "Sing Song", and "Sing again" after I had sung her [[The Lullaby]].\n\nI am seeing some improvement in recognizing her colors. She is doing very well with Red, Blue, and White, fairly well with Purple, Pink, and Orange, but is hit-and-miss with Yellow and Green. She is not catching on to counting yet. I mean, she counts, but they are random numbers. Six, nine, two, nine, four, etc. One of her Curious George books does a countdown to a rocket blasting off. Today, she was saying a bunch of random numbers and then, "Blastoff!"\n\nJust in the last few days, I have noticed her singing along with everything. That's very fun to watch! She has been singing the ABC s for several weeks, but I haven't heard her sing a whole lot of variety until recently. She is obviously getting to hear lots of songs at Granda's house. Granda plans to get her a toddler CD player for her birthday and I think she will really enjoy that. She loves to sing. When I dropped her off at Granda's house this morning, the B- I- B- L- E song was on. She called me a little later and got Kelby on the phone and asked her what B- I- B- L- E spelled, and she said "Bible!".\n\nKelby and Daddy spent a few minutes together right before bedtime watching videos of Elmo on his laptop. I didn't want to get too close, so I was watching them from the kitchen. I couldn't see the videos, but I enjoyed watching their faces. It was precious. Kelby's face is beautiful. She is really growing up. It is hard to believe she is our child.\n\nAfter I read Kelby a story (Curious George again), I rocked her and sung The Lullaby to her. Then I had her sit in my lap and look at me while I talked very seriously to her. I asked her if she remembered crying every night when we put her to bed and told her that when she cries she makes us very sad because we don't want her to cry. I told her that I wanted her to try very hard not to cry tonight when I put her to bed, and that she should lay her head down on the nice pillow and hold Ho- Ho and close her eyes and not cry. I asked her if she could do that and she said "Huh", which means Yes. I held her again and she said "Sing Again" and I told her that after I sang the song, I would put her in the bed and that she should not cry. Then I sang her The Lullaby again while I took her to her room, and when I was done, she said "Daddy say Night-night?" (I think mostly to delay the inevitable), and I told her that Daddy had already said night-night, and I put her in the crib. She lied down and asked for her "stars" blanket. I covered her up and said "night- night", "I love you", and "good girl" (because she wasn't crying) and shut her door. She didn't cry at all. Just silence. It was WONDERFUL!\n\n

I have had to discipline Kelby for disobedience more this weekend than I have in a long time - for months. She wasn't terrible, but there were several times when I told her not to do something and she would keep doing it. Mostly, I "counted" her and got to 2 a few times. I spanked her hand once when she kept writing with the pen when I told her to stop, and I spanked her leg once when she "counted" back at me, pointing her finger at me with a mean face and saying to me "1...2...3...you go to timeout!" She is going through another stage of pushing the limits... How far can she go without getting punished. Just having me or Daddy mad or stern with her does not keep her in line. But punishment does. Punishment means timeout or a spanking or going straight to bed or getting a toy taken away. And when she knows the limits, she doesn't usually push them. Looking back on the past few months, I've realized how good she really is. It is just natural for her to test them again. She's smart. She'd like to get away with more, so she'll try it out and see. The hardest thing is for me to remember is that I cannot be her best friend. I have to be her parent. I have to make her cry sometimes. The funny thing is that after I punish her, she wants to be with me even more. She wants me to hold her more. Husband says that it is because she wants to make sure I'm not still mad at her, that everything is okay again.\n\nI had to spank Kelby this afternoon because she kept playing after I told her to go to sleep for her nap and gave her a warning. I went in her room and told her that I was going to have to spank her. After I did, she smiled at first as if it was a joke and then when she saw my serious face, she started crying. She cried for a few minutes after I left her and within about 5 minutes, she was asleep. I hate having to spank her to go to sleep, but it usually works. Once she quits talking and singing and kicking the crib, she goes to sleep.\n\nBy the way, I looked it up and found that we first spanked Kelby on January 7th, 2006. She wasn't even 1 year old yet! But I think we did the right thing. She was clearly understanding what No meant, and she was choosing to disobey. I was actually the one who spanked her first and it was for going up the stairs after I told her no.\n\n----\n\nBryler was great fun tonight. I took the Bumbo to practice the songs for the evening worship and he was so cute sitting there like a big boy. Then Nooni and I played with him for a while, making him laugh and smile. He was being so sweet. And cuddly. When Mom held him while I sang, he started to fall asleep right away. He was a good boy all day. Oh yeah, and his first tooth has come in! It's on the bottom - I think on his right. I found out by letting him chew on my nuckle like I sometimes do, and it was only a few seconds before I felt the tooth - a sharp one, too!\n\n----\n\nUncle Nance took Kelby and Nayna out to the playground during the singing. He said that he and Kelby played a game just about the whole time where he'd say he liked something and she would say I like it, too. "I like ice cream." - "I like ice cream too." and so forth. He said that by the end, he was running out of things he liked. I had told Kelby to make sure she did what Uncle Nance told her to do, and that he would "count" her if she didn't and that if he got to 3 she would have to go into timeout. He told me afterward that he counted her once because she didn't come when he told her to come. This is so funny... he accidentally counted backwards, starting with 3. When he said, "3" she had a shocked scared look on her face and jumped up and RAN. It about freaked her out. We think that she thought she'd missed the first two numbers and was really in trouble. I just laughed and laughed when I heard that. Of course, she did not get into trouble, but she did come quickly. :)\n\nOn the way home, Kelby wanted us to tell stories about random things (cars, Daddy, getting into trouble, etc) all the way home. She loves it when we tell her "stories", which is usually just an explanation of something.

Work has been crazy with 2 of the accounting/contracts staff out on maternity leave and a lot of their duties falling back on me. Every day on my way to work, I think about the things that I really want to get done that day and although I am amazed at how much I can do in a day, I never seem to meet my goals. It is frustrating, but I haven't been letting it stress me out too badly. I have resisted asking my supervisor to take back some of the additional responsibilities she's given me in the last 2 months simply because I want to see if I can do it without her since she's going to be retiring at the end of October. This isn't really a GOOD reason since I would have those 2 employees back plus one more by then, so I will probably have to give up some stuff very soon. Some great news is that T, the newest and youngest in the department, is doing an excellent job with the invoicing and month-end duties with the short training she received from E before she had her baby. And the filing clerk we hired (a co-op student from the local high school) is also great - she can FILE and do ACCURATE data-entry, for goodness sakes! Have I complained about how hard it is to find good filing clerks? Well, it's crazy, and I'm so happy to have found a keeper!\n\n----\n\nHere's a conversation between Kelby and Granda that they had this morning:\nIt's raining outside.\nKelby: Did Big Daddy make it rain?\nGranda: No, God made it rain.\nKelby: God? God made it rain?\nGranda: Yes... God is in Heaven.\nKelby: Granny's in Heaven, too... Jesus is in Heaven, too... I love Jesus!\n\nWhen I got home from work, it was still raining outside so I asked Kelby who made it rain to see if she would remember. She said, "God."\n\n----\n\nWe had B from the church band & his wife D and Husband's parents over for dinner and a movie tonight. We grilled hamburgers and hot dogs on the front porch because it was still raining outside. It was the first time we've had someone other than family over in a long time - maybe even a year. (Uncle Troy is considered family.) B&D are really relaxed people, so I wasn't too worried about impressing them or anything like that. We just ate and the "boys" played the Wii some, and then we went downstairs to show them our big screen "theater". I think D was impressed. She said that she thought our TV upstairs was our "big screen" until she came downstairs. Kelby and Bryler were really good. Kelby went to bed at 7:00 and she hardly even complained. Bryler was a little angel and didn't cry the whole time. It ended up being a nice evening.

Kelby slept until 8:40, so we got to sleep "late". Then we went to Granda's house for breakfast and to visit with Pa, Uncle Nick, and Uncle T before they went back home. We had a good visit with them. Grandmother was also there and we all sat around the living room and talked for a good while. They talked some about Granny and how she had a smile on her face when she died and how they've had to adjust to her being gone. \n\n----\n\nI had my 6 weeks post natal doctor's appointment today. The nurse practitioner, K, said that my recovery was going very well. We also talked about my difficulties with breastfeeding and my post natal depression. She said that a long term study showed that Type A personalities (control freaks like me) tend to experience post natal depression more than other personalities because there are more pieces to control after a baby is born. Makes sense to me. Thankfully, I have been doing much better with that this week and I feel that I am pretty much out of the woods as far as that's concerned.\n\n----\n\nI still have no answers to why Kelby has cried when we put her to bed, but we have figured out that if I give her a hug and kiss and then slip out quietly while Husband puts her down and gets the last words in, she doesn't cry, at least most of the time. If he has the last word, she does great. My theory is that I am more vulnerable to her cries and protests. I respond to her more, which encourages her to keep trying. It's classical conditioning - I reward her crying by getting upset. Take me out of the picture, and she just goes to sleep. It's so simple, it's insane.

This afternoon, I was holding Bryler when he started to fuss. I explained to Kelby that Bryler is fussy when he's tired and needs to take a nap, just like Kelby is fussy when she needs a nap. She said, very matter-of-factly, "Yes... and Daddy spanks me." She says the funniest things sometimes!\n\nDaddy actually hasn't needed to spank her very often of late. She is right, though. She definitely gets in more trouble when she hasn't taken her nap. She is starting to realize this, so that's a good thing. Maybe she'll start to understand why her naps are important.\n\n----\n\nKelby has woken up crying several times already tonight. She says her bo bo hurts. She looked like she might have had a little rash, so I creamed her with Desitin. I hope that's all it is. She hasn't complained of this before and it worries me a little.\n\nInterestingly, Bryler has never had a diaper rash. I've been putting Balmex cream on him just about every diaper change since we brought him home from the hospital, so I'll credit it to that. I am very thankful, though. I remember when Kelby had the most awful diaper rash, which was caused by her milk allergy, and it just broke my heart. Her little bo bo was completely raw in places and she'd just scream when we'd change her diaper. I actually cried a couple of times when I had to change her diaper. I guess that's why I've been so diligent to keep the cream on Bryler. I'd hate to go through that again.\n\n----\n\nAs I've mentioned before, Kelby likes to play with Bryler. One of her favorite games is to pretend to go night-night, in various locations, but always with her pillow, purple blanket, and Daddy Ho Ho. Tonight, she wanted to play the game in her crib and she wanted Bryler to play, too. She wanted me to tell Bryler to be quiet so she could sleep, so I'd whisper to Bryler, who was already being quiet, to be quiet so that Kelby could sleep. (She's been doing that a lot lately - asking me to tell Bryler this or that. It's nice because she's wanting to include him in whatever we're doing.) Then she had me to put Bryler in her crib and she covered him up with her blanket and gave him Daddy Ho Ho. Then they shared the pillow and the blanket. He didn't like that for very long, but Kelby had fun while it lasted. After that, we played hide-and-go seek. Bryler and I would either hide and Kelby would seek, or Kelby would hide and we'd seek. We don't really hide to be hidden, by the way. We are pretty much pretending that we are hiding and then we pretend to look for each other in places where we obviously are not until.... "Oh, there she is behind the door!"... in mock surprise. But Kelby always laughs when we "find" her.\n\n----\n\nBryler did much better last night. He only woke up once and then he went right back to sleep after eating 6 oz of formula. He usually only has 4 oz, but he's probably moving up. Hopefully that means that his stomach can hold more and he'll quit having to wake up at all in the middle of the night. :)

When I got home from work, Bryler gave me a great big smile as soon as he saw me. I think that was recognition. It was beautiful!\n\nI forgot to write about a sweet memory. It happened some time last week. I dropped Kelby and Bryler off at Granda's and we said our regular goodbyes. It was cold outside, so I didn't expect Granda to bring Kelby to the door. I backed the car out of the driveway and at the last second looked toward the house and saw and heard Kelby yell "I lov's you!" I smiled and waved and carried the moment with me all the way to work.

I spent over an hour playing Play Dough with Kelby tonight. She was really enjoying it and was being very well behaved, so it was a pleasure for me as well. I felt that we were connecting well, so I decided to talk to her about bedtime. I asked her why she cried when we put her to bed. But I don't think she knew how to say what she felt. I told her that even though she was in her room, we were still out here and that she was not alone. Then I told her that we could talk to her through the baby monitor and that we could hear her, that we didn't like to hear her crying. She seemed to understand then said "Monitor!" I didn't understand what she said, so she said "Com'on Mommy!" and she took me to her room and showed me the monitor. She was excited about it. Then we went back to playing with Play Dough.\n\nAfter our normal bedtime routine, she wanted to show Daddy the monitor, too. Then we put her in the bed and told her to remember to close her eyes and keep her mouth shut and that we were right out there and that we could hear her, and she nodded her head and said something neither one of us could understand. But she seemed okay, so we just continued with the "Goodnight, we love you" and shut the door. She didn't cry. At all. Time will tell if the experiment will work. We've tried other things that worked for just one day, so I'd like to see if she continues to go to bed without crying.\n\n----\n\nMy life seems to be settling down into something close to a routine, and that feels good. It is still amazing how much time it takes to take care of two kids. But I guess I'm getting used to being at home and balancing kids with chores and finding just a smidgen of time for myself in the evenings.\n\nAll the books and magazines suggest that I should nap when the baby naps. Great idea, except that if you have two kids, you can only nap when BOTH of them are napping. Kelby only naps once a day, around 1:00 to 3:30 in the afternoon, so that is our window of opportunity for a nap. I ended up with a 1-hour nap today, which didn't seem like near enough after missing my naps on Wednesday and Thursday and getting up several times each night to feed Bryler. I should probably go to bed earlier every night, but so far, it just hasn't happened. We've been getting to bed around 11:00 PM.\n\n----\n\nAfter another day of working on leveling the basement floor, Husband is ready to move on to the next step tomorrow - sealing the floor. After that, there's putting up sheet rock, painting the walls, and finally installing the laminate flooring. I'm sure there are many in-between steps, but that's the basic plan.\n\n----\n\nTwo days after Bryler was born, I had only lost 10 lbs. How is that possible? I delivered a 7 lb baby plus all the afterbirth, and I only lost 10 lbs in total after gaining a total of 45 lbs throughout the pregnancy! Thankfully, a week later, I had lost an additional 8 lbs, and today I lost another 4 lbs. I now weigh 155.5 lbs. My goal is to get back down to around 132 lbs. I am hoping to lose it as easily this time as I did after Kelby was born. Back then, I had hyperthyroidism. Now I have hypothyroidism, so it may prove to be more difficult this time.\n\n----\n\nSometimes when Bryler is taking a bottle, he sighs with each exhale and it comes out like he's humming a note, like "hum...hum...hum...". It is as if he's singing to me. It's neat when he does that.

Husband stayed home from work again today, still recovering from his "crud", but he hasn't had a fever and has felt much better in comparison to yesterday. It was a good thing that he did because Kelby wasn't feeling well and Granda wasn't feeling good herself, so Husband was able to go get her around 9:30 and took care of her the rest of the day. I always like it better when one of us can watch her when she's sick. Of course, Granda can take care of her just fine, but it just feels right when she's with Mommy or Daddy when she's feeling badly.\n\nKelby watched the [[Curious George]] movie with Daddy again, this time on the TV upstairs. He said that she sat next to him on the couch with his arm around her (this is equivalent to [[cuddle-time|6 January 2007]], which is rare) until it was lunchtime and then they watched the end of the movie while they ate. After the movie, it was nap time for both of them. I had a doctor's appointment at 2:00 and I didn't go back to work afterward, so Kelby was still asleep when I got home and Husband had just awoken. It was nice to get home early and spend more time at home than usual. Kelby seemed to be feeling pretty well after her nap. She just had a constant runny nose.\n\nWe had beans and rice for dinner today, and Kelby actually asked to eat some "beans and ice, too". I decided a few days ago to have her drink milk during her dinners. Granda usually gives her milk at some point during the day, but I thought it would be good for her to also get in the habit of drinking milk with her meals, at least when she's at home. (Husband and I always drink milk with our dinner.) She hasn't been too enthused about this, but has been pretty cooperative, much to my surprise. (She ALWAYS prefers juice to just about anything else, with Apple Juice being her favorite.) Tonight, though, she really wanted the juice... but we wanted to be consistent. There was only about 1/4 of her sippy cup full of milk and we told her that when she drank it all up, she could have juice. She asked to watch Curious George again, to which Husband told her that Curious George was tired from being watched earlier that day, and then I told her that Curious George loves milk! She was amused by this, but didn't really buy it. We tried that a couple of times, but she still didn't want to drink it. Then Husband showed her that he was drinking milk, too, and drank it all down at once. Then I drank all my milk. She tried to imitate us and actually drank quite a bit, but her sippy cup just goes too slow and she lost interest with about 1/8 left. I poured the remaining milk into a sippy cup that isn't spill-proof and that went much faster. Finally, she drank the whole thing and seemed to be proud of herself for doing it. The funny thing is that when I gave her the grape juice, she took one drink and was done. All that... for one drink of juice! But at least she drank her milk. <smile>\n\nShe played quite well by herself this evening, and that was nice because I wanted to finally get my blog on the web, which I was finally able to do. Granda had given her a Barrel of Monkeys, and she played with that quite a bit. Husband showed her a place where she could hang the first monkey and then hang the rest of them off of him instead of trying to hold them all of them in her hand. While she was playing with them just a few feet away from us, she suddenly started crying and ran to me. She was clearly afraid of something because she wouldn't go over to where she had been without holding my hand. Then she kept pointing to the carpet... but there was nothing there. I don't know what she saw... a bug? a mouse?... but we never figured it out. Eventually, she seemed to forget about it and went back to playing.\n\nSpeaking of fears, she seems to be afraid of the dark. If her room doesn't have a light on, she won't go in. If I hold her hand, I can coax her in while it's dark, but she doesn't like it. She even has a night-light in there, so it's really not that bad. I once thought that maybe that was why she cried every night when we put her to bed, but we decided that she would have complained about it being "Dahk" if that were the case. She learned the word dark several months ago and uses it often, so I'm sure she would have mentioned it if that were the problem. Anyway, I do not know why she became afraid of the dark because I don't think we have done anything that might indicate that there was any reason to be. Maybe it is a natural fear.\n\nAnother interesting thing... yesterday, Kelby pointed to a plastic jack-o-lantern that we keep her Mr. Potato Head in and said "Scary!" and then made a scary face and put her hands in fists and shook them like she was scared. I'm sure the motions and face are imitations of something she's seen, but I was surprised that she described the jack-o-lantern as scary. "No, it's not scary, Kelby," I said. "See? It has a smiley face!" Then she found a miniature jack-o-lantern toy in her toy box and brought it to me and did the same thing, motions in all. I quickly pointed out the happy face, but I don't know if she was convinced. Maybe she has seen something on TV where there was a scary jack-o-lantern. In any case, fear is an emotion that's starting to show up, and the next step is probably nightmares. Oh, boy.\n\nTonight, Husband and I put Kelby to bed together. After he read her a book (Curious George again), I gave her another talk about not crying when we put her in the bed. I could tell from the look on her face that she wasn't taking it so well. Once we started the hugs, she started crying. We tried to repeat some of the reasons why she shouldn't cry, but it was no use. We left with her wailing just like she normally does. Oh, well. One [[night of success|8 January 2007]] doesn't really make all the other nights a failure, does it? After a few minutes, Husband used the [[walkie- talkie|3 January 2007]] method on her and it worked. At least there's still magic there.\n\n----\n\nI saw Dr. D today. I had a list of questions. Simple questions, like whether my due date is the 24th or 28th (he said it was between the 23rd and the 28th) and what would happen if I got sick with a fever in the next few weeks (he said it shouldn't hurt the baby and to just call the office to get some medicine prescribed). But he seemed to ramble on about unrelated things much more than he did 2 years ago. He talked for at least a half hour and sometimes my mind would wander because what he said didn't have anything to do with the question I had asked. We did talk about the water breaking and whether to wait for that to happen before coming to the hospital, etc... and after a lot of talk and stories, I realized that when I'm hurting, I will go to the hospital whether the water breaks or not. I'll just know when it's time. I THINK that was the point he was trying to make. He also confirmed that the baby is "headed in the right direction" and everything still looks good. Dr. D delivered me, Husband, and Kelby (which indicates how old he is) and we had hoped he would also deliver the boy. But after today's visit, I decided that I'm not too worried about that any more. If he delivers the baby, fine. If it's another doctor, that's fine, too. He's a super nice man and still very capable and talented, but I think he's also getting old. To his credit, I actually feel less anxious after today's visit - not so worried about the timing of it all - so that's good.

We bought rugs to go downstairs at Walmart. This is one of the last steps in our renovation project. My goal was to add some color in the room and to give Kelby something to sit or kneel on besides the hard floor in the play area. I think we accomplished those goals.\n\n----\n\nBryler is moving his toys from one hand to another now. He is definitely becoming more observant of what's going on around him. Kelby continues to be very good with him and today she asked to hold him. I had her sit on the futon and I laid him in her lap. It was so sweet. Bryler was looking up at her and she was talking to him in her special high-pitched voice that she uses when she talks to him.\n\n----\n\nI mowed the lawn in the evening after it cooled off some and Husband got the last large branch from the willow tree we cut down out of an adjoining tree where it had gotten stuck. I was amused by Kelby and Bryler who were standing/sitting in the Bumbo right at the edge of the garage and watching me as I drove the lawn mower by them. Bryler looked like he knew exactly what was going on and Kelby kept waving at me and talking to me although I couldn't hear a word she was saying. Then Husband burned the branch on our burn pile and I was again amused because Bryler was sitting near the fire in his Bumbo (but at a safe distance, of course) and he looked mesmerized by it. Kelby was scared of the fire and kept her distance, which is probably a good thing. I'm really wanting to take Kelby camping this summer. I know she would enjoy it, especially sleeping in a tent, and I miss camping myself.

I took Kelby and Bryler to visit my parents for a couple of hours this afternoon. (The replacement parts Husband had been waiting on arrived, so he stayed home and put his new computer together.) It was a nice, relaxed visit. We sat and talked the whole time while Kelby played with the toys and Bryler slept most of the time. Aunt Terri (the wife of my brother, Matthew) stopped by on her way home from work to see Bryler. She works in the same office that I do and I was excited to find out that she is getting moved to a more desirable position in April, working less hours for the same pay and hopefully doing more graphic design stuff, which is what she's wanting to get into. She deserves it.\n\n----\n\nMy brother, Lucas, mentioned my Yummy scale on his [[blog|http://www.xanga.com/LucasAveryLloyd]]. It was funny to read about my blog on his blog. Anyway, he said that he considers 7 or 8% of food as a true "Ugh," and only 7 or 8% as a full "Yummy", which is very similar to me. Maybe taste preferences run in families. He didn't want to rate the final 85% as "Ho hum" so he added a new category between Ho Hum and Yummy. He suggested a few names (Yum, Ho yummy, and Yo Hummy), but I would probably call it "Purty Good"... hey, I was raised in the South. After thinking about this way too much, I've better defined the categories:\n\nYummy Scale Categories:\nUgh = don't want to take another bite\nHo Hum = my taste buds do not protest so I eat it when I'm hungry and it's available or because it's good for my body\nPurty Good = will eat it because I'm hungry and it's fairly pleasurable to my taste buds\nYummy = want to eat it even when I'm full because it satisfies my desire for great taste; I am sad when I eat the last bite\n\nI have also discovered that the more frequently I eat foods in any category, the less tasty they are. Ho Hum foods may become Ugh if I have to eat them every day. Even Yummy foods lose their desirability if eaten too often. Some people see this occur more quickly than others. It happens pretty quickly for me. I like variety in my diet. Now, that's certainly more information than anyone needs about my taste buds! <smile>

I had an excellent day at work. I finally got to work on indirect budgets, something I've wanted to do for the past 2 years. My supervisor has always done it in the past, but since she's retiring in October, I have to learn how to do it this year. C and I have been working on getting this year's data pulled in with an Impromptu report, a report writer for our accounting program. Today was the first time I've been able to spend any time trying to make sense of the data and, well, it's a terribly complicated puzzle but the pieces were starting the fit and I was really excited. I know.... I'm a dork... I'm getting excited about a budget.\n\n----\n\nWhen I got home, I was still feeling great. Husband made a comment about how I should be tired. He must have jinxed me. By 8:00, I could barely keep my eyes open. I was feeding Bryler in the rocking chair and I'd catch my head falling forward. Kelby kept me awake, though. She didn't know any different. She was being so good and playing so nicely. And then she went to bed HAPPY, if you can believe it! She was a joy.\n\n----\n\nBryler is making a developmental leap. He's reaching out and grabbing stuff all the time now and making sounds a lot more frequently. He's getting more and more fun. I was putting away some 12- and 18-month boy clothes that someone gave us and it just hit me how quickly he's going to be wearing those clothes and how he'll probably be walking by Christmas. Walking! He will not be this little very long AT ALL.

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Archived Journal Entries:\n\n*Saturday, [[4 August 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[2 August 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[1 August 2007]]\n\n*Sunday, [[29 July 2007]]\n*Saturday, [[28 July 2007]]\n*Friday, [[27 July 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[25 July 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[24 July 2007]]\n\n*Sunday, [[22 July 2007]]\n*Saturday, [[21 July 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[19 July 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[18 July 2007]]\n*Monday, [[16 July 2007]]\n\n*Sunday, [[15 July 2007]]\n*Saturday, [[14 July 2007]]\n*Friday, [[13 July 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[12 July 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[10 July 2007]]\n\n*Sunday, [[8 July 2007]]\n*Saturday, [[7 July 2007]]\n*Movie Review: [[Arthur and the Invisibles]]\n*Wednesday, [[4 July 2007]] and Movie Review: [[Bridge to Terabithia]]\n*Tuesday, [[3 July 2007]]\n\n*Sunday, [[1 July 2007]]\n*Saturday, [[30 June 2007]]\n*Friday, [[29 June 2007]] and Movie Review [[Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End]]\n*Tuesday, [[26 June 2007]]\n*Monday, [[25 June 2007]]\n\n*Saturday, [[23 June 2007]]\n*Friday, [[22 June 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[21 June 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[20 June 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[19 June 2007]]\n\n*Sunday, [[17 June 2007]] and Movie Review [[The Guardian]]\n*Movie Review [[Chicken Little]]\n*Tuesday, [[12 June 2007]]\n*Monday, [[11 June 2007]]\n*Sunday, [[10 June 2007]]\n\n*Saturday, [[9 June 2007]] and Movie Review [[Open Season]]\n*Friday, [[8 June 2007]] and Movie Review [[Deja Vu]]\n*Thursday, [[7 June 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[5 June 2007]]\n*Monday, [[4 June 2007]]\n*Sunday, [[3 June 2007]]\n\n*Saturday, [[2 June 2007]] and Movie Review [[Pursuit of Happyness]]\n*Friday, [[1 June 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[31 May 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[30 May 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[29 May 2007]]\n*Monday, [[28 May 2007]] Memorial Day\n*Sunday, [[27 May 2007]]\n\n*Saturday, [[26 May 2007]] and Movie Review: [[Cast Away]]\n*Friday, [[25 May 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[24 May 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[23 May 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[22 May 2007]]\n*Monday, [[21 May 2007]]\n*Sunday, [[20 May 2007]]\n\n*Saturday, [[19 May 2007]]\n*Friday, [[18 May 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[17 May 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[16 May 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[15 May 2007]]\n*Monday, [[14 May 2007]]\n*Sunday, [[13 May 2007]]\n\n*Saturday, [[12 May 2007]]\n*Friday, [[11 May 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[10 May 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[9 May 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[8 May 2007]]\n*Monday, [[7 May 2007]]\n*Sunday, [[6 May 2007]]\n\n*Sunday, [[6 May 2007]]\n*Saturday, [[5 May 2007]]\n*Friday, [[4 May 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[2 May 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[1 May 2007]]\n*Monday, [[30 April 2007 Addendum]]\n*Monday, [[30 April 2007]]\n\n*Sunday, [[29 April 2007 Addendum]]\n*Sunday, [[29 April 2007]]\n*Saturday, [[28 April 2007]]\n*Friday, [[27 April 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[26 April 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[25 April 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[24 April 2007]]\n*Monday, [[23 April 2007]]\n\n*Sunday, [[22 April 2007]]\n*Saturday, [[21 April 2007]]\n*Friday, [[20 April 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[19 April 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[18 April 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[17 April 2007]]\n*Monday, [[16 April 2007]]\n\n*Sunday, [[15 April 2007]]\n*Saturday, [[14 April 2007]] and [[The Incredibles]]\n*Friday, [[13 April 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[12 April 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[11 April 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[10 April 2007]]\n*Monday, [[9 April 2007]]\n\n*Easter Sunday, [[8 April 2007]]\n*Saturday, [[7 April 2007]]\n*Friday, [[6 April 2007]] and [[Mission - Impossible 3]]\n*Thursday, [[5 April 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[4 April 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[3 April 2007]]\n*Monday, [[2 April 2007]]\n\n*Sunday, [[1 April 2007]]\n*Saturday, [[31 March 2007]] and [[Rocky Balboa]]\n*Friday, [[30 March 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[29 March 2007]]\n*Monday through Wednesday, [[26-28 March 2007]]\n\n*Sunday, [[25 March 2007]]\n*Saturday, [[24 March 2007]] and [[Manchurian Candidate]]\n*Friday, [[23 March 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[22 March 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[21 March 2007]] and [[Blessed]]\n*Tuesday, [[20 March 2007]]\n*Monday, [[19 March 2007 Addendum]]\n*Monday, [[19 March 2007]]\n\n*Sunday, [[18 March 2007]]\n*Saturday, [[17 March 2007]]\n*Friday, [[16 March 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[15 March 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[14 March 2007 Addendum]]\n*Wednesday, [[14 March 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[13 March 2007]]\n*Monday, [[12 March 2007]]\n\n*Sunday, [[11 March 2007]]\n*Saturday, [[10 March 2007]]\n*Friday, [[9 March 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[8 March 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[7 March 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[6 March 2007]]\n*Monday, [[5 March 2007]]\n\n*Sunday, [[4 March 2007]]\n*Friday, [[2 March 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[1 March 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[28 February 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[27 February 2007]]\n*Monday, [[26 February 2007]]\n*Sunday, [[25 February 2007]]\n\n*Saturday, [[24 February 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[22 February 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[21 February 2007]] and [[Eragon]]\n*Tuesday, [[20 February 2007]]\n*Monday, [[19 February 2007]]\n*Sunday, [[18 February 2007]]\n\n*Saturday, [[17 February 2007]]\n*Friday [[16 February 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[15 February 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[14 February 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[13 February 2007]]\n*Monday, [[12 February 2007]]\n*Sunday, [[11 February 2007]]\n\n*Saturday, [[10 February 2007]]\n*Friday, [[9 February 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[8 February 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[7 February 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[6 February 2007]]\n*Monday, [[5 February 2007]]\n\n*Monday thru Sunday, [[29 January to 4 February 2007]]\n*Sunday, [[28 January 2007]]\n\n*Saturday, [[27 January 2007 Addendum]]\n*Saturday, [[27 January 2007]] & [[Superman Returns]]\n*Friday, [[26 January 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[25 January 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[24 January 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[23 January 2007]]\n*Monday, [[22 January 2007]]\n*Sunday, [[21 January 2007]]\n\n*Saturday, [[20 January 2007]]\n*Friday, [[19 January 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[18 January 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[17 January 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[16 January 2007]]\n*Monday, [[15 January 2007]]\n*Sunday, [[14 January 2007]]\n\n*Saturday, [[13 January 2007]]\n*Friday, [[12 January 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[11 January 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[10 January 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[9 January 2007]]\n*Monday, [[8 January 2007]]\n*Sunday, [[7 January 2007]]\n\n*Saturday, [[6 January 2007]]\n*Friday, [[5 January 2007]]\n*Thursday, [[4 January 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[3 January 2007]] & [[Cars]]\n*Tuesday, [[2 January 2007]]\n*Monday, [[1 January 2007]]\n*Sunday, [[30 December 2006]] & [[Curious George]]

<html><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/I/51yDowrji%2BL._AA240_.jpg" border="0" height="200 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\n\nMovie Title: [[Arthur and the Invisibles|http://www.amazon.com/Arthur-Invisibles-Widescreen-Jason-Bateman/dp/B000N4SHNU/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-5512045-1804101?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1183773228&sr=1-1]]\nRated: PG\nDate Watched: July 5, 2007\nPlace Watched: Home Theater\n\nHeather's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 5.5\n|>|>|Pros: I really liked the main boy. Thought he was a really good actor. Voice-over acting was good on the whole. Good computer graphics (CG).|\n|>|>|Cons: Thought the dialog was lame when it switched to CG - trying too hard to be funny or something - just didn't seem natural. Hated the night-club scene, complete with the boy feeling peer pressure to take a drink and giving in. Poor character development - went from the princess being rude to the boy to being in love. I had a hard time liking the princess at all. She needs to be more than just beautiful to get my vote. The boy deserves much better than her.|\n|>|>|Summary: If it weren't for the beginning and ending, it wouldn't really be worth watching in my opinion. I'm not into CG enough to enjoy it just because it's good CG. Not EVEN in the same league as Bridge to Terabithia. The movie had some good reviews, so I was very disappointed.|\n\nHusband's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 6.5\n|>|>|Comments: I thought the movie started out strong with the non-CG part at the beginning, but for me it just kinda went "Pffffuuuut!" after he shrunk, then got much better when he became human again. What can I say, I'm still stuck on Terabithia.|\n\n[[PluggedIn Movie Review|http://www.pluggedinonline.com/movies/movies/a0003236.cfm]] (Warning: Leaves nothing unrevealed.)

I don't know who wrote this, but it was forwarded to me and I really liked it. No matter what I may be going through, I am truly blessed...\n\n----\n\nIf you woke up this morning with more health than illness,\nyou are more blessed than the million who won't survive the week.\n\nIf you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture or the pangs of starvation,\nyou are ahead of 20 million people around the world.\n\nIf you attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death,\nyou are more blessed than almost three billion people in the world.\n\nIf you have food in your refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to sleep,\nyou are richer than 75% of this world.\n\nIf you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, \nyou are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.\n\nIf your parents are still married and alive, \nyou are very rare, especially in the United States.\n\nIf you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful,\nyou are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.\n\nIf you can hold someone's hand, hug them or even touch them on the shoulder,\nyou are blessed because you can offer God's healing touch.\n\nIf you can read this message, \nyou are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read anything at all.\n\nYou are so blessed in ways you may never even know.

Book Rating Scale: 1 to 10\n1 = Not worth reading... ever\n5 = Might be worth reading... or maybe not\n10 = A must-read\n\n

|>|>|I love to read. I just don't have a lot of time for it. I mostly read at night before bed (maybe 15 minutes before I start to fall asleep) or in the morning while I eat breakfast (maybe 10 minutes). My list of books will usually be a mix of fantasy & science fiction books (which my Husband recommends to me) and self-help type books that are related to my career. |\n\nHeather's Book Reviews:\n*[[Eragon]]\n*[[Now, Discover Your Strengths]]\nBooks I plan to read soon:\n*[[Executive Charisma|http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0071411909/ref=wl_it_dp/002-5755826-6120063?ie=UTF8&coliid=ISRIKHSLQTEXR&colid=2YJ7SVXMC3L6I]] by D. A. Benton\n*[[Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Book 6)|http://www.amazon.com/Harry-Potter-Half-Blood-Prince-Book/dp/0439785960/sr=1-1/qid=1167420088/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-5755826-6120063?ie=UTF8&s=books]] by J.K. Rowling\n*\n*[[1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12|http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1889140163/ref=wl_it_dp/002-5755826-6120063?ie=UTF8&coliid=I3HH4H5Y64JOHH&colid=2YJ7SVXMC3L6I]] by Thomas W. Phelan\n*[[The One Minute Manager|http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0425098478/ref=wl_it_dp/002-5755826-6120063?ie=UTF8&coliid=I37AQUW2B5EW3Z&colid=2YJ7SVXMC3L6I]] by Ph.D. Kenneth Blanchard and M.D. Spencer Johnson

<html><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/I/6199WH2yIQL._AA240_.jpg" border="0" height="200 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\nMovie Title: [[Bridge to Terabithia|http://www.amazon.com/Bridge-Terabithia-Widescreen-Josh-Hutcherson/dp/B00005JPL5/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-5512045-1804101?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1183771728&sr=8-1/]]\nRated: PG\nDate Watched: July 4, 2007\nPlace Watched: Home Theater\n\nHeather's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 8.5\n|>|>|Pros: Excellent plot, good acting, good graphics, great themes (friendship, compassion, family, love, courage), very moving.|\n|>|>|Cons: It was very sad, which could be bad if you don't want to cry or if you have young children. A few cuss words. The message that God wouldn't send a "good person" to Hell can be misleading.|\n|>|>|Summary: This was one of the best movies I've seen in a long time, full of inspiration and ripe with meaning. Refreshing after so many movies that have little depth.|\n\nHusband's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 9.0\n|>|>|Comments: It really struck a chord with me. The special effects didn't really have anything to do with why I liked it. The story was about the relationship between a boy and girl, and it was just done so well. I thought the acting was really good, too. Best movie I've seen in years. I could watch it again right now... I've gotta read the book!|\n\n[[PluggedIn Movie Review|http://www.pluggedinonline.com/movies/movies/a0003081.cfm]] (Warning: Leaves nothing unrevealed.)

<html><img src="http://ec2.images-amazon.com/images/P/B000H5U832.01._SS500_SCLZZZZZZZ_V61264506_.jpg" border="0" height="200 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\nMovie Title: [[Cars|http://www.amazon.com/Cars-Full-Screen-Owen-Wilson/dp/B000H5U832/sr=8-1/qid=1167876764/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-5755826-6120063?ie=UTF8&s=dvd]]\n\nDate Watched: Jan 3, 2007\n\nPlace Watched: In home theater - received DVD as gift.\n\nHeather's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 7\n|>|>|Pros: Plot was enjoyable. Great lessons about the value of friendship and learning to think about others and not just yourself. It was humourous and cute. Very clean movie.|\n|>|>|Cons: I thought the plot was a little slow at the beginning, but it picked up and ended nicely. Plot and action were too tedious for Kelby. She likes cars, but she was only interested in the movie for a little while. I think she'd rather see monkeys jumping around the screen than cars going around a track.|\n|>|>|Summary: I liked the movie and will enjoy watching it again someday. It is a good movie to have for kids.|\n\nHusband's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 8\n|>|>|Comments: "I liked the plot. It kept me interested and the movie went by fast. The computer graphics were pretty good."|

<html><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/I/513PQE3VDRL._AA240_.jpg" border="0" height="200 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\nMovie Title: [[Cast Away|http://www.amazon.com/Cast-Away-Widescreen-Paul-Sanchez/dp/B00005V9IJ/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-8611859-6179953?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1180388307&sr=8-1]]\nDate Watched: May 26, 2007\n\nPlace Watched: Home Theatre, TV version\n\nHeather's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 8\n|>|>|Pros: Excellent plot, made me cry at the end, makes you think about what's really important in your life.|\n|>|>|Cons: Too long. I don't like how it ended.|\n|>|>|Summary: Good movie to watch every 5 years or so.|\n\nHusband's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 8 1/2\n|>|>|Comments: "Tom Hanks holds the screen quite nicely."|

<html><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/I/51Ypq%2BEJwEL._AA240_.jpg" border="0" height="200 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\nMovie Title: [[Chicken Little|http://www.amazon.com/Chicken-Little-Joan-Cusack/dp/B000DWMYQ8/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-6612103-8475210?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1182292245&sr=8-1]]\nDate Watched: June 16, 2007 (re-watched it with Kelby)\nRated: G\n\nPlace Watched: Home Theater\n\nHeather's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 8.5\n|>|>|Pros: Very amusing movie with a good lesson to parents about supporting your kids. Kelby really liked it and actually watched the whole thing (half on one day and half on another day). It's probably a close second to Curious George for her.|\n|>|>|Cons: Most of the adults are shown to be clueless to what's really going on. Just a little scary for young kids, but if they can make it to the end, they will probably not be too afraid the second time they watch it.|\n|>|>|Summary: Great, great movie!|\n\nHusband's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 8\n\nKelby's Comments: \n|>|>|What did you think about Chicken Little? "Two hours." Did you like it? "Yes." Do you remember anything about it? "I don't know. Maybe a pig... Maybe a chicken little."|\n\n[[PluggedIn Movie Review|http://www.pluggedinonline.com/movies/movies/a0002399.cfm]] (Warning: Leaves nothing unrevealed.)

<html><img src="http://ec2.images-amazon.com/images/P/B000GIXEWC.01._AA240_SCLZZZZZZZ_V59056132_.jpg" border="0" height="200 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\nMovie Title: [[Curious George|http://www.amazon.com/Curious-George-Screen-Frank-Welker/dp/B000GIXEW2/sr=8-2/qid=1167515542/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/002-5755826-6120063?ie=UTF8&s=dvd]]\n\nDate Watched: Dec 30, 2006\n\nPlace Watched: In home theater - received DVD as gift.\n\nHeather's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 7\n|>|>|Pros: Nice plot - simple enough for kids, but not too slow moving. Loved the look of the film. It was in the style of the story-book illustrations with a look of reality with the use of lighting. It was funny and enjoyable. The connection between the Man in the Yellow Hat and George was adorable. Kelby watched the whole thing with a few moments of distraction where she went to play with toys and then came back.|\n|>|>|Cons: There was a lot of irresponsibility and carelessness on the part of George (of course) and the Man in the Yellow Hat that was not portrayed as being irresponsible or immoral - like causing traffic accidents, destruction of property, "borrowing" kids' balloons, etc. I would have liked to see the Man try to be careful with other people's things or at least show remorse for the destruction of them. I'm just not sure it's a great message to teach children. I can just see kids painting all over the walls and thinking it's OK. I also didn't really like the resolution of the son who felt like his father liked the Man in the Yellow Hat more than him. The father should have been more sensitive to the issue, at least in the end.|\n|>|>|Summary: Despite the cons I've listed, I liked the movie and will enjoy watching it again. We'll just have to watch Kelby with paint cans!|\n\nHusband's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 7\n|>|>|Comments: "It was a beautifully animated movie. The plot was good... but I was comparing it to Ice Age - The Meltdown, so I may be a little biased toward Curious George when comparing the two."|

[[Welcome!]]

<html><img src="http://g-ec2.images-amazon.com/images/I/11g+Ur9ZUbL._AA90_.jpg" border="0" height="200 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\nMovie Title: [[Deja Vu|http://www.amazon.com/Deja-Vu-Denzel-Washington/dp/B00005JPD0/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-8611859-6179953?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1181612779&sr=8-1]]\nDate Watched: June 8, 2007\n\nPlace Watched: Home Theater\n\nHeather's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 8\n|>|>|Pros: Denzel Washington is very good in this movie. It was a suspense thriller that made me keep trying to figure it out well after the movie ended.|\n|>|>|Cons: Some of it was disturbing.|\n|>|>|Summary: I would definitely recommend it to anyone who likes suspense thrillers.|\n\nHusband's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 8.5\n|>|>|Comments: "Although the principle of the movie was not very realistic, I do enjoy stories that deal with the 4th dimension and this one did not disappoint on that front."|

\nBook Title: [[Eragon|http://www.amazon.com/Eragon-Inheritance-Book-Christopher-Paolini/dp/0375826688/sr=1-1/qid=1167420594/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-5755826-6120063?ie=UTF8&s=books]] \n\nAuthor: Christopher Paolini\n\n|>|>|[[Readability Rating|Book Rating System]]: 9 for Fantasy genre, 6 for Fiction genre|\n|>|>|Comments: You've GOT to read it if you're into fantasy books. If you like regular fiction but are not a fan of fantasy, you would still probably enjoy reading it. The really neat thing is that the book was written by a teenager. It's his first book, so I am looking forward to seeing more from him because I think the books will only get better. He's not quite up to the level of J K Rowling (Harry Potter books)... but the potential is there. It is extremely creative. I was amazed at all the interesting ideas Paolini came up with. What could be done better: I think that the pace of the book was a bit slow through the first half, but it really picked up throughout the whole last half. He also did a pretty good job at character development, but sometimes I felt like there were things about the main character that I was missing (it's hard to explain). Note: This was the first in a series of books, so if you like books that have resolution, you will be disappointed. Hint: There is a pronunciation guide at the end of the book. Use it WHILE you're reading it. I also suggest reading ALL the acknowledgments at the end as they were very interesting.|\n|>|>|Summary: Great book! Looking forward to reading the sequel, Eldest. I will also watch the movie although I haven't heard a whole lot of great reviews for it.|

|>|>|I have a topic dedicated to my health because I have a disease called [[Hashimoto's Thyroiditis| http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hashimotos-disease/DS00567/DSECTION=1]], a hereditary autoimmune disorder in which your immune system inappropriately attacks your thyroid gland. When I was first diagnosed, the Hashimoto's caused me to have [[hyperthyroidism/Graves Disease|http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hyperthyroidism/DS00344/DSECTION=3]], but now that my thyroid is permanently damaged from the disease, I have [[hypothyroidism|http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hypothyroidism/DS00353/DSECTION=3]] and will probably have it for the rest of my life. Fortunately, this is controlled with medicine, and it pretty much makes me "normal". This has been very important during pregnancy because both hyper- and hypo- thyroidism can cause miscarriages. Fortunately, my doctors have kept my hormones at appropriate levels and I have been spared any miscarriages. More on my progress with this as things come up.|\n

Here is a brief summary of my family. (The names are purposefully vague to maintain anonymity.)\n\nMe: Heather is my real first name. I am in my early 30s. I work full-time as an accountant for a small company. We live in a house in a semi-rural area in a south-eastern state in the U.S.\n\nHusband: I am very happily married to someone I will call simply "Husband" for the purposes of this blog. We have been married close to a decade. He is brilliant... very smart, but equally humble about it, which makes him even more wonderful. He's an electrical engineer and computer programmer. If you want to know more about him, you'll just have to read my journal posts. \n\nKelby: We have one daughter, named Kelby. She turned 2 years old at the end of January 2007. She is my "favorite little girl". Much of my memoirs under are dedicated to her and her brother.\n\nSon: We have one son, Bryler. He was born at the end of January 2007. He is already my "favorite little boy". Much more about him in my blog...\n\nKika: We have 1 cat, named Kika. We are definitely cat-people and we've had several during our marriage, but since Kelby was born, our interest for cats has mysteriously waned. I guess nothing can compete with having children. But Kika and Kelby are pretty good pals, so it works out pretty well.\n\nMom: My mom, also called Grammy by Kelby.\nDad: My dad, also called Pa- Pa by Kelby.\nWe live about 20 minutes away from my parents and we go to the same church.\n\nGranda: What Kelby calls Husband's mom.\nBig Daddy: What Kelby called Husband's dad.\nWe live on the same street as Husband's parents and Granda watches Kelby while we work, and we go to the same church.\n\nNayna (or Cousin): Kelby has many cousins, but Granda keeps one particular cousin during the day along with Kelby and Bryler. Since they spend so much time with this cousin, she is likely to come up often in my blogs. She is the daughter of Aunt Nooni (Husband's sister) and Uncle Nance.\n\nBoth Husband and I also have siblings, their spouses, and their kids that live within 30 minutes, so needless to say, we have lots of family close by!

<html><img src="http://ec2.images-amazon.com/images/P/B000GUJZ00.01._AA240_SCLZZZZZZZ_V62618315_.jpg" border="0" height="200 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\n\nMovie Title: [[Ice Age - The Meltdown|http://www.amazon.com/Ice-Age-Meltdown-Full-Screen/dp/B000GUJYZQ/sr=8-2/qid=1167421498/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/002-5755826-6120063?ie=UTF8&s=dvd]]\n\nDate Watched: Dec 22, 2006\n\nPlace Watched: In home theater - received DVD as gift.\n\nHeather's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 4\n|>|>|Pros: Some parts were humorous, especially the Skrat. The CG graphics were very good. There was a lesson to overcome your fears, in this case the fear of water. Lesson about accepting people for who they are and being loyal to your friends.|\n|>|>|Cons: The plot was dull. They put some foul language in there for no apparent reason. Although I like the voice of Ray Ramono and he did a good job, I didn't think it fit a Mammoth very well... needed a deeper voice in my opinion. I felt sorry for the little Skrat who could never hold onto his acorn! And where did an acorn come from when there were no trees?? Kelby seemed to be a little frightened at some parts and didn't want to finish watching it.|\n|>|>|Summary: I wouldn't want to see it again.|\n\nHusband's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 4\n|>|>|Comments: "I didn't like it. It was boring. Graphics were OK. The only good part was the Skrat."|

\nThis week's journal entries:\n*See new blog entries at my [[New Blog|http://www.heatherblog.writeline.net/]] & scroll to the bottom of the page for an introduction\n*Wednesday, [[15 August 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[14 August 2007]]\n*Monday, [[13 August 2007]]\n\nLast week's journal entries:\n*Sunday, [[12 August 2007]]\n*Saturday, [[11 August 2007]]\n*Friday, [[10 August 2007]]\n*Wednesday, [[8 August 2007]]\n*Tuesday, [[7 August 2007]]\n*Monday, [[6 August 2007]]\n\nSee list of [[Archived Journal Entries]]\n

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|>|>|This topic will include my musings about life. I'm not sure what will show up here, but I am sure it will all be very deep and meaningful <smile>.|

Find out about...\n[[Heather]]\n[[This Blog]]\n\n[[Journal Entries]]\n\n[[Book Reviews]]\n[[Movie Reviews]]\n\n<<closeAll>>

<html><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/P/B0006210ZQ.01._AA240_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg" border="0" height="200 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\nMovie Title: [[Manchurian Candidate|http://www.amazon.com/Manchurian-Candidate-Full-Screen/dp/B0006210ZQ/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/103-5533361-9247804?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1175561227&sr=8-2]]\nDate Watched: March 24, 2007 (Aired on TV)\n\nPlace Watched: On TV upstairs\n\nHeather's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 7\n|>|>|Pros: There was a very intriguing plot that kept me interested until the end. Afterward, I thought about it for a long time. I thought the acting was also good.|\n|>|>|Cons: Violence and language - some scenes were disturbing. The DVD is rated R. We watched the TV version, which I would recommend. Watch it with a friend - if you get lost, maybe they caught the stuff you missed and can fill you in.|\n|>|>|Summary: Good movie if you like thrillers.|\n\nHusband's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 7.5\n|>|>|Comments: "Good movie. It's one of those where you think you've figured it out, but you're never really sure until the end."|

|>|>|There are always topics and memories that don't fall in the other categories I've defined, so I have reserved a space for all the mish-mash of stuff that makes up the rest of "me".|

<html><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/P/B000HRMAPE.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_AA240_.jpg" border="0" height="200 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\nMovie Title: [[Mission - Impossible 3|http://www.amazon.com/Mission-Impossible-Widescreen-Tom-Cruise/dp/B000HRMAPE/ref=pd_bbs_1/103-5533361-9247804?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1176253862&sr=8-1]]\nDate Watched: April 6, 2007\n\nPlace Watched: Home Theater\n\nHeather's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 8\n|>|>|Pros: Great action/suspense flick. Good plot with love being a motivator. Tom Cruise did some neat stunts.|\n|>|>|Cons: Rated PG 13 for violence, language, a brief sex scene.|\n|>|>|Summary: A surprisingly great action movie.|\n\nHusband's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 8.25\n|>|>|Comments: "I thought it was the best Mission Impossible (Mission Impossible 2 being the worst)."|

Movie Rating Scale: 1 to 10\n1 = Worst movie ever\n5 = Average movie\n10 = Best movie ever

|>|>|I tend to watch kid's movies and PG -rated movies because there is so much trash in flicks these days. Morality is very important to me, and I believe in the "Garbage In - Garbage Out" idea. No use filling my mind with trash when there are good alternatives. Every once in a while, I'll watch something that really catches my eye that's PG -13, but it doesn't happen much. Anyway, I find that I quite enjoy the "innocent" movies and now that we have young children, it makes sense. So, that's why you'll see so many G and PG rated movies in my Movie Review list:|\n\nHeather's Movie Reviews (most recent listed first):\n\n*[[Arthur and the Invisibles]]\n*[[Bridge to Terabithia]]\n*[[Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End]]\n*[[The Guardian]]\n*[[Chicken Little]]\n*[[Open Season]]\n*[[Deja Vu]]\n*[[Pursuit of Happyness]]\n*[[Cast Away]]\n*[[The Incredibles]]\n*[[Mission - Impossible 3]]\n*[[Rocky Balboa]]\n*[[Manchurian Candidate]]\n*[[Superman Returns]]\n*[[Cars]]\n*[[Curious George]]\n*[[Ice Age - The Meltdown]]\n

<html><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/P/0743201140.01._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-dp-500-arrow,TopRight,45,-64_OU01_AA240_SH20_SCLZZZZZZZ_V48704958_.jpg" border="0" height="200 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\n\nI am currently reading a book called [[Now, Discover Your Strengths|http://www.amazon.com/Discover-Your-Strengths-Marcus-Buckingham/dp/0743201140]] by Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton. It is a sequel to [[First, Break All The Rules|http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0684852861/$%7B0%7D]], which I have not read. \n\nMore on this book review when I'm finished reading it.

<html><img src="http://g-ec2.images-amazon.com/images/I/51Q0XX4P0GL._AA240_.jpg" border="0" height="200 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\nMovie Title: [[Open Season|http://www.amazon.com/Open-Season-Full-Screen-Special/dp/B000L22SFW/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/104-8611859-6179953?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1181613240&sr=1-2]]\nDate Watched: June 9, 2007\n\nPlace Watched: Home Theater\n\nHeather's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: NOT RATED\n|>|>|Pros: I can't rate this movie because I kept falling asleep and could not stay awake even though I sat up as straight as I could. I did have a few laughs, mainly at the rabbits.|\n|>|>|Cons: I don't think that falling asleep reflects very well on the movie since I don't normally do that. I don't plan on trying to watch it again.|\n|>|>|Summary: Based on Husband's review, I'd skip this one.|\n\nHusband's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 5\n|>|>|Comments: "If it weren't for the continuing rabbit gimmick, which was pretty funny, I would have rated it even lower."|

|>|>|This topic will include all my memoirs concerning my children. I tend to write about them more than anything because they grow up so fast and I want to remember everything!|

<html><img src="" border="0" height="200 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\nMovie Title: [[Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End|http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/pirates/atworldsend/]]\nRated: PG - 13\nDate Watched: June 29, 2007\nPlace Watched: Tinseltown Theater\n\nHeather's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 6.0\n|>|>|Pros: I did enjoy the movie in parts. I think that the acting is very good by the main characters. I liked the surprises in the plot.|\n|>|>|Cons: Too much violence for me, and I felt lost during a lot of it. A few parts were annoyingly silly. This one was least child-friendly of the three movies.|\n|>|>|Summary: I liked the first Pirates movie best and this one worst of the three, primarily due to the increase in violence.|\n\nHusband's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 7.5\n|>|>|Comments: The opening scene was dumb. It is surprising to me that a AAA title like this one would have so many little "B" quality characteristics from a couple of the effects to one or two of the choices that the writers made in the story. They tried to go bigger as the series continued and they don't quite get there. This is what, in my opinion, makes the first movies the best, followed by the second, and then this one. Though I do have some complaints with the movie, I still enjoyed it and will most likely acquire it when it goes to DVD.|\n\n[[PluggedIn Movie Review|http://www.pluggedinonline.com/movies/movies/a0003236.cfm]] (Warning: Leaves nothing unrevealed.)

<html><img src="http://g-ec2.images-amazon.com/images/I/51Posd9ybYL._AA240_.jpg" border="0" height="200 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\nMovie Title: [[Pursuit of Happyness|http://www.amazon.com/Pursuit-Happyness-Full-Screen/dp/B000N6U0DS/ref=pd_bbs_sr_3/104-8611859-6179953?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1181178666&sr=8-3]]\nDate Watched: June 2, 2007\n\nPlace Watched: Home Theater\n\nHeather's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 8\n|>|>|Pros: I really liked the movie. It made me realize how blessed I am to not have to worry about where I'm going to sleep at night and thankful that I have a good job. I thought Will Smith's son, Jaden, was very talented.|\n|>|>|Cons: It's just not the type of movie I want to see again, or at least not for a long time. Since we know what's going to happen in the end, it's tiring leading up to it.|\n|>|>|Summary: Good movie. Definitely good enough to see once.|\n\nHusband's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 7\n|>|>|Comments: "It watched longer than its running time."|

<html><img src="http://ec2.images-amazon.com/images/P/B000N4SHPS.01._AA240_SCLZZZZZZZ_V44796200_.jpg" border="0" height="200 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\nMovie Title: [[Rocky Balboa|http://www.amazon.com/Rocky-Balboa-Sylvester-Stallone/dp/B000N4SHPS/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-5533361-9247804?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1175562432&sr=1-1]]\nDate Watched: March 31, 2007\n\nPlace Watched: Home Theater\n\nHeather's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 6.5\n|>|>|Pros: Some really great lines. I really liked [[Milo Ventimiglia|http://www.miloventimigliafan.com/]] (from the TV show Heros), who played Rocky's son. It was a feel-good movie. Impressive that Stallone wrote and directed it.|\n|>|>|Cons: Some of the side plots could have been developed better, or maybe they were just resolved too early. Husband and I liked the alternate ending better. Although the alternate was a more predictable ending than the "real" ending, it just felt better to me. I wanted Rocky's son to fall in love with Little Marie. I wasn't satisfied with what was done with her character.|\n|>|>|Summary: A little better than average.|\n\nHusband's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 6.5\n|>|>|Comments: "It wasn't too awful bad. Several of the exchanges between the characters had some really good dialog."|

a personal web notebook

The Life of Heather...

<html><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/P/B000J10ERO.01._AA240_SCLZZZZZZZ_V38080633_.jpg" border="0" height="200 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\nMovie Title: [[Superman Returns|http://www.amazon.com/Superman-Returns-Two-Disc-Special-Brandon/dp/B000J10ERO/sr=8-1/qid=1170271815/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-7277430-5202519?ie=UTF8&s=dvd]]\n\nDate Watched: Jan 27, 2007\n\nPlace Watched: On TV upstairs.\n\nHeather's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 5 1/2\n|>|>|Pros: Plot was interesting, especially the part about Lois Lane's son.|\n|>|>|Cons: The actor playing Superman looked the part, but he wasn't very inspiring. We also didn't find the Lois Lane character to be very likable, which I don't think was the intention... it was either bad character writing or bad portrayal by the actress.|\n|>|>|Summary: The movie was okay, but it is not close to the caliber of "Batman Returns". It was just mediocre.|\n\nHusband's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 5\n|>|>|Comments: "There were too many things that happened in the movie that were unrealistic."|

<html><img src="http://g-ec2.images-amazon.com/images/I/51r5oKO8tXL._SS500_.jpg" border="0" height="200 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\nMovie Title: [[The Guardian|http://www.amazon.com/Guardian-Kevin-Costner/dp/B000KF0GWW/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-6612103-8475210?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1182293035&sr=1-1]]\nRated: PG - 13\nDate Watched: June 17, 2007\n\nPlace Watched: Home Theater\n\nHeather's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 7.5\n|>|>|Pros: Great character development. I loved Kevin Costner in this movie. It was a captivating movie and I learned a lot about what the US Coast Guards do. I could never do what they do.|\n|>|>|Cons: Flippant attitude toward casual premarital sex. Some bad language. Some silly violence (bar fight).|\n|>|>|Summary: Good movie.|\n\nHusband's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 7\n\n[[PluggedIn Movie Review|http://www.pluggedinonline.com/movies/movies/a0002898.cfm]] (Warning: Leaves nothing unrevealed.)

<html><img src="http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/P/B00005JN4W.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_V44548707_AA240_.jpg" border="0" height="200 percent" align = "right"/></a></html>\nMovie Title: [[The Incredibles|http://http://www.amazon.com/Incredibles-Two-Disc-Collectors-Maeve-Andrews/dp/B00005JN4W/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-5533361-9247804?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1176687784&sr=8-1]]\nDate Watched: April 14, 2007\n\nPlace Watched: TV Upstairs\n\nHeather's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 9\n|>|>|Pros: Excellent plot, excellent computer graphics, good humor, good character development.|\n|>|>|Cons: Some violence, and it might be a little scary for very young children.|\n|>|>|Summary: An excellent family movie!|\n\nHusband's [[Rating|Movie Rating System]]: 9\n|>|>|Comments: "Great plot... great movie."|

When I was pregnant with Kelby, I wrote a lullaby for her to the tune of Edelweiss (from the Sound of Music). I've always loved the tune. When Kelby was an infant, I sang The Lullaby to her often. When she got older, she didn't want to hear it because it meant she had to go to bed. Now, she is starting to like me to sing it to her - much to my delight!\n----\nHere are the original lyrics:\n\nEdelweiss, Edelweiss\nEvery morning you greet me\nSmall and white, clean and bright\nYou look happy to meet me\n\nBlossom of snow may you bloom and grow\nBloom and grow forever\n\nEdelweiss, Edelweiss\nBless my homeland forever\n----\n\nHere are the words to The Lullaby:\n\nGo to sleep, Little One\nClose your eyes and breathe deeply\nDream your dreams, soft and sweet\nI'll be here if you need me\n\nBlossom of snow may you bloom and grow\nBloom and grow, my Baby\n\nGo to sleep, Little One\nLord, keep watch while she's sleeping

I have been keeping a hand-written journal for years... since I was in elementary school. I know how important memories are. Why? Because they make you who you are, for without your distinct memories, you'd be someone else. So, I have been writing down the things that I want to remember. It amazes me how much I would forget if I didn't write it down, even 1 year later. I have never regretted keeping a journal and have often referred back to them so I can recall a detail that alludes me. I have only regretted not writing often enough and missing much of my life to the abyss of non-remembrance before I get it down on paper.\n\nI have found from reading other people's blogs that sharing your journal is pretty neat because people you care about can learn more about you. They can be "involved" in your life in an abstract sort of way. However, I have resisted doing on online journal because some of my memories need not be shared with the world, nor with my closest friends and family members. But I am going to try this out -- a censored version of my memoirs -- and see if I like it, starting with January 1, 2007. A new year... a new journal. It comes at a good time, as my current hand-written journal is almost full.

The journals are organized by topic using "Tags". The topics are listed below. To view the journal entries tagged with these topics, click on a topic below or click on "Tags" on the menu to the right.\n\nTopics:\n\n[[Parenting]]\n[[Life]]\nmy [[Health]]\n[[Miscellaneous]]\n[[Books|Book Reviews]]\n[[Movies|Movie Reviews]]

| !date | !user | !location | !storeUrl | !uploadDir | !toFilename | !backupdir | !origin |\n| 3/1/2007 21:50:9 | Heather_Etherhay | [[/|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 3/1/2007 21:54:23 | Heather_Etherhay | [[/|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 3/1/2007 22:7:49 | Heather_Etherhay | [[index.html|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/index.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 3/1/2007 22:11:29 | Heather_Etherhay | [[index.html|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/index.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 3/1/2007 22:14:38 | Heather_Etherhay | [[/|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 4/1/2007 20:24:13 | Heather_Etherhay | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 4/1/2007 21:17:24 | Heather_Etherhay | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 4/1/2007 21:20:14 | Heather_Etherhay | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 9/1/2007 18:4:26 | Heather_Etherhay | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 9/1/2007 18:59:49 | Heather_Etherhay | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 9/1/2007 21:59:26 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 10/1/2007 20:59:44 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html#%5B%5B6%20January%202007%5D%5D]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 11/1/2007 21:15:33 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 12/1/2007 22:8:47 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 12/1/2007 22:10:2 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 13/1/2007 22:31:32 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 15/1/2007 20:48:53 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 15/1/2007 21:22:54 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 16/1/2007 20:0:4 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 17/1/2007 21:30:45 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 18/1/2007 21:49:46 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 18/1/2007 22:13:33 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 18/1/2007 22:14:29 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 19/1/2007 21:12:45 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 19/1/2007 21:20:24 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 19/1/2007 21:23:2 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 20/1/2007 22:4:9 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 21/1/2007 7:52:10 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 21/1/2007 7:52:33 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 22/1/2007 20:43:50 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 22/1/2007 21:28:12 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 23/1/2007 6:45:58 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 23/1/2007 21:13:24 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/bncastle/Desktop/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 24/1/2007 22:6:11 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/bncastle/Desktop/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 25/1/2007 21:45:33 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 25/1/2007 21:53:3 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 26/1/2007 20:28:58 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 6/2/2007 22:23:24 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/bncastle/Desktop/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 15/2/2007 17:17:8 | Heather | [[Copy%20of%20heatherblog.html|file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/bncastle/Desktop/Copy%20of%20heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 15/2/2007 17:28:5 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/bncastle/Desktop/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 15/2/2007 22:7:41 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/bncastle/Desktop/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 16/2/2007 20:59:53 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/bncastle/Desktop/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 17/2/2007 21:39:43 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/bncastle/Desktop/heatherblog.html#%5B%5BJournal%20Entries%5D%5D]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 18/2/2007 22:30:14 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/bncastle/Desktop/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 19/2/2007 8:19:37 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/bncastle/Desktop/heatherblog.html#%5B%5BJournal%20Entries%5D%5D%20Welcome!]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 19/2/2007 8:28:50 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/bncastle/Desktop/heatherblog.html#%5B%5BJournal%20Entries%5D%5D%20Welcome!]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 20/2/2007 9:17:47 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/bncastle/Desktop/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 20/2/2007 22:5:51 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/bncastle/Desktop/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 20/2/2007 22:6:18 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/bncastle/Desktop/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 23/2/2007 21:53:36 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/bncastle/Desktop/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 26/2/2007 14:26:20 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/bncastle/Desktop/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 27/2/2007 20:52:13 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/bncastle/Desktop/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 27/2/2007 21:9:49 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 27/2/2007 22:31:42 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 2/3/2007 22:50:6 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 7/3/2007 9:59:29 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 8/3/2007 21:25:57 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 9/3/2007 11:8:1 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 9/3/2007 22:25:24 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 11/3/2007 22:44:1 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 12/3/2007 21:44:32 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 13/3/2007 22:11:38 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html#%5B%5B13%20March%202007%5D%5D]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 14/3/2007 22:42:36 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 16/3/2007 21:53:46 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 20/3/2007 22:25:29 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 20/3/2007 22:35:0 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 20/3/2007 22:52:33 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 21/3/2007 22:22:18 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 22/3/2007 22:46:38 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 28/3/2007 23:8:30 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 29/3/2007 21:8:36 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 29/3/2007 21:30:31 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 2/4/2007 23:12:42 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 3/4/2007 21:40:47 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 5/4/2007 22:24:10 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 9/4/2007 21:22:22 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 9/4/2007 21:22:52 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 9/4/2007 21:39:2 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 9/4/2007 21:43:35 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 9/4/2007 21:45:7 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 10/4/2007 22:11:25 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 12/4/2007 21:28:5 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 13/4/2007 22:34:50 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 14/4/2007 22:54:9 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 15/4/2007 21:39:16 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 15/4/2007 21:41:56 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 15/4/2007 21:50:51 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 16/4/2007 21:39:5 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 17/4/2007 22:48:2 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 18/4/2007 22:35:10 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 19/4/2007 22:0:24 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html#%5B%5BJournal%20Entries%5D%5D]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 26/4/2007 22:37:23 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 26/4/2007 23:9:14 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 30/4/2007 23:2:13 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 1/5/2007 22:27:50 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 2/5/2007 22:4:36 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 8/5/2007 18:19:32 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 8/5/2007 18:24:56 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 8/5/2007 18:54:14 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 8/5/2007 22:43:9 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 8/5/2007 22:43:59 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 9/5/2007 22:25:33 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 10/5/2007 22:24:0 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 10/5/2007 22:27:10 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 13/5/2007 22:35:32 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 15/5/2007 22:29:43 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 16/5/2007 22:22:29 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 18/5/2007 22:11:13 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 18/5/2007 22:12:3 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 19/5/2007 22:40:36 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 19/5/2007 22:40:54 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 23/5/2007 20:59:47 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 24/5/2007 22:39:14 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 29/5/2007 19:39:3 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 31/5/2007 22:33:27 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 5/6/2007 21:59:57 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 6/6/2007 22:31:31 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Y:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 12/6/2007 22:37:38 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 17/6/2007 22:40:9 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 17/6/2007 22:47:30 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 19/6/2007 21:45:38 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 20/6/2007 21:33:27 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 20/6/2007 21:35:14 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 20/6/2007 21:37:3 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 20/6/2007 21:38:42 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 20/6/2007 21:55:34 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 20/6/2007 21:59:47 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 21/6/2007 21:28:1 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 21/6/2007 21:54:35 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 26/6/2007 17:56:8 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 26/6/2007 22:20:27 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 29/6/2007 21:0:11 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 2/7/2007 22:27:3 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 3/7/2007 22:56:39 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 6/7/2007 22:22:23 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 22/8/2007 22:53:21 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 24/8/2007 21:1:55 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 24/8/2007 21:3:27 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 24/8/2007 21:4:34 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 15/7/2007 22:35:45 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html#%5B%5B15%20July%202007%5D%5D]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 18/7/2007 21:58:0 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 19/7/2007 21:56:3 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 23/7/2007 22:8:43 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 25/7/2007 22:57:7 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 28/7/2007 22:40:42 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 30/7/2007 22:47:59 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 1/8/2007 22:8:0 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 1/8/2007 22:9:21 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 2/8/2007 20:44:28 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 6/8/2007 22:19:38 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 6/8/2007 22:20:37 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 8/8/2007 21:42:17 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 9/8/2007 22:37:32 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 9/8/2007 22:39:10 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 11/8/2007 21:12:50 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 11/8/2007 21:17:28 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 12/8/2007 15:57:45 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 13/8/2007 21:32:13 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 14/8/2007 22:0:45 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 15/8/2007 21:42:56 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . | Ok |\n| 15/8/2007 21:45:5 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |\n| 23/8/2007 22:43:51 | Heather | [[heatherblog.html|file:///Z:/Blog/heatherblog.html]] | [[store.cgi|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi]] | . | index.html | . |

/***\n|''Name:''|UploadPlugin|\n|''Description:''|Save to web a TiddlyWiki|\n|''Version:''|3.4.4|\n|''Date:''|Sep 30, 2006|\n|''Source:''|http://tiddlywiki.bidix.info/#UploadPlugin|\n|''Documentation:''|http://tiddlywiki.bidix.info/#UploadDoc|\n|''Author:''|BidiX (BidiX (at) bidix (dot) info)|\n|''License:''|[[BSD open source license|http://tiddlywiki.bidix.info/#%5B%5BBSD%20open%20source%20license%5D%5D ]]|\n|''~CoreVersion:''|2.0.0|\n|''Browser:''|Firefox 1.5; InternetExplorer 6.0; Safari|\n|''Include:''|config.lib.file; config.lib.log; config.lib.options; PasswordTweak|\n|''Require:''|[[UploadService|http://tiddlywiki.bidix.info/#UploadService]]|\n***/\n//{{{\nversion.extensions.UploadPlugin = {\n major: 3, minor: 4, revision: 4, \n date: new Date(2006,8,30),\n source: 'http://tiddlywiki.bidix.info/#UploadPlugin',\n documentation: 'http://tiddlywiki.bidix.info/#UploadDoc',\n author: 'BidiX (BidiX (at) bidix (dot) info',\n license: '[[BSD open source license|http://tiddlywiki.bidix.info/#%5B%5BBSD%20open%20source%20license%5D%5D]]',\n coreVersion: '2.0.0',\n browser: 'Firefox 1.5; InternetExplorer 6.0; Safari'\n};\n//}}}\n\n////+++!![config.lib.file]\n\n//{{{\nif (!config.lib) config.lib = {};\nif (!config.lib.file) config.lib.file= {\n author: 'BidiX',\n version: {major: 0, minor: 1, revision: 0}, \n date: new Date(2006,3,9)\n};\nconfig.lib.file.dirname = function (filePath) {\n var lastpos;\n if ((lastpos = filePath.lastIndexOf("/")) != -1) {\n return filePath.substring(0, lastpos);\n } else {\n return filePath.substring(0, filePath.lastIndexOf("\s\s"));\n }\n};\nconfig.lib.file.basename = function (filePath) {\n var lastpos;\n if ((lastpos = filePath.lastIndexOf("#")) != -1) \n filePath = filePath.substring(0, lastpos);\n if ((lastpos = filePath.lastIndexOf("/")) != -1) {\n return filePath.substring(lastpos + 1);\n } else\n return filePath.substring(filePath.lastIndexOf("\s\s")+1);\n};\nwindow.basename = function() {return "@@deprecated@@";};\n//}}}\n////===\n\n////+++!![config.lib.log]\n\n//{{{\nif (!config.lib) config.lib = {};\nif (!config.lib.log) config.lib.log= {\n author: 'BidiX',\n version: {major: 0, minor: 1, revision: 1}, \n date: new Date(2006,8,19)\n};\nconfig.lib.Log = function(tiddlerTitle, logHeader) {\n if (version.major < 2)\n this.tiddler = store.tiddlers[tiddlerTitle];\n else\n this.tiddler = store.getTiddler(tiddlerTitle);\n if (!this.tiddler) {\n this.tiddler = new Tiddler();\n this.tiddler.title = tiddlerTitle;\n this.tiddler.text = "| !date | !user | !location |" + logHeader;\n this.tiddler.created = new Date();\n this.tiddler.modifier = config.options.txtUserName;\n this.tiddler.modified = new Date();\n if (version.major < 2)\n store.tiddlers[tiddlerTitle] = this.tiddler;\n else\n store.addTiddler(this.tiddler);\n }\n return this;\n};\n\nconfig.lib.Log.prototype.newLine = function (line) {\n var now = new Date();\n var newText = "| ";\n newText += now.getDate()+"/"+(now.getMonth()+1)+"/"+now.getFullYear() + " ";\n newText += now.getHours()+":"+now.getMinutes()+":"+now.getSeconds()+" | ";\n newText += config.options.txtUserName + " | ";\n var location = document.location.toString();\n var filename = config.lib.file.basename(location);\n if (!filename) filename = '/';\n newText += "[["+filename+"|"+location + "]] |";\n this.tiddler.text = this.tiddler.text + "\sn" + newText;\n this.addToLine(line);\n};\n\nconfig.lib.Log.prototype.addToLine = function (text) {\n this.tiddler.text = this.tiddler.text + text;\n this.tiddler.modifier = config.options.txtUserName;\n this.tiddler.modified = new Date();\n if (version.major < 2)\n store.tiddlers[this.tiddler.tittle] = this.tiddler;\n else {\n store.addTiddler(this.tiddler);\n story.refreshTiddler(this.tiddler.title);\n store.notify(this.tiddler.title, true);\n }\n if (version.major < 2)\n store.notifyAll(); \n};\n//}}}\n////===\n\n////+++!![config.lib.options]\n\n//{{{\nif (!config.lib) config.lib = {};\nif (!config.lib.options) config.lib.options = {\n author: 'BidiX',\n version: {major: 0, minor: 1, revision: 0}, \n date: new Date(2006,3,9)\n};\n\nconfig.lib.options.init = function (name, defaultValue) {\n if (!config.options[name]) {\n config.options[name] = defaultValue;\n saveOptionCookie(name);\n }\n};\n//}}}\n////===\n\n////+++!![PasswordTweak]\n\n//{{{\nversion.extensions.PasswordTweak = {\n major: 1, minor: 0, revision: 3, date: new Date(2006,8,30),\n type: 'tweak',\n source: 'http://tiddlywiki.bidix.info/#PasswordTweak'\n};\n//}}}\n/***\n!!config.macros.option\n***/\n//{{{\nconfig.macros.option.passwordCheckboxLabel = "Save this password on this computer";\nconfig.macros.option.passwordType = "password"; // password | text\n\nconfig.macros.option.onChangeOption = function(e)\n{\n var opt = this.getAttribute("option");\n var elementType,valueField;\n if(opt) {\n switch(opt.substr(0,3)) {\n case "txt":\n elementType = "input";\n valueField = "value";\n break;\n case "pas":\n elementType = "input";\n valueField = "value";\n break;\n case "chk":\n elementType = "input";\n valueField = "checked";\n break;\n }\n config.options[opt] = this[valueField];\n saveOptionCookie(opt);\n var nodes = document.getElementsByTagName(elementType);\n for(var t=0; t<nodes.length; t++) \n {\n var optNode = nodes[t].getAttribute("option");\n if (opt == optNode) \n nodes[t][valueField] = this[valueField];\n }\n }\n return(true);\n};\n\nconfig.macros.option.handler = function(place,macroName,params)\n{\n var opt = params[0];\n if(config.options[opt] === undefined) {\n return;}\n var c;\n switch(opt.substr(0,3)) {\n case "txt":\n c = document.createElement("input");\n c.onkeyup = this.onChangeOption;\n c.setAttribute ("option",opt);\n c.className = "txtOptionInput "+opt;\n place.appendChild(c);\n c.value = config.options[opt];\n break;\n case "pas":\n // input password\n c = document.createElement ("input");\n c.setAttribute("type",config.macros.option.passwordType);\n c.onkeyup = this.onChangeOption;\n c.setAttribute("option",opt);\n c.className = "pasOptionInput "+opt;\n place.appendChild(c);\n c.value = config.options[opt];\n // checkbox link with this password "save this password on this computer"\n c = document.createElement("input");\n c.setAttribute("type","checkbox");\n c.onclick = this.onChangeOption;\n c.setAttribute("option","chk"+opt);\n c.className = "chkOptionInput "+opt;\n place.appendChild(c);\n c.checked = config.options["chk"+opt];\n // text savePasswordCheckboxLabel\n place.appendChild(document.createTextNode(config.macros.option.passwordCheckboxLabel));\n break;\n case "chk":\n c = document.createElement("input");\n c.setAttribute("type","checkbox");\n c.onclick = this.onChangeOption;\n c.setAttribute("option",opt);\n c.className = "chkOptionInput "+opt;\n place.appendChild(c);\n c.checked = config.options[opt];\n break;\n }\n};\n//}}}\n/***\n!! Option cookie stuff\n***/\n//{{{\nwindow.loadOptionsCookie_orig_PasswordTweak = window.loadOptionsCookie;\nwindow.loadOptionsCookie = function()\n{\n var cookies = document.cookie.split(";");\n for(var c=0; c<cookies.length; c++) {\n var p = cookies[c].indexOf("=");\n if(p != -1) {\n var name = cookies[c].substr(0,p).trim();\n var value = cookies[c].substr(p+1).trim();\n switch(name.substr(0,3)) {\n case "txt":\n config.options[name] = unescape(value);\n break;\n case "pas":\n config.options[name] = unescape(value);\n break;\n case "chk":\n config.options[name] = value == "true";\n break;\n }\n }\n }\n};\n\nwindow.saveOptionCookie_orig_PasswordTweak = window.saveOptionCookie;\nwindow.saveOptionCookie = function(name)\n{\n var c = name + "=";\n switch(name.substr(0,3)) {\n case "txt":\n c += escape(config.options[name].toString());\n break;\n case "chk":\n c += config.options[name] ? "true" : "false";\n // is there an option link with this chk ?\n if (config.options[name.substr(3)]) {\n saveOptionCookie(name.substr(3));\n }\n break;\n case "pas":\n if (config.options["chk"+name]) {\n c += escape(config.options[name].toString());\n } else {\n c += "";\n }\n break;\n }\n c += "; expires=Fri, 1 Jan 2038 12:00:00 UTC; path=/";\n document.cookie = c;\n};\n//}}}\n/***\n!! Initializations\n***/\n//{{{\n// define config.options.pasPassword\nif (!config.options.pasPassword) {\n config.options.pasPassword = 'defaultPassword';\n window.saveOptionCookie('pasPassword');\n}\n// since loadCookies is first called befor password definition\n// we need to reload cookies\nwindow.loadOptionsCookie();\n//}}}\n////===\n\n////+++!![config.macros.upload]\n\n//{{{\nconfig.macros.upload = {\n accessKey: "U",\n formName: "UploadPlugin",\n contentType: "text/html;charset=UTF-8",\n defaultStoreScript: "store.php"\n};\n\n// only this two configs need to be translated\nconfig.macros.upload.messages = {\n aboutToUpload: "About to upload TiddlyWiki to %0",\n backupFileStored: "Previous file backuped in %0",\n crossDomain: "Certainly a cross-domain isue: access to an other site isn't allowed",\n errorDownloading: "Error downloading",\n errorUploadingContent: "Error uploading content",\n fileLocked: "Files is locked: You are not allowed to Upload",\n fileNotFound: "file to upload not found",\n fileNotUploaded: "File %0 NOT uploaded",\n mainFileUploaded: "Main TiddlyWiki file uploaded to %0",\n passwordEmpty: "Unable to upload, your password is empty",\n urlParamMissing: "url param missing",\n rssFileNotUploaded: "RssFile %0 NOT uploaded",\n rssFileUploaded: "Rss File uploaded to %0"\n};\n\nconfig.macros.upload.label = {\n promptOption: "Save and Upload this TiddlyWiki with UploadOptions",\n promptParamMacro: "Save and Upload this TiddlyWiki in %0",\n saveLabel: "save to web", \n saveToDisk: "save to disk",\n uploadLabel: "upload" \n};\n\nconfig.macros.upload.handler = function(place,macroName,params){\n // parameters initialization\n var storeUrl = params[0];\n var toFilename = params[1];\n var backupDir = params[2];\n var uploadDir = params[3];\n var username = params[4];\n var password; // for security reason no password as macro parameter\n var label;\n if (document.location.toString().substr(0,4) == "http")\n label = this.label.saveLabel;\n else\n label = this.label.uploadLabel;\n var prompt;\n if (storeUrl) {\n prompt = this.label.promptParamMacro.toString().format([this.toDirUrl(storeUrl, uploadDir, username)]);\n }\n else {\n prompt = this.label.promptOption;\n }\n createTiddlyButton(place, label, prompt, \n function () {\n config.macros.upload.upload(storeUrl, toFilename, uploadDir, backupDir, username, password); \n return false;}, \n null, null, this.accessKey);\n};\nconfig.macros.upload.UploadLog = function() {\n return new config.lib.Log('UploadLog', " !storeUrl | !uploadDir | !toFilename | !backupdir | !origin |" );\n};\nconfig.macros.upload.UploadLog.prototype = config.lib.Log.prototype;\nconfig.macros.upload.UploadLog.prototype.startUpload = function(storeUrl, toFilename, uploadDir, backupDir) {\n var line = " [[" + config.lib.file.basename(storeUrl) + "|" + storeUrl + "]] | ";\n line += uploadDir + " | " + toFilename + " | " + backupDir + " |";\n this.newLine(line);\n};\nconfig.macros.upload.UploadLog.prototype.endUpload = function() {\n this.addToLine(" Ok |");\n};\nconfig.macros.upload.basename = config.lib.file.basename;\nconfig.macros.upload.dirname = config.lib.file.dirname;\nconfig.macros.upload.toRootUrl = function (storeUrl, username)\n{\n return root = (this.dirname(storeUrl)?this.dirname(storeUrl):this.dirname(document.location.toString()));\n}\nconfig.macros.upload.toDirUrl = function (storeUrl, uploadDir, username)\n{\n var root = this.toRootUrl(storeUrl, username);\n if (uploadDir && uploadDir != '.')\n root = root + '/' + uploadDir;\n return root;\n}\nconfig.macros.upload.toFileUrl = function (storeUrl, toFilename, uploadDir, username)\n{\n return this.toDirUrl(storeUrl, uploadDir, username) + '/' + toFilename;\n}\nconfig.macros.upload.upload = function(storeUrl, toFilename, uploadDir, backupDir, username, password)\n{\n // parameters initialization\n storeUrl = (storeUrl ? storeUrl : config.options.txtUploadStoreUrl);\n toFilename = (toFilename ? toFilename : config.options.txtUploadFilename);\n backupDir = (backupDir ? backupDir : config.options.txtUploadBackupDir);\n uploadDir = (uploadDir ? uploadDir : config.options.txtUploadDir);\n username = (username ? username : config.options.txtUploadUserName);\n password = config.options.pasUploadPassword; // for security reason no password as macro parameter\n if (!password || password === '') {\n alert(config.macros.upload.messages.passwordEmpty);\n return;\n }\n if (storeUrl === '') {\n storeUrl = config.macros.upload.defaultStoreScript;\n }\n if (config.lib.file.dirname(storeUrl) === '') {\n storeUrl = config.lib.file.dirname(document.location.toString())+'/'+storeUrl;\n }\n if (toFilename === '') {\n toFilename = config.lib.file.basename(document.location.toString());\n }\n\n clearMessage();\n // only for forcing the message to display\n if (version.major < 2)\n store.notifyAll();\n if (!storeUrl) {\n alert(config.macros.upload.messages.urlParamMissing);\n return;\n }\n // Check that file is not locked\n if (window.BidiX && BidiX.GroupAuthoring && BidiX.GroupAuthoring.lock) {\n if (BidiX.GroupAuthoring.lock.isLocked() && !BidiX.GroupAuthoring.lock.isMyLock()) {\n alert(config.macros.upload.messages.fileLocked);\n return;\n }\n }\n \n var log = new this.UploadLog();\n log.startUpload(storeUrl, toFilename, uploadDir, backupDir);\n if (document.location.toString().substr(0,5) == "file:") {\n saveChanges();\n }\n var toDir = config.macros.upload.toDirUrl(storeUrl, toFilename, uploadDir, username);\n displayMessage(config.macros.upload.messages.aboutToUpload.format([toDir]), toDir);\n this.uploadChanges(storeUrl, toFilename, uploadDir, backupDir, username, password);\n if(config.options.chkGenerateAnRssFeed) {\n //var rssContent = convertUnicodeToUTF8(generateRss());\n var rssContent = generateRss();\n var rssPath = toFilename.substr(0,toFilename.lastIndexOf(".")) + ".xml";\n this.uploadContent(rssContent, storeUrl, rssPath, uploadDir, '', username, password, \n function (responseText) {\n if (responseText.substring(0,1) != '0') {\n displayMessage(config.macros.upload.messages.rssFileNotUploaded.format([rssPath]));\n }\n else {\n var toFileUrl = config.macros.upload.toFileUrl(storeUrl, rssPath, uploadDir, username);\n displayMessage(config.macros.upload.messages.rssFileUploaded.format(\n [toFileUrl]), toFileUrl);\n }\n // for debugging store.php uncomment last line\n //DEBUG alert(responseText);\n });\n }\n return;\n};\n\nconfig.macros.upload.uploadChanges = function(storeUrl, toFilename, uploadDir, backupDir, \n username, password) {\n var original;\n if (document.location.toString().substr(0,4) == "http") {\n original = this.download(storeUrl, toFilename, uploadDir, backupDir, username, password);\n return;\n }\n else {\n // standard way : Local file\n \n original = loadFile(getLocalPath(document.location.toString()));\n if(window.Components) {\n // it's a mozilla browser\n try {\n netscape.security.PrivilegeManager.enablePrivilege("UniversalXPConnect");\n var converter = Components.classes["@mozilla.org/intl/scriptableunicodeconverter"]\n .createInstance(Components.interfaces.nsIScriptableUnicodeConverter);\n converter.charset = "UTF-8";\n original = converter.ConvertToUnicode(original);\n }\n catch(e) {\n }\n }\n }\n //DEBUG alert(original);\n this.uploadChangesFrom(original, storeUrl, toFilename, uploadDir, backupDir, \n username, password);\n};\n\nconfig.macros.upload.uploadChangesFrom = function(original, storeUrl, toFilename, uploadDir, backupDir, \n username, password) {\n var startSaveArea = '<div id="' + 'storeArea">'; // Split up into two so that indexOf() of this source doesn't find it\n var endSaveArea = '</d' + 'iv>';\n // Locate the storeArea div's\n var posOpeningDiv = original.indexOf(startSaveArea);\n var posClosingDiv = original.lastIndexOf(endSaveArea);\n if((posOpeningDiv == -1) || (posClosingDiv == -1))\n {\n alert(config.messages.invalidFileError.format([document.location.toString()]));\n return;\n }\n var revised = original.substr(0,posOpeningDiv + startSaveArea.length) + \n allTiddlersAsHtml() + "\sn\st\st" +\n original.substr(posClosingDiv);\n var newSiteTitle;\n if(version.major < 2){\n newSiteTitle = (getElementText("siteTitle") + " - " + getElementText("siteSubtitle")).htmlEncode();\n } else {\n newSiteTitle = (wikifyPlain ("SiteTitle") + " - " + wikifyPlain ("SiteSubtitle")).htmlEncode();\n }\n\n revised = revised.replaceChunk("<title"+">","</title"+">"," " + newSiteTitle + " ");\n revised = revised.replaceChunk("<!--PRE-HEAD-START--"+">","<!--PRE-HEAD-END--"+">","\sn" + store.getTiddlerText("MarkupPreHead","") + "\sn");\n revised = revised.replaceChunk("<!--POST-HEAD-START--"+">","<!--POST-HEAD-END--"+">","\sn" + store.getTiddlerText("MarkupPostHead","") + "\sn");\n revised = revised.replaceChunk("<!--PRE-BODY-START--"+">","<!--PRE-BODY-END--"+">","\sn" + store.getTiddlerText("MarkupPreBody","") + "\sn");\n revised = revised.replaceChunk("<!--POST-BODY-START--"+">","<!--POST-BODY-END--"+">","\sn" + store.getTiddlerText("MarkupPostBody","") + "\sn");\n\n var response = this.uploadContent(revised, storeUrl, toFilename, uploadDir, backupDir, \n username, password, function (responseText) {\n if (responseText.substring(0,1) != '0') {\n alert(responseText);\n displayMessage(config.macros.upload.messages.fileNotUploaded.format([getLocalPath(document.location.toString())]));\n }\n else {\n if (uploadDir !== '') {\n toFilename = uploadDir + "/" + config.macros.upload.basename(toFilename);\n } else {\n toFilename = config.macros.upload.basename(toFilename);\n }\n var toFileUrl = config.macros.upload.toFileUrl(storeUrl, toFilename, uploadDir, username);\n if (responseText.indexOf("destfile:") > 0) {\n var destfile = responseText.substring(responseText.indexOf("destfile:")+9, \n responseText.indexOf("\sn", responseText.indexOf("destfile:")));\n toFileUrl = config.macros.upload.toRootUrl(storeUrl, username) + '/' + destfile;\n }\n else {\n toFileUrl = config.macros.upload.toFileUrl(storeUrl, toFilename, uploadDir, username);\n }\n displayMessage(config.macros.upload.messages.mainFileUploaded.format(\n [toFileUrl]), toFileUrl);\n if (backupDir && responseText.indexOf("backupfile:") > 0) {\n var backupFile = responseText.substring(responseText.indexOf("backupfile:")+11, \n responseText.indexOf("\sn", responseText.indexOf("backupfile:")));\n toBackupUrl = config.macros.upload.toRootUrl(storeUrl, username) + '/' + backupFile;\n displayMessage(config.macros.upload.messages.backupFileStored.format(\n [toBackupUrl]), toBackupUrl);\n }\n var log = new config.macros.upload.UploadLog();\n log.endUpload();\n store.setDirty(false);\n // erase local lock\n if (window.BidiX && BidiX.GroupAuthoring && BidiX.GroupAuthoring.lock) {\n BidiX.GroupAuthoring.lock.eraseLock();\n // change mtime with new mtime after upload\n var mtime = responseText.substr(responseText.indexOf("mtime:")+6);\n BidiX.GroupAuthoring.lock.mtime = mtime;\n }\n \n \n }\n // for debugging store.php uncomment last line\n //DEBUG alert(responseText);\n }\n );\n};\n\nconfig.macros.upload.uploadContent = function(content, storeUrl, toFilename, uploadDir, backupDir, \n username, password, callbackFn) {\n var boundary = "---------------------------"+"AaB03x"; \n var request;\n try {\n request = new XMLHttpRequest();\n } \n catch (e) { \n request = new ActiveXObject("Msxml2.XMLHTTP"); \n }\n if (window.netscape){\n try {\n if (document.location.toString().substr(0,4) != "http") {\n netscape.security.PrivilegeManager.enablePrivilege('UniversalBrowserRead');}\n }\n catch (e) {}\n } \n //DEBUG alert("user["+config.options.txtUploadUserName+"] password[" + config.options.pasUploadPassword + "]");\n // compose headers data\n var sheader = "";\n sheader += "--" + boundary + "\sr\snContent-disposition: form-data; name=\s"";\n sheader += config.macros.upload.formName +"\s"\sr\sn\sr\sn";\n sheader += "backupDir="+backupDir\n +";user=" + username \n +";password=" + password\n +";uploaddir=" + uploadDir;\n // add lock attributes to sheader\n if (window.BidiX && BidiX.GroupAuthoring && BidiX.GroupAuthoring.lock) {\n var l = BidiX.GroupAuthoring.lock.myLock;\n sheader += ";lockuser=" + l.user\n + ";mtime=" + l.mtime\n + ";locktime=" + l.locktime;\n }\n sheader += ";;\sr\sn"; \n sheader += "\sr\sn" + "--" + boundary + "\sr\sn";\n sheader += "Content-disposition: form-data; name=\s"userfile\s"; filename=\s""+toFilename+"\s"\sr\sn";\n sheader += "Content-Type: " + config.macros.upload.contentType + "\sr\sn";\n sheader += "Content-Length: " + content.length + "\sr\sn\sr\sn";\n // compose trailer data\n var strailer = new String();\n strailer = "\sr\sn--" + boundary + "--\sr\sn";\n //strailer = "--" + boundary + "--\sr\sn";\n var data;\n data = sheader + content + strailer;\n //request.open("POST", storeUrl, true, username, password);\n try {\n request.open("POST", storeUrl, true); \n }\n catch(e) {\n alert(config.macros.upload.messages.crossDomain + "\snError:" +e);\n exit;\n }\n request.onreadystatechange = function () {\n if (request.readyState == 4) {\n if (request.status == 200)\n callbackFn(request.responseText);\n else\n alert(config.macros.upload.messages.errorUploadingContent + "\snStatus: "+request.status.statusText);\n }\n };\n request.setRequestHeader("Content-Length",data.length);\n request.setRequestHeader("Content-Type","multipart/form-data; boundary="+boundary);\n request.send(data); \n};\n\n\nconfig.macros.upload.download = function(uploadUrl, uploadToFilename, uploadDir, uploadBackupDir, \n username, password) {\n var request;\n try {\n request = new XMLHttpRequest();\n } \n catch (e) { \n request = new ActiveXObject("Msxml2.XMLHTTP"); \n }\n try {\n if (uploadUrl.substr(0,4) == "http") {\n netscape.security.PrivilegeManager.enablePrivilege("UniversalBrowserRead");\n }\n else {\n netscape.security.PrivilegeManager.enablePrivilege("UniversalXPConnect");\n }\n } catch (e) { }\n //request.open("GET", document.location.toString(), true, username, password);\n try {\n request.open("GET", document.location.toString(), true);\n }\n catch(e) {\n alert(config.macros.upload.messages.crossDomain + "\snError:" +e);\n exit;\n }\n \n request.onreadystatechange = function () {\n if (request.readyState == 4) {\n if(request.status == 200) {\n config.macros.upload.uploadChangesFrom(request.responseText, uploadUrl, \n uploadToFilename, uploadDir, uploadBackupDir, username, password);\n }\n else\n alert(config.macros.upload.messages.errorDownloading.format(\n [document.location.toString()]) + "\snStatus: "+request.status.statusText);\n }\n };\n request.send(null);\n};\n\n//}}}\n////===\n\n////+++!![Initializations]\n\n//{{{\nconfig.lib.options.init('txtUploadStoreUrl','store.php');\nconfig.lib.options.init('txtUploadFilename','');\nconfig.lib.options.init('txtUploadDir','');\nconfig.lib.options.init('txtUploadBackupDir','');\nconfig.lib.options.init('txtUploadUserName',config.options.txtUserName);\nconfig.lib.options.init('pasUploadPassword','');\nsetStylesheet(\n ".pasOptionInput {width: 11em;}\sn"+\n ".txtOptionInput.txtUploadStoreUrl {width: 25em;}\sn"+\n ".txtOptionInput.txtUploadFilename {width: 25em;}\sn"+\n ".txtOptionInput.txtUploadDir {width: 25em;}\sn"+\n ".txtOptionInput.txtUploadBackupDir {width: 25em;}\sn"+\n "",\n "UploadOptionsStyles");\nconfig.shadowTiddlers.UploadDoc = "[[Full Documentation|http://tiddlywiki.bidix.info/l#UploadDoc ]]\sn"; \nconfig.options.chkAutoSave = false; saveOptionCookie('chkAutoSave');\n\n//}}}\n////===\n\n////+++!![Core Hijacking]\n\n//{{{\nconfig.macros.saveChanges.label_orig_UploadPlugin = config.macros.saveChanges.label;\nconfig.macros.saveChanges.label = config.macros.upload.label.saveToDisk;\n\nconfig.macros.saveChanges.handler_orig_UploadPlugin = config.macros.saveChanges.handler;\n\nconfig.macros.saveChanges.handler = function(place)\n{\n if ((!readOnly) && (document.location.toString().substr(0,4) != "http"))\n createTiddlyButton(place,this.label,this.prompt,this.onClick,null,null,this.accessKey);\n};\n\n//}}}\n////===\n

This document is a ~TiddlyWiki from tiddlyspot.com. A ~TiddlyWiki is an electronic notebook that is great for managing todo lists, personal information, and all sorts of things.\n\n@@font-weight:bold;font-size:1.3em;color:#444; //What now?// &nbsp;&nbsp;@@ Before you can save any changes, you need to enter your password in the form below. Then configure privacy and other site settings at your [[control panel|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/controlpanel]] (your control panel username is //heatherblog//).\n<<tiddler tiddlyspotControls>>\n@@font-weight:bold;font-size:1.3em;color:#444; //Working online// &nbsp;&nbsp;@@ You can edit this ~TiddlyWiki right now, and save your changes using the "save to web" button in the column on the right.\n\n@@font-weight:bold;font-size:1.3em;color:#444; //Working offline// &nbsp;&nbsp;@@ A fully functioning copy of this ~TiddlyWiki can be saved onto your hard drive or USB stick. You can make changes and save them locally without being connected to the Internet. When you're ready to sync up again, just click "upload" and your ~TiddlyWiki will be saved back to tiddlyspot.com.\n\n@@font-weight:bold;font-size:1.3em;color:#444; //Help!// &nbsp;&nbsp;@@ Find out more about ~TiddlyWiki at [[TiddlyWiki.com|http://tiddlywiki.com]]. Also visit [[TiddlyWiki Guides|http://tiddlywikiguides.org]] for documentation on learning and using ~TiddlyWiki. New users are especially welcome on the [[TiddlyWiki mailing list|http://groups.google.com/group/TiddlyWiki]], which is an excellent place to ask questions and get help. If you have a tiddlyspot related problem email [[tiddlyspot support|mailto:support@tiddlyspot.com]].\n\n@@font-weight:bold;font-size:1.3em;color:#444; //Enjoy :)// &nbsp;&nbsp;@@ We hope you like using your tiddlyspot.com site. Please email [[feedback@tiddlyspot.com|mailto:feedback@tiddlyspot.com]] with any comments or suggestions.

|>|>|Welcome to Heather's web journal! Click on any of the links to the left to read the journal entries. Click "close all" to clean up your screen and start fresh. Enjoy!|\n

Heather

| tiddlyspot password:|<<option pasUploadPassword>>|\n| site management:|<<upload http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/store.cgi index.html . . heatherblog>>//(requires tiddlyspot password)//<<br>>[[control panel|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/controlpanel]], [[download (go offline)|http://heatherblog.tiddlyspot.com/download]]|\n| links:|[[tiddlyspot.com|http://tiddlyspot.com/]], [[FAQs|http://faq.tiddlyspot.com/]], [[announcements|http://announce.tiddlyspot.com/]], [[blog|http://tiddlyspot.com/blog/]], email [[support|mailto:support@tiddlyspot.com]] & [[feedback|mailto:feedback@tiddlyspot.com]], [[donate|http://tiddlyspot.com/?page=donate]]|